Tini
Live in God's Community
- Aug 21, 2002
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What a thread. I have only read a few posts - but what amazes me is that just about all the victims are women.
Men can also be victims - are we just too "macho" to talk about it?
I was abused and assaulted for many years by 4 different family members as a young boy. There are so many similarities in the way abusers work. They rely on the guilt that it is your fault and you deserve this.
I was "fortunate" I guess that I was never sodomised, but plenty else happened from oral to feeling, groping and masturbation.
One of my uncles, his two step sons and another cousin all abused me (sometimes violently - one often used a large dagger in the "ritual") from an age almost as far back as my memory can go (so I guess from around 4 or 5 y.o.). This continued until I was well into my teems and I could avoid family contact (I guess my mom dying was a blessing in disguise as we never visited that part of the family as often anymore).
It was something that really bugged me - and as a male - society looks at one as if it was your fault. They also almost pre-program you that if you were abused - you are likely to abuse others. This was the hardest as I made up my mind that I would not become like that (although there was a time that the devil was messing with me and I'm sure if I had the opportunity - I could have slipped down the slippery path). Thank God for that! It really hurts when even people like your wife ask questions about your possible abuse of our sons. But that is just how society programs or labels us.
With a lot of prayer and open conversation - this is now behind. I have been able to forgive the abusers - but it took a long time - and I fooled myself for a long time that I was fine and "healed" - but it caused so much confusion in my late teems through to mid 20's. I went through stages of being promiscuous, treating women as prizes or possessions; considering homosexuality; driven to perform at work; low self confidence; totally reliant on peers for affirmation etc.
I am totally thankful to the Lord and my wife of 9 years for helping me when I went through dips. If only we can build a relationship of trust with our kids. I was convinced my parents/ aunt / brothers knew what was going on - but kept quiet. But in retrospect - I think they ust thought I had a great relationship with my uncle and loved taking walks with him or going into his workshop all the time! I never felt I could talk to anyone - because no one would believe me - or I had brought this on myself - also no one else was talking about such things so I thought this may only be hapening to me.
Thanks for listening and I trust this will help other guys to tell their stories too.
Men can also be victims - are we just too "macho" to talk about it?
I was abused and assaulted for many years by 4 different family members as a young boy. There are so many similarities in the way abusers work. They rely on the guilt that it is your fault and you deserve this.
I was "fortunate" I guess that I was never sodomised, but plenty else happened from oral to feeling, groping and masturbation.
One of my uncles, his two step sons and another cousin all abused me (sometimes violently - one often used a large dagger in the "ritual") from an age almost as far back as my memory can go (so I guess from around 4 or 5 y.o.). This continued until I was well into my teems and I could avoid family contact (I guess my mom dying was a blessing in disguise as we never visited that part of the family as often anymore).
It was something that really bugged me - and as a male - society looks at one as if it was your fault. They also almost pre-program you that if you were abused - you are likely to abuse others. This was the hardest as I made up my mind that I would not become like that (although there was a time that the devil was messing with me and I'm sure if I had the opportunity - I could have slipped down the slippery path). Thank God for that! It really hurts when even people like your wife ask questions about your possible abuse of our sons. But that is just how society programs or labels us.
With a lot of prayer and open conversation - this is now behind. I have been able to forgive the abusers - but it took a long time - and I fooled myself for a long time that I was fine and "healed" - but it caused so much confusion in my late teems through to mid 20's. I went through stages of being promiscuous, treating women as prizes or possessions; considering homosexuality; driven to perform at work; low self confidence; totally reliant on peers for affirmation etc.
I am totally thankful to the Lord and my wife of 9 years for helping me when I went through dips. If only we can build a relationship of trust with our kids. I was convinced my parents/ aunt / brothers knew what was going on - but kept quiet. But in retrospect - I think they ust thought I had a great relationship with my uncle and loved taking walks with him or going into his workshop all the time! I never felt I could talk to anyone - because no one would believe me - or I had brought this on myself - also no one else was talking about such things so I thought this may only be hapening to me.
Thanks for listening and I trust this will help other guys to tell their stories too.
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