Hi folks! I'm of Jewish descent, and thought I was Jewish. I was raised fundamentalist but we were weird because my family kept many Jewish traditions such as resting on Sabbath, not even going into places of business on Sabbath, not eating pork or shellfish. So if the Church youth group had pepperoni pizza I was out of luck or if they went out to McDonalds on Sabbath too bad for me.
A time came in my life that the treatment of Jews in history by the Church just became too much for me. I lost my faith in Christ. During this time I wanted to begin observing Judaism but came to find I was not considered a Jew. I went through three years of Orthodox conversion and absolutely loved living Orthodox. However, just weeks before going up before the Beit Din, I became seriously ill (like go on disability ill) and had to move in with family, meaning I could no longer keep completely kosher. I then entered into conversion with a Reform synagogue (the only synagogue in the area) and studied for a year with them. My final preparation was with the Conservatives. I was converted by a Conservative Beit Din.
I missed Orthodox life, and commuted quite a distance to be involved with a Chabad house, except on Shabbat, which I kept at home so I didn't have to drive. After a while I missed going to synagogue too much, and started going to the Reform synagogue on Shabbat. Then began the push me pull you about synagogue verses driving and travel. I now occasionally attend synogogue, but mostly keep Shabbat at home. I observe to Conservative standards.
After many years, I had to confess I still longed for things like confession and Eucharist. I sat down and had a long talk with my Rabbi. His recommendation was to attend Mass and get it out of my system. He assured me that being in a church wasn't going to make me a Christian any more than being in a McDonalds would make me a hamburger.
That just made the longing worse. I missed having a Savior who died for me, a God who had suffered as I suffered, who cried every tear I cried. The problem was, I just didn't believe what Christians believed. I figured, I had given the Rabbi a shot. It was only fair I give the priest a shot.
I cried through the whole appointment. The priest basically wondered why, if I felt so conflicted, I didn't just return to the Church. But obviously I didn't believe. Do you WANT to believe? he asked. I supposed so, but what good does that do if it's not true. How could I make a valid confession? Then he suggested, How about, Lord I believe, help me my unbelief. I could do that. And with that confession, I returned to Christ. Quite unexpectedly.
And so I am a Hebrew Catholic: a Jewish Christian who both believes in Moshiach, and keeps her Jewish identity by keeping Jewish laws and traditions while honoring all the Catholic obligations. I keep Shabbat on Saturday, and attend Mass on Sunday, etc. To me its like two intersecting circles: one is labeled Israel, and the other is labeled The Church. I exist in the intersection.
I am 20 years Messianic Jew and my mother was Jewish. She didn't raise me Jewish though so I didnt go thru a Bat Mitzvah or any formal training in Torah.....only what I learned as an adult.
