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"SEX" vs Romance & Spirit Led Intimacy

Discussion in 'Ethics & Morality' started by forcedelune, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. forcedelune

    forcedelune Knight

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    Yes, beautiful. It's one of our favorite books to read together as a couple.

     
  2. forcedelune

    forcedelune Knight

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    So, what is the point in all of this (other than to simply obey the Lord)? Every seed (thought) we allow into our heart will bear fruit in due season. When we allow bad seed into our hearts, it produces a type of fruit that the Lord did not design as good to be there.

    This poisonous fruit causes damage and heartache in many areas of our lives. It grieves the Holy Spirit or hinders the Lord from being able to do any good work in that area of our heart & life. It eventually develops into a stronghold and it just smothers out every bit of what God designed us to naturally (and supernaturally) walk in or experience in this area of our life. [Matthew 13:7]

    These principles can be applied to most any area of our lives, which need to be set in balance and healed- so that the Lord can do wonderful things through us and bless us in these areas. Now, I'm going to focus in on what matters to us most at this point (or at least in this thread)...how can we prepare our hearts to experience Spirit led intimacy in marriage (not just in the Marriage Bed, but in every expression of our intimate times in marriage) at the deepest and most fulfilling levels the Lord has created us to? I don't need to tell you this if you already read my earlier posts on Spirit led intimacy, but...it is supposed to be a supernatural, deep reaching, Christ centered, prayerful, worship full, praise worthy, loving, heart to heart, eyes to eyes, mysteriously wonderful, and miraculous time- between a man, his wife, and the Lord.

    So what is it that most of us in the average church are blind to, which so hinders us from being able to have such an intimate relationship? For me, as a man (and also to some extent for women), my first area I need to be holy (set apart) unto the Lord is my heart. I need to maintain a pure and holy heart.

    To be specific, in order to ensure that there's as little hindrance as possible to the level of intimacy I'm able to share with my wife...I need to guard my heart so that no woman (who is not my wife) shares a place in my heart, which only a wife should have. In other words, I will not allow (and I pray against at every turn) any thought (immodest image, seductive words, or fantasies of the flesh) of a woman who is not my wife (what the Bible calls a "stranger" or "strange woman" to our marriage). These areas of my heart are reserved for my wife only and I will not allow a nude (or even immodest) image of a strange woman (including something I saw of a female stranger in front of me) to share that holy place with her.

    In order to have complete intimacy with my wife, I need to be able to share EVERY area of my heart with her (total openness). I can't share those areas where a woman, who is a stranger to our marriage bed, is being allowed to have such a place. Obviously, she would be hurt if I did expose her to such a secretly unfaithful area of my heart- where she is both unwelcome and excluded.

    So, there you have it...the first ingredient, which is necessary in the heart of a man (and a woman as well) so that the fruit of true marital intimacy in the Lord can be shared together. While this is a much lesser concern to women, as they don't struggle with this as men do by nature...it can subtly creep up in women as well. Let's endeavor to keep our hearts holy for the Lord and for our marriage partners alone.
     
  3. forcedelune

    forcedelune Knight

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    So what is the next missing ingredient for healthy Spirit led intimacy in marriage? Specifically, for the wife (and also the husband to some extent), her next area in which she needs to be holy (set apart) unto the Lord is that of the private areas of her body. She needs to maintain a modest heart [1 Timothy 2:9], which will bear fruit into her life by her physically being (outwardly dressing) modest.

    In order to ensure that there is as little hindrance as possible to the level of intimacy she's able to share with her husband...she needs to guard the private areas of her body as most precious, so that no man (other than her husband alone) will see or touch those areas of her body- that only her husband should. In other words...she will not allow (and she prays against at every turn) any situation involving her wearing immodest clothing, describing private areas/acts, or touching of private areas by (as well as in front of) a man who is not yet her husband. These areas of her heart and body are most precious to her husband, so they should be treated as such...out of love for him as well.

    These areas of her body are reserved for her husband alone and she will not allow a view of her nakedness (even potentially) to be seen by a man (whether the man has six degrees behind his name or not), unless she is in the very act of giving herself to him as her new husband. In order to have complete intimacy with her husband, she needs to be able to save for him EVERY private area of her body (and even the private areas of her heart) so that her husband can feel free to open up those areas of His own heart...which were made to cherish her privacy as his own, his wife's, and the Lord's alone. A husband needs the assurance that his wife is doing her best to save these areas of her body for him alone (whether she has in the past or not) or else he'll not be able to share this very sensitive area of his own heart.

    You see, here's something that most women (and even most men) don't understand about a husband...men have a natural (God given) need in their heart, which is fulfilled when they have the assurance that their wife's private areas and private activities are for him alone. This is why a woman being a virgin has always been so much more emphasized than for a man to be a virgin- all throughout human history. I'm sorry to say that men have often taken this to extremes in order to try to deal with this longing in their heart. First, many a man has abused women in order to try to fulfill this natural desire (making women cover their entire body, being over-possessive, or treating woman like mere property).

