Should I be concerned about my step son

[txmom2three]

My step son is 10 years old. He's fairly a good kid but does the typical things of a child, occasional lying, blaming others, selfish attitude. But he's not always that way. Well one thing that happened yesterday really concerned me. My husband and our children, ( I have 3 from a previous marriage) watched The Patriot for 4th of July. It's the first time we've ever allowed our children to watch a rated R movie but we would tell them to close their eyes right before the bad scenes. Well during the gunfire scenes, my step-mom would get excited and go 'whoa' 'Cool' when guys were getting killed, while my children, ages 10, 12 and 14, we're hiding their eyes. My 14 year old son said it scared him. This alarms me that my step son would have this reaction that it was cool guys were getting shot to death. Should I tell my husband my concern or just not worry about it? Both us and the boy's mother take him to church and we don't allow him to play the violent video games. But he has been hunting once and likes shooting guns.

 

[Dave-W]

You and your husband should definitely talk about it and pray. Keep an eye on him in this area.

Boys of that age find many things "cool," that for most of the rest of their lives will find disgusting. It is one of those stages. So pray that the Lord will show you if this is just a stage that will be grown out of, or if it is a sign of something deeper.

 

[hedrick]

At 10 I wonder how different it is from a video game. When i was growing up, WW II was recently enough that kids played soldier, clearly without realizing what it was actually like. However you might find it useful to show a movie that makes the consequences of war a bit more realistic.

A 14 year old seems a bit old to find that movie scary, except maybe the scene when the church is burned.

 

[JAM2b]

I'd be more concerned about the 14 year old thinking it is scary than the 10 year old for thinking it is cool. At 10 they don't fully grasp the devastation of violence and war, or reality of death, in a more sophisticated way like teens and adults. So it doesn't mean the same thing to him as it does to older kids and adults. To him it could have been like a game or perhaps he understands that it is merely a representation of something rather than people really getting killed in front of his eyes. It isn't going to seem as serious to him as it will to people who are older.

If guns are something he has been taught to use and enjoy, it could send a mixed message to him that on one hand they are good, and on the other they are bad and he shouldn't have liked it. He might have found it appealing that a younger boy was taught and encouraged to help fight, and felt a sense of empowerment and the illusion that he could contribute in a meaningful way. However, an issue is made of him enjoying something you put in front of him.

For your other son, at the age of 14, I think he should have a more mature understanding of death and war. It would be reasonable for it to effect him, but for it to frighten him is a bit concerning, especially if he had his eyes covered and was not really seeing much. Perhaps your children could use some more exposure through movies, books, and conversation so that they can cope with the harsh realities of life. Maybe the fear was something he adopted because of how protective you were over what he saw, "if mom doesn't want me to see it, then it must be really bad!" By not wanting the children to see it, you are sending the message that they can't handle it, and some kids will be exactly the way they think you believe they are. If you think they can do something, they believe they can. If you think they can't, they believe they can't. If you think something will traumatize them, they believe it will.

side note: I personally do not approve of children using guns, and believe that our society has too much unchecked gun violence. That's all I'm going to say about that. Other are entitled to their opinion, and I respect that. I won't debate it.

 

[Mercy Mc Hass]

I have a theory that modern life promotes taking death a lot less seriously than in previous generations. For example, I grew up on a farm and I had a very clear view of death from a young child. I knew, when my pet chicken was taken by a hawk, that I would never see her again. I knew she was gone. And it was a serious, terrible things. And that transitioned into seeing humans being killed on TV. I had a hard time with it because I fully grasped that death is so final, unlike many kids my age. As I've gotten older, I've been able to separate it a lot easier, but I think a lot of kids treat death so flippantly because they don't really understand the finality of it. It's just something that happens in movies, not real life.

 

[ex-pat]

Next time, ask him "What do you find "cool"?" And see what the answer is.

 

[4x4toy]

I always tell the kids that any movie especially scary movies have cameras, snacks , chairs sitting around and they're only play acting