Should a girl ask a guy to "hang out"?

superfly

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2005
899
23
43
✟8,661.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
a lot of people have said some good stuff here... i think that you should ask the guy to go out for a cup of coffee or something, but then let him kinda take it further. go out once, then maybe see if he asks you if you wanna go out again.

arrange to meet him at a nice coffee shop (for instance), and then pay your part of the bill. if he offers to pay say no, but if he offers a second time say yes (!! :))
 
Upvote 0

bornagain-053184

Nevaeh's Mommy
Dec 28, 2004
465
34
39
Halifax
✟8,275.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
hunnie... dont sit back and wait for a guy to "pick up" on our singnals no matter how loud and clear we make them.... sometimes the guy just dosnt see them... and there is nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy to hang out to chill to go for a coffee movie walk jog work out... it dont matter if you want to be friends with him then go for it hun :)
 
Upvote 0

Jon_

Senior Veteran
Jan 30, 2005
2,998
91
42
California
✟18,616.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
TheDag said:
Hi Jon
Can you provide some verses to back up this claim of men being called to take the initiative and women responding as I can't think of anything that would support this view.
I personally believe God doesn't care who asks who out.

Hmm, you can't think of anything that would support this view? Perhaps you've been avoiding the evidence.

I'm going to borrow heavily from Elizabeth Elliot to put this into perspective. She does such a better job of it than I, after all. I strongly encourage you to read her book, Mark of a Man. It's only nine stinkin' dollars at Amazon. No reason not to get it ;)

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0800751213/qid=1111623782/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/002-8054789-2328845?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

C.S. Lewis writes, "God is so masculine that all creation is feminine by comparison." Elliot talks about how the earth has always been seen as female: Mother Earth. The sun has been recognized as a masculine force. The sun acts upon the earth. The sun initiates life on earth with its rays. Without sunlight, there are no plants. Without plants, there is no ecosystem (as we know it, anyway). The very concept of masculinity is tied to initiation.

When we read of God, He is always described by masculine pronouns. His character and actions are clearly masculine. God is the initiator of everything. He is called, God the Father. Without God's invisible hand, nothing comes to be. Indeed, there would be nothing if God had not initiated it. Similarly, God equates His relationship to Him as the Bridegroom, and Israel as the bride. God said unto Israel that indeed He had chosen them, not the other way around. Paul took this illustration and applied it to Christ in the new covenant. Christ is the Bridegroom of the church, and the church is the bride. Paul further goes on to say that men are to be heads over their house, just as Christ is Head of the church.

Just as Christ said to His disciples, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you," so should it be true of men and women. Of course, just as we willing accept Christ, so must the woman willingly accept her husband. By the way, to husband literally means, "to take care of." Husbands tend over their wives, not the other way around. This is another example of how the man must take the initiative to care for his wife and his household.

The very phenomenon of our physical equipment is a perfect reflection of the correctness of masculine initiation. Men are equipped to initiate, women are equipped to respond. The historic tradition of males initiating courtship is built on an intrinsic understanding that to be masculine means to take initiative.
 
Upvote 0
I

InTheFlame

Guest
So what you're saying is, no, there's no specific biblical backing for your opinion... you've simply extrapolated a concept from various sources. I'm hoping you realise that practically any concept could be created using these methods - I'll see (later) what I can come up with as an example.

What I do appreciate, Jon, is that you've presented your opinion as just that - an opinion. If you'd presented it as 'this is the way you MUST do it' ... I wouldn't be impressed :)
 
Upvote 0
B

blueSKYpilot

Guest
Jon_ said:
Just as Christ said to His disciples, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you," so should it be true of men and women. Of course, just as we willing accept Christ, so must the woman willingly accept her husband.

Here's an analogy:

We, as humans, are to "find" God. He gives us the desire to find Him (election). But we find Him.

The guy gives the girl the desire to be with him (attraction) :blush: and she lets him know if she is interested or not.

So either she can willfully decide to "go to church" or she can wait for God to ask her through a friend, for example. But it really does not matter how it is done... just as long as she finds a church.:preach:

That's my 2 cents worth.:idea:
 
Upvote 0

Jon_

Senior Veteran
Jan 30, 2005
2,998
91
42
California
✟18,616.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
InTheFlame said:
So what you're saying is, no, there's no specific biblical backing for your opinion... you've simply extrapolated a concept from various sources. I'm hoping you realise that practically any concept could be created using these methods - I'll see (later) what I can come up with as an example.

What I do appreciate, Jon, is that you've presented your opinion as just that - an opinion. If you'd presented it as 'this is the way you MUST do it' ... I wouldn't be impressed :)

Various sources? I've used other sources for clarification, but the evidence all comes from the Bible. If you're looking for a passage that says,

"And God said unto man, 'Thou shalt ask out the women, and shalt not the woman ask thou out.'"

then you're not going to find one. What is Paul's reasoning behind the condemnation of those who do not accept Christ and never even heard the good news? Does he say, "Yeah, it's not fair because they haven't heard about Jesus"? No! He says that God has manifested Himself in all of creation, and that every man is born with a soul that needs Him. Every man is born with the inherent knowledge of His creator. In the same way are men and women born with the inherent knowledge of their roles. Unfortunately, society today is doing everything it can to blur those distinctions and ruin everything that God intended.