    Yet, there is a second (also destructive) way in which men try to deal with this natural longing (that their wives be privately set apart for them alone)...they choose to forcefully sear (desensitize) their own conscience in this area and just totally close shut that place in their heart (eventually subconsciously blocking it desperately against vulnerability to even the softest touch). Once they allow this area of their heart to dry and harden, only the Lord can give life to that area again (upon that man's repentance of living this way). What would motivate a man to do such a thing? Fear, pressure, doing what "seems" acceptable, or to kill the pain he feels (or should feel) as his wife shares these private aspects of herself with other men.

    For example, in our culture it's deemed acceptable for a woman to go out in public wearing clothing that covers no more than common underwear (and much less than most past Christian generation's underwear)- as long as she is at the beach, swimming pool, playing a sport, or sitting in front of someone who happens to have a degree to practice medicine. You see, our culture has taught and conditioned us from very young that we should live by fear or pleasure- rather than believing the Lord will provide for our needs and will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can withstand. Yet, the Word of God says that "the just shall live by faith" [Romans 1:17] and "man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word which proceeds from the mouth of God."

    [Matthew 4:4] There is no temptation, which has come upon you, that is not common to man and the Lord will always provide a way of escape (that is, if we seek Him for one). [1 Corinthians 10:13]
     
  4. forcedelune

    forcedelune Knight

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    Another thing we've been conditioned to accept is that clothing is not so much to cover the body, but rather to decorate it. The need to cover those more private areas of our body, for modesty's sake, is no longer a welcome idea in our society. If the weather is fair, we just strip down to the "bare" minimum and have a "good time"...oblivious to the hidden damage we're causing to the hearts and lives of those around us.

    The key is that most women (and men) have given up on seeking the Lord to meet their needs in these areas and have been convinced by the world (contrary to God's Word) that there is no escape (compromising your modesty is necessary). Well, you just have to decide in whom you will believe. The Word is clear and the fruit of modesty is well worth any persecution the world can dish out- for us taking a stand on holiness. We need to be taking to heart that "women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety..." [1 Timothy 2:9] "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." [Joshua 24:15]

    This second way of men coping with their wife's accepted immodesty has a huge impact on marital intimacy and this is what most men in our culture choose (or are conditioned from a very young age) to do. This area of a man's heart is a MAJOR part of what enables him to be truly intimate (at the heart level) with his wife. Once a man shuts this area of his heart down (knowingly or unknowingly), intimacy at the heart level is minimal if any.

    This has proven very frustrating for so many wives in our culture...the men just seem to be lacking in heartfelt expression for and during intimacy. They are instead flesh focused, absent minded, or at the most they will only interact with her at a mental/emotional level. This is taking away the most important element: for those in the marriage bed to share from the deepest places of their heart (completely and openly) in order to experience and be led by the Spirit into truly fulfilling intimacy together.

    The Word presents a much more balanced way for men and women to deal with this need in a husband's heart. Scripture is very clear that the wife belongs to the husband (she is his private property), but the Word also says that the husband belongs to the wife (he is just as much her private property as she is his). Now, as we know from the whole of Scripture, the husband has primary authority over his wife...but the point of the following verse is that the wife also has legitimate rights to be intimately fulfilled by the husband:

    [1 Corinthians 7:4] "For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority {and} control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority {and} control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]."

    Personally I think that's beautiful and I love that God offers this blessing of making us so completely one (body, soul, heart, and spirit) with whom we marry- so that we will belong to each other in the Lord. In the husband's heart especially, if he is naturally sensitive to his wife, an emotional bond forms toward her more intimate and private places of her body. If those areas are exposed to other men, he will feel a deep pain like no other and will be tempted to close this area of his heart (desensitize it)...so that he doesn't have to feel this dull knife cutting at his heart again and again. It actually has very little to do with jealously and everything to do with a man's God given emotional sensitivity to his wife's most cherished places shared during their times of intimacy.
     
  5. forcedelune

    forcedelune Knight

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    In summary...to the extent that we seek and follow the Lord to have a pure & holy (set apart) heart unto Him (as well as unto our marriage partner)...to the extent that we guard what is private and should only be shared with those whom we are "one flesh" with (including private areas of our hearts and our bodies)...to that same extent we will be able to enjoy a wonderful blessing of the most fulfilling intimacy between our partner and the Lord (in the Marriage Bed and in every other expression of our intimate times together).

    This now leads us to the next step in this journey. How can we discern what thoughts and images are harmful to our hearts? How do we determine what is modest and acceptable, in order to maintain a healthy conscience and a pure heart?

