Shame about sexuality...(pretty much life story)

[Kawliga]

Okay, I know this is my first post, but hear me out. I am 31 and am struggling with my sexuality. Not am I gay or not, cause I am a very much attracted to women.
I remember from as early as five (when I saw my first Playboy) being awestruck from a womans body. As a kid, I couldn't wait to find a girl that was 18. I have never had a real girlfriend (the kind you mess around with). My first kiss was a hooker in Mexico at age 19. It's tough being virtually skill-less with the opposite sex at 19 and even more so at 31. I was a shy kid who couldn't let go of mama's skirt when she dropped me off at kindergarden. I never got to experience a first love, a teenage love, dates, school dances, love notes, (all the stuff that I imagine everyone else goes through, at least on TV). Sure, there were girls I had a crush on, but I hadn't the nerve to express it or act on it. I know there are no time machines to go back and relive my life. I honestly would put all my hope that God would supply me the girl if I just prayed enough. Well, here I am and I am loosing my faith over this because nothing has turned up. I don't want to live my life this way and look back when I am in a nursing home at all the things I missed out on.



I remember going to Sunday school for the first time. We were all sitting on the floor and I scooted back all the way to the wall and almost behind the upright piano.

 

[Johnnz]

It's good that you can recognise some things about your past. Now is the time to begin to make changes. Sitting around waiting for God to supply "that woman" won't get you very far, as you well know.

Get out and live. Become an interesting person. Learn to relate confidently to others. Jesus came to give us abundant life, not to become cloistered monks frightened of life. I had to begin this journey. Fortunately I began a lot earlier. When you are the kind of guy that a suitable woman would want to be a husband you are well on the way. And remember, God does not often tell us what we are capable of working out ourselves. This can include the person we marry.

John
NZ

 

[FatherJay]

Blessings Kawliga,

I mostly agree with Johnnz reply, except that I believe that the Divine (God) sometimes would have us be Monastics in service to Him. It does not mean that one is "frightened of life," but rather that one may have an alternative purpose for one's existence, and can spend one's life in service of others.

Whatever your path, remember that you are loved, you are not "strange," and you should seek out your path with diligence and fortitude.

Your fellowservant,

Father J

 

[2401 Penitent Tangent]

First of all, STAY AWAY from forms of lust like inappropriate contentography, self-gratification, etc. They will lead you down the wrong path. If you are involved in them, stop immediately. Here's a site that can help:

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

Ok now, some advice. Be less tense around women, act calm and cool, there really is no reason to be tense around them. Get out there and just talk to them. Don't try to get in a relationship immediately, just become friends. Be around them more often by signing up for activities of interest and talking to the women there. Calm down and, don't let the devil deceive you into the lies that "I am not good enough" or "I've fallen behind" These are his tricks to get you away from your real goal.

Also, trust in the Lord. Really trust in him. I know that you probably have prayed to the Lord for a women but not really believed it could hapeen. TRUST in him.

Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you."