At any rate, at least I've put an argument forth, and a strong (if not valid) one at that. Sure, it's my opinion, and I admit that, but the argument that I put forth is the most convincing one I've heard, yet. I've never heard a good argument justify that men and women are equally responsible for the initiation of relationships. You certainly can't found that one in the Bible.

I can appreciate that you disagree with me, but at least put forth a counter-argument. Essentially, all you're offering is that I've extrapolated a concept from the Bible, and that you can reproduce the same effect. What does that prove? You're just creating a straw man. Address my argument if you think it's flawed. If you seriously want to have dialogue on this subject, then let's, but dialogue isn't the complete dismissal of all premises based on the fact that you don't agree with them, or could interpret the phenomenon differently.
 
Upvote 0

Jon_

Senior Veteran
Jan 30, 2005
2,998
91
42
California
✟18,616.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
blueSKYpilot said:
Here's an analogy:

We, as humans, are to "find" God. He gives us the desire to find Him (election). But we find Him.

The guy gives the girl the desire to be with him (attraction) :blush: and she lets him know if she is interested or not.

So either she can willfully decide to "go to church" or she can wait for God to ask her through a friend, for example. But it really does not matter how it is done... just as long as she finds a church.:preach:

That's my 2 cents worth.:idea:

You've made a classical theological error in this analogy. We do not "find" God, He calls, or draws us:

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day" (John 6:44 NIV).
 
Upvote 0
I

InTheFlame

Guest
Jon_ said:
Hmm, you can't think of anything that would support this view? Perhaps you've been avoiding the evidence.

I think he was talking about specific verses and commands.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...002-8054789-2328845?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
Jon_ said:
C.S. Lewis writes, "God is so masculine that all creation is feminine by comparison."

Hrmmm... in a fictional book, yes? I have read That Hideous Strength, but I can't remember the line (I looked it up on Google). Obviously not everything that a Lewis character says was actually Lewis' opinion - was this obviously his actual opinion?

Jon_ said:
Elliot talks about how the earth has always been seen as female: Mother Earth.
That really depends on the culture and religion(s) you're talking about. The ancient Egyptians had a god called Geb, who they regarded as representing the earth. The 'mother earth' concept really comes from Greek mythology - Gaia - which is quite understandable... much of our modern western thought, ideas and concepts are still based on ancient Greek modes of thought.

Jon_ said:
The sun has been recognized as a masculine force.
You're right. But again, not according to all people/religions. Certainly in Greek (and Egyptian too in this case) mythology, the god of the sun was male. But in Korea, for example, mythology pointed to a sun goddess.

Jon_ said:
The sun acts upon the earth.
True! Can't argue with that one :thumbsup:

Jon_ said:
The sun initiates life on earth with its rays.
Nah... God does. The sun sustains life, I'd agree.

Jon_ said:
Without sunlight, there are no plants.
The analogy is kinda starting to break down here :) We could as easily comment that without water, or air, or earth, there are no plants.

Jon_ said:
Without plants, there is no ecosystem (as we know it, anyway).
mmmm....

Jon_ said:
The very concept of masculinity is tied to initiation.
See, I don't think the preceding comments actually prove that in any way. About all they really say is, 'according to the culture I grew up in, masculinity is heavily linked to initiation.

Jon_ said:
When we read of God, He is always described by masculine pronouns.
Hmmm... good point. However, Hebrew tended toward masculine pronouns.
[font=arial,]It should also be noted that masculine plural is used for a mixed gender group. Even if there are ninety-nine women and only one man in the group, the masculine plural is used. The feminine plural is used only when the group is exclusively female.

Hence a God with some female and some male characteristics would be referred to as 'He' in Hebrew texts.

[/font]
Jon_ said:
His character and actions are clearly masculine.
Only if you regard certain character qualities and actions as being masculine. Otherwise this sentence is meaningless.
Jon_ said:
God is the initiator of everything. He is called, God the Father. Without God's invisible hand, nothing comes to be. Indeed, there would be nothing if God had not initiated it.
True again. However, I don't see how that proves that initiation is a male characteristic. God is love, too. That's not regarded as a male-only characteristic. But I'm going to have a look at the names given God in the bible, and see what we can draw from them...

El Shaddai
is another name that is translated as "God" and can be used in conjunction with other words to designate various aspects of God's character. Another word much like Shaddai, and from which many believe it derived, is shad meaning "breast" in Hebrew (some other scholars believe that the name is derived from an Akkadian word Šadu, meaning "mountain," suggesting strength and power). This refers to God completely nourishing, satisfying, and supplying His people with all their needs as a mother would her child. Connected with the word for God, El, this denotes a God who freely gives nourishment and blessing, He is our sustainer.
(likely to be referring to a 'feminine' characteristic, there)

El Elyon
Elyon literally means "Most High" and is used both adjectivally and substantivally throughout the Old Testament. It expresses the extreme sovereignty and majesty of God and His highest preeminence. When the two words are combined — El Elyon — it can be translated as "the most exalted God."(Psa 57:2)
(more of a masculine connotation there, in our culture. Although one could argue that Brits, with a female queen, might regard this as a female trait :) )

Adonai
is the verbal parallel to Yahweh and Jehovah. Adonai is plural; the singular is adon. In reference to God the plural Adonai is used. When the singular adon is used, it usually refers to a human lord. Adon is used 215 times to refer to men. Occasionally in Scripture and predominantly in the Psalms, the singular adon is used to refer to God as well (cf. Exd 34:23). To avoid contravening the commandment "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain" (Exd 20:7), sometimes Adonai was used as a substitute for Yahweh (YHWH). Adonai can be translated literally as, "my lords' " (both plural and possessive).
(sounds as though it's very much a male connotation there)

