Should I come clean to my husband?

[NerdGirl]

I always dreamed about having kids and being a mother. To me, being a mom seems like a really rewarding thing in life. Some women don't want kids and prefer to focus on their careers instead. But not me.

I've been married for 6 years now, and during this whole time my husband didn't want to have children. He has anxiety and stress problems, and he feels like it isn't the right time to have a family. But I'm in my early 30s, and having kids at my age is difficult. And it gets even more difficult the more I age. By 40 having a child naturally would be nearly impossible.

I became very impatient with my husband. I kept telling him I wanted a family, but he continually said we should wait longer. I was so tired of being put off that I decided to do something that, although it seemed right at first, has been bothering my conscience.

I clandestinely went to a reproductive clinic and told them I wanted to have children via IVF. I selected a sperm donor who is 6'3" and has blonde hair and blue eyes. I went through the treatments without my husband's knowledge or consent, and now I'm several months pregnant with twins.

My husband believes the unborn twin babies are his. Although he didn't really want a family, he seems mildly happy about my pregnancy. I'm definitely excited about becoming a mom, but part of me is worried that, after the kids are born, my husband will eventually find out they're not his babies, since they probably won't look like him. What if he divorces me? The prospect of that happening is frightening.

Part of me wants to keep it a secret. After all, I didn't commit actual adultery on my husband. I've been faithful to him during our entire marriage. If our children don't share his DNA, is there really any harm? Your parents are always the ones who raise you irrespective of genetic lineage. Again, I've been faithful to him during our entire marriage, so did I really do anything wrong? I think not.

Well I'm really torn over what I should do. Should I come clean and tell him that the twins aren't actually his? Or should I let this little white lie be kept a secret for the good of the family and for the good of my marriage?

If this is a real post and not someone trolling, then OF COURSE you need to tell your husband! I'm flabbergasted that you would ever think this would be all right otherwise. How would you feel if he knocked up another woman and somehow was able to dupe you into thinking the child was your own? Come on now. Lying to your husband about the paternity of your children "for the good of your marriage"; you cannot be serious with this.

"I've been faithful to him our entire marriage." Uh, no, you've lied to him and betrayed him in the most horrible way with this. If this even true. I can't believe a person would actually DO something like this. I'm hoping this is just a fake post.

 

[NerdGirl]

I'm thinking that telling him would be a bad idea on so many levels. For one, he could divorce me soon while I'm still pregnant, so his name wouldn't be on the twins' birth certificate. This would mean that I wouldn't get child support payments in the event of a divorce. There is also the fact that his feelings would get hurt, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Best it be kept a secret to avoid so much potential conflict and harm.

I'm sorry, but you're either a sociopath, or this whole story is just a load of bunk.

 

[April_Rose]

@April_Rose Don't feel bad because you gave someone the benefit of the doubt. It's on them. You just have a sweet nature.

But I try to skim through most of the posts before I take a stand...

God bless you, honey.

Aww,.. thank you. God bless you too.

 

[plain jayne]

I'm thinking that telling him would be a bad idea on so many levels. For one, he could divorce me soon while I'm still pregnant, so his name wouldn't be on the twins' birth certificate. This would mean that I wouldn't get child support payments in the event of a divorce. There is also the fact that his feelings would get hurt, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Best it be kept a secret to avoid so much potential conflict and harm.

**Disclaimer: I do not believe one word of your OP.

Just in case you ever try something like this in REAL LIFE: To say "best keep it a secret to avoid so much potential conflict and harm" is the most ridiculous thing an abusive person could ever say.

In this "pretend" OP - YOU HAVE ALREADY CAUSED CONFLICT and HARM!

 

[JohnDB]

IVF is basically a "test tube baby".
I remember 40+ years ago when this was something new for people to do.

We've come a long way since then.

But the eggs are fertilized outside of anyone's body and then frozen.
They create what is also known as snowflake children.
But parents are always allowed access to these snowflake children. Even if someone else is implanted with these children.

That can be a bit of an issue these days.

But DNA tests have revealed a lot of surprise parentage these days...a sister who is only a half sibling is all to common these days. Or finding out that you have a half sibling...that's happened too.

