Should I not date anyone if I've had a recent inappropriate content problem?

[Trayalc]

I've had a long history with inappropriate content. I was first exposed around 12 or 13 y/o, and it has remained to varying degrees throughout the years (I am 24 now). Admittedly, I have only recently began to seek help and address it. I have been using Covenant Eyes since November 2021, and I have my best friend as my Ally on there. He is the only one I know in person who I have confessed to. So, I am fighting to recover from over a decade's worth of inappropriate content use.

Recently, an older friend of mine invited me over to his house for dinner with his family, and he has told me he has a "godly, pretty girl" he wants me to meet. Remembering my sin problem, I hesitated, but ultimately said I wouldn't mind meeting her. As that event approaches this week, I cannot help but feel distressed. Am I even worthy right now to date anyone? Would it be wrong for me to do so? If I date her, when should I confess to her the sexual sins of my past? Does this all disqualify me?

I would appreciate thoughts/advice/prayer here. Thank you.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I disagree. Finding a suitable partner would help channel that sexual energy into a godly pursuit of a woman and help keep your focus elsewhere.

 

[jacks]

If only those of us without sin dated, nobody would be in a relationship. As far as confessing your sins, that certainly isn't something to start off with. If your relationship with her grows, you will know when it feels right to divulge details of your life. I see no problem with you meeting women or dating them, you're as qualified as any of us.

 

[com7fy8]

Possibly, you can share with her while others are with you. And you can see if she comes on first as being really Christian . . . or if mainly your attention is attracted to how she looks.

I think maybe it would not be good for him to talk about you as possible dating material. She should not come, thinking she is going to be evaluated for if you would want to date her. Instead, have a group and it is not about seeing if you would want to date. Have an occasion for prayer and the word, and see how she ministers to you deeper than how you feel about what she looks like.

A strong lady of Jesus can minister strength to you.

 

[rturner76]

A Godly woman in your life could be the best thing for you. Real physical affection (even if not sexual) is far more satisfying than inappropriate content. Tell her in due time if you end up together and if she is true she will support you in your struggle.

 

[Trayalc]

Thank you all for your encouraging replies. I have thought about having a godly woman to fight for would give me a strong resolve to overcome the temptations and lusts of inappropriate content. However, I also hear the warning that compulsive inappropriate content use will not be solved by marriage alone. That is why I am being careful.

I also believe that Satan is reminding me of the sexual sins of my past to destroy my assurance and to discourage and condemn me. I realize I must dwell upon the promises of the Lord, not the condemnation of Satan.

 

[com7fy8]

I have thought about having a godly woman to fight for would give me a strong resolve to overcome the temptations and lusts of inappropriate content.

Well, I'm not sure about if you need to fight for her, but I don't really know what you mean by this.

But I have found it helps me a lot to know a real woman of love, so I can see how much good a lady of love is. And I have known women in the church culture, who could behave and dress more or less in a inappropriate contentographic way . . . even during church occasions; so I need to be able to love these people and not let them get to me in some immoral way or in how I might look down on them and criticize them.

And it helps me to see people in inappropriate contentography as ones who are being used and not loved. And have compassion for them, care about them, learn how to love them so I am not just using them to look at them.

 

[Trayalc]

Well, I'm not sure about if you need to fight for her, but I don't really know what you mean by this.

But I have found it helps me a lot to know a real woman of love, so I can see how much good a lady of love is. And I have known women in the church culture, who could behave and dress more or less in a inappropriate contentographic way . . . even during church occasions; so I need to be able to love these people and not let them get to me in some immoral way or in how I might look down on them and criticize them.

And it helps me to see people in inappropriate contentography as ones who are being used and not loved. And have compassion for them, care about them, learn how to love them so I am not just using them to look at them.

My apologies -- what I mean by "fighting for her" is that I would hope having a godly woman in my life would motivate me all the more to conquer this besetting sin.

And I understand what you mean. I will be careful not to get involved with a woman of questionable morals in the church culture. And I want to make sure that my motivations for dating would be pure as well.

 

[timewerx]

Healthy relationships helps keep sin at bay, including inappropriate content.

Forget about motives, clear your head. Don't overcomplicate things, you'll be fine.

DO find a good woman though. Find the wrong woman and your life would be a living nightmare. Avoid worldly women. Those whose heart is still set on worldly, material things. There's quite plenty of such women these days even among Christian women so choose very carefully. They can only be nice in good days but in trying times, they'll make your world a living nightmare. Hell on Earth.

It's ironic these worldly Christian women have figured out to disguise themselves as simple, un-worldly women by not wearing make up, wearing cheap, simple clothes. Very convincing disguise but are corrupted, greedy creatures underneath.

 

[Sketcher]

Staying alone won't solve your problem. Maybe dating will distract you from it for a while. What is inviolate is that you treat her right, whether you slip with inappropriate content or not.

75% vs. 99%: inappropriate content Consumption Rates Among Young Adults are Underreported

With inappropriate content consumption rates being what they are, you can expect that if she's not dating you, she's dating someone else who watches inappropriate content, or has watched it recently. So you might as well date women too.

 

[HARK!]

MOD HAT ON

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Petros2015]

Am I even worthy right now to date anyone? Would it be wrong for me to do so? If I date her, when should I confess to her the sexual sins of my past? Does this all disqualify me?

I think you are, you've made the commitment to the change and it has been several months. As long as the sins of the past are kept in the past, it's not something that needs to be discussed. Stay on Covenant Eyes with your friend.