Yahweh or Jehovah
(seems fairly gender-neutral... it's simply God's name)

Jehovah Nissi
(nês), from which Nissi derived, means "banner" in Hebrew. In Exd 17:15, Moses, recognizing that the Lord was Israel's banner under which they defeated the Amalekites, builds an altar named Jehovah-Nissi (the Lord our Banner). Nes is sometimes translated as a pole with an insignia attached. In battle opposing nations would fly their own flag on a pole at each of their respective front lines. This was to give their soldiers a feeling of hope and a focal point. This is what God is to us: a banner of encouragement to give us hope and a focal point.
(also seems rather gender-neutral - although I'd tend toward a male connotation)

Jehovah-Raah
from which Raah derived, means "shepherd" in Hebrew. A shepherd is one who feeds or leads his flock to pasture (Eze 34:11-15). An extend translation of this word, rea', is "friend" or "companion." This indicates the intimacy God desires between Himself and His people. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Raah — it can be translated as "The Lord my Friend."
(Shepherding wasn't a male-only occupation, in OT times. eg Rachel. So this one's a bit iffy too.)

Jehovah Rapha
Rapha (râpâ') means "to restore", "to heal" or "to make healthful" in Hebrew. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Rapha — it can be translated as "Jehovah Who Heals." (cf. Jer 30:17; Jer 3:22; Isa 30:26; Isa 61:1; Psa 103:3). Jehovah is the Great Physician who heals the physical and emotional needs of His people.
(Now this is very much seen, especially in our culture, as a female characteristic)

Jehovah Shammah
is derived from the Hebrew word sham, which can be translated as "there." Jehovah Shammah is a symbolic name for the earthly Jerusalem. The name indicates that God has not abandoned Jerusalem, leaving it in ruins, but that there will be a restoration.
(hmmm... gender-neutral again I think)

Jehovah Tsidkenu
Tsedek (tseh'-dek), from which Tsidkenu derived, means "to be stiff," "to be straight," or "righteous" in Hebrew. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Tsidkenu — it can be translated as "The Lord Who is our Righteousness."
(again, fairly gender-neutral quality there)

Jehovah Mekoddishkem
Mekoddishkem derives from the Hebrew word qâdash meaning "sanctify," "holy," or "dedicate." Sanctification is the separation of an object or person to the dedication of the Holy. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Mekoddishkem — it can be translated as "The Lord who sets you apart."
(again, gender-neutral)

El Olam
derives from the root word 'lm (which means "eternity"). Olam literally means "forever," "eternity," or "everlasting". When the two words are combined — El Olam — it can be translated as "The Eternal God."
(as with the last 2. Neither gender have ever really been seen as more 'eternal' as far as I know)

Elohim
Elohim is translated as "God." The derivation of the name Elohim is debatable to most scholars. Some believe it derived from 'êl which, in turn, originates from the root word, 'wl (which means "strong"). Others think that Elohim is derived from another two roots: 'lh (which means "god") in conjunction with 'elôah (which means "fear"). And still others presume that both 'êl and Elohim come from 'eloah.
(not very conclusive no matter how you look at it...)

Qanna
Qanna is translated as "jealous," "zealous," or "envy." The fundamental meaning relates to a marriage relationship. God is depicted as Israel's husband; He is a jealous God, wanting all our praise for Himself and no one else.
(Definitely a male view of God there)

Jehovah Jireh
Jehovah-Jireh
is a symbolic name given to Mount Moriah by Abraham to memorialize the intercession of God in the sacrifice of Isaac by providing a substitute for the imminent sacrifice of his son.
(I can't get a gender-specific concept for this one)

Jehovah Shalom
Shalom is a derivative of shâlêm (which means "be complete" or "sound") Shalom is translated as "peace" or "absence from strife." Jehovah-Shalom is the name of an altar built by Gideon in Ophrah.
(peacefulness and absence of war/strife is commonly regarded as a female quality - men are generally seen as being more warlike. This spans many different cultures)

Jehovah Sabaoth
Sabaoth (se bâ'ôt) means "armies" or "hosts." Jehovah Sabaoth can be translated as "The Lord of Armies" (1Sa 1:3). This name denotes His universal sovereignty over every army, both spiritual and earthly. The Lord of Hosts is the king of all heaven and earth.
(using the logic I used above, this would therefore have to be perceived as a predominantly male characteristic)

Now, my point in going through that long list is to point out that God is perceived to have many characteristics, some of which the OT Hebrew culture saw as male, some which they saw as female. So taking a characteristic of God and claiming that therefore this is a solely male characteristic, is rather dangerous ground.

Jon_ said:
Similarly, God equates His relationship to Him as the Bridegroom, and Israel as the bride. God said unto Israel that indeed He had chosen them, not the other way around. Paul took this illustration and applied it to Christ in the new covenant. Christ is the Bridegroom of the church, and the church is the bride.
Now... were these metaphors/similes used, in these contexts, to specify what marriages should be like, or to explain the concepts of God's relationship to his people in words that the audience addressed would understand?

Jon_ said:
Paul further goes on to say that men are to be heads over their house, just as Christ is Head of the church.
OK. Now I agree the context is absolutely right. So... what entails being head of a household? From Christ's example only please, not our culture. For example, Jesus calling his apostles comes to mind. However, did Jesus approach each of his apostles first, or did some of them approach him?