 

[Michie]

I've gotten to the point where I just assume people with post numbers in the single digits who post these sorts of dramatic "My ultrasound found an alien baby with two heads in my prostrate. Should I tell my wife I was abducted?" sort of threads are trolling, at least until proven otherwise.

No. Batboy is definitely the donor. Who does not love the now defunct Weekly World News Bat boy?? I got a t-shirt and everything!

 

[Michie]

If this is a real post and not someone trolling, then OF COURSE you need to tell your husband! I'm flabbergasted that you would ever think this would be all right otherwise. How would you feel if he knocked up another woman and somehow was able to dupe you into thinking the child was your own? Come on now. Lying to your husband about the paternity of your children "for the good of your marriage"; you cannot be serious with this.

"I've been faithful to him our entire marriage." Uh, no, you've lied to him and betrayed him in the most horrible way with this. If this even true. I can't believe a person would actually DO something like this. I'm hoping this is just a fake post.

And the rest of the family. Pretty monstrous.

 

[Tone]

Now come on guys be nice. the OP is on here looking for advice and yeah she messed up but she was in a tough position. Right now I'm more disgusted with the lot of you for calling her a troll if she's truly here asking for help. The poor woman really wanted children and I can understand that,.. but yeah you should really tell him the truth. It's for the best in the end for the whole entire situation and I'm sorry you've had to receive such negative feedback.

No, you're right here.

We don't know all the details.

She could have a separate account from her husband.

 

[April_Rose]

No, you're right here.

We don't know all the details.

She could have a separate account from her husband.

Yeah,.. I suppose that's true. Right now I don't really know what to believe. :/

 

[Michie]

Goodnight all. Time for the nightly nap.

 

[Tone]

Yeah,.. I suppose that's true. Right now I don't really know what to believe. :/

Why wouldn't we give this new CF member the benefit of the doubt?

Welcome to CF btw @Patti Pudding !

 

[April_Rose]

Goodnight all. Time for the nightly nap.

Okay, nightie-night.

 

[Tone]

Should I come clean and tell him that the twins aren't actually his?

Yes.

Who really knows how anyone will handle something?

 

[Tone]

@Michie

I don't know why this is funny.

Even if it is made up, this person is a real person, unless you think it's AI?

Who knows, someone some day may actually do this and maybe there can be some useful advice given here.

 

[April_Rose]

Yeah, even if it's made up it's not really funny. I'm just really confused right now.

 

[Michie]

@Michie

I don't know why this is funny.

Even if it is made up, this person is a real person, unless you think it's AI?

Who knows, someone some day may actually do this and maybe there can be some useful advice given here.

Okay. If entertainment at expense of others gets you through then go for it. It’s not funny but you laugh instead of crying I guess. Better yet, educate yourself on IVF. Then you’ll get what a farce this is. It’s not like getting your convenient donor and buying a turkey baster to inseminate yourself with your guy friend down the block that you think has cool genes. Because this is fake.

 

[April_Rose]

I'm just really confused.

 

[ForHimbyHim]

Okay. If entertainment at expense of others gets you through then go for it. It’s not funny but you laugh instead of crying I guess. Better yet, educate yourself on IVF. Then you’ll get what a farce this is. It’s not like getting your convenient donor and buying a turkey baster to inseminate yourself with your guy friend down the block that you think has cool genes. Because this is fake.

I do think you do need to face the criticism Michie. I agree with the others. Turning this into a joke before verification on whether it's a troll thread or not is a little off base.
If you feel it's a troll, move on to other non-trolling threads, but messing up someone else's thread based on assumption is not on.

If OP is for real, right now she needs support and Godly advice, you may have ruined a possibility for repentance because of turning this whole thing into a joke.

 

[ForHimbyHim]

Okay. If entertainment at expense of others gets you through then go for it. It’s not funny but you laugh instead of crying I guess. Better yet, educate yourself on IVF. Then you’ll get what a farce this is. It’s not like getting your convenient donor and buying a turkey baster to inseminate yourself with your guy friend down the block that you think has cool genes. Because this is fake.

Even though IVF can be taxing, that's the rule, but I am sure you will find exceptions.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

I would definitely come clean and if this is real You should definitely make things right.