Should I find another church

[Mandahuff]

Hello I came here looking for some advice about a situation. I recently started attending church again about 8 months ago. Everything was going really well for awhile, and I really enjoyed the fellowship and service. Im involved with teaching pre-school, and felt like it was where God wanted me to be. I have struggled in the past finding the right place to attend, I’m socially awkward, introverted, and have extreme anxiety issues that I’m currently in therapy for, which has contributed in my difficulty in finding the right place.
Over the last four months or so I have had a lot of personal struggles. My husband went missing for a few days, in which I had to file a missing persons report, he eventually came home, and had complete mental breakdown ( he’s bipolar and was having a manic episode) he was hospitalized for a week. During this time I posted on Facebook that he was missing, hoping to find him. I also ask for prayers from the church, and everyone knew about the situation. One week after he was released from the hospital, my son (who is 11) was rushed by ambulance to the hospital for emergency surgery. I first messaged the pastors wife asking to add him to the prayer list, she never responded this time, but the church was supportive, and right after his surgery a couple people brought food to my home . All this was a couple months ago. Ever since all this happened people have acted strange towards us. People who would talk to us before won’t talk to us much now. Not every single person acts this way, but it’s enough that it is incredibly strange. I try to talk to some of them, and it’s obvious they don’t want to have a conversation. When I mention my son coming back to youth the comment was made (it’s all girls so I doubt he will like it). When I went to bible study there was a group situation where we had to talk one on one with another person, the lady I was pairing with sighed and mention she thought it was better if we talked in a group. I post memes or statuses on Facebook that is took personally by some at church. When I’m not even talking about anyone there or anything to do with church, as a matter of fact I’m not talking about anybody. I’m really confused what I did wrong, but I feel I done something off putting. I do feel like most of strange vibes comes from one person in particular, that is highly influential there. I know church is about worshiping God, and not how I feel, so I continue to attend regardless, but it is still stressful. I stopped altogether talking about my situation or personal issues because I assume maybe they don’t want to hear about it.
I’m thinking about attending another church, but I’m really don’t know what to do. I have thought about not attending at all. I have prayed about it with no answer. I try really hard to focus on God, and not worry about it. I just feel like I’m always doing something wrong.

 

[Kris Jordan]

Hello I came here looking for some advice about a situation. I recently started attending church again about 8 months ago. Everything was going really well for awhile, and I really enjoyed the fellowship and service. Im involved with teaching pre-school, and felt like it was where God wanted me to be. I have struggled in the past finding the right place to attend, I’m socially awkward, introverted, and have extreme anxiety issues that I’m currently in therapy for, which has contributed in my difficulty in finding the right place.
Over the last four months or so I have had a lot of personal struggles. My husband went missing for a few days, in which I had to file a missing persons report, he eventually came home, and had completely mental breakdown ( he’s bipolar and was having a manic episode) he was hospitalized for a week. During this time I posted on Facebook that he was missing, hoping to find him. I also ask for prayers from the church, and everyone knew about the situation. One week after he was released from the hospital, my son (who is 11) was rushed by ambulance to the hospital for emergency surgery. I first messaged the pastors wife asking to add him to the prayer list, she never responded this time, but the church was supportive, and right after his surgery a couple people brought food to my home . All this was a couple months ago. Ever since all this happened people have acted strange towards us. People who would talk to us before won’t talk to us much now. Not every single person acts this way, but it’s enough that it is incredibly strange. I try to talk to some of them, and it’s obvious they don’t want to have a conversation. When I mention my son coming back to youth the comment was made (it’s all girls so I doubt he will like it). When I went to bible study there was a group situation where we had to talk one on one with another person, the lady I was pairing with sighed and mention she thought it was better if we talked in a group. I post memes or statuses on Facebook that is took personally by some at church. When I’m not even talking about anyone there or anything to do with church, as a matter of fact I’m not talking anybody. I’m really confused what I did wrong, but I feel I done something off putting. I do feel like most of strange vibes comes from one person in particular, that is highly influential there. I know church is about worshiping God, and not how I feel, so I continue to attend regardless, but it is still stressful. I stopped altogether talking about my situation or personal issues because I assume maybe they tired don’t want to hear about it.
I’m thinking about attending another church, but I’m really don’t know what to do. I have thought about not attending at all. I have prayed about it with no answer. I try really hard to focus on God, and not worry about it. I just feel like I’m always doing something wrong.

