Sex...Does it ever become "meh"?

[Winchester]

I read in a magazine one time that most women don't understand that there are times a man doesn't want intimacy and a time-consuming consumation.

@ToBeBlessed

I am not sure if I understand your above statement correctly but I think I know what you are trying to say. Every man needs sometimes time and space only for himself without disruption by others like family, kids, wife or friends. I compare that to the need of a woman to talk about her worries with their best friend, not to find a solution in the first place but rather to channel her emotions so she can calm down again. We men aren't able to handle the same amount of emotions like women do on a regular basis. So we need time to put some daylight between oneself and all the things that trouble us. Otherwise we will feel overloaded and overrunned which can lead to aggression and even violence against our social environment. The best thing a woman can do to help her man, boyfriend or husband to get over this time is just to let him know that she really loves him, has trust in his decisions, that she respects him and never would try to make him look ridiculous in front of his friends, colleague and family and to give him the time he needs to calm down again. That's all a man need.

 

[kristina411]

It does tend to get that way after being married for some time and the "honeymoon phase" is no longer at work. Not for every couple but for a lot.

My husband and I make sure we dont get this way by simply taking time to connect. Keeps our romance alive which keeps everything else alive.

 

[supersoldier71]

If you let it, sure. It's a part of the relationship, which means it takes effort and work to...ahem...make it work.

The upsides however, are many! No guilt. No such thing as "unwanted pregnancy". No worries.

Really, the only challenge is keeping it fresh, and that just takes a little imagination!

 

[faroukfarouk]

It does tend to get that way after being married for some time and the "honeymoon phase" is no longer at work. Not for every couple but for a lot.

My husband and I make sure we dont get this way by simply taking time to connect. Keeps our romance alive which keeps everything else alive.

It's the context of a warm, affectionate marital relationship.

 

[Gkosh99]

It can be 'meh' if you're tired!

 

[Dave-W]

Also - remembering the depth of frustration of being without it (pre-marriage) for so long; and how satisfying even "boring" sex is; can help keep it from going that way.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Aside from what other said I think it can become "meh" if you don't try new things to keep the flame going. Although the um "moment of joy" never gets tiring really. It still feels good. Just doing the same thing over and over and over gets repetitive.

 

[ParentofChildren]

I'm talking about the physical aspect of it. Does it ever seem like you put whatever amount of time into it just to give or receive a few moments of climax? Have you ever wondered if it's worth it any more?

Be honest, please. I don't expect people whose ages range from young to early 40's to say yes, but I may be surprised. Perhaps this question is geared more toward seasoned and mature people. I don't know.

It changes physiologically for men and women. It has never been meh for me. My wife has certainly had meh occasions; long day, very tired, cramping, etc... Physiologically our wives have to put more into it to become aroused. Women's sex drive, based on my experience, increases with age. Characteristics and aspects change related to biology, but the love, and sensuality should grow. As I have passed into 50+ my body is less responsive then a year or two ago. There will be changes but speaking for my self it remains one of Gods greatest gifts.

 

[Kristin E]

We been married for almost 3 years and its never meh

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I'm talking about the physical aspect of it. Does it ever seem like you put whatever amount of time into it just to give or receive a few moments of climax? Have you ever wondered if it's worth it any more?

Be honest, please. I don't expect people whose ages range from young to early 40's to say yes, but I may be surprised. Perhaps this question is geared more toward seasoned and mature people. I don't know.

I understand what you are saying. When I was younger I was more likely to fall into the feeling that intimacy was boring or routine. These days, and I'm in my 40s, I find it very exciting, and we enjoy intimacy regularly.

One reason why I don't fall into boredom, and I think this is true of others, is the fact that I've learned to appreciate the spiritual intimacy aspect of it. To truly KNOW the other person makes the physical closeness much more exciting. When you have been through life, including some great and some tragic things together, when you have grown in faith together, counseled others together, helped one another, stumbled and made mistakes together, and learned many details of the other's soul, it is hard to find the physical closeness boring. The key is real intimacy, which is of the soul and spirit. To KNOW whom you are truly touching. To know whom you are taking in your hands.

It may also be for some people, that they fall into boredom because they think they have to do it very often, and basically wear themselves out. You really don't have to, and should enjoy it mostly when you want to feel close. If it's nothing more than a physical routine, then maybe you need to find more meaningful things to do in the first place, and come back to physical intimacy later. Then it will be much better.

 

[Jon Osterman]

Sex has never been good for me. It has only either been unpleasant or "meh" (as the OP put it). I would much rather go for a walk together.

 

[mama2one]

I find it very exciting
To truly KNOW the other person makes the physical closeness much more exciting.

agree

the longer we are married, the more attractive husband has become to me
now that we are parents, it's like falling in love with him again as see how patient he is and what a good father he is

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It all depends on you and your partner. I have personally found sex isn’t meh if you’re lucky enough to have found the one.

However, the thing that I did find really surprising (but I guess I shouldn’t have) is that sex is great, but there is a point where the most intimate moments you share have nothing at all to do with sex. It’s intimate, for sure, but nothing that comes close to what I’ve come to learn true marital intimacy is.

 

[*LILAC]

When it's done right, it's not "meh". But if you just want it quick and sloppy, then yeah. Meh.

 

[Darkhorse]

When it's done right, it's not "meh". But if you just want it quick and sloppy, then yeah. Meh.

I don't know...quick and sloppy can be interesting if you're usually slow and meticulous.

The real way to avoid "meh" is to be creative, be original, be spontaneous, be fun, and expect the best from each other.

 

[mama2one]

,
be spontaneous

except if you do NFP as we did for yrs....
and then when you're a parent.....

it's always scheduled!

 

[Darkhorse]

scheduled sex kinda works
cept it's never enough (4 me)

Scheduled sex is a very good idea; otherwise, sex tends to get pushed down to the bottom of the priority list, and may not happen.

But within each scheduled episode, the agenda can be spontaneous and responsive to each partners mood.

 

[PeachieKeen]

I am VERY newly married so I probably have no business weighing in, but I will give my admittantly naive opinion anyways.

I think sex is like getting to know your partner any other way. It's exciting and fun to learn about one another- likes and dislikes. What makes them happy and what makes them not feel as good. I think as long as you stay committed to building the relationship- sexually and otherwise- it wouldn't be meh.

 

[Dave-W]

I am VERY newly married so I probably have no business weighing in, but I will give my admittantly naive opinion anyways.

I think sex is like getting to know your partner any other way. It's exciting and fun to learn about one another- likes and dislikes. What makes them happy and what makes them not feel as good. I think as long as you stay committed to building the relationship- sexually and otherwise- it wouldn't be meh.

Good answer.

Maybe we should discuss a corollary question to the OP on how or why sex can become "meh."

 

[Ana the Ist]

I'm talking about the physical aspect of it. Does it ever seem like you put whatever amount of time into it just to give or receive a few moments of climax? Have you ever wondered if it's worth it any more?

Be honest, please. I don't expect people whose ages range from young to early 40's to say yes, but I may be surprised. Perhaps this question is geared more toward seasoned and mature people. I don't know.

Of course it can...

It depends upon the couple though...it can get easy to fall into routine and the safety of familiarity. You figure out what works best and start parsing out everything else thinking you've got it all figured out...and before long it's become somewhat stale.

I'm in my 30s now...but I've actually had that problem back in my 20s during long relationship. I've found, personally, that enthusiasm goes a long way...as well as honesty about what you want, and openness. If you cultivate that attitude early....then neither party is afraid to talk about their needs and desires.