Selling myself out...

[.Mikha'el.]

At this point, I feel like my main objectives are a satisfying job, a place of my own, and a relationship with a woman. As I indicated in another thread, my last academic semester was a disaster, and I've begun to have serious doubts that the last courses will ever come together for me and finish my program.

As a "professional student", whose sick and tired of the whole thing, I've promised myself that I won't do further schooling regardless if I'm able to finish or not. To be honest, I'm so fatigued that I would leave school right now if I could find full time work that at least involves some level of computer work that makes me feel challenged on the job. Unfortunately, I haven't tracked anything down yet. I know that I cannot continue to just hunt for work forever, and that I need to get to the place where I can support myself regardless of the type of work I take on. I also realize the desire for independence unto itself is going to eventually overtake being particular about the nature of such employment. Put simply, I figure I'll be stuck with a meaningless retail job that sucks the life out of me.

As far as a signficant other is concerned, I could have one right now. There's a local woman I met on a dating who has had interest in me in the past, and I feel as though she would still date me if I agreed to do so. The trouble is that I can honestly say that some of the things I've seen on her Facebook account has at times scared me off from even being an online friend of hers, let alone a real life one or a romantic partner. But I really don't know of anyone else local with any interest in dating me.

I've become so scared lately that while I could potentially have the life that I want as far as the basics go, but that the end result would necessarily be so diluted that it might well not be much of an upgrade from the lonely and confined existence living with family that I have now. Nonetheless, all I can think of is that it is exactly what I'm doomed to having...

 

[Korean-American Christian]

At this point, I feel like my main objectives are a satisfying job, a place of my own, and a relationship with a woman. As I indicated in another thread, my last academic semester was a disaster, and I've begun to have serious doubts that the last courses will ever come together for me and finish my program.

As a "professional student", whose sick and tired of the whole thing, I've promised myself that I won't do further schooling regardless if I'm able to finish or not. To be honest, I'm so fatigued that I would leave school right now if I could find full time work that at least involves some level of computer work that makes me feel challenged on the job. Unfortunately, I haven't tracked anything down yet. I know that I cannot continue to just hunt for work forever, and that I need to get to the place where I can support myself regardless of the type of work I take on. I also realize the desire for independence unto itself is going to eventually overtake being particular about the nature of such employment. Put simply, I figure I'll be stuck with a meaningless retail job that sucks the life out of me.

As far as a signficant other is concerned, I could have one right now. There's a local woman I met on a dating who has had interest in me in the past, and I feel as though she would still date me if I agreed to do so. The trouble is that I can honestly say that some of the things I've seen on her Facebook account has at times scared me off from even being an online friend of hers, let alone a real life one or a romantic partner.

I've become so scared lately that while I could potentially have the life that I want as far as the basics go, but that the end result would necessarily be so diluted that it might well not be much of an upgrade from the lonely and confined existence living with family that I have now. Nonetheless, all I can think of is that it is exactly what I'm doomed to having...

Praying

 

[com7fy8]

Hi, Mikha'el In my case, the depression I have experienced has been very nasty and horrible and cruel and scary and suicidal, about how I felt I had been a failure as a Christian; and the depression was very active and busy, but certainly not with calling my attention to pleasing God and finding out how to love any and all people.

It was all about me, myself, and I being a failure, and not about how able God is!

But God had mercy on me, and effected me with His kind and gentle and beautifully wonderful love with almighty power which easily drove that nasty stuff away. But still I keep needing more to make me stronger in this love . . . more and more of how He has corrected me to become in my character and find out how to love > Hebrews 12:4-11.

if I could find full time work that at least involves some level of computer work that makes me feel challenged on the job

It is possible that you might enjoy a job which does not involve constant computer work. Also . . . by the way . . . how expert are you on the issue about the effect on vision, of viewing a computer screen? I am not sure about my sources, but ones say we need to have special screen supplements on our glasses or computer screens, in order to avoid how LED can effect our retinal cells. How expert are you about this?

If there is something to this, may be it is not well-known and this could be an interesting area for you to work in and/or do business in. Even my ophthalmologist said she did not know about it, though I read that research has been done about this.

In any case, how long you look at a screen can possibly have different health effects, on vision or because of your level and sorts of activity. And there is concern about the time of attention to relating with a computer versus relating in prayer with God and sharing in love with people.

