Should I Confront My Girlfriend About Her Male Bestfriend?

[nb408]

If she says yes, then you'll have some thinking to do and her as well. Especially that the other guy admitted to have one on her...

Best of luck my friend. Let us know how it went.

Just an update.. So I confronted the guy first. He basically said yes but he hopes things will work out for us. How I confronted him was asking if they had a thing behind my back.. Definitely not the best way to put things. The next day I asked my girlfriend and she was very supportive. Saying she didn't at all. It made me feel good then immediately I knew I had to apologize to the guy for how I explained things. Well I had no time to because he immediately went over to her house and told her everything.. Now she doesn't want to talk to me and thinks that I don't trust her.. My life absolutely sucks right now.

 

[Sapiens]

Just an update.. So I confronted the guy first. He basically said yes but he hopes things will work out for us. How I confronted him was asking if they had a thing behind my back.. Definitely not the best way to put things. The next day I asked my girlfriend and she was very supportive. Saying she didn't at all. It made me feel good then immediately I knew I had to apologize to the guy for how I explained things. Well I had no time to because he immediately went over to her house and told her everything.. Now she doesn't want to talk to me and thinks that I don't trust her.. My life absolutely sucks right now.

Perhaps you were too direct... That's the sort of "accusations" I was speaking of avoiding. I think asking the guy for what he felt for her was ok, but I think the accusation of them having an affair wasn't the best idea.

Anyhow, what is done is done. Let the dust fall a bit and hopefully it'll go back to normal. If you apologized to both of them, and explained yourself to her, the nice thing for them to do would be to forgive you.

Honestly, for this very reason my girlfriend and I don't have friends of the opposite sex. Your mate should be your only close friend of the opposite sex. Of course, it doesn't always happen like that in life, I understand.

 

[High Fidelity]

Just an update.. So I confronted the guy first. He basically said yes but he hopes things will work out for us. How I confronted him was asking if they had a thing behind my back.. Definitely not the best way to put things. The next day I asked my girlfriend and she was very supportive. Saying she didn't at all. It made me feel good then immediately I knew I had to apologize to the guy for how I explained things. Well I had no time to because he immediately went over to her house and told her everything.. Now she doesn't want to talk to me and thinks that I don't trust her.. My life absolutely sucks right now.

Sorry you're dealing with that. I ended a relationship in the past because there were no secrets between her and her best friend.

I'm a private person and don't want my private life with my partner being broadcast.

Final straw was when I was with her and he was there. I wanted to talk to her privately and thank her for a nice evening etc and he wouldn't go away, his argument being "she's going to tell me anyway".

So yeah, the fact that guy has feelings for your girlfriend and they share everything, the cynic in me thinks it's only a matter of time before he plays on that to his own advantage.

 

[Jon Osterman]

Just an update.. So I confronted the guy first. He basically said yes but he hopes things will work out for us. How I confronted him was asking if they had a thing behind my back.. Definitely not the best way to put things. The next day I asked my girlfriend and she was very supportive. Saying she didn't at all. It made me feel good then immediately I knew I had to apologize to the guy for how I explained things. Well I had no time to because he immediately went over to her house and told her everything.. Now she doesn't want to talk to me and thinks that I don't trust her.. My life absolutely sucks right now.

I think this is probably for the best. Judging from what you told us in the opening post, I think you are correct and she does have a crush on him but just won't admit it. (And I was going to post that is is obvious that the guy has a crush on her, before you told us you confronted him. And High Fidelity is right - there is no way he won't use her friendship to woo her.) So it is best to get it out in the open. If she leaves you over this, she was never really with you, and it is best to move on from her now rather than in 12 months time.

 

[nb408]

Perhaps you were too direct... That's the sort of "accusations" I was speaking of avoiding. I think asking the guy for what he felt for her was ok, but I think the accusation of them having an affair wasn't the best idea.

Anyhow, what is done is done. Let the dust fall a bit and hopefully it'll go back to normal. If you apologized to both of them, and explained yourself to her, the nice thing for them to do would be to forgive you.