Jon_ said:
Just as Christ said to His disciples, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you," so should it be true of men and women.
Why?

Jon_ said:
Of course, just as we willing accept Christ, so must the woman willingly accept her husband. By the way, to husband literally means, "to take care of."
Interestingly, in modern Hebrew the word for husband is, apparently, 'Baal'. :)

Jon_ said:
Husbands tend over their wives, not the other way around. This is another example of how the man must take the initiative to care for his wife and his household.
Where do you get this from?

Jon_ said:
The very phenomenon of our physical equipment is a perfect reflection of the correctness of masculine initiation.
Errrr... 'men are designed to thrust, women to be thrusted'?
This is simply, again, a cultural thing. I could just as easily claim that a woman's physiology is a perfect reflection of the fact that a woman should enclose and surround a man. I've heard this logic before, and it strikes me as nonsensical unless viewed in a particular cultural context - the traditional western one!

Jon_ said:
Men are equipped to initiate, women are equipped to respond. The historic tradition of males initiating courtship is built on an intrinsic understanding that to be masculine means to take initiative.
Do you have any backup for this statement? Scientific studies? Anthropology? Psychology - eg. reports of male children suffering damage when discouraged from initiating things?
 
Upvote 0

Jon_

Senior Veteran
Jan 30, 2005
2,998
91
42
California
✟18,616.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
Bravo! Excellent reply, InTheFlame! :clap:

Hrmmm... in a fictional book, yes? I have read That Hideous Strength, but I can't remember the line (I looked it up on Google). Obviously not everything that a Lewis character says was actually Lewis' opinion - was this obviously his actual opinion?

The reference comes from Elliot. I'll look up which Lewis work it came from; however, despite the origin, the argument is a good one, even if he wasn't asserting it as his own personal opinion.

That really depends on the culture and religion(s) you're talking about. The ancient Egyptians had a god called Geb, who they regarded as representing the earth. The 'mother earth' concept really comes from Greek mythology - Gaia - which is quite understandable... much of our modern western thought, ideas and concepts are still based on ancient Greek modes of thought.

Mmm, true, but Egypt didn't believe in God, did they? This is an example of Satan and man twisting the true vision of creation and its Creator into a false religion.

You're right. But again, not according to all people/religions. Certainly in Greek (and Egyptian too in this case) mythology, the god of the sun was male. But in Korea, for example, mythology pointed to a sun goddess.

These are in the minority, to be sure. The argument is much more compelling for a masculine sun and a feminine earth, but individual cultures interpret them differently, especially when they do not profess faith in God. It's a distortion of their inherent knowledge of God and his creation.

Nah... God does. The sun sustains life, I'd agree.

God is the origin of life, yes. Without him, there would be no Sun; however, God created the universe in such a way that the Sun birthed life into the planet. It's much too detailed to get into here, but the precise shaping of the Solar System with the earth situated where it is in relation to the sun gave rise to life on earth. Without the sun, the earth would not be able to sustain itself, but even more, without the sun, life would have never came to be on earth. God created this system in this exact manner--that the sun should initiate life on earth.

God is surely the origin of life, though.

The analogy is kinda starting to break down here. We could as easily comment that without water, or air, or earth, there are no plants.

I suppose it is. That's the problem with illustrations, they all break down at some point...

See, I don't think the preceding comments actually prove that in any way. About all they really say is, 'according to the culture I grew up in, masculinity is heavily linked to initiation.

I would assert that according to God's creation and his revelation thereof, masculinity is linked to initiation.

Hmmm... good point. However, Hebrew tended toward masculine pronouns.

Hence a God with some female and some male characteristics would be referred to as 'He' in Hebrew texts.

Don't all men have some female characteristics, yet they are still regarded as men? What says that masculinity is the absence of femininity?

[font=arial,]It should also be noted that masculine plural is used for a mixed gender group. Even if there are ninety-nine women and only one man in the group, the masculine plural is used. The feminine plural is used only when the group is exclusively female.[/font]
[font=arial,]
[/font]

God is a singular being (with three distinct personages or personalities). The Hebrews certainly recognized him as one God. The plural pronoun explanation does not apply.

Only if you regard certain character qualities and actions as being masculine. Otherwise this sentence is meaningless.
True again. However, I don't see how that proves that initiation is a male characteristic. God is love, too. That's not regarded as a male-only characteristic. But I'm going to have a look at the names given God in the bible, and see what we can draw from them...

Is it erroneous to regard certain qualities as masculine or feminine? I'll get into this a little more after we take a look at God's names:

True again. However, I don't see how that proves that initiation is a male characteristic. God is love, too. That's not regarded as a male-only characteristic. But I'm going to have a look at the names given God in the bible, and see what we can draw from them...

<names snipped>

Thanks very much for the clarification of God's names; however, as previously stated, masculinity is not the absence of femininity. Men have feminine moments as well. Child-rearing is something that has been appropriately endowed to women. Men, generally speaking, are less well equipped to care for children than women, yet does this men that men are incapable of raising children? No, it means that men have to work harder at it because child-rearing is not as strong of a personality component for them as it is in women.

Is the man any less masculine because of this application of femininity? Not at all. Such is the case with God.