Hi Mandahuff,

I'm so sorry for the treatment you have been receiving. The first thing I would recommend is speaking with your pastor, both you and your husband. He might be able to provide you with some insight into what is going on and why.

If things don't improve, there is nothing binding you to stay at that particular church. There are a lot of solid, bible teaching churches with very warm and welcoming believers, so find one you feel welcomed in and get plugged in.

Don't stop going to church just because you've had some bad experiences. None of us would be church attenders if we all quit at the first, second, or fiftieth sign of unkind behavior toward us. We're all fallen, sinful human beings and we don't get it right often. That's where grace, mercy, and a change of church addresses come into play.

 

[Rebecca4Christ]

Please take this in the spirit it is intended,but if by your own admission you are posting memes and statuses you know are offending brothers and sisters in your church...even though they are not intended for those people....why keep posting those types of things? The Bible says we are to abstain from even the appearance of evil.If it offends anyone,maybe you should rethink the situation?

 

[Mandahuff]

Status and memes are not offensive in that way. I tend to post about my feelings or emotions often. I’m just a deeper thinker. Example: I posted a meme about how introverts have trouble making friends etc. It was took personally in a way I didn’t consider a certain person as my friend. It was took too seriously when there was no ill intent to it.

 

[Albion]

Hi, Mandahuff. It is hard to discern exactly what is going on with the people at church, but I think it's a bad policy to talk at all specifically about the goings-on with the people at your church...ON FACEBOOK!

Rightly or wrongly, people do take that personally, and this alone could explain why people at church seem to be shying away from you.

 

[Mandahuff]

I assume there is a misunderstanding In what I posted. I’m not talking about anything going on at my church on Facebook or anybody at church or anybody specific at all. I have struggled with depression, so sometimes I post about my feelings on Facebook. Share things other people share, and it’s took far too seriously. I feel like what I posted was took too personally, now maybe I’m just assuming they took it personally, but it wasn’t posted about them or church or anybody at all. Just something I liked and shared. I don’t think that’s is the reason for the way others have been acting. I guess my question is why take something like that personally when it isn’t about you?

 

[Albion]

I assume there is a misunderstanding In what I posted. I’m not talking about anything going on at my church on Facebook or anybody at church or anybody specific at all. I have struggled with depression, so sometimes I post about my feelings on Facebook. Share things other people share, and it’s took far too seriously. I feel like what I posted was took too personally, now maybe I’m just assuming they took it personally, but it wasn’t posted about them or church or anybody at all. Just something I liked and shared. I don’t think that’s is the reason for the way others have been acting. I guess my question is why take something like that personally when it isn’t about you?

You said yourself that they take it personally. They either THINK it is indirectly about them...OR ELSE they think you are someone to be kept at arm's length because they don't know what to expect from you or how to relate to you. That's not fair, I agree, but the question was "Why are these things happening?"