Honestly, for this very reason my girlfriend and I don't have friends of the opposite sex. Your mate should be your only close friend of the opposite sex. Of course, it doesn't always happen like that in life, I understand.

Yeah, I apologized to him today. He does have feelings for her, and he told her in the hopes of breaking us up. He didn't say that verbatum but I know he did. My girlfriend is mad and thinks that I don't trust her. Haven't texted her since this morning. I don't know what she's thinking right now. It hurts that he did that and I did apologize to him for how I came at him. He forgave me and said he wasn't even mad about it. The thing is I'm not sorry for asking her. I needed that. The fact that she's mad and completely disregarding me in this because of how I approached him about it hurts. She's mad because I don't trust her. She has trust issues. But I needed to know this from her and I think I have valid reasons to back it up. I even heard him say he still has feelings for her. Where am I wrong in this?

 

[Sapiens]

Yeah, I apologized to him today. He does have feelings for her, and he told her in the hopes of breaking us up. He didn't say that verbatum but I know he did. My girlfriend is mad and thinks that I don't trust her. Haven't texted her since this morning. I don't know what she's thinking right now. It hurts that he did that and I did apologize to him for how I came at him. He forgave me and said he wasn't even mad about it. The thing is I'm not sorry for asking her. I needed that. The fact that she's mad and completely disregarding me in this because of how I approached him about it hurts. She's mad because I don't trust her. She has trust issues. But I needed to know this from her and I think I have valid reasons to back it up. I even heard him say he still has feelings for her. Where am I wrong in this?

I think you really had a right to ask and to be sure. I do admit her reaction is a bit harsh... And after thinking about your previous post, I did think it looks like he was going against you behind your back. I'd say you can wait to see how things go in the next days. She'll have a decision to make, especially if she know her asian friend has a crush on her.... It is possible indeed that she lied to you about having a crush on him, although I can't say. I'd leave her the benefit of the doubt, but it does seem like things are unraveling in this relationship. You should be able to decide about the future of your couple in the next days, as more probably will happen. At least give her a chance, I'd say. She'll probably calm down. Hopefully, she'll understand your point of view.

 

[nb408]

I think you really had a right to ask and to be sure. I do admit her reaction is a bit harsh... And after thinking about your previous post, I did think it looks like he was going against you behind your back. I'd say you can wait to see how things go in the next days. She'll have a decision to make, especially if she know her asian friend has a crush on her.... It is possible indeed that she lied to you about having a crush on him, although I can't say. I'd leave her the benefit of the doubt, but it does seem like things are unraveling in this relationship. You should be able to decide about the future of your couple in the next days, as more probably will happen. At least give her a chance, I'd say. She'll probably calm down. Hopefully, she'll understand your point of view.

First off I really appreciate you taking the time to give me advice right now. God is so good, thank you so much. I don't have many other people to talk to.

I'm thinking of texting her in detail everything that happened that night. Why I felt the way I did. And just leave the ball in her court. This is a long distance relationship and we were planning on seeing each-other Friday. But I'm very good at expressing what's going on through text and I would like to text her everything in detail through that to give her something to think about till then. Is this the right move?

 

[Sapiens]

First off I really appreciate you taking the time to give me advice right now. God is so good, thank you so much. I don't have many other people to talk to.

I'm thinking of texting her in detail everything that happened that night. Why I felt the way I did. And just leave the ball in her court. This is a long distance relationship and we were planning on seeing each-other Friday. But I'm very good at expressing what's going on through text and I would like to text her everything in detail through that to give her something to think about till then. Is this the right move?

I'm glad you find it helpful!

I think it's not a bad idea. I'd understand if my girlfriend was worried about me and some girl I'd really be friends with.

It might be a good thing for her to distance herself from that guy both emotionally and physically if you two do get married. You're supposed to be her best male friend.

Hopefully, you and her can have a civilized conversation about this soon and fix things up. Is she ignoring you right now? What's the situation? Did she tell you she needed time to think, or she's just upset and punishing you for it? And I'm not sure I get why she was supportive when you told her but she got angry when her friend told her.