Let's take the stance that God is gender-neutral, though. We'll say that he is neither male nor female (which is true in our understanding of the sexes). Nevertheless, he has created us in his image. To the man he has bestowed masculinity, to the woman he has bestowed femininity. God has shown in his revelation in Scripture that masculine qualities are qualities of action--of initiation--whereas feminine qualities are those of reaction--of response. Being then created in God's image, we should delight in this division of responsibilities, instead of seeking to avoid it.

Now... were these metaphors/similes used, in these contexts, to specify what marriages should be like, or to explain the concepts of God's relationship to his people in words that the audience addressed would understand?

It could certainly be interpreted that way; however, I think that interpretation does injustice to the Scriptures. I believe that God's Word is sufficient. If these illustrations were intended only for the audience that were originally granted them, then that would make the Scripture insufficient. For example, in a matriarchical society, these verses would be completely meaningless and non-applicable, unless seen as instruction for the correct way to conduct the home, i.e. with the man at the head, just as Christ is Head of the church.

It does violence to God's Word to say that a passage like this is not applicable today because it speaks only metaphorically to its original audience. If that is true, then it contradicts 2 Tim. 3:14-17 and 2 Peter 1:20, 21, for it relies on the interpretation of man, instead of the revelation of God.


Um, because... I said so? Ha. ;)

I'm just kidding. This isn't the best example--I kinda winged this one. I'll try and form a better illustration when I get home.

OK. Now I agree the context is absolutely right. So... what entails being head of a household? From Christ's example only please, not our culture. For example, Jesus calling his apostles comes to mind. However, did Jesus approach each of his apostles first, or did some of them approach him?

Ick. I should know this, but I don't, and I don't have a Bible (I'm at work). I'll have to respond to this one later... unless it was a rhetorical question? (That is, you already know the answer is no.)

Interestingly, in modern Hebrew the word for husband is, apparently, 'Baal'.

Ha! That is very interesting.

Errrr... 'men are designed to thrust, women to be thrusted'?
This is simply, again, a cultural thing. I could just as easily claim that a woman's physiology is a perfect reflection of the fact that a woman should enclose and surround a man. I've heard this logic before, and it strikes me as nonsensical unless viewed in a particular cultural context - the traditional western one!

You mean they don't have sex in other cultures? Man, I'm glad I live in this one, then!

I don't understand how this logical strikes you as nonsensical. Is it perhaps because you have no valid argument in response to it? I'm talking about an irrefutable physical phenomenon ordained by God. He equipped the sexes for his specific purpose. Men are endowed to initiate sex. Unless the man is aroused, sex (in the traditional connotation of intercourse) does not happen. Man can't receive sex unless he is aroused, and thereby implied "willing." Women are equipped to receive it, regardless of the circumstances. A woman cannot force sex upon an unwilling man--he has to initiate it.

Do you have any backup for this statement? Scientific studies? Anthropology? Psychology - eg. reports of male children suffering damage when discouraged from initiating things?

This is an interesting position to take considering you've been blasting my own appeals to culture and tradition. Do you not consider anthropology and psychology to be cultural? They most certainly are. They are based only upon the understanding of the times. Science consistently disproves science. The only constant is God's Word, which provides solid support for the initiative qualities of masculinity.

I thought you response was very good! I appreciate you taking the time to actually think it through. It seems like you spent some time on it, and I'm honored by that.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

TheDag

I don't like titles
Jan 8, 2005
9,457
267
✟28,794.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Jon_ said:
Various sources? I've used other sources for clarification, but the evidence all comes from the Bible. If you're looking for a passage that says,

"And God said unto man, 'Thou shalt ask out the women, and shalt not the woman ask thou out.'"

then you're not going to find one.

See comments at end of post regarding this

Jon_ said:
What is Paul's reasoning behind the condemnation of those who do not accept Christ and never even heard the good news? Does he say, "Yeah, it's not fair because they haven't heard about Jesus"? No! He says that God has manifested Himself in all of creation, and that every man is born with a soul that needs Him. Every man is born with the inherent knowledge of His creator. In the same way are men and women born with the inherent knowledge of their roles. Unfortunately, society today is doing everything it can to blur those distinctions and ruin everything that God intended.

With all due respect I don't think this is relevant to the discussion. This is talkingabout salvation not about if its ok for a girl to ask a gut out or not.
I don't believe the bible says anything either way which in my way of thinking means God doesn't care who asks who out. From my expierence if God wants two people to be together he will make a way even if one of the people is making plans without God.

Jon_ said:
At any rate, at least I've put an argument forth, and a strong (if not valid) one at that. Sure, it's my opinion, and I admit that, but the argument that I put forth is the most convincing one I've heard, yet. I've never heard a good argument justify that men and women are equally responsible for the initiation of relationships. You certainly can't found that one in the Bible.

You've suggested we should read a book because it says it better than you could. We can't really comment on it if we haven't read it. By the way I recently lost my job and seem as I'm in Australia the book plus postage and handling would cost over $20 for me. Sorry but I need to be careful in how I spend money at the moment but feel free to buy it and post it to me if you like:D


I can appreciate that you disagree with me, but at least put forth a counter-argument. Essentially, all you're offering is that I've extrapolated a concept from the Bible, and that you can reproduce the same effect. What does that prove? You're just creating a straw man. Address my argument if you think it's flawed. If you seriously want to have dialogue on this subject, then let's, but dialogue isn't the complete dismissal of all premises based on the fact that you don't agree with them, or could interpret the phenomenon differently.[/QUOTE]

As said before I was wanting passages from the bible posted so I could look them up read them in context and see if I can come to the same conclussion. I accept the bible does not say "And God said unto man, 'Thou shalt ask out the women, and shalt not the woman ask thou out.'" But you have claimed the man is supposed to take the initiative and all I'm asking is what passages led you to that conclussion.
 