    In other words...what are the day-to-day building blocks, which will result in either a holy sanctuary (marriage bed) unto the Lord or that will result in the damaged (compromised) experience of intimacy that the world offers as the norm? We need to address an issue that is central among the building blocks, which will either make or break our ability to experience true Spirit Led Intimacy in the Lord: porn.
     
  6. quatona

    quatona "God"? What do you mean??

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    I´m wondering if it´s really necessary for a believer to overcomplicate things that way.
    Personally, I can´t comment on your points. I am not a Christian, and I am not holding the bible as authoritative on anything. So your concerns and approaches are somewhat alien to me.
     
  7. FreeSpirit74

    FreeSpirit74 Contra Dancing Pagan Warrior

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    Hopefully far away from this forum.
     
  8. forcedelune

    forcedelune Knight

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    I have a book shelf in my home. Most of the books are at least 50 pages in length on any given subject. I'm covering a given subject. It's not complicated from my vantage point.

    Foreign to our generation, perhaps, who has been trained that a scientific approach to "sex" is ideal...rather than the romantic and more deeply focused approach. Even these so called tribal men from thousands of years ago could understand the concepts I'm speaking about. Being that you don't claim to be a Christian, I can see why it would seem complicated because it requires a background in many layers of Scriptural concepts.

    It's like solid food for even a Christian to digest...most church goers in America are incredibly immature and are still only able to handle milk, in my view. So, I can't blame you for feeling the subject seems complex in nature...it's just from a different world view. The Apostle Paul often wrote in ways that were difficult for the average new or immature Christians to digest.

    [2 Peter 3:16] "as also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which untaught and unstable [people] twist to their own destruction, as [they do] also the rest of the Scriptures."
     
  9. quatona

    quatona "God"? What do you mean??

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    Oh, books!:thumbsup:
     
  10. apache1

    apache1 Junior Member

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    I like my wife hot and naked, I think you like yours cold with clothes on.
     
  11. Bethesda

    Bethesda Newbie

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    So you don't agree with male gynaecologists, male surgeons or indeed male doctors having anything to do with women. I had to go to my GP a while back and saw Muslim (i think) female doctor - it was I suppose a male problem - not that I conciously thought to ask the sex of the doctor when I rang - but it just ended up with a very obvious case of come back again and see your own GP (who was a man)
     
  12. Bethesda

    Bethesda Newbie

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    equally a hundred years ago (or even less) most people (incl many in the churches) thought it perfectly fine to regard coloured people as something less than fully human, to transport (poor) people to Australia for stealing, to lock up those with mental health issues in horrendous asylums etc. And at least in the UK, marriage gave conjugal rights to a spouse, and marriage could not be revoked except by private Act of Parliament—it therefore seemed to follow that a spouse could not legally revoke consent to sexual intercourse, and if there was consent there was no rape.

    Some things have changed for the worse, others for the better
     
  13. Squeegee Beckenheim

    Squeegee Beckenheim Newbie

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    Do you honestly think that the term "fleshly act" is better than "having sex"? It actually makes it sound kind of icky and disrespectful, as if your partner is nothing but a hunk of meat to you. "Having sex" at least implies that both parties are willingly involved. "The fleshly act" sounds like something you'd do in a butcher's.
     
  14. seeking Christ

    seeking Christ Guest

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    Must resist the plethora of jokes this begs for.

    By using that phrase, the OP is attempting to distinguish the spiritual union from engaging in the activity without it.
     
  15. Squeegee Beckenheim

    Squeegee Beckenheim Newbie

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    What he's specifically doing is telling people that they shouldn't use the term "having sex" while himself using a term that's worse. At the very least "physical act" doesn't have the ickiness.
     
  16. seeking Christ

    seeking Christ Guest

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    If that's all you're getting out of this thread, you are missing the point. Which I can't really fault you for, because the OP isn't very concise, but to his credit the subject material is not simple.

    Have you ever read the Song of Solomon? (Otherwise known as the Song of Songs)
     
  17. Squeegee Beckenheim

    Squeegee Beckenheim Newbie

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    I wouldn't assume that my not finding any of the content to be relevant to my life is because I don't understand it.

    Yes.
     
  18. true2theword

    true2theword Newbie

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    I could only say that I would bet my life if pornography were designed by satan, then what God had designed and established sex to be like would probably look much different, and be much more enjoyable

    as with everything done Gods way its much better!
     
  19. seeking Christ

    seeking Christ Guest

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    Did you understand SOS? (Song of Songs) I think exploring your understanding of that might be more fruitful for you, despite it being written as poetry. Also, there are now some good modern translations.
     
  20. Squeegee Beckenheim

    Squeegee Beckenheim Newbie

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    There is no consensus on what the correct "understanding" is.

    "Fruitful" in what way? What are you assuming I lack in my life?
     
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