Having already resolved to dial down all the personal stuff, you can resolve to spend some time overcoming these perceptions of you or you can switch churches right away and start anew with people who aren't carrying the same feelings around with them.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hello I came here looking for some advice about a situation. I recently started attending church again about 8 months ago. Everything was going really well for awhile, and I really enjoyed the fellowship and service. Im involved with teaching pre-school, and felt like it was where God wanted me to be. I have struggled in the past finding the right place to attend, I’m socially awkward, introverted, and have extreme anxiety issues that I’m currently in therapy for, which has contributed in my difficulty in finding the right place.
Over the last four months or so I have had a lot of personal struggles. My husband went missing for a few days, in which I had to file a missing persons report, he eventually came home, and had complete mental breakdown ( he’s bipolar and was having a manic episode) he was hospitalized for a week. During this time I posted on Facebook that he was missing, hoping to find him. I also ask for prayers from the church, and everyone knew about the situation. One week after he was released from the hospital, my son (who is 11) was rushed by ambulance to the hospital for emergency surgery. I first messaged the pastors wife asking to add him to the prayer list, she never responded this time, but the church was supportive, and right after his surgery a couple people brought food to my home . All this was a couple months ago. Ever since all this happened people have acted strange towards us. People who would talk to us before won’t talk to us much now. Not every single person acts this way, but it’s enough that it is incredibly strange. I try to talk to some of them, and it’s obvious they don’t want to have a conversation. When I mention my son coming back to youth the comment was made (it’s all girls so I doubt he will like it). When I went to bible study there was a group situation where we had to talk one on one with another person, the lady I was pairing with sighed and mention she thought it was better if we talked in a group. I post memes or statuses on Facebook that is took personally by some at church. When I’m not even talking about anyone there or anything to do with church, as a matter of fact I’m not talking about anybody. I’m really confused what I did wrong, but I feel I done something off putting. I do feel like most of strange vibes comes from one person in particular, that is highly influential there. I know church is about worshiping God, and not how I feel, so I continue to attend regardless, but it is still stressful. I stopped altogether talking about my situation or personal issues because I assume maybe they don’t want to hear about it.
I’m thinking about attending another church, but I’m really don’t know what to do. I have thought about not attending at all. I have prayed about it with no answer. I try really hard to focus on God, and not worry about it. I just feel like I’m always doing something wrong.

You may have inadvertently offended someone. I found out how ugly so-called Christians can be after my marriage failed. Ask the Lord to show you. I once found out that someone I'd never met had something against me. It was a complete misunderstanding. The Word says to leave your gift on the altar and go to the offended party and sort it out. I did that and the situation was resolved.

A church will suffer if it does not deal with issues according God's word. I went to a church for a while where there was a surge of people getting seriously ill or dying. The Lord showed me it was because there were people with wrong attitudes taking communion. It's not rocket surgery. The Bible tells us how to conduct the affairs of the Church. Do we prefer to avoid confrontation with people to obeying God? It seems that way at times.

 

[Rebecca4Christ]

I'm sorry I misunderstood.If you have prayed,and truly see no wrong doing on your part, intentional or not then it's completely up to you how to proceed.Is there anyone there you feel close enough or comfortable enough with to ask about the situation?
Maybe it could be cleared up.The other options are to wait awhile,and continue attending and see if it passes.It could be that perhaps after all you've been through as of late,you are not quite assessing things correctly and time will show you this.
The last option of course,is to start looking for another church or fellowship where you will feel more welcome.There is absolutely nothing wrong with that if you really think it best for your peace.

 

[usexpat97]

MHO from reading your situation: I don't think it is time to change churches. You would only be running from the problem; possibly only to repeat it later.

I don't know what the wall is between you and the other church members. It could be their fault. They could be wrong; not you. But nonetheless, you played some role in that, and you need to know how this sequence of events came to pass. Or at least try to rebuild some relationships, since we should not quit on relationships that easily.

To give an example: say I came out and told the church I was divorced, and everyone starting shunning me and acting weird. The church is wrong for doing that. But at least I know the role I had: I told them I was divorced. And getting the divorce was a failure on my part. If my church was just dead-set on being a "family" church and no place for me there, then I would have to change to a church with a singles' ministry, but it's not time to quit yet until I know that for a fact.

 

[Brenda Blakely]

So sorry you are having this experience. I don’t want to puff him up or make him more than he is but we do have an enemy. He loves to cause all kinds of problems in the church. We have to be careful not to give him ammunition or to give him more attention than he is due.
The Bible says “he prowls about seeking whom he can destroy.” And we are to “be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” For me personally, this means I have to keep lined up with God, keep my armor on as per Ephesians 5 and stay in constant communication with my commander, Father God.
I would not consider leaving the church until I talked with the pastor. Do not do it alone but make sure his wife or someone else is there. It would be great if your husband could also be there. You have a lot on your plate but God knows, God cares and He will bring you help if you are willing to listen, accept and act. I am praying for you and your husband.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Church isn't simply about worshiping God and it shouldn't be stressful. Jesus commanded us to love one another and if people who said they are “christians” actually took Hebrews 10:25 seriously, they would be caring for and encouraging one another when they do come together. From what I've observed, many times when “christians” are acting negatively, they are usually taking their cues from someone in so called "leadership". Something has been said in this circle of people but you don't know what.

