Hey Big Toe!
Thank you for sharing your story, and thanks to those of you who have been trusting enough to be vulnerable enough to recount stories of your own.
I was raped July 26 1990. My husband was over seas, and I was with a friend killing time before we were to leave for my going away party some other friends were throwing for me. I hadnt seen my husband, Jason, in 6 months, and as this was Friday nite, I would be packing on Sat., and flying from Missouri to San Francisco Sunday to prepare for his arrival Wednesday. Plans changed quickly.
I ran into a lot of school friends, as this was summer break from school, including an ex- boyfriend, John, that I dated for 3 years in highschool, however, it had been 5 years since I last seen him. I told him of our plans, and invited him along with other friends I ran into, as I would be moving to the west coast with no immediate plans to return in the near future. John bought me a beer, my 3rd in 2 hours, and the last for the evening. I gave people directions to the party, the friend I came with/met left to pick up his girlfriend, and I left with the intention that John would follow me in his car. As we left, he told me in the parking lot that he needed to swing by his fathers house on the way. His father had had a stroke, and being that John was staying with him, he wanted to check in. No one seemed to be there when we arrived, so I thought the nurse was gone for the day and Johns father was sleeping. John went to another room, and just as I started to make a phone call to another friend, John stormed in and told me not to use the phone. I felt really weird about that. When he left again, I quickly called my friend with the intention of giving driving directions, but instead I got the machine. I quickly said that something weird was going on, and that I was at John C.s if anything happened, and when I hung up I yelled to John that we needed to leave, and then I went to use the bathroom. In moments, John came into the bathroom. I said, what do you think youre doing? and he said, Well, its not like we havent known each other long enough! I told him to get out, and as soon as I exited he spun me around, and the last thing I remember was hitting the floor, and my pants being unzipped. I just left in my head. Its called passive resistance. The next thing I knew, I was driving home. I went to sleep on the couch, and woke up bruised and in pain. I immediately went to my mom who took me to the hospital. A counselor and police officer were near as the routine tests were being made. I knew my rapist, and his address, and while the officer said hed go get him RIGHT THEN, I couldnt make a decision without talking to my husband first. When I finally reached Jason, he he flew back from China. I contacted severel attorney friends, all of whom knew John, and I was advised that it would be a horrible case. John was VERY rich, I had dated him years before, I would be dragged through the mud. I believed it , and I still do. I would never advise someone whos been raped NOT to prosecute, but I believed he would get out of it, and I was moving and wanted to get on with my life. However, we all do what we think is best. I also firmly believe that what goes aroung, comes around.
It was hard on both my husband, and myself. I had incapcitating panic attacks, fear of the dark, depression
I was really sick. We were too young to handle it together. He would talk to his mom, and I didnt have any friends where we moved. Jason didnt want me to talk about it because it hurt HIM too much. I left him within 8 months, and we were later divorced. To me, that was THE most devestating part of it.
I later (within a year) found out that John had drugged my drink; his father was never at the house as he had DIED the year before I was there, the police sent a letter to me saying my clothes (evidence) would be destroyed if they werent picked up by a certain date, and that the police had sent that letter inadvertantly TO MY RAPISTs address! John had also devloped a very serious cocaine problem.
I received extensive counseling and drug therapy after I left Jason, and went back on and off for the next few years. Thats MY story, but I know SO many more personally. My neice, my 2 sisters, a friend were all date raped. I have a friend who was molested. I worked as a crisis couselor, and Ive heard many more and varied accounts, including stories from men.
Someone asked me once
If God exsists, why does He let people starve in Africa? Well, God doesnt let people starve, WE do. We know it happens, what do we do about it? We have responsibilities, accountability, and lessons to learn from the events that happen to us and around us. What do we do? Dig a hole and dive in ? Turn to God, or turn away? Remain prayerful, and seek His help and support from others, or choose to remain amoung the walking wounded?
God gives talents to people here that can help heal us. He gave us free will to choose what we will do. I prayed, I asked Him for help, guidence, and forgiveness for myself, for my husband, AND for my rapist. Moreover, I took Him up on the healing people he sent my way for help, too.
You'll be in my prayers, as will everyone who faces this pain.
