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Sex Before Marriage

Discussion in 'Struggles by Non-Christians' started by darkfiredance, Jul 30, 2004.

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  1. darkfiredance

    darkfiredance New Member

    4
    +1
    Agnostic
    Alright, here is my deal. I have been dating this guy for over a year, and not too long ago, I lost my virginity to him. I was alway raised to the thought in which this was terribly wrong, but when it came to talking about, deciding it, and being put into the situation, I felt as if it was okay. It was as if the only thing making me scared and holding me back was how I was trained to think about it. My dad has also given me a promise ring, in which now I have broken, I feel bad about this yes, but in a way I don't. I love this man, and I felt as though I can show it through this. Is that so wrong? Is it really an umforgiveable sin? I feel bad and yet I do not feel bad at all. I feel good in some way, like I was to rebel and I want to do my own thing. I don't know what to think, I can not talk to him because he is not a christian, and well frankly does not know anything about what I've been brought up like. Right now I've been traveling through a tough time with God, and I've kind of given up, maybe its my way of showing, but I know I might regret this, or maybe I won't, maybe we will get married, I don't know. I just want thoughts, and answers, and opinions on this if its not too much trouble, I am very troubled by this at times, and it does not help dealing with depression and other issues on top of things. What do you all think, and feel personally, and in my situation.
     
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  2. GodOwnsMe

    GodOwnsMe Well-Known Member

    +9
    Christian
    :hug: I'm sry u're goin through this though time n all =/ !!
    it sure isn't unforgivable...doesn't mean it's okay, though...
    I'd say be honest to urself, try everythin to get close to God again...
    and maybe get someone to talk to and support u.... ยด
    :pray: God, please help dfd run to You and trust You to help her out there.
     
  3. CSMR

    CSMR Totally depraved

    +87
    Protestant
    Single
    UK-Conservative
    Before God we are dirt... use this knowledge to your advantage to seek His mercy. Jesus came to save the worst people, not the best. In sinning, we can feel good for doing what we want, but bad for knowing that our wants are all wrong.
     
  4. TheMainException

    TheMainException Senior Veteran

    +89
    Christian
    Single
    US-Libertarian
    Put this in both...good idea.
     
  5. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

    +886
    Christian
    Widowed
    You are experiencing several things. Firstly guilt, arising from breaking God's standards, failing your parents, and failing yourself. None of these are unforgivable. You are still wonderfully precious to God, who has never given up on you. You confess, God forgives.

    Then, you have the consequences to deal with - the principle of reaping and sowing. You have broken trust. You are no longer a virgin. If you finally marry the guy you will both put this in the past. If you don't, you will face the same issue with whoever you decide to marry - perhaps some sense of regret that you did not keep yourself for him only.

    Yes, you also will have doubts about it being wrong. We need a reasonable relationship with God to really be comitted to sexual purity. Your parents obvioulsy wanted you to live up to Christian standards. If you are struggling with your God relationship, then it will be much easier to decide that sex is OK. Also, you may have conflicting thoughts about doing something wrong, but also enjoying waht you have done - you hinted at that. Can something that I enjoy be wrong? Yes it can. God made sex pleasurable and He wants it to be that way. His principles are there to provide the best way for us to enjoy our sexuality throughout our lives, free from guilt and unpleasnat consequences.

    Going out with a non christian has resulted in his values dominating yours.

    You will feel bad about your parents. What happens if you tell them? Do I have to live a lie to keep their belief in me as their daughter? A very hard issue.

    There are no quick fixes for you. But never write yourself off. And please find a relationship with God that is satisfying and meaningful for you, a real relationship, not a set of religious rules.

    I hop ethis sheds a bit of light and hope.

    Bless you heaps

    John
     
  6. light-bringer

    light-bringer Luciferian Gnostic

    165
    +7
    Other Religion
    What your heart desires can never be evil.
     
  7. linden

    linden Member

    135
    +6
    Christian
    1 John 1:9

    and do not marry an unbeliever, no matter how "far" you are away from God. Don't do it.

    Linden
     
  8. CSMR

    CSMR Totally depraved

    +87
    Protestant
    Single
    UK-Conservative
    Linden, I believe that is good advice normally, but just advice and not obligatory. Whereas if one has engaged in sexual relations with someone, then that advice is very wrong because marriage is in fact obligatory (unless the other's refusal makes that impossible). (See Deuteronomy 22.)
     
  9. Thunderchild

    Thunderchild Sheep in Wolf's clothing

    +1
    Non-Denom
    Aye... tis a marriage, for all that it was informally entered into - and ending it would be a divorce.

    Well cited, CSMR.
     
  10. crashedman

    crashedman Guest

    +0
    Hi,

    First of all, contrary to what is taught in organised churches - the Bible does *not* condemn pre-marital sex. It talks about certain principles surrounding it.

    The word which is quite often mistranslated as 'fornication' (and used profusely by some of these tubthumping pastors) is actually the word 'porneia' which refers to the ancient ritual prostitution practised by the ancient Greeks and Romans to fertility gods.

