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Seeking relationship council

Discussion in 'Young Adults' started by Maniel, Jan 10, 2020.

  1. Maniel

    Maniel Lost and Found


    I am here in the hopes of receiving advice and council. I am writing because of struggling thoughts in my newly-bond relationship of 5 months, with a girl whom I have come to hold very dear and love. Yet I feel recurring withdrawal, uncertainty that we are to pursue marriage. I once did in the beginning of the relationship, when everything was new and the feelings bubbling on the inside.

    The thing is our differences which I find draining at times. I love her personality. We are complete opposites on many levels, she is very extravert and outgoing, a flower on the street will make her jump in joy. At the same time I'm more of a thinking person, analysing, wondering, appreciating in silence. But I've often found myself dragged into situations, feeling that I have to live up to certain expectations. Even though she is very loving and thoughtful. She has different needs and wants than me I feel, I come from a background of much solitude, that I have grown to appreciate. She has a need of much texting and taking photographs, and many other things which I've told her to be okay trying not to hurt her feelings and just seeing it as me having to work through these new experiences.

    I began my internship at a care-home for human beings with brain damage and who is wheel chair users. They need help with just about everything and I'm doing morning and late afternoon shifts - which is surely taking a lot of energy as well and perhaps making my needs for withdrawal much more apparent.

    All this uncertainty is making me have shallow thoughts on her looks. The story of Abraham and Leah comes to mind quite often. Leah wasn't beautiful in that sense but was blessed by God for giving up her pursue of the love of Abraham and pursuing God instead. There is a nuance I'm trying to understand in attraction. I find her love for God very attracting, but there's a struggle in this too.

    Her pentecostal and charismatic background has been a struggling key issue for me as well, the differences in talking in tongues, the common talks about prophecy, the Hillsong music in her church and other theological beliefs. I've tried to be open minded, embracing our differences as milk- and dark chocolate. That in the end its all the same, but just human differnces like some who have different style and taste. But I feel like we are being drawn towards different roads, that I find harder to follow as we are drawing closer and more intimate. I've been drawn to Paul Washer much recently, and he sure have a lot to say about this movement. However, the Danish Charismatic movement is quite different on some levels than the American I feel. And I feel and believe she loves Jesus, but in a very outgoing hard to sometimes follow or understand manner. I won't say fake, but I get that feeling from the whole emotional culture in that church.

    I've been struggling trying to look past all this. Praying to God for help and guidance. But it's recurring again and again making it hard for me to be present when we are together with all these mixed feelings. I've tried to be open and tell her about my insecurities, not all as I've been trying to work through them, trying to read about common struggles in relationships that surely is a vulnerable journey.

    I feel like a narcissistic idiot when considering a break up, dragging her into all this. Bringing falls hope into her heart with the words I've said and feelings expressed. With the times of intimacy. I sure understand the call to be very subtle until marriage so not to tie up each other souls and breaking them from potential break ups. We are doing our best to not cross intimate lines, but have crossed some lines that only ties our souls closer together making a break up more hurtful. While also making us both blind to potential red flags in each other, pursuing a further relationship build not on what is best but on feelings. Or so I think and feel.

    All this is me being very narrow minded, afraid and irrational. Or I'm sensing red flags that will be hard to compromise with our differences too wide. I hope someone is able to share their own story and how things might have worked out, or if this is not the time because of my part in not being mature enough for a relationship like this, or that we aren't compatible.

    Thank you for reading, God bless.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. joshua 1 9

    joshua 1 9 Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    I know one thing, do not get married unless you are sure it is going to work out. My wife and I do not speak the same language, we are not from the same country and so on. We get along pretty good though. God does bring people together that are very different from each other. He even does that with angels. I had a dream about my daughter in Heaven. There was one angel that we big and like an Ogre. He never takes his eyes off of her, always watching. Then the other angel seemed very intelligent and he was spending his time reading. Later on I found out that he was reading the book of her life that we read about in Psalm 139:16. My religion is different from hers but we can attend each others church and that does not present any problem for either one of us.
  3. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    5th months is very soon to be having thoughts about marriage, even more alarming when you express your worries about your differences.

    A couple of questions.
    You are thoughtful, so how does she react when you ask her about something you are thinking about?
    Is she able to respond or is it saved away?
    Which church would you both expect to attend each week?
    Which country and languages would be lived in, spoken?

    Have a look at the wintery knight blog and ask her about any of the issues raised there.
    Make it a weekly discussion, and see what happens.