Sex Ed - Do Christians want to keep their kids ignorant?

[Leanna]

When I was a kid in school, there were, what? 5 STDs. Now? How many parents even know that latest information?

Why this matters, I cannot imagine. You can't get ANY STDs if you don't have premarital sex which is something I hope that my son waits for marriage on. I am sure we will read a book about all of the nasty STDs but whether he is informed about 5 or 25 the fact is if he stays away from premarital sex there won't be a problem.

I don't know when I will teach him about it, or whether his dad will do all of the talking. I imagine we want to be done with it before puberty begins. No, I don't want to keep my children unaware.... but I really don't get the question.... or who wouldn't tell their child what they need to know.... except some really odd individuals...

 

[Leanna]

Now on a side note... I think sex needs to be a much bigger part of pre marital counceling - especially if both or one of them are virgins.

The parents should take care of this when a young man or woman gets engaged.

I guess this is just more about the crumbling of the family... the family is doing less of what they should be doing, and the schools/church are doing more than they should have to....

 

[gengwall]

The parents should take care of this when a young man or woman gets engaged.

I guess this is just more about the crumbling of the family... the family is doing less of what they should be doing, and the schools/church are doing more than they should have to....

Although I agree in principle this is an area that is not well understood and applied in many marriages. I know I didn't get it for 20 of our 23 years and even now am still learning about intimacy, need meeting, and even sex as a integral and necessary parameter of Godly marriage. In reality, many, many couples don't have intimacy in their marriages because they just don't get it. It would be rpetty hard for them to then impart such wisdom on their children. It is, IMO, much more complicated than the basic who, what, where, why, when, how of sex as a physical act.

 

[shinbits]

By the time I got up to sex ed in public school, I new everthing there was to know about sex for many years.

Kids learn about sex from friends, family or TV. And nowadays, that information recieved is on top of having sex themselves.

I remember that abstinence was covered in one sentence---"abstinence is best but...." then we learned about condomn use, masturbation, and birth control in detail. Something's wrong with our school system.

 

[Zoomer]

I learned the most from my Christian school's sex-ed program. However, I feel it did not talk enough about safe sex. It was more about abstinence, which at least half the class was not practicing.
I would prefer to do the educating, rather than the schools. I will tell my children about pregnancy, birth control and abortion. I want my children to feel comfortable enough to come to me with questions. I hope my children do not have premarital sex, and I will stress abstinence. However, I am realistic and I know the statistics. I want my children to see me as approachable, so that they will come to me if they are having sex and not hide it.

 

[shinbits]

I learned the most from my Christian school's sex-ed program. However, I feel it did not talk enough about safe sex. It was more about abstinence, which at least half the class was not practicing.

I see what you're saying. But would you agree, that if abstinence is the best way against STD's and teen pregnancy, that abstinence should take the majority of birth-control/STD prevention methods?

 

[YouthPastor]

I see what you're saying. But would you agree, that if abstinence is the best way against STD's and teen pregnancy, that abstinence should take the majority of birth-control/STD prevention methods?

absolutely - but that would go against the "if it feels good, do it" mentalitly of our society.

 

[Leanna]

However, I feel it did not talk enough about safe sex. It was more about abstinence, which at least half the class was not practicing.

And this is an approach I agree with. It doesn't take a lot of education to use a condom, and it doesn't take too many lessons to realize that STDs you don't want, and teenage pregnancy you don't want.... but it takes solid standards to stand up for what is right and that is abstinence. I doubt that half the class was unaware of the existance of condoms and STDs.... they were just to immature to care.... again, I feel the training starts in the family long before sex ed comes up in the classroom.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I was thinking about asking this question today. Funny
My mom had a talk with me about the whole deal when I was 11 about the changes and emotions. She didn't start to talk too much about actual sex ed things until I was in my teens and yes I got the whole story. The most embarassing memory of my childhood but very good of my parents to do it. I also got the ins an outs of sex, stds, abortion, contraceptives on and on at school my junior year.

My husband got nothing! His parents didn't talk to him about it and in his christian school didn't talk about it. One day his health teacher handed out a book on stds and said read this we will have a quiz in two days. That was it. This was not effective. There were more teen/unplanned pregnancies from his school than my public school and his school only consisted of 80 people in the sr. high.

We have decided when the time comes that I am going to embarass the heck out of my girls with the fact/myths and truth about sex while he is going to for our son.

 

[seamonster]

While it's important to wait, I think it's also important to teach your kids that you don't have to have sex to get an STD. Many STDs (HPV, for one) you can get just from "fooling around." A lot of kids don't know that, so it's important to teach our children that abstinence doesn't just mean staying away from intercourse.

 

[jgonz]

Actually, one form of herpes can be passed on by sharing straws on drinks (or similar)...

I agree with the poster who said that sex ed begins at home when they're Young. Personal hygene, purity, etc. are all basics that we as parents are responsible to teach our children. Unfortunately most of society has dropped the ball... so we have to be even More vigilant.

 

[Leanna]

While it's important to wait, I think it's also important to teach your kids that you don't have to have sex to get an STD. Many STDs (HPV, for one) you can get just from "fooling around." A lot of kids don't know that, so it's important to teach our children that abstinence doesn't just mean staying away from intercourse.