    The only OT verse which deals with your situation is this one:

    Exodus 22:16 - 17, "If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins."

    I think that in your situation, it is your challenge to marry this guy and for both of you to embrace the Christian faith. If you want to become a Christian, then ask him to pay a sum of money to be a husband to you. :)

    There is only one sin in the Bible which states will *never* be forgiven, and that is the blaspheming of the Holy Spirit.

    I hope this clears things up for you, and pray :prayer: :cool: that you and your man will grow in the faith.


    Crashedman
     
  11. Rorschach

    Rorschach Active Member

    625
    +15
    Nazarene
    US-Republican
    Sex is a gift from God reserved for a married man and woman; this is what I believe. Now you say you love this man, but our hearts are decietful. My advice is to pray to God and ask confess to him what you did and ask his forgivness; you should also pray about this man and ask God if its His will that you be with him.

    God can and will forgive you for pre-marital sex, because He is merciful so no worries there:) I'll be praying for you!

    EDIT: Also, put God above all us, even this man. Try to build a relationship with God; constantly pray everday and communicate with God. I believe that's what you should do above all else:)
     
  12. gzusfreak

    gzusfreak New Member

    26
    +1
    Christian
    it is definitely not unforgivable. but still its not what god wants u to do. pray to god and do anything else u can to get as close to him as possible.
     
  13. LivingWitness

    LivingWitness Member

    396
    +20
    Christian
    I don't mean to be rude but hitler's heart desire was to eradicate a whole race of people. There are jail cells full of people who's heart's desire was to hurt others. are you saying this isn't evil.

    The bible says the heart is deceitful.

    You are with your post believing and condoning a world that should do what ever it feels like doing.

    And that is not a world that I would like my children to grow up in. That is a world that if a child molester feels it ok in his heart to hurt my child then go right ahead.

    Please be more responsible with your advice and posts because it can lead people to death and destruction.

    May the God of all peace grant you wisdom, understanding, knowledge and may you weild that wisdom, understanding and knowledge in truth, love and mercy.

    Raygn
     
  14. BornAgainBabe

    BornAgainBabe Isaiah 1:18, 1 Cor 13:4-8

    133
    +10
    Christian
    Single
    Just thought I'd let you know where I stood. I've been saved (a Christian) a little under a year now, but before I got saved I slept with my boyfriend. (I was 14 the first time). I'd love to say that he talked me into it and I didn't have any choice, but it was as much me as him. I did feel guilty at the time and always said 'never again', but I always went back for more, so to speak. My dad said to me once 'If you had sex before marriage I'd feel like a failure as a father'. I ran out crying and felt so bad, but it didn't make me stop. Scott (my boyfriend) was like God in my life, everything I did revolved around him and without him I didn't feel like life was worth living. Inevitably we ended up splitting up, and I fell really deeply into depression and I really felt like my life was over, it was the worst kind of pain I've ever felt in my life. But in this really dark time of my life, God really got hold of me, and set me free from my past. It took me a while to get a hold of the fact that God really has forgiven me for what I did, but now I can use my story to help others, and I have done in the past. And as for Scott, I missed him so much for so long, and I still have times when I miss him, but looking at the way his life has gone now (it was a difficult split and we haven't spoken since), I know I'm better off without him. He's deeply into drugs, sleeping with his current girlfriend who's younger than him, he's going to fail all his exams because he's always asleep in lessons because of the drugs, and that's when he's at school. It hurts that I can't help him, and I still care about him so I hate to see the way he's going, but all I can do is pray that God will speak to him in the same way He spoke to me, and that he'll know God's love and forgiveness the way I do now, and that's my prayer for you as well. I didn't read everyone else's replies to your post (because I'm lazy), but write back soon and talk to me honey! Oh and look at the verse on my sig., it's one that really helped me.
     
  15. luc

    luc Member

    216
    +4
    Buddhist
    Single
    US-Democrat
    SEX B4 MARRIAGE IS NOT BAD IN(as long as its legal) sex b4 marriage is vital to know if ur "compatible" wit ur partner
     
  16. Lori-lee

    Lori-lee Regular Member

    322
    +20
    Christian
    Engaged
    AU-Labor
    It worries me that you say u were with this guy for a year and then say ' he doesnt know anything about how i was brought up'
    I think u very possibly got carried away. I doubt it is love, to tell you the truth, more a mixture of a crush, awe and lust.
     
  17. Synesthesia

    Synesthesia Member

    88
    +8
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clealy affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

    1 Corinthians 6:18 - New Living Translation

    What does this all add up to? God has given the beautiful and wonderful gift of sex to be engaged in within the marriage union to make that marriage union unique within the experience of us all.

    Sexual intercourse within marriage is for this reason good and of great blessing both to the couple, to the family and to the church. However, outside of marriage it creates a conflict of soul and body. This conflict may not at first be evident but later it can result it real soul damage occurring between the two people involved. (See 1 Peter 2:11.)

