Sex After the Loss of a Spouse - What Does the Bible Say?

[SkyWriting]

Unless I am reading something wrong, I don't read that her issue is finding men to date but rather men who are willing to keep sex out of the relationship until marriage. I have found the same and most men flat out say they do expect sex in a dating relationship.

Then you should read better.

"That being said, I have found it extremely difficult to meet what I would characterize as a "Godly" man. I came to the conclusion the Lord would open the doors he wants open & close those he wants closed. I would love to have a relationship (my husband was the best friend I ever had) but not at any price. I keep running into resistance from the men I meet"

When you visit new churches each week you are put on a visitor list and they have people specifically to address your reason for visiting. If you visit new churches each week you find this stuff out. I'm not saying one must change each week or that all churches do this. But many do. Which you only find out by visiting.

 

[SkyWriting]

I've been a widow 2 1/2 years. First year was really rough, emotionally.

That being said, I have found it extremely difficult to meet what I would characterize as a "Godly" man. I came to the conclusion the Lord would open the doors he wants open & close those he wants closed. That has not really been the case. I'm very careful with my decisions & choices but boy it's been frustrating.

I would love to have a relationship (my husband was the best friend I ever had) but not at any price.
I'm in a total quandary. I keep running into resistance from the men I meet. I don't think it's me. I think it's a sign of the times. I messed up once & I do not care to do that again.

You'll learn that if you attend new churches you'll get put on a visitor list and the minister or others will welcome you and ask specifically why you are visiting.

They will "Hook you up" to groups in the church with similar interests and suggest sunday classes that meet your interests. You don't need to visit a new church each week. Settle in any time you feel comfortable. Pray for God "to direct your feet" to the best place for you. You'll also learn that other christian denominations do not wear devil horns like the rumors you might have heard.

 

[blackribbon]

Then you should read better.

"That being said, I have found it extremely difficult to meet what I would characterize as a "Godly" man. I came to the conclusion the Lord would open the doors he wants open & close those he wants closed. I would love to have a relationship (my husband was the best friend I ever had) but not at any price. I keep running into resistance from the men I meet"

When you visit new churches each week you are put on a visitor list and they have people specifically to address your reason for visiting. If you visit new churches each week you find this stuff out. I'm not saying one must change each week or that all churches do this. But many do. Which you only find out by visiting.

The quotes around "Godly" mean a man who is willing to wait until marriage for sex since that is the topic of this post. I don't think that is a denomination issue since I have had the same experiences.

 

[timothyu]

The point is she is looking for a sex free relationship until the appropriate time, but an eventual sexual relationship in marriage none the less if I read this right. Otherwise she would no doubt be content with a male friend such as a eunuch, gay or perhaps someone having had the prostate removed at a senior discount.

 

[Sam91]

Oops. I completely misunderstòod the thread when I read it. My explanatory post yesterday was without rereading the OP. I apologise that it wasn't an answer to the actual question. I can only blame the fact it was after 1am my time when I first saw the thread.

 

[SpiritSong]

I find that 2 Corinthians 10:5 really helps me in this situation. If I think of sex or my flesh cries out for it, I ask the Holy Spirit to take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. This works for me very well.

I have run into a few men that expect sex. I have said no to all of them. If the right one comes along, I will be glad to marry, otherwise, I plan to stay as a single widow.

 

[timothyu]

A tad off topic but not. What of those women (or men) who come along and practically demand it is their right to have you as a mate in Jesus and that you must comply as the Bible states it is not good for us to be alone?

 

[Darkhorse]

A tad off topic but not. What of those women (or men) who come along and practically demand it is their right to have you as a mate in Jesus and that you must comply as the Bible states it is not good for us to be alone?

What kind of crackpots are they?

 

[timothyu]

What kind of crackpots are they?

Why would you say crackpots? Just aggressively lonely or financially strapped.

 

[Darkhorse]

Why would you say crackpots? Just aggressively lonley or financially strapped.

I can understand being lonely and/or financially strapped (been there, did that), but the semi-demand part seems heavy-handed to me. If I, as a guy, made such a demand, I would be rebuked in all sorts of ways...

But maybe it's just a matter of perspective.

 

[blackribbon]

Why would you say crackpots? Just aggressively lonley or financially strapped.

Normal lonely or financially strapped people don't make those kind of demands nor believe that they have a "right" to a woman ... to marry or otherwise. It is actually the more financially settled to are wanting to have sex outside of marriage because they really don't see marriage as a natural progress of dating. I think sex is the purpose for dating in many men's minds.

 

[timothyu]

But maybe it's just a matter of perspective.

Shall we say a little over handed to perhaps cover desperation? Or just demanding? Either way. Thanks, but no thanks.

 

[timothyu]

believe that they have a "right" to a woman

My references were about women approaching men, me included at one time. Wearing a t-shirt saying 'relationship retired' didn't help but made them more aggressive.

I think sex is the purpose for dating in many men's minds.

There was a blurb I saw a while back, it's hazy but it was along the lines 90% of women believed a sexual relationship in the later senior years was kissing and cuddling. 75% of men polled were into intercourse. That means what (?) roughly 80% of the women will be left out in the cold?

 

[blackribbon]

My references were about women approaching men, me included at one time. Wearing a t-shirt saying 'relationship retired' didn't help but made them more aggressive.

Are you a widower? I got the impression your wife was still alive when you talked about "losing" her in a store.

 

[timothyu]

Are you a widower? I got the impression your wife was still alive when you talked about "losing" her in a store.

Classified.

 

[blackribbon]

Classified.

Well...you lost a wife in the store but have retired from any relationship while having women hit on you ... and want to offer advice to a widow who is lonely.

It makes a person wonder. Why do you need to "classify" your marital status?

 

[blackribbon]

It obviously isn't widower because losing a spouse sort of defines who you are and changes you. We also claim it because it is important to us that others know we aren't alone because we are divorced.

 

[timothyu]

Why do you need to "classify" your marital status?

Because it is as irrelevant as classifying a denomination. But if it makes you feel better, i speak from experience as we all should. Opinions are better founded as such.

 

[blackribbon]

Because it is as irrelevant as classifying a denomination. But if it makes you feel better, i speak from experience as we all should. Opinions are better founded as such.

Marital status isn't a belief system...it is a fact like your age and what country you are from. There is no reason for it to be a secret unless you are trying to deceive someone. And yes, it does matter when you are giving advice on whether or not you have any first hand knowledge of the issue.

 

[timothyu]

it is a fact like your age and what country you are from. There is no reason for it to be a secret unless you are trying to deceive someone.

Again it is irrelevant . The first thing many do is check these statuses to form an opinion or to self determine whether one is friend or foe. That is the useless will of man, not the will of God.