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Self Absorbed?

Discussion in 'General Mental Health' started by NoQuestion, May 26, 2007.

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  1. NoQuestion

    NoQuestion Here we stand, worlds apart.

    +105
    Catholic
    Private
    My mom thinks I'm self absorbed. I agree, but the thing is, it's not because I love myself. I really don't. I hate myself. I hate my body, my face, my eyebrows, my behavior, my past, everything. I have an issue with plucking my eyebrows, so I often go behind my mom's back when she tells me not to pluck anymore. I keep doing it though. She finds out and gets disgusted and dissapointed, and I've basically ruined my eyebrows. I don't know why I do it because I always hate the outcome, it just feels good for that 2 minutes. Same with my eating. I had anorexia, and I still have issues with eating barely eating and binging. I just want to change everything, but my mom says I spend too much time thinking about the way I look. I want to stop and make everything different, because I just can't be happy with myself when I see other people who I think look better than me ((which is almost everyone)). I just want to start everything over. :sigh:
     
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  2. rita727

    rita727 Closet Narcissist

    +1,042
    Baptist
    Private
    I have a problem like yours.

    I too am self-absorbed. which is ironic, because I don't like who I am.

    Bumping for you.
     
  3. GryffinSong

    GryffinSong open-minded skeptic

    843
    +46
    Humanist
    Private
    I'm so sorry you're both feeling that way. And trust me, I remember that feeling very well! When I was in my teens I wanted a nose job, to be thinner (even when I was WAY underweight). I wanted smaller feet, smaller hands, nose. I wanted straighter hair, prettier this and that. I know what you mean when you say that others see you as self-absorbed but that it comes from lack of self confidence. It's really common to feel this way in your young teens. I know that sounds trite, and it's hard to believe, but most other teens are feeling the same way. Even the ones who seem popular and confident.

    I tell you what, when I look at pictures of me from those days, I was a lot cuter than I ever gave myself credit for! And I bet the same is true of you!

    Is there anyone you can talk with about your fears? Your concerns? NoQuestion, can you be open with your mother about your mixed feelings about your looks? And can you ask her to support you instead of criticize you? Perhaps if you can help her help you? Sometimes people don't understand why you're doing things, and it concerns me that plucking (which is painful) gives you relief. I hope you aren't thinking of cutting or worse.

    Hugs to you both, and please find someone to talk with about it. :groupray:
     
  4. plmarquette

    plmarquette Veteran

    +171
    Non-Denom
    US-Republican
    Jesus died for you ... for fat folks like me , for those who are plain , dumb , stinky .... he sees your spirit which is lovely...

    John says if our spirit is ok , the inside of us will renew the outside of us 3 John 1.2

    beauty is skin deep... many people are getting turned off at the air headed "skanks" like Britney Spears , Nichole Ritchie , Paris Hilton ... no head, no heart , no clue ... have everything anyone could want and end up in the drunk tank ... remember the old richard corey song by simon and garfunkel?

    many men are less interested in a girl who is beautiful than one who is a friend , funny , helpful , a good listener ... some even like tom boys who fish , hunt , ride motorcycles , trap shoot ...

    some one is out there for you ... be the best you , you can be ... if they have a problem with you ... it is just that " their problem " ... as long as you make a decisiion this is the only body I get ... i can take care of it , make the most of it , and go forward ...

    there is some one out there looking for some one like you , a very special child of God with some thing to contribute ...

    forget the past , take a deep breath , and go foreward ..
    who knows ... might be a good day ..

     
  5. wonderous

    wonderous Member

    236
    +4
    Anglican
    Single
    I'm 18 this year and i think i am extremely self-absorbed. I dont know really know how this began, ill try to provide my best explanation, i used to be a talkative and fun guy when i was young (my teacher couldn't stand me in promary school) but in my secondary school(your high school age) I remember the first few weeks for me were a struggle because i tried to make friends with others but they didn't really talk much with me.. The harder i tried the more rejection i faced. And slowly i began to develop a fear of rejection, and would rather be by myself and separate myself from others. For the entire 4 years of my secondary education period i had few friends, and many of my classmates call me a nerd because I studied too hard. And i did very well for examinations but i failed in socialising with people. I thought examinations were making me successful. And i loved to do so well to make my friends who rejected me feel inferior. But that did more damage. Slowly my friends begin to realise that i was that nice guy anymore.(i was known to be a nice guy, i'm pretty shy and unassertive) They were gossiping about me(which i hear sometimes) some said i was proud(thinking back that was the time i needed help, but i didn't get it). Slowly i began to learn the lie that friends will critisise me. And this sparked off my self-absorbtion behaviour.

