Seeking Christian Advice on Remarriage

[Bunny136]

So, I myself have never been married and never really been in a relationship that I thought would lead to such a thing. Now, here I am with a man I couldn't imagine my life without. Him and I have talked about getting married before but more recently he told me he wasn't sure he could, as the Bible says remarriage is a sin as is the divorce. He is a good man and only wishes to do right by his faith which I thoroughly respect and it is something I love about him. Knowing this is an issue that has been troubling him, I've been doing what I can to research the details on this topic in the bible, finding a few interpretations making it seem as if it were okay to remarry and some very firmly saying it's not. I'd just like to hear some other people's thoughts on the situation and suggestions on how I should handle it.

 

[salt-n-light]

So, I myself have never been married and never really been in a relationship that I thought would lead to such a thing. Now, here I am with a man I couldn't imagine my life without. Him and I have talked about getting married before but more recently he told me he wasn't sure he could, as the Bible says remarriage is a sin as is the divorce. He is a good man and only wishes to do right by his faith which I thoroughly respect and it is something I love about him. Knowing this is an issue that has been troubling him, I've been doing what I can to research the details on this topic in the bible, finding a few interpretations making it seem as if it were okay to remarry and some very firmly saying it's not. I'd just like to hear some other people's thoughts on the situation and suggestions on how I should handle it.

Depends on the situation and intent of the last marriage.

If it was a scenario where he was not a believer and did the divorce, then became one and is convicted of the act now in his heart, then it would be alright to marry. If its a scenario where he was always a believer, but the spouse left or was disloyal or it's abusive then he's free. There are a few cases even where weirdly the woman had to divorce, in order for her husband to get some medical bills paid at his hospital bed.

Basically, if his intentions aren't one that is selfish of "let me the divorce and break this commitment with this person, so that I'm a free birdy and can marry someone else", then he's ok. That's the point of Jesus' stance on why people had to be granted divorce, they were in situations that had either someone left or they were new to the faith. He also had to acknowledge that divorce wasn't something to be used as a "get out of jail free card", God desires are still for the vows to be of serious nature. Its more of what was his intent with the last person, and if he repents of it. It is lawful to divorce, divorce isn't a sin, but the sin lies with his intention and if he's repented of it.

 

[seeking.IAM]

May I suggest there are two considerations: What the Bible says and what his faith group is (i.e. How his church interprets or applies what the Bible says).

 

[Bunny136]

May I suggest there are two considerations: What the Bible says and what his faith group is (i.e. How his church interprets or applies what the Bible says).

From my understanding, he had talked to his pastor about the troubles he was having with this, and he wasn't much help on the matter. He came to me about it after talking to the pastor. I told him what I could at the time, but as I'm not much a religious person myself, nor well versed in the bible, I don't know if I was much help in easing his mind on the situation either.

 

[seeking.IAM]

From my understanding, he had talked to his pastor about the troubles he was having with this, and he wasn't much help on the matter...

From this I deduct it is more of a matter of personal conviction than church dogma.

 

[Bunny136]

Depends on the situation and intent of the last marriage.

If it was a scenario where he was not a believer and did the divorce, then became one and is convicted of the act now in his heart, then it would be alright to marry. If its a scenario where he was always a believer, but the spouse left or was disloyal or it's abusive then he's free. There are a few cases even where weirdly the woman had to divorce, in order for her husband to get some medical bills paid at his hospital bed.

Basically, if his intentions aren't one that is selfish of "let me the divorce and break this commitment with this person, so that I'm a free birdy and can marry someone else", then he's ok. That's the point of Jesus' stance on why people had to be granted divorce, they were in situations that had either someone left or they were new to the faith. He also had to acknowledge that divorce wasn't something to be used as a "get out of jail free card", God desires are still for the vows to be of serious nature. Its more of what was his intent with the last person, and if he repents of it. It is lawful to divorce, divorce isn't a sin, but the sin lies with his intention and if he's repented of it.

Thank you. This is actually really encouraging. And may be the sort of thing he'd need to hear...
I wish I could say more on his first marriage, but he's only mentioned it a few times and with very little detail. I believe it was her that had decided on the divorce and he almost made it seem as if it was one he was forced into, or felt obligated to. And, I can't imagine him having bad intentions in the slightest.

 

[salt-n-light]

Thank you. This is actually really encouraging. And may be the sort of thing he'd need to hear...
I wish I could say more on his first marriage, but he's only mentioned it a few times and with very little detail. I believe it was her that had decided on the divorce and he almost made it seem as if it was one he was forced into, or felt obligated to. And, I can't imagine him having bad intentions in the slightest.

If that's so, then he did what he can in that marriage, and he honored his part of the vow. He shouldn't self-guilt himself, although I can understand why he may feel that way.

Although Im in no way a marriage expert, if you both are planning to marry, I would imagine that it would be good to have him sort out his feelings on it with you in counseling, in order to move forward fresh into a new chapter.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

as a man getting divorced he's allowed to divorce a remarry only in the case of sexual immorality on the part of his wife(matthew 5:32 matthew 19:9).

it's not a get out of jail free card but rather a safety valve after he has done what he can to save the marriage and it simply cannot be reconciled.

 

[Bunny136]

If that's so, then he did what he can in that marriage, and he honored his part of the vow. He shouldn't self-guilt himself, although I can understand why he may feel that way.

Absolutely. Thank you. I know all this uneasiness he's been feeling with this started because he felt like the topic was constantly coming up at his church and on a radio station he listens to often. But I'll try and talk about it again soon and maybe ease his mind a little.

 

[Bunny136]

From this I deduct it is more of a matter of personal conviction than church dogma.

Hmm.. Possibly. But the idea and the start of all this he claims is from hearing the topic come up frequently in the church but when going to the pastor, he found that he was of little help. I can't say for sure if it was just that the pastor didn't feel he was able to give him the right help or if what the pastor told him wasn't helpful because it wasn't what he was hoping for, or what exactly it was. So, he's been heavily leaning on what he finds elsewhere on the internet.

 

[Bunny136]

as a man getting divorced he's allowed to divorce a remarry only in the case of sexual immorality on the part of his wife(matthew 5:32 matthew 19:9).

it's not a get out of jail free card but rather a safety valve after he has done what he can to save the marriage and it simply cannot be reconciled.

Yes, I am aware on what the bible says. I've looked it up already and I know that's also not the only thing the bible states allows the freedom to remarry, tho they are few and pretty restricting. But I think there are other more open ways to interpret it while including the bible and teachings as a whole, not just looking at the black and white of things. That's why I'm seeking advice and opinions, not what the bible directly states.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Yes, I am aware on what the bible says. I've looked it up already and I know that's also not the only thing the bible states allows the freedom to remarry, tho they are few and pretty restricting. But I think there are other more open ways to interpret it while including the bible and teachings as a whole, not just looking at the black and white of things. That's why I'm seeking advice and opinions, not what the bible directly states.

does he also disagree with what scripture says on the matter?

 

[Bunny136]

No.

does he also disagree with what scripture says on the matter?

No. He is a very firm believer and his beliefs are why I am here, seeking advice. I myself may not be a particularly religious person but I respect the fact that he is. I only intend to seek help from those who are followers, so that I can best give him the help that he needs from me so I can best support him and our future together.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

oops, this is the roaring 20s section. i'm outa here.