I would say trust yourself and start visiting other churches where you feel welcomed and you can heal. It's probably a good ideal to limit what you share on Facebook. I'm not saying you did anything wrong but some “christians” aren't as mature as you think they are and it is problematic when all this pettiness shows up out the blue. Be encouraged that God sees and hears everything. God is not like man. He's so much more! He loves and cares for you, your husband, and your son. Also He can handle any and everything about you. So may the peace and wisdom of God be with you. Be well...

 

[Suzyaussie]

Hi Mandahuff, Mental health can be an uncomfortable topic and for some folk they really don't know how to respond to others dealing with issues around it. This could be part of the reason people are avoiding you. The rejection of your son attending youth is cause for concern, as is the lack of males in the youth group. He is entering a very important stage of his life, he requires strong male influence in his life. Perhaps look for an alternative youth group with great initives for supporting the youth with great roles models and that has God anchored at the helm. Really pray about where you are placed and if this is your church home, find a really good welcoming ladies bible study group and look around for a support group for mental health issues that you can talk about how you are coping with everything. Big hugs and remember God is right there with you, his opinion is the only one that counts! God Bless You and your family.

 

[mkdrive2]

What do you think do the the other people in the church want? Do they want you to apologize? Do they want you to leave? I think it is best to do what they want.

 

[Mandahuff]

You may have inadvertently offended someone. I found out how ugly so-called Christians can be after my marriage failed. Ask the Lord to show you. I once found out that someone I'd never met had something against me. It was a complete misunderstanding. The Word says to leave your gift on the altar and go to the offended party and sort it out. I did that and the situation was resolved.

A church will suffer if it does not deal with issues according God's word. I went to a church for a while where there was a surge of people getting seriously ill or dying. The Lord showed me it was because there were people with wrong attitudes taking communion. It's not rocket surgery. The Bible tells us how to conduct the affairs of the Church. Do we prefer to avoid confrontation with people to obeying God? It seems that way at times.

I understand needing to confront it. I’m the type of person that avoids any type of conflict, and prefers to keep the peace. I feel like it mostly comes from one specific person who known to gossip, but without knowing what’s being said or what’s going on I would feel odd just asking why people are acting strange.

 

[Mandahuff]

What do you think do the the other people in the church want? Do they want you to apologize? Do they want you to leave? I think it is best to do what they want.

What do you think do the the other people in the church want? Do they want you to apologize? Do they want you to leave? I think it is best to do what they want.

I honestly don’t know. It seems to come from one specific person more so then others. This specific person seems easily offended by a lot things.

 

[Mandahuff]

Hi Mandahuff, Mental health can be an uncomfortable topic and for some folk they really don't know how to respond to others dealing with issues around it. This could be part of the reason people are avoiding you. The rejection of your son attending youth is cause for concern, as is the lack of males in the youth group. He is entering a very important stage of his life, he requires strong male influence in his life. Perhaps look for an alternative youth group with great initives for supporting the youth with great roles models and that has God anchored at the helm. Really pray about where you are placed and if this is your church home, find a really good welcoming ladies bible study group and look around for a support group for mental health issues that you can talk about how you are coping with everything. Big hugs and remember God is right there with you, his opinion is the only one that counts! God Bless You and your family.

Thank you.. I realize over the years that mental health is a taboo subject especially at church. I’m a part of a lot of mental health support groups online as well. I feel like it’s a passion of mine to help others with mental health struggles, and to be open about it, actually my job is working with people who are intellectually disabled with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I share a lot online and Facebook from these groups. I don’t know if that is why or not. There is absolutely no Christian support groups in my area for mental health. I live in a small town, and options are limited. I’m worried about my son as well he doesn’t like the youth group and all the girls in the group are good friends. I have thought about visiting a few churches on Wednesday to see if they have something he enjoys. I attend a ladies bible study now at the church I go to now, but it has been slightly awkward the last couple of times I was there. I continue to pray about what church to attend.

