Should I attend Church

[Randar]

This is my first post here, and I’m fairly nervous about it. I really need some advice though. In my teens and 20s my life consisted of partying and friends. (I’m 35 now)When I found God all of that stopped and I started to have this beautiful relationship with him. I started attending church actually a total of three churches in a five year period of time. All of the experiences seem to be the similar. I felt that I could never fit in and was gossiped about. No one really liked me to be honest and I could not figure out why. It was very hurtful and I feel like I could have handled it better if I didn’t already have servere depression. I stop ped going altogether, and eventually fell away from God. I found myself afraid to pray because if other Christians hate me.Does God hate me? I had a hard time with it. The last few years I found myself drinking, smoking, drugs, and even nude webcams. A couple weeks ago the guilt became more then I could bare not to mention the depression and I prayed which I haven’t done in quite sometime. I have continued to try and build my relationship with God again, but I don’t feel like it will ever be the same. Im also I’m terrified to set foot in a church again. I have no Christian friends though, so I know I’m in this on my own, just God and I. Is it really necessary to attend church? I would prefer not to, because my emotions can’t handle it.

 

[TuxAme]

What does Jesus have to say? They that are well have no need of a physician, but they that are sick. For I came not to call the just, but sinners.

Sinners like you and me are precisely the kind of people that belong in church. If you're healthy, you have no need to go to the doctor. None of us, however, are so spiritually healthy that we have a free pass to get out of church.

You don't need to "make friends" at church, but you must be able to worship in communion with others. Scripture tells us to pray for others, break bread with others, and to confess our sins to others. It takes more than two people (yourself and God) to answer this call, so pray for the strength to overcome your fears and answer our common call.

 

[Bobber]

[Staff edit].

Is it really necessary to attend church? I would prefer not to, because my emotions can’t handle it.

You're asking do you have to do this? Maybe it's that you need to consider it's not something you have to do but something you get to do. You're asking do you have to go to a place to get strengthened spiritually and where people can pray for you? And what about you yourself.

What about people there that might need strengthened by you and encouraged by you? Are they to go without comfort? Yup my friend....we all have a place. You strengthen others and there's a spiritual principle that God will strengthen you.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Matt 5:7

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Cor 1:3

 

[John Bowen]

" The kingdom of God is with in you" as Jesus told us you don't need a outside church to connect to Jesus , God . I study Jesus' WORD internalize it and connect to him through it no better feeling in the world . I wouldn't go to some place I wasn't comfortable at or welcomed either .There are lots of good teachings on this forum and lots of fb sites also where you can connect to like minded people who been through it all too. Always remember Jesus teaching of the prodigal son who went out to the world and experienced everything , but when he came back to his Father all was forgiven and there was a huge celebration for him.

 

[SkyWriting]

This is my first post here, and I’m fairly nervous about it. I really need some advice though. In my teens and 20s my life consisted of partying and friends. (I’m 35 now)When I found God all of that stopped and I started to have this beautiful relationship with him. I started attending church actually a total of three churches in a five year period of time. All of the experiences seem to be the similar. I felt that I could never fit in and was gossiped about. No one really liked me to be honest and I could not figure out why. It was very hurtful and I feel like I could have handled it better if I didn’t already have servere depression. I stop ped going altogether, and eventually fell away from God. I found myself afraid to pray because if other Christians hate me.Does God hate me? I had a hard time with it. The last few years I found myself drinking, smoking, drugs, and even nude webcams. A couple weeks ago the guilt became more then I could bare not to mention the depression and I prayed which I haven’t done in quite sometime. I have continued to try and build my relationship with God again, but I don’t feel like it will ever be the same. Im also I’m terrified to set foot in a church again. I have no Christian friends though, so I know I’m in this on my own, just God and I. Is it really necessary to attend church? I would prefer not to, because my emotions can’t handle it.

Attend a different church each week. This gives insights, exposes you to choices, and frees you to open up to people who will not judge you the next week.

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

You don’t have to go to church to be a good Christian. But going to church gives you fellowship with other Christians, support with your struggles, friendships and more.