Upvote 0

TheDag

I don't like titles
Jan 8, 2005
9,457
267
✟28,794.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Jon_ said:
I don't understand how this logical strikes you as nonsensical. Is it perhaps because you have no valid argument in response to it? I'm talking about an irrefutable physical phenomenon ordained by God. He equipped the sexes for his specific purpose. Men are endowed to initiate sex. Unless the man is aroused, sex (in the traditional connotation of intercourse) does not happen. Man can't receive sex unless he is aroused, and thereby implied "willing." Women are equipped to receive it, regardless of the circumstances. A woman cannot force sex upon an unwilling man--he has to initiate it.

If what you say here is true that sex can't happen unless the male is aroused (which I agree with wholeheartedly) then my question would be how is the man aroused. I can tell you it is my wife who arouses me therefore she is taking the initiative! Our viewpoint on this would be determined purely on our own opinion of when sex starts. I believe that if thought about it is often the women who arouses the man and therfore is initiating not the other way around. I would also like to ask tho how does talking about a married couple relate to the question of Is it ok for a girl to ask a guy out?
 
Upvote 0

Sascha Fitzpatrick

Well-Known Member
Apr 29, 2004
6,534
470
✟9,123.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
"A woman cannot force sex upon an unwilling man--he has to initiate it."

A regular misconception! True, men are generally stronger than women, but trust me, even if they ARE in the minority, there have been a large number of men who HAVE been raped by women, even when they used all their strength to avoid it...

There was a really good book put out a few years ago about this situation, where men actually had a voice to talk about female-initiated rapes...

Anyway, a lot of this has gone off topic. There was a good book a few years ago that described God as both female and male - Longing For Love. It's set out more textbookish than normal, but I found it a great way to open up my beliefs of the feminine God. Strongly based in scripture, which is what interests me more than what a theologian comes up with...

Personally - as someone who is having a successful relationship heading to marriage, after taking the mantle onto myself to start pursuing a healthy relationship with my partner - I don't see any problem with a girl making contact with a boy to pursue a long-term relationship. And I don't see anything in the Bible telling me I did a sinful thing there!

Sasch
 
Upvote 0

Cherub8

Soli Deo Gloria
Jan 5, 2005
1,332
92
39
The Left Coast
✟2,016.00
Faith
Calvinist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
sweetmercy said:
Hi,

I've become kind of interested in a guy who goes to my church and works out at my gym. I talk to him a lot every time I see him, and I'd like to get to know him better. I don't believe its the girls role to do the asking out, but I'm wondering if anyone thinks its okay if I ask him if he just wants to "hang out". And then go out for coffee or something and develop more of a friendship. Or do I just do my best to let him know that I'm interested and sit back and wait for him to make the first move? Opinions please :D
Jen
I'm sure I'll be criticized for saying this, but in my opinion, you should wait for him to initiate it. I cannot recommend taking this into your own hands. Pray about it, and wait on the Lord. If it's the Lord's Will then He will place the right feelings on this man's heart.

God bless
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
I

InTheFlame

Guest
Jon_ said:
The reference comes from Elliot. I'll look up which Lewis work it came from; however, despite the origin, the argument is a good one, even if he wasn't asserting it as his own personal opinion.
Wellll... it's a nice CONCEPT, but as an argument it lacks a fair bit (like a backing :) )

Jon_ said:
Mmm, true, but Egypt didn't believe in God, did they? This is an example of Satan and man twisting the true vision of creation and its Creator into a false religion.
These are in the minority, to be sure. The argument is much more compelling for a masculine sun and a feminine earth, but individual cultures interpret them differently, especially when they do not profess faith in God. It's a distortion of their inherent knowledge of God and his creation.
So.... because the Greeks saw the sun as male and the earth as female, even though the mythology this came from was pagan and grossly distorted, because Greek thought has been brought into the western christian worldview, therefore the Greek view of male sun, female earth is right? Whew.

Jon_ said:
God is the origin of life, yes. Without him, there would be no Sun; however, God created the universe in such a way that the Sun birthed life into the planet. It's much too detailed to get into here, but the precise shaping of the Solar System with the earth situated where it is in relation to the sun gave rise to life on earth. Without the sun, the earth would not be able to sustain itself, but even more, without the sun, life would have never came to be on earth. God created this system in this exact manner--that the sun should initiate life on earth.
Hmmmm... I think you'll need to go into more detail to prove that 'life initiation' concept for the sun.

Jon_ said:
I would assert that according to God's creation and his revelation thereof, masculinity is linked to initiation.
But all you've really said is, 'our culture sees the sun as a masculine force, and God as a masculine force. Therefore, since these both initiate (not that I'm quite with you on the sun-initiating thing yet), initiation is a male quality.' Circular reasoning?

Jon_ said:
Don't all men have some female characteristics, yet they are still regarded as men? What says that masculinity is the absence of femininity?
Soooo... what you're saying is that initiating could actually be a feminine characteristic that men also have?

Jon_ said:
God is a singular being (with three distinct personages or personalities). The Hebrews certainly recognized him as one God. The plural pronoun explanation does not apply.
I was talking in regards to gender characteristics that the ancient Hebrews might have particularly noticed in God.