And I would say a variety of activities and social interactions could be healthy, on a job.

Unfortunately, I haven't tracked anything down yet. I know that I cannot continue to just hunt for work forever,

I know a guy who works online in his bedroom. He is in the United States, working for a Japanese firm, if I am correct and up-to-date And he said the Japanese wanted him to move there!

So, even if you were to start in an isolated location, on a computer, you never know what could lead to what

I also realize the desire for independence unto itself is going to eventually overtake being particular about the nature of such employment.

I think that in America independence can be an idol; and many have missed out on the family sharing and enjoyment which we can have, because they have not become able to connect with and share help with others. In Jesus, "we are members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25) > so, basic to our being God's children is that we learn how to love and trust and share with one another as family. This does not mean blind trust, though, but with prayer being able to know how God has called each of us to trust and to be trusted.

And yes, this is plenty of a challenge, to find out how to love, this way But ones have singled out much lesser challenges which have not brought them to discovering how to love. And so, in their isolation . . . not only independence, but isolation > this is where I could be depressed, speaking for my case.

Put simply, I figure I'll be stuck with a meaningless retail job that sucks the life out of me.

Well . . . there are retail jobs and other types of more simple work, but you might think about and feel for how much of a difference it could make in the life of another person. Your "small" activity could be a key for some very special things in another person's life. For only one example > if you serve coffee to a couple, this could put them on their way to a very special time of love and sharing at a table. How much is this worth?

Or, the tape you sell me in a store can be used to tape an elderly man's phone to his table so it does not fall on the floor and possibly break. You, then, are helping me in a key way to love and help a needy person

And the day could come when the manager gets stuck in the place's computer operations, and there you are

Loving can have one thing leading to a better other

The trouble is that I can honestly say that some of the things I've seen on her Facebook account has at times scared me off from even being an online friend of hers, let alone a real life one or a romantic partner.

It is good to evaluate It works well to make sure with God, though, since we might tend to go by how things look and how our own nature can effect how able we are to interpret what we are limitedly able to see. So, we imperfect humans . . . all of us, not only you . . . can be limited by what we are able to see and how we are limitedly able to interpret what we are limitedly able to see! And only with God is it possible to get past this problem of . . . ourselves. Luke 9:23-24

I've become so scared lately that while I could potentially have the life that I want as far as the basics go, but that the end result would necessarily be so diluted

I think this is good how you can see this is possible. But then, instead of getting negative about what is a possible reality, be glad we are wise to this and pray and trust God to take care of this >

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

A number of us might not see this possibility of failure, of being diluted, and so on we can go into it. So, you can be glad how you can see such reality, however have hope and trust in God about it >

"'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:28-30)

I always can fail; so always I need how Jesus takes me along, including with needed correction about what He is able to see. But though Jesus sees so more than we do, He has hope for us

 

[teresa]

Hey Mike

totally understandable to need a break.

Most universities allow for an incomplete, can you get that and volunteer somewhere in lieu of work?

May sound off beat, but have you ever considered replenishing your spirit by rocking newborns in the hospital?

There are actual volunteers who do that.

My back story is getting total school burn out and taking breaks away and volunteering instead.

As long as the degree requirements arent about to change (talk to your advisor),

taking off for a semester my be needed, or at least dial it down to only one course at a time for now.

What do you do for fun?

 

[Yoona86]

At this point, I feel like my main objectives are a satisfying job, a place of my own, and a relationship with a woman. As I indicated in another thread, my last academic semester was a disaster, and I've begun to have serious doubts that the last courses will ever come together for me and finish my program.

As a "professional student", whose sick and tired of the whole thing, I've promised myself that I won't do further schooling regardless if I'm able to finish or not. To be honest, I'm so fatigued that I would leave school right now if I could find full time work that at least involves some level of computer work that makes me feel challenged on the job. Unfortunately, I haven't tracked anything down yet. I know that I cannot continue to just hunt for work forever, and that I need to get to the place where I can support myself regardless of the type of work I take on. I also realize the desire for independence unto itself is going to eventually overtake being particular about the nature of such employment. Put simply, I figure I'll be stuck with a meaningless retail job that sucks the life out of me.