You’ve had a bad experience with previous churches but please don’t think it’s all like that. Visit a brand new (to you) church. Go totally open-minded and optimistic. If it’s good, embrace it. If you find it isn’t then when you walk out the door don’t go back, and try another one. I’ve been to churches I wouldn’t set foot in again without a prayer army behind me for my own sake. And I’ve been to churches that became family. And everything in between. Some of my friends churches are good churches, with good people, but just not for me. It’s a bit of trial and error.

Do you know any Christians near you? Or even just open minded good friends? Ask if they would go with you to visit one, just so you don’t go through the door feeling so anxious?

 

[Albion]

This is my first post here, and I’m fairly nervous about it. I really need some advice though. In my teens and 20s my life consisted of partying and friends. (I’m 35 now)When I found God all of that stopped and I started to have this beautiful relationship with him. I started attending church actually a total of three churches in a five year period of time. All of the experiences seem to be the similar. I felt that I could never fit in and was gossiped about. No one really liked me to be honest and I could not figure out why. It was very hurtful and I feel like I could have handled it better if I didn’t already have servere depression. I stop ped going altogether, and eventually fell away from God. I found myself afraid to pray because if other Christians hate me.Does God hate me? I had a hard time with it. The last few years I found myself drinking, smoking, drugs, and even nude webcams. A couple weeks ago the guilt became more then I could bare not to mention the depression and I prayed which I haven’t done in quite sometime. I have continued to try and build my relationship with God again, but I don’t feel like it will ever be the same. Im also I’m terrified to set foot in a church again. I have no Christian friends though, so I know I’m in this on my own, just God and I. Is it really necessary to attend church? I would prefer not to, because my emotions can’t handle it.

Hi, Randar. There are a number of important points raised in your initial post, so please forgive me for using this sort of listing of my thoughts in order to reply to them.

1. Are you sure that the other people in church don't like you? It seems unlikely if you have not been very active in those churches.

2. I don't get how any other people can affect one's own prayers to God since that is entirely private.

3. You, like any of the rest of us, can ALWAYS return to God after falling away. He is waiting to receive you. Count on it.

4. It may not be absolutely required that you belong to a church--or go every week--but to do completely without the spiritual benefits of what any church provides is probably a mistake.

5. If the churches you have visited let you down, don't call it quits. The range of good Christian churches is broad, from small to large, formal to casual, highly ceremonial to simple in worship style, etc. There almost certainly is one for you! It might take a little while to locate it, but I would urge you to try. It could well be the way to solve a lot of the other problems that you have discussed with us.

 

[StrivingFollower]

I have a health issue that gives me terrible anxiety. I've always been drawn to a secluded quiet life, but I love going to church. If you find one that has a real positive, compassionate community it's great. They won't be pushy, they won't be rude. If you find one with a smart pastor that knows the Bible and has good compassion, it can be very inspirational too. And there's so much to learn from God, you'll be surprised by what you learn.

I love to pray alone.. it's my favorite thing to do, but to be in a church filled with positive spirits, there's a special kind of intensity to the Holy Spirit presence there.

 

[Lost4words]

Not easy to follow Jesus. The road can be very bumpy indeed. Plus your cross may be heavy too.

Dont be put off by others in the churches you have visited. Dont even glance at those that you think upset you. Keep focused on Our Lord. Offer up these feeling you have to God for others.

Maybe you have not found the right church yet. God will guide you.

May God bless you and guide you.

 

[Randar]

I feel like I need to clarify a bit. First this is how I feel. The reason I feel this way is because I’m usually met with resistance when I try make a connection. It just feels this way. I’m typically met by people that very obviously have no interest in communication or connection. I have social anxiety and I know that doesn’t help. I’m not pointing fingers saying anyone is at fault. Im very aware I make my own choices. It is just hard to deal with rejection when you already deal with depression. I know personal prayer life has nothing to do with church experience, but that is what my mind tells me. When you already feel worthless. How can you be around those who validate those feelings.

 

[Randar]

Hi, Randar. There are a number of important points raised in your initial post, so please forgive me for using this sort of listing of my thoughts in order to reply to them.

1. Are you sure that the other people in church don't like you? It seems unlikely if you have not been very active in those churches.