Jon_ said:
Is it erroneous to regard certain qualities as masculine or feminine? I'll get into this a little more after we take a look at God's names:
I do believe it's dangerous to assign most qualities to only men, or only women. OR to state that because a quality is mostly seen in men, it is therefore wrong for a woman to develop that quality in herself. Or vice versa.

Jon_ said:
Let's take the stance that God is gender-neutral, though. We'll say that he is neither male nor female (which is true in our understanding of the sexes). Nevertheless, he has created us in his image. To the man he has bestowed masculinity, to the woman he has bestowed femininity. God has shown in his revelation in Scripture that masculine qualities are qualities of action--of initiation--whereas feminine qualities are those of reaction--of response. Being then created in God's image, we should delight in this division of responsibilities, instead of seeking to avoid it.
OK. So in Scripture, God has clearly defined male and female characteristics. Please provide examples!

Jon_ said:
It could certainly be interpreted that way; however, I think that interpretation does injustice to the Scriptures. I believe that God's Word is sufficient. If these illustrations were intended only for the audience that were originally granted them, then that would make the Scripture insufficient. For example, in a matriarchical society, these verses would be completely meaningless and non-applicable, unless seen as instruction for the correct way to conduct the home, i.e. with the man at the head, just as Christ is Head of the church.
Why? A man being head of a household is mentioned elsewhere in Scripture, after all.

Jon_ said:
It does violence to God's Word to say that a passage like this is not applicable today because it speaks only metaphorically to its original audience. If that is true, then it contradicts 2 Tim. 3:14-17 and 2 Peter 1:20, 21, for it relies on the interpretation of man, instead of the revelation of God.
This is a very similar argument to the one once used against people claiming that the Earth was round, and went round the Sun, instead of the sun going round the earth. And even though the bible refers to the ancient Hebrew concept of a stationary earth, sun and moon and stars in the 'firmament' above... we now take those verses somewhat less than literally, don't we?
But let's have a look at those verses -
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is Godbreathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:14-17
First, this is talking about the Old Testament. They didn't HAVE a NT back then. Second, where does it say, 'don't interpret scripture' or 'don't challenge your own cultural bias which might be causing a biased interpretation of scripture'?
Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.
2 Peter 1:20-21
Errr... this is talking about prophecy. Which was often written down, true. But prophecy, written revelation and written teachings are generally considered different things...?

Jon_ said:
I'm just kidding. This isn't the best example--I kinda winged this one. I'll try and form a better illustration when I get home.
OK :)

Jon_ said:
Ick. I should know this, but I don't, and I don't have a Bible (I'm at work). I'll have to respond to this one later... unless it was a rhetorical question? (That is, you already know the answer is no.)
I wish it had been! I'll have a look now...

Simon Peter and Andrew - called (Matt. 3:18-20)
James and John, sons of Zebedee - called (Matt 3:21-22)
Matthew Levi, tax collector - called (Matt 9:9)

Hmmm... that's all I can find. So I think the scales are weighted with Jesus having called his disciples, and them responding. However, many people approached Jesus for healing, and he responded... so maybe my point still stands :)

Jon_ said:
You mean they don't have sex in other cultures? Man, I'm glad I live in this one, then!
*snort* :) I mean they look at sex differently! The whole 'men thrust, women receive' concept really has a strong cultural root. Others (some asian ones, for example) tend more toward the concept of a woman drawing a man in and taking something from him... which sounds similar, doesn't it? Except when you understand that it is the female who initiates, and the female who is seen as being in control. And that the male loses something as a result... whereas in western culture, only a 'bad girl' entices, and it's the woman who's regarded as 'losing' and the man as 'conquering'.

Jon_ said:
I don't understand how this logical strikes you as nonsensical. Is it perhaps because you have no valid argument in response to it? I'm talking about an irrefutable physical phenomenon ordained by God. He equipped the sexes for his specific purpose. Men are endowed to initiate sex. Unless the man is aroused, sex (in the traditional connotation of intercourse) does not happen. Man can't receive sex unless he is aroused, and thereby implied "willing." Women are equipped to receive it, regardless of the circumstances. A woman cannot force sex upon an unwilling man--he has to initiate it.
Actually... that's not right. Unless both people are aroused, sex is difficult and/or painful. It IS possible to have sex without an erection. It IS possible - and actually quite easy - to cause an erection in a male, regardless of his state of arousal. It may well be painful for him, but then so is rape for a female. Hence why I find it a nonsensical argument. You're just thinking about sex from a traditional western viewpoint.

Jon_ said:
This is an interesting position to take considering you've been blasting my own appeals to culture and tradition. Do you not consider anthropology and psychology to be cultural? They most certainly are. They are based only upon the understanding of the times. Science consistently disproves science. The only constant is God's Word, which provides solid support for the initiative qualities of masculinity.
Awwww... blasting? I'd prefer to think of it as gentle squishing :) Anthropology and psychology are certainly cultural ... BUT... they at least attempt to recognise cultural bias and work within other cultures' mindsets too. Hence, I'd see them as being more objective in these things than most.

Jon_ said:
I thought you response was very good! I appreciate you taking the time to actually think it through. It seems like you spent some time on it, and I'm honored by that.
Thanks. I appreciate the same in you.
 