    I would think that the long period of "being rejected" has made me who i am today.. I dont know if puberty/genetic influences are part of the cause but I would blame it on my thinking(interpretations of events). When someone doesn't smile at me when i say high I immediately took that as a rejection. If they didnt hear me i interpreted that as I was unlikeable. I hated myself everyday, until this day in college Im struggling with my self-esteem. I can relate to your situation because my parents used to tell me to socialise more, but I hated doing it. (I'm 18 now and sometimes my parents still scold me in front of strangers, "Say hi to uncle X" and reluctantly i would say hi just to please them. And my parents also told me that if i dont talk to strangers i'm making them seem like they are not good enough for me..

    Self-absorption can be caused by both self-hate and self-love, both which caused by you believing in a lie. Self-hate is about you hating yourself because you're inadequate, ugly and that nobody will like you, that you're social skills are poor. However Satan tells you that "since everybody hates you, why talk and feel concern for them?" Which is why I personally have a problem expressing my feelings to others. And there's also self-love(corrupted love) involved, that you want to avoid social activities because it's a place where you feel danger and you want to protect yourself from rejection and pain. Both of these are corrupted behaviour.

    I suggest you be more open to people, dont let your self-image take control of/ influence your lifestyle. Such behaviour can leave a permanent scar and might become a that behaviour might follow you forever. Speak against lies that you're inadequate, ignore your mom's negative comments, and tell yourself that your identity is in Christ and not on this earth(your looks, behaviour) We all have an eternal identity in Jesus.

    Hope i helped,
    Wonderous :wave:
     
  6. rita727

    rita727 Closet Narcissist

    +1,042
    Baptist
    Private
    I can relate to your story.

    I started out confident too. Until other things happened and started feeling not as confident, then it slowly just snowballed from there.

    Bump.
     
  7. Sophrosyne

    Sophrosyne Let Your Light Shine.. Matt 5:16

    +42,635
    Christian
    There are a lot of us that struggled in life trying to find ourselves amongst others, waiting for acceptance and being wounded and scarred by rejection and teasing of others we want to like us. It is ironic that I really used to hate myself as I had a tough time in my teens I was a smart tall skinny geek. People hated me because I was taller and smarter and I was very self conscious about being thin.
    I spent a lot of my life trying to find the magic formula of acting, carrying myself, attitude and so on with no avail. I finally gave up and decided if people don't like me as who I am, then tough!
    I just decided to have fun, sometimes I would say silly things to people just to get reactions and cut up and tell bad jokes and enjoy myself. People started liking me for some reason.
    I was also studying the bible and came back to God and realized over several years of reading and talking to people that if I had not been the me I had been in life I would not be able to help those... just like me. Jesus had the scars to prove those with scars.... that he is one of them. We are all scarred by sin, remember to start asking God who he thinks you are before you worry about gifts to impress others. The greatest gifting you have is being the you,... scars and all.. that God can use to reach those just like you, scarred and hurting.
    Oh, I am still skinny and everyone my age is mostly fat, I am enjoying it now and am glad of it.
     
  8. wonderous

    wonderous Member

    236
    +4
    Anglican
    Single
    :clap:I agree with you. Sometimes he makes you to walk through the hard times to experience what others have gone through, and be able to sympathise with them.

    As Christians we should not consider ourselves unapproachable, because God has shown us how approachable he is. Therefore use that kindness and love that God has shown you, and show the same thing to others. When God sees you doing that, he will be pleased with you, because you choose to obey his commands and not the lies of Satan. Never compare yourself with others because God has made each of us unique. Believe this, lest you will continue to condemn and hurt yourself . Seek a pastor if you need help. :)

    Blessings to everyone,:wave:
    Wonderous
     
  9. FirstLight

    FirstLight New Member

    37
    +4
    Christian
    Private
    I found it very interesting that a doc who works with anorexics has been able to help them overcome this illness by reminding them of a passion they once enjoyed. For one it was working out--for another a long forgotten hobby. It seems that once the focus is changed, THAT becomes the over-riding passion.

    I know for me--I could become addicted to many things. Because I know this about myself, there are many things I won't touch or start doing. But the other thing about me is that when I find something I love to do, it becomes all I want to pursue. For years it was fossil hunting--then astronomy--restoring antique cars--carpentry. A passionate hobby seems to reprogram your brain--your "addictions" become productive hobbies!!!! Maybe you could give it a try and see if it refocuses you.

    It seems to be a waste of time focusing on your body which is not eternal. Focus on soul issues IS eternal. You are neglecting the life work you came here to do. You are becoming distracted and adrift--it's time to ask God to help you refocus and find meaningful pursuits before these habits REALLY get you stuck in a rut that becomes very difficult to extract yourself from.
     
  10. wonderous

    wonderous Member

    236
    +4
    Anglican
    Single
    cool, agreed :amen:
     
  11. Sophrosyne

    Sophrosyne Let Your Light Shine.. Matt 5:16

    +42,635
    Christian
    Jesus was scarred beyond recognition, who am I to hide my scars when it could be a testimony? Personally I think God rarely leads us into hard times but mostly allows us to continue in the path others have set upon us into by their wickedness and sin to lead us to wisdom.
     
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