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Seeking Guidance from Married Couples

Discussion in 'Young Adults' started by Ryan Jones, May 19, 2020.

  1. Ryan Jones

    Ryan Jones New Member

    United States
    In Relationship
    My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years and I plan on proposing in the near future. We are waiting for marriage to have sex but we do kiss but never leave first base.

    My concern is that she struggles to communicate any interest in being intimate once we are married. Verbal communication about anything intimate is extremely hard for her since she is a bit shy. This makes it hard for me to feel confident that we will be intimate when we are married.

    For those who are married and waited. Did a whole new world of intimacy just explode open or was it a longer journey to navigate from exercising restraint to being completely open to one another.

    If you or your loved one was really shy or didn't like talking about intimacy how did that change once you were married.

    I’m worried I have this expectation that everything will suddenly change when we are married but it could also just be her personality. Either way I love her and just want to hear what other couples have experienced and get a sense of what’s to come.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    It will all depend on how loving your intimacy with her will be. If you are patient and loving then it should work fine from day one.

    With us the trouble was that i was too excited too quick and with her she took to long to get excited because of shyness. So the first few years were disappointing at times. We learned the deeper meanings of a satisfying relationship only later on in marriage.

    i advise you to pray for much gentleness, kindness and patience before the great day. If she loves you then she got what it takes always remember that.
  3. Carl Emerson

    Carl Emerson Well-Known Member

    New Zealand
    It will also depend on if you are the right match...
  4. Peter J Barban

    Peter J Barban Well-Known Member

    I suggest going through the book "The Five Love Languages" together. This book will help both of you explore the ways you prefer to show affection. The book, of course, is not the Bible but it can be helpful to discuss things together in a nonthreatening way.
    The Five Love Languages - Wikipedia
  5. mama2one

    mama2one Well-Known Member

    United States
    Last edited: May 20, 2020
  6. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    You only need the answer to one question at the moment.
    Does she want children?

    When you are engaged and have set a date, talk to your minister about a marriage course.
    This will cover such topics as who takes out the trash, changes the oil in the car, cooks and cleans as well as finance.
    How the pair of you handle your money, pay bills, save, have an allowance etc and sex.

    But untill you are engaged talking about sex will be seen as you want sex so leave it.
  7. Carl Emerson

    Carl Emerson Well-Known Member

    New Zealand
    You make no mention of shared faith...

    I was engaged for 4 years and waited - the marriage was a 7 year disaster as it was an unequal yoke lacking the same deep shared faith. Intimacy never exploded...

    10 years later His chose my partner - engaged in thee weeks married in three months.

    35 years and five children later it is more than I could ask or think.

    To be fair, back in those days there was no real counsel available beyond my dad asking me if I thought I was doing the right thing !!!

    Had to mention this critical command to be equally yoked.