    Why do we call sex outside of marriage sin? Because it is not God's design or plan. Sex outside of marriage



    A straightforward scripture related to sex outside of marriage is -

    Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

    1 Corinthians 7:2 - NKJV

    You then get a pretty good idea of the view presented in the New Testament about sex outside of marriage by putting that verse alongside this scripture portion -

    For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 - NKJV



    As you can see, this shows that God meant sex to be between ONE man and ONE woman. God did not intend for your fingerprints to be all over someone elses future wife / husband. Sure, when you are with someone, hormones are rushing and raging, and things can be easily interpretted as love, and you know what, I don't doubt for one minute that you DO love this guy...but love does not always = marriage in the end. You have no idea what is destined for you in your future. No one can say for 100% unless told by God themselves, what will even happen tomorrow. And as you can see, sex is meant to be a binding thing. Whether you mean for it to be or not, sex causes spiritual bonds between you and that person, and part of you will be with them FOREVER. That also has coupled with it, an emotional attachment. Especially in girls, there is a huge chunk of them that is passed on in their FIRST. I am a guy, and I could tell you that when I lost my viriginity, it meant a great deal to me...and I went through the same stuff you are talking about now. I am 21 now, and just lost my viriginity at the beginning of last year...not too long ago. Up until that point, if someone asked how many people I had been with, I could say none, and you get that WHOA!!! look from people, and someone people will commend you for it, but I can do that no longer.

    Also realize, that if you continue having sex, God cannot bless your relationship, because you are living in sin. Does that meaned you are DOOMED - not at all. But slowly but surely, problems will arise...whether it be jealousy, discontentment, envy, distrust, uncomfortability...a whole number of possible issues. One big killer for relationships is the introduction of sex into the relationship. You can tend to become very uncomfortable around the other person...because you have seen everything about them, and you have given a huge part of yourself to them. Another problem may be that you become solely focused on sex...that can keep the relationship from growing anymore. You can notice that with alot of people. They can have the best relationship in the world, but as soon as they have sex for the first time, that gets stunted real quick...some people even begin validating their entire worth on sex. "He doesn't want to sleep with me tonight, there must be something wrong," "Do I not satisfy him," "He just looked at that girl the same way he looked at me, what's going on" I have seen it all, and have been only one sexual relationship. I am still with that same girl, but we are born again virgins. We have been through alot, and rededicated both ourselves and our relationship to Christ...and things have never been better.


    Private message me if you would like to talk some more.


    Ian
     
  18. luc

    luc Member

    216
    +4
    Buddhist
    Single
    US-Democrat
    sex is no big deal, must i mention that jesus said to not get married more than once, y is that the religious right never brings that one up, hmmmm
     
  19. Synesthesia

    Synesthesia Member

    88
    +8
    Non-Denom
    Married
    How can you say that sex is no big deal, when it is right there, in plain writing in Scripture...that cannot be taken out of context?


    As for the divorce issue, Jesus didn't say not to be married more than once. The Bible said the the only valid excuse for divorce is ADULTERY. And even then, if someone is to marry them, WITHOUT THAT PERSON TRYING TO RECONCILE WITH THEIR SPOUSE, they are both held accountable for ADULTERY.

    Go read Matthew 19: 1-14



    Ian
     
  20. Im_A

    Im_A Legend

    +1,359
    Humanist
    In Relationship
    my feelings are that sex is to be reserved for married couples, but just because it happens within a non-married couple, that doesn't mean things can't be restored, it just has to be sought after. i have seen it within a couple that both were my friends. now they are happily married, with two kids. they both had sex, but in time wanted to restore the relationship, and now they are having blessings for that.

    on the issue of once believeing it was wrong, and then to after doing it then feeling it was ok, is completely normal. i am a virgin myself, so i can't say from experience, but i can think logically. you "love" someone. you have strong feelings for someone. so when you do physical things, you think it is ok, then you do more and may end up having sex. thus the same feelings go with that. you feel it is ok because of all the "feelings" one has for one another. i dated a girl for 2 years, and we weren't perfect, but our virginity was kept. i started thinking the same thing. i mean here we were dating for nearly two years. we loved each other back then, and had strong feelings, so at times it was very very very tempting to give in to it. now i can honestly say, i thank God we didn't make love. because we've been broken up for 4 years now. with my relationships since then, physical activities felt good and ok because we both had "feelings" for each other, but in the end, it always ended. i think love between a man and a woman is beyond emotional feelings. a pastor once told me that, "Love is a state of being." that changed my whole opinion on love. i still hold to that statement of what is love to this day.

    now i am not out to judge you, or criticize you. but i must say be careful. no matter if it feels ok or not, don't let it ruin the relationship. sex was designed for people married under God's blessing. a gift to them. to me it's like getting Christmas presents and waiting till Christmas day to open up the gift. if you open it to soon, there are consequences, but that doesn't mean it has to ruin things. that is up to the two to let sex before marriage ruin it, or not. we will never be perfect, but we can't justify struggles with that quote. we can't justify our struggles, it is a struggle and that is that, we need to call it what it is, a struggle.

    this is my opinion based from my own personal experiences. take it as you wish :) May God Bless you :) <><
     
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