 

[Mandahuff]

So sorry you are having this experience. I don’t want to puff him up or make him more than he is but we do have an enemy. He loves to cause all kinds of problems in the church. We have to be careful not to give him ammunition or to give him more attention than he is due.
The Bible says “he prowls about seeking whom he can destroy.” And we are to “be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” For me personally, this means I have to keep lined up with God, keep my armor on as per Ephesians 5 and stay in constant communication with my commander, Father God.
I would not consider leaving the church until I talked with the pastor. Do not do it alone but make sure his wife or someone else is there. It would be great if your husband could also be there. You have a lot on your plate but God knows, God cares and He will bring you help if you are willing to listen, accept and act. I am praying for you and your husband.

Thank you for your reply and prayers

 

[Brenda Blakely]

I was just wondering how things were going for you and if anything has changed. Churches can be wonderful when it works so for me the best thing I can do is pray for my church. I pray for the people and ask God to show me how I can be a blessings to them.
Depression can sometimes cause you to lose focus so take God into the depression and all the other difficulties in your life and let Him be with you. Let Him show you what is true and what is not. You have such a tender heart and God can use that if you will let Him. I am continuing to pray for you to find your place in your church and be a blessing there. I believe you are there for a reason. God bless you and keep you and your family in his perfect peace and joy.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hello I came here looking for some advice about a situation. I recently started attending church again about 8 months ago. Everything was going really well for awhile, and I really enjoyed the fellowship and service. Im involved with teaching pre-school, and felt like it was where God wanted me to be. I have struggled in the past finding the right place to attend, I’m socially awkward, introverted, and have extreme anxiety issues that I’m currently in therapy for, which has contributed in my difficulty in finding the right place.
Over the last four months or so I have had a lot of personal struggles. My husband went missing for a few days, in which I had to file a missing persons report, he eventually came home, and had complete mental breakdown ( he’s bipolar and was having a manic episode) he was hospitalized for a week. During this time I posted on Facebook that he was missing, hoping to find him. I also ask for prayers from the church, and everyone knew about the situation. One week after he was released from the hospital, my son (who is 11) was rushed by ambulance to the hospital for emergency surgery. I first messaged the pastors wife asking to add him to the prayer list, she never responded this time, but the church was supportive, and right after his surgery a couple people brought food to my home . All this was a couple months ago. Ever since all this happened people have acted strange towards us. People who would talk to us before won’t talk to us much now. Not every single person acts this way, but it’s enough that it is incredibly strange. I try to talk to some of them, and it’s obvious they don’t want to have a conversation. When I mention my son coming back to youth the comment was made (it’s all girls so I doubt he will like it). When I went to bible study there was a group situation where we had to talk one on one with another person, the lady I was pairing with sighed and mention she thought it was better if we talked in a group. I post memes or statuses on Facebook that is took personally by some at church. When I’m not even talking about anyone there or anything to do with church, as a matter of fact I’m not talking about anybody. I’m really confused what I did wrong, but I feel I done something off putting. I do feel like most of strange vibes comes from one person in particular, that is highly influential there. I know church is about worshiping God, and not how I feel, so I continue to attend regardless, but it is still stressful. I stopped altogether talking about my situation or personal issues because I assume maybe they don’t want to hear about it.
I’m thinking about attending another church, but I’m really don’t know what to do. I have thought about not attending at all. I have prayed about it with no answer. I try really hard to focus on God, and not worry about it. I just feel like I’m always doing something wrong.

The issue with any church is you are dealing with people. And people have weaknesses. They may not be as kind, and accepting as they should be. Maybe, they just don't know how to communicate very well knowing the problems that you have experienced of late. The "people" problem will never go away, no matter what church you go to there will be some bitter, and unwise people.

But if you really feel that things have turned sour at the church where you are, yes go some where else.

But for the most part my advice would be if you like the church then stay. But if it does not feel welcoming, just leave quietly and find some where else.