Upvote 0

lingjanet

Active Member
Jan 9, 2005
291
8
42
✟15,463.00
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Single
i learn that, gals should not everything keep waiting for guys. some guys are more shy than gals and he might not ask you to hang out...

nothing wrong if we asked guy to hang out....
some of the guy, you give him 1 years and maybe 1 years he stil dare not ask you for a cup of drinks.. :)

but for some guys that will think that gals is cheap when gals invite them out... guys, you shouldn't think that way...

you guys need entertainment and we gals need too..
 
Upvote 0
S

Silver Speak

Guest
lady_of_god said:
I like it the old-fashioned way but actually I don't think its anything wrong with asking a guy to hang out.

Me too! I prefer waiting for the guy to take the initiative but it's just how I like it. You know, there are some guys at my church that I'd love to hang out with, just because I think they're really cool and I like spending time with them. The problem is, they would think I'm asking them out if I asked them to do stuff. It's really frustrating! :o

Anyways, I think you should definitely drop some hints and see how he reacts. Then, again, some guys just don't get it!!! :D However, I don't think you should ask him out just out of the blue.
 
Upvote 0

Jon_

Senior Veteran
Jan 30, 2005
2,998
91
42
California
✟18,616.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
InTheFlame said:
This is a very similar argument to the one once used against people claiming that the Earth was round, and went round the Sun, instead of the sun going round the earth. And even though the bible refers to the ancient Hebrew concept of a stationary earth, sun and moon and stars in the 'firmament' above... we now take those verses somewhat less than literally, don't we?
But let's have a look at those verses -

First, this is talking about the Old Testament. They didn't HAVE a NT back then. Second, where does it say, 'don't interpret scripture' or 'don't challenge your own cultural bias which might be causing a biased interpretation of scripture'?

Errr... this is talking about prophecy. Which was often written down, true. But prophecy, written revelation and written teachings are generally considered different things...?

Ok, I can see I'm really up against it here. These three responses tell me a whole lot about where you're coming from and it frightens me a bit. Your two latter replies especially distrub my soul because they amount to a denounciation of the doctrine of sola scriptura. My sister, flee from your humanistic liens against the Bible. You are in dire error in your interpretation of these passages. I now understand the origin of your error, it's because you do injustice against the Word of God.

Are you honestly telling me that the New Testament is not the inspired Word of God? If so, then how can we believe any of it? How can we believe unto Christ Jesus if his words may be in error? Sister, you are grieviously deceived.

Here is Paul's argument again:

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NKJV)

16All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 17that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

And Peter's:

2 Peter 1:20-21 (NKJV)

20knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, 21for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.

And now, let us read a little deeper into Peter's second epistle:

2 Peter 3:15-16 (NKJV)

15and consider that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation--as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, has written to you, 16as also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which untaught and unstable people twist to their own destruction, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures.

"... as they do also the rest of the Scriptures." Peter regards the writing of Paul as Scripture! If Peter's view of Scripture is correct, if it should be regarded so highly, then what of his declaration of Paul's epistles as Scripture? Is the Bible so highly erroneous, so far from God's grace and sovereign will that such blatantly false statements should creep in if the New Testament is not truly inspired by the Holy Spirit?

What philosophies, what theologies have you fallen into that have decimated your view of Scripture? Why do you distort the Word of God? Why do you do violence against God's holy living Word? Do you doubt the words of Luke?

Luke 1:3-4 (NKJV)

3it seemed good to me also, having had perfect understanding of all things from the very first, to write to you an orderly account, most excellent Theophilus, 4that you may know the certainty of those things in which you were instructed.

Is the Psalmist deceived?

Psalms 119:2 (KJV)

2Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart.

Psalms 119:11 (KJV)

11Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

Psalms 119:89 (KJV)

89For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven.

Indeed, the whole of Psalm 119 is in affirmation of the solidarity of Scripture.

Do you doubt that the aposolistic era was wholly inspired of the Holy Ghost?

1 Peter 1:12 (KJV)

12Unto whom it was revealed, that not unto themselves, but unto us they did minister the things, which are now reported unto you by them that have preached the gospel unto you with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven; which things the angels desire to look into.

Is Paul a liar?

1 Cor. 14:37 (KJV)

37If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.

Is Paul in error when he quotes from Luke's gospel as Scripture in his first letter to Timothy?

1 Tim. 5:18 (KJV)

18For the scripture saith, thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn. And, The labourer is worthy of his reward.

And, The labourer is worthy of his reward, comes directly from:

Luke 10:7 (KJV)

7And in the same house remain, eating and drinking such things as they give: for the labourer is worthy of his hire. Go not from house to house.

Is God so helpless to allow the very disciples of his Son to whom the Holy Spirit was given that his church may be established to lead the sheep astray?

2 Thess. 3:14 (KJV)

14And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.

Thus, sister, by commandment not of Paul, but of the Holy Spirit by which this Scripture was brought forth into the world, I say unto you, this discussion is over. I implore you to read B.B. Warfield's exposé of the validity of New Testament canon as Holy Scripture, wholly inspired by the Spirit of God:

http://www.crta.org/bible/warfield_canon.html
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
I

InTheFlame

Guest
Jon, then I hope you believe that the sun goes round the earth. We wouldn't want to take ANYTHING in the bible less than literally, or disagree with the interpretation given by people high up in God's church, would we? :)

Look, though I appreciate your attempt to show me 'the error of my ways', the thing is, you haven't actually answered any of my other points at all. And you haven't answered my charge of putting your cultural interpretation on Scripture, instead of trying to contemplate it with an open mind. One could argue that you've been doing the twisting in this discussion, and I've been doing the untwisting :D
 
Upvote 0