 

[Jon Osterman]

You need to give her an ultimatum. It is either you or him. If she remains friends with him you shouldn't date her.

 

[nb408]

I'm glad you find it helpful!

I think it's not a bad idea. I'd understand if my girlfriend was worried about me and some girl I'd really be friends with.

It might be a good thing for her to distance herself from that guy both emotionally and physically if you two do get married. You're supposed to be her best male friend.

Hopefully, you and her can have a civilized conversation about this soon and fix things up. Is she ignoring you right now? What's the situation? Did she tell you she needed time to think, or she's just upset and punishing you for it? And I'm not sure I get why she was supportive when you told her but she got angry when her friend told her.

Yeah me neither, we ended up arguing over text. I was trying to understand her and she wasn't having it. We're meeting face to face later today to talk about it. I'm so scared right now. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. But if we can't come to an understanding and she isn't willing to see my side then we're going to have to break up. I have a feeling she wants to do that. She never addressed the male over text just other things that she flipped on me. It hurts but I pray that God uses me to speak. I want things to go well. But it's not looking like it will. I'll update you when it happens. I'm so nervous... I can't think straight.

 

[Sapiens]

Yeah me neither, we ended up arguing over text. I was trying to understand her and she wasn't having it. We're meeting face to face later today to talk about it. I'm so scared right now. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. But if we can't come to an understanding and she isn't willing to see my side then we're going to have to break up. I have a feeling she wants to do that. She never addressed the male over text just other things that she flipped on me. It hurts but I pray that God uses me to speak. I want things to go well. But it's not looking like it will. I'll update you when it happens. I'm so nervous... I can't think straight.

I'm so sorry to hear you were having such a bad time. ):

I hope it didn't go too bad...

 

[nb408]

I'm so sorry to hear you were having such a bad time. ):

I hope it didn't go too bad...

Well.. We decided to break up. I made the choice and she agreed. Her actions bothered me but instead of asking about her actions I asked about her character in a sense. I asked if she has any feelings for him. To her, "I asked if she's ever thought about him as a partner or in a romantic sense while we were together." To her that's not trusting. To her I should know her well enough that I know she'd never do that. And it's true, I don't trust her completely. The only way I can is if we're friends and I can finally see past my jealousy. I need to know that I can walk on my own two feet without anyone else. I put her above God without even knowing. That's why I was so affected by this. I let her perception of me become my identity, instead of what God says about me. And I've done this my whole life. I let others tell me who I am. The hardest thing I had to do was breakup with her over this. I haven't been able to sleep. Random spurts of crying, anger, emotions.. But I know this was the right choice.

I told her I'm going to need time alone before we become friends so we're not talking until I initiate it again. I don't know how long this is going to take. But I'm going to need all the prayer I can get.

 

[Sapiens]

Well.. We decided to break up. I made the choice and she agreed. Her actions bothered me but instead of asking about her actions I asked about her character in a sense. I asked if she has any feelings for him. To her, "I asked if she's ever thought about him as a partner or in a romantic sense while we were together." To her that's not trusting. To her I should know her well enough that I know she'd never do that. And it's true, I don't trust her completely. The only way I can is if we're friends and I can finally see past my jealousy. I need to know that I can walk on my own two feet without anyone else. I put her above God without even knowing. That's why I was so affected by this. I let her perception of me become my identity, instead of what God says about me. And I've done this my whole life. I let others tell me who I am. The hardest thing I had to do was breakup with her over this. I haven't been able to sleep. Random spurts of crying, anger, emotions.. But I know this was the right choice.

I told her I'm going to need time alone before we become friends so we're not talking until I initiate it again. I don't know how long this is going to take. But I'm going to need all the prayer I can get.

I'm sorry for how it went, but it seems it was the right thing to do. For that, I am grateful. I hope you heal well and don't have it too hard in your breakup-recovery. I do pray for you brother!

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

The right thing to do is rarely easy. I pray that God will provide your comfort while you heal from the breakup