That's a good point too... I'll cover that... keep all your stuff where it belongs

 

[oliveplants]

My education...
In public school the only thing they taught about was getting your period/body development. 3rd grade, girls only.
When I was 8 my mother concieved my little brother, which raised some questions from my older sister, and so we got 'the talk.' Funny thing, though, I already instictively knew what the deal was; not all the names of stuff, but I knew how it worked.
After that time, I would occasionally sneak my parents book "How to talk to your child about sex" and read it in the bathroom because it was fascinating to me. (I actually developed a inappropriate content addiction that went full swing after I got married and had Internet.)
My parents gave me a Dobson book "Preparing for Adolescence;" I'm not sure if that was about sex or not.
At 16 I had a boyfriend and heard 'gutter' talk for the first time.
So other than instinct, most of my info came from books.

My plans...
I honestly answer any question my children ask.
I don't let opposite gender see each other naked (even babies).
I don't think people need to see pictures, or have a course in sex. I think a few pointers before marriage, coupled with God-given intelligence and true love should do.
Most of the education will come from their own questions, and just seeing life as it happens (seeing people kiss, or whatever).

I don't want my children ignorant, or repressed; just gently led.
With all the baby-having, plenty of questions do come up.

(We homeschool, so the 'school' part doesn't really come into play.)
The children do not watch television at all; only videos, and that also cuts down on misinformation.

 

[gengwall]

A new entry on the Alas blog again proposes that Christians are at the heart of the "Campaign against sex education". Check it out. In the meantime, I have really appreciated everyone's responses. Especially satisfying is the diversity of backgrounds and experiences with sex ed as children that is represented here.

 

[Joykins]

When you learned about sex ed, where did the best (most accurate, greatest volume) infromation come from, the school sex ed program or your parent(s)?

Neither. I'm a "pull" not a "push" information gatherer. I looked it up myself. My parents gave me a few books, I had some sex ed classes in both Christian school and public school, but the vast bulk of stuff I know about sex comes from my own research. (I didn't do the labs until much later ) There is plenty of information in health texts and encyclopedias if you know what you are looking for.

And what do you plan on disseminating to your kids vs. what you plan on leaving up to the schools? /quote]

My son is like me. I plan on providing him with books and letting him know his father and I will answer his questions, but I have no real expectation that he'll feel comfortable asking us biological stuff (although it would be great if he did).

I'll have to see what my daughter's learning style is.

I do plan on discussing sexual morality with them--particularly relationship-related stuff like loving and respecting other people and yourself, and how that works out in practice...

I certainly expect the school to fill in some blanks, but I have no problem with that.

In particular, did your parent(s) discuss with you and do you plan on/have you discussed with your kids contraception, pregnancy, and abortion (which apparently are pre-requisites for liberals to consider any sex ed "accurate"). Thanks for any insights.

I believe my kids have a right to all the information out there. I hope to help them to use it properly, but since they are only 5 and 2, obviously I have some time to work on how I'm going to do this.

My husband was held out of sex ed and NOT taught about sex by his conservative Christian parents, and the consequences were probably not what they had hoped. Knowledge is power, I agree with Linnis--the more you know, the less someone else can exploit your ignorance.

 

[Joykins]

Why this matters, I cannot imagine. You can't get ANY STDs if you don't have premarital sex which is something I hope that my son waits for marriage on. I am sure we will read a book about all of the nasty STDs but whether he is informed about 5 or 25 the fact is if he stays away from premarital sex there won't be a problem.

Unfortunately some people get STDs from a cheating spouse. There is no such thing as risk-free sex, ever.

 

[Joykins]

I just read an article that 99% of teens who don't and 88% of teens who do make abstinence pledges have premarital sex. This is an astounding failure rate of 88% of people who are motivated to and think they can do abstinence...failing.

I think premarital abstinence is great, but I'm also interested in protecting my children's health and for that purpose I have to hope for the best (and encourage abstinence) but assume that it is possible that they will be "normal" in this regards.

 

[gengwall]

I just read an article that 99% of teens who don't and 88% of teens who do make abstinence pledges have premarital sex. This is an astounding failure rate of 88% of people who are motivated to and think they can do abstinence...failing.

I think premarital abstinence is great, but I'm also interested in protecting my children's health and for that purpose I have to hope for the best (and encourage abstinence) but assume that it is possible that they will be "normal" in this regards.

A quick anecdote. I know of a girl who made the abstinence pledge. Great kid. Wonderful family. Her mom was one of the major leaders in the abstinence movement in the school district. She got pregnant her senior year. Even the best kids from the best families do stupid things. Our job is to protect them physically, by trying to make sure they don't find themselves in situations they can get in trouble; spiritually, by teaching them biblical principles and praying for them; AND intellectually, by giving them the information they need to deal with real life in a real, sinful world. If we deprive them in any of these areas, we are not meeting our obligation as parents.

 

[YouthPastor]

I just read an article that 99% of teens who don't and 88% of teens who do make abstinence pledges have premarital sex. This is an astounding failure rate of 88% of people who are motivated to and think they can do abstinence...failing.

I think premarital abstinence is great, but I'm also interested in protecting my children's health and for that purpose I have to hope for the best (and encourage abstinence) but assume that it is possible that they will be "normal" in this regards.

Those stats are HIGH - very high. 99% of non-pledging teens? 88% of pledging teens - I have never heard of figures that high.

Not sure exactly where they go thier stats

 

[gengwall]

Those stats are HIGH - very high. 99% of non-pledging teens? 88% of pledging teens - I have never heard of figures that high.

Not sure exactly where they go thier stats

Must be soemthing wrong with the denominator. Certainly the sample can't be all teens. It must be "of teens participating in abstinence education" or something like that. Some clarification or a cite Joykins?