2. I don't get how any other people can affect one's own prayers to God since that is entirely private.

3. You, like any of the rest of us, can ALWAYS return to God after falling away. He is waiting to receive you. Count on it.

4. It may not be absolutely required that you belong to a church--or go every week--but to do completely without the spiritual benefits of what any church provides is probably a mistake.

5. If the churches you have visited let you down, don't call it quits. The range of good Christian churches is broad, from small to large, formal to casual, highly ceremonial to simple in worship style, etc. There almost certainly is one for you! It might take a little while to locate it, but I would urge you to try. It could well be the way to solve a lot of the other problems that you have discussed with us.

1. I can’t read minds, but I seem to have trouble making a connection with anyone. Shortly after I hear gossip. I assume for some reason I’m not liked or I’m doing something to make people weary of me.

2. People don’t. My negative thoughts do. Feeling not good enough.

4. I know that and really want to go be fearful of being hurt.

 

[Randar]

You don’t have to go to church to be a good Christian. But going to church gives you fellowship with other Christians, support with your struggles, friendships and more.

You’ve had a bad experience with previous churches but please don’t think it’s all like that. Visit a brand new (to you) church. Go totally open-minded and optimistic. If it’s good, embrace it. If you find it isn’t then when you walk out the door don’t go back, and try another one. I’ve been to churches I wouldn’t set foot in again without a prayer army behind me for my own sake. And I’ve been to churches that became family. And everything in between. Some of my friends churches are good churches, with good people, but just not for me. It’s a bit of trial and error.

Do you know any Christians near you? Or even just open minded good friends? Ask if they would go with you to visit one, just so you don’t go through the door feeling so anxious?

 

[Randar]

Thanks... only my parents, and they are difficult to talk to. We don’t see eye to eye when comes to our beliefs. Most of the friends I have are not Christian and do not attend church

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

Do you have any friends that would be willing to go with you despite not being a Christian?

Or you could find a church that you’d like to try, and send them a message asking a bit about what the service is like etc to prepare yourself to make you less anxious?

 

[Hazelelponi]

I feel like I need to clarify a bit. First this is how I feel. The reason I feel this way is because I’m usually met with resistance when I try make a connection. It just feels this way. I’m typically met by people that very obviously have no interest in communication or connection. I have social anxiety and I know that doesn’t help. I’m not pointing fingers saying anyone is at fault. Im very aware I make my own choices. It is just hard to deal with rejection when you already deal with depression. I know personal prayer life has nothing to do with church experience, but that is what my mind tells me. When you already feel worthless. How can you be around those who validate those feelings.

I thought I could point something out that you may find helpful.

You say you have social anxiety. To one degree or another everyone does. No one feels comfortable in strange social situations around people they don't know. Everyone feels uncomfortable in such situations, everyone feels as if all eyes are on them and these situations are nearly always where we are likely to do ignorant things very publicly like tripping over our own two feet.

For those of us without social anxiety, we smile really big and fake it really well. It's not that we are comfortable, it's that we hide our comfort levels behind smiles and handshakes until we actually begin feeling more comfortable, which usually happens once we actually know some people.

There's a wallflower hiding behind most every outgoing smile.

As far as churches, don't go off the beaten path for a church as a new Christian. Look for established mainline churches and try a few. Go for one methodist, one Presbyterian, and one Baptist to start (unless you'd like to try a Catholic as well) and see if tyou can find ones that are neither too big nor too small.

too small a church (as far as how many attendees) and your the absolute center of attention.

too large a church and no one will know a new Christian is visiting their church and you won't get the help you need to find the right classes etc as well as some introductions.

I have found that a membership around 150 or 200 is right for me, but YMMV.

Really large churches are only good for hiding in.. and really tiny churches you can't hide even a little on a day you might want or need to.

So, mainline church of moderate size.

 

[Paidiske]

I wonder whether one way to ease in might be to find a church or retreat centre near you offering a quiet day? That way the focus is definitely not on the social aspect, but there is still an element of being nurtured and of Christian community. If you google "Christian quiet day [your city]" (and your city is of any significant size) you'd almost certainly find some options to explore.