As far as a signficant other is concerned, I could have one right now. There's a local woman I met on a dating who has had interest in me in the past, and I feel as though she would still date me if I agreed to do so. The trouble is that I can honestly say that some of the things I've seen on her Facebook account has at times scared me off from even being an online friend of hers, let alone a real life one or a romantic partner. But I really don't know of anyone else local with any interest in dating me.

I've become so scared lately that while I could potentially have the life that I want as far as the basics go, but that the end result would necessarily be so diluted that it might well not be much of an upgrade from the lonely and confined existence living with family that I have now. Nonetheless, all I can think of is that it is exactly what I'm doomed to having...

Hi Mikha'el

sorry to hear your struggles.....

I don't know you very well, but are you able to share why is it you have been struggling with your studies?

do you have a diagnosed learning issues? or is it more motivation issue in the sense you want to do well, but you find it difficult to get as self disciplined as you would like? or is it you just find it difficult to understand what is being presented in lectures and materials in the textbooks when you are reading them on your own? or maybe all of above plus other factors?

 

[Jeshu]

At this point, I feel like my main objectives are a satisfying job, a place of my own, and a relationship with a woman. As I indicated in another thread, my last academic semester was a disaster, and I've begun to have serious doubts that the last courses will ever come together for me and finish my program.

As a "professional student", whose sick and tired of the whole thing, I've promised myself that I won't do further schooling regardless if I'm able to finish or not. To be honest, I'm so fatigued that I would leave school right now if I could find full time work that at least involves some level of computer work that makes me feel challenged on the job. Unfortunately, I haven't tracked anything down yet. I know that I cannot continue to just hunt for work forever, and that I need to get to the place where I can support myself regardless of the type of work I take on. I also realize the desire for independence unto itself is going to eventually overtake being particular about the nature of such employment. Put simply, I figure I'll be stuck with a meaningless retail job that sucks the life out of me.

As far as a signficant other is concerned, I could have one right now. There's a local woman I met on a dating who has had interest in me in the past, and I feel as though she would still date me if I agreed to do so. The trouble is that I can honestly say that some of the things I've seen on her Facebook account has at times scared me off from even being an online friend of hers, let alone a real life one or a romantic partner. But I really don't know of anyone else local with any interest in dating me.

I've become so scared lately that while I could potentially have the life that I want as far as the basics go, but that the end result would necessarily be so diluted that it might well not be much of an upgrade from the lonely and confined existence living with family that I have now. Nonetheless, all I can think of is that it is exactly what I'm doomed to having...

hard issues, on both accounts brother, no easy answers i'm afraid.

I would like to share a leson i learned in my life that has never failed me since, as long as i do it. The question is could you lay down all you current pursuits and serve The Lord as He teaches you to serve Him in those parts of your life you struggle now?

i found that each time i laid a need, want, desire, fear, must or whatever down before Jesus and left it there. And then attempted to have faith, love and hope in Him serving other instead of my own needs, He took care of me in those parts of my life and things turned out to go well. And even though He took me often through the desert reaching the promised land, and to my shame, i admit that i often lingered there much longer than needed because parts of myself couldn't let go of the past and wanted the dream as it was in the old instead of finding new life, He has brought me all those things i died to for Him and in Him.

For you know what i found? i found that often my desire, want, or need wasn't wrong in and off itself, but how i wanted it needed work. So i could get what i wanted and keep it the treasure and learn to do good with it. For each time i reached out after my needs and wants and drank in fully, the worldly kind of way, i lost my good life, and the desire and want ended up burning me with feelings and desires that didn't feel good whatsoever. Yet when i died to my desires and wants then the Lord had opportunity to both correct and prepare me in those parts of myself to receive my desire or want for keeps.

Though i readily admit that at time the desire or want died altogether like with my cigarette smoking. There i promised the Lord i never do that again! And swore 13 odd years ago that that was going to be my last smoke, when i lit the final one up, and it has been so! Though a long painful death of starvation was what followed that last smoke, i have celebrated my freedom from nicotine addiction all that time. With The Lord we can do anything i reckon!

Usually The Lord is eager to feed us our needs and desires brother honestly but you know who likes to thwart this process and get us stuck with bad life in return for our needs and wants. Honest satan is a master at doing that.

The good part of dying to our painful desires and needs, no matter if God grants us our wants in the end or not, is that the pain stops, and good life can grow in those parts of our lives instead and we have His peace and enjoy His good life in those parts of our lives.

Peace.