Sex...Does it ever become "meh"?

[trentlogain2]

I'm talking about the physical aspect of it. Does it ever seem like you put whatever amount of time into it just to give or receive a few moments of climax? Have you ever wondered if it's worth it any more?

Be honest, please. I don't expect people whose ages range from young to early 40's to say yes, but I may be surprised. Perhaps this question is geared more toward seasoned and mature people. I don't know.

 

[ValleyGal]

When a couple gets married (assuming they have not been, or have only minimally been sexually active prior to marriage), chances are they will have a more active sex life than those who have been married for a long time, imo. I also think that it moves down on the priority list the older you get, and there might the occasional times when it's "meh" but typically, even old couples enjoy sexual intimacy, even into their 90's.

 

[LinkH]

It's not 'meh' for me yet.

 

[JCLover779]

Nope, not for me - not for the specific question you asked. But I'm an endurance athlete, which might have something to do with my view.

 

[Inkachu]

I think that older couples might view it more as the occasional "treat" rather than something they simply must have a dozen times a day like a college-age couple might feel. It's still pleasurable, intimate, and fun, but it's not urgent and the be-all, end-all of existence. I think it has a lot more to do with the natural aging of our bodies; backs get sore, knees get tired, joints ache a little here and there, hormones slack off. It's not that they love and adore each other any less, they just find different and new ways to express it. They might find that sitting and massaging each other's sore feet and talking about their thoughts and memories is just as intimate as any sex act ever was.

 

[Odetta]

For me, in the mid-40s, it's actually gotten better over the years. It's probably not as frequent as before kids, but it's hotter when it happens. I have had years, though, when it was "meh", but that was more do to bipolar depression on my part.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

All depends on various factors. There are older people who pretty much never have it anymore. There are older people who still have it many times a week as when they were newlyweds. Like anything else if you don't keep things spicy and interesting it (sex) tends to die off.

I know after my fractured foot I couldn't do much really and the pain pills make it near impossible to get anything going. So we just enjoyed other aspects of it or just snuggled. Would I enjoy it all the time? Of course. DO I care if goes away? Not really. If a medical issue came up and it couldn't be done then life goes on. Course I'm praying that doens't happen still, just married!

 

[russianorth]

I think that older couples might view it more as the occasional "treat" rather than something they simply must have a dozen times a day like a college-age couple might feel. It's still pleasurable, intimate, and fun, but it's not urgent and the be-all, end-all of existence. I think it has a lot more to do with the natural aging of our bodies; backs get sore, knees get tired, joints ache a little here and there, hormones slack off. It's not that they love and adore each other any less, they just find different and new ways to express it. They might find that sitting and massaging each other's sore feet and talking about their thoughts and memories is just as intimate as any sex act ever was.

This is the good stuff you dont want to miss sitting around "waiting"

 

[Inkachu]

This is the good stuff you dont want to miss sitting around "waiting"

It can be "good stuff" no matter what your age. Anyone who has lived a while will tell you that sex is best between two married, mature, committed, passionate people.

 

[peckaboo]

It can be "good stuff" no matter what your age. Anyone who has lived a while will tell you that sex is best between two married, mature, committed, passionate people.

This. Married sex is somehow just better.

I'm not yet thirty and have only been married 3 years, so perhaps I'm not qualified to answer.

But, I did have a conversation with my mom about this the other day. She's in her 60s and been married 35 years and says she doesn't feel any sexual desire anymore but that my dad's sex drive is the same as when they married. (I know. TMI, Mom.) She said 'it still happens' on occasion, but I didn't get the impression that her heart's really in it. That said, she has a background of childhood sexual abuse, which plays heavily into her whole view of sex and bodies and women. Even when I was a young child, she told me that 'the joy of sex' for a woman is mostly knowing that you're giving pleasure to someone you care about.

I think as well, the sexual aspect of marriage often reflects what's going on in other areas of the relationship. So in a marriage where the kids have left home and the couple is suddenly left alone with the realisation that they've spent the last 25 years drifting apart and have nothing in common anymore, sex might be 'meh'. But in a healthier marriage where both parties have nurtured and invensted in their relationship, sex might be more exciting. (That's just a guess, perhaps people in one of those situations can confirm or deny!)

