It is good to see that we are finely returning to our roots and casting off the liberalism that has infected people’s minds since Obama stole the presidency in 2008. The most qualified candidate is the one that packs heat and is not afraid to whip it out and wave it at rallies. Perhaps we can now start concentrating on doing the important things that are keeping America from being Great. Overthrow Obamacare, disband and incarcerate the disloyal NFL players and owners, destroy North Korea with our armadas and bombers, deport all the Mexicans (they are all rapists anyways), build our great wall, deport all the Muslims ( they are all terrorists or at least sympathizers), probably should keep an eye on the Jews (they are not Christians, most are liberals, and by not eating delicious pork, they are practically Muslims), replace all the statues of the great Americans of the CSA that fought for their heritage, add the confederate flag to all the state flags (to promote unity), outlaw gay marriage, outlaw gay dating, outlaw gay people (unless they are log cabin Republicans AND support the President, then they can stay), lock up Hillary, retroactively Impeach Obama, and spend whatever it takes to rebuild Texas and Florida from the democrat and gay caused hurricanes that so savagely devastated those Great (RED) States.
As for the territory of Porto Rico, well, they asked for it. First of all, they are brown (Mexicans? Muslims? Who knows? And remember the poison skittles, 1 in 10,000? Can we risk it?). Second, they speak Spanish (again, Mexicans? Columbians? Venezuelans? They are close to Cuba, Cubans? Terrorists from GTMO? Can we risk it?) Third, they are bankrupt. That just shows how financially irresponsible they are, I prefer territories that aren’t bankrupt because declaring bankruptcy is bad (can we afford it?) Fourth, they are a blue something, it is not like they are a state or anything, but they are blue so they would just throw all that money we might give them to Hillary or Sanders. Fifth and most importantly, no Electoral College votes. They will not be able to repay the President for any generosity by rewarding him with another tremendous victory in 2020 and 2024.
This is either sarcasm or I am planning on leaving Costco and getting a job with Alex Jones, Anne Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, or the Trump White House.