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Sea of pain in my heart

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Jh24, Apr 11, 2021.

  1. Jh24

    Jh24 A brother in Christ

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    Hi all, its been a while since I posted here but I really need some advice from my fellow Christians. So I broke up with my gf recently, I found out that she was being toxic and manipulating me which caused me incredible pain in my heart. She said things like how she thought of cheating twice, and that I wasn't tall enough amongst many other things. So I left her but now just over a month later I find myself with so much pain in my heart. I long to be a husband and dad one day but that Goals seems so far away. I recently connected with a girl far away but she temptation to commit sexual sin would be too strong so I believe God doesn't want me to pursue this. What should I do everyone? I feel like God put me on this earth just to cause me pain, that He made me to be out of the ordinary. I'm just so tired and sad. What do I do everyone? :disappointed:
     
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  2. Handmaid for Jesus

    Handmaid for Jesus You can't steal my joy Supporter

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    Please listen to the words of this song.
     
  3. public hermit

    public hermit social troglodyte Supporter

    +6,906
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    I'm just one opinion, so grain of salt. The first thing you might do is quit worrying about women. Your motive in seeking them appears instrumental. Women are not means to your satisfaction. Satisfaction might be a happy side effect, but it cannot be the goal. You said:

    There is no woman on earth whose function in this world is to provide you with a wife and children. We're not trading cattle here.

    You got away from a manipulative woman. Smart man. You're heart-broken. That's par for the course. The question is, "What will you do with your time by yourself?" Nurture life alone, and you'll be better off when paired with another. That's what I would do. Forget women, for a skinny minute.

    You'd be surprised how many women are attracted to guys who don't need them.
     
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  4. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    When you cut yourself away from your ex, you put yourself in a better position to become a husband to a quality woman and Lord willing, a father with her. Your ex, according to what you told us, was not a quality woman because of how she was treating you. You're paying the price now, but that price will be worth it - making a home with a toxic woman who disrespects you like that would be worse for you in the long run. Leaving her was the right decision, trust it.
     
  5. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) <><

    +6,519
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    Your issue has nothing to do with finding a wife. The problem you have is not having an accurate view of who God is to you. You said you think He put you here to cause you pain. This is so far from the truth it's ridiculous. Yeah, as Christians we're going to experience hardships and difficulties, but that's not God's intention for you.
     
  6. GospelS

    GospelS land ✞ flowing ✟ with ✝ good † news Supporter

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    This do. This alone will save you. This only is enough.

    Look to the cross. Look to the cross. Look to the cross and be saved...until nothing hurts you more than the pain and the price that Jesus paid because of you and all humanity.