 

[Darkhorse]

Of course sex becomes "meh" - if you let it...

I know that sounds corny, but it's true.

Even now, way too many people eat vanilla ice cream their whole lives, when there are at least 30 other flavors out there...

Most important is attitude; if you think "Oh well, same-old same-old", it WILL be boring. Be radical instead!

It's not a matter of wild gyrations, it's a matter of sharing and being totally comfortable with each other.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Actually that makes me wonder. Psychologically if someone really does stick to vanilla their whole life, I wonder if that means their life may be like that. As in they are comfort zone people. Those who don't like to try thing no matter what area of life it is.

I love trying new flavors of icecream when I was allowed to eat it. Ah, just thought of the word. If you like to try many varieties of ice cream then your probably adventurous. Sex is no different, if your not adventurous (and in agreement about the adventure) then sex may become "meh".

 

[tenderheart1]

The mistake couples often make is letting life and life's pressures override their need and desire for intimacy. A couple has to work at staying intimate throughout their marriage. I think it's normal for it to slow down as the marriage progresses, but you can still keep things alive and passionate. Be creative, explore fantasies, be willing to experiment with your spouse. Buy sexy nighties and fun toys. Keep the love alive and the sex will fulfilling as well.

 

[annafullofgrace]

It's gotten better. . We've been married almost 12 years.

 

[Dave-W]

Hey - even at (almost) 60 those few moments of climax (especially your spouse's) is well worth it.

 

[Dave-W]

oops - double post

 

[ToBeBlessed]

I read in a magazine one time that most women don't understand that there are times a man doesn't want intimacy and a time-consuming consumation.

That has given me a different outlook as to what we expect vs. the unexpected.

I think sometimes women think (and I may be wrong, I'm speaking from conversations I've had w other women) that it is always suppose to be intimate and cuddly and multi-faceted. But, sometimes it's fine for it to be timely (I'm lol'ing at my own words) and less intimate so it's different. I've come to appreciate the non conformity rather than to conform to an ideal, I guess that's what I'm trying to say (most unsuccessfully it seems). We should try to stay away from defining an ideal because then anything other than the ideal is not ideal.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I read in a magazine one time that most women don't understand that there are times a man doesn't want intimacy and a time-consuming consumation.

That has given me a different outlook as to what we expect vs. the unexpected.

I think sometimes women think (and I may be wrong, I'm speaking from conversations I've had w other women) that it is always suppose to be intimate and cuddly and multi-faceted. But, sometimes it's fine for it to be timely (I'm lol'ing at my own words) and less intimate so it's different. I've come to appreciate the non conformity rather than to conform to an ideal, I guess that's what I'm trying to say (most unsuccessfully it seems). We should try to stay away from defining an ideal because then anything other than the ideal is not ideal.

I think the context of a warm and loving marital relationship is important.

 

[faroukfarouk]

The mistake couples often make is letting life and life's pressures override their need and desire for intimacy. A couple has to work at staying intimate throughout their marriage. I think it's normal for it to slow down as the marriage progresses, but you can still keep things alive and passionate. Be creative, explore fantasies, be willing to experiment with your spouse. Buy sexy nighties and fun toys. Keep the love alive and the sex will fulfilling as well.

The loving, marital relationship is really central.

 

[lisah]

I'm talking about the physical aspect of it. Does it ever seem like you put whatever amount of time into it just to give or receive a few moments of climax? Have you ever wondered if it's worth it any more?

Be honest, please. I don't expect people whose ages range from young to early 40's to say yes, but I may be surprised. Perhaps this question is geared more toward seasoned and mature people. I don't know.

Yes.

The issue is (for me) frequency. Since I am older, I need more between time to build that sexual energy back up. When I was younger, it was days. Now, it is weeks.

I need that rebound time. I don't understand what is so bad in allowing sexual energy (or some might say, tension) to build; regardless of age. It is desire that is the best thing of all, not climax.

I hope this is not too explicit, but I would like to put it out here openly. If, for no other reason than to give people something to reflect upon. Not everyone is the same.

(I apologize if it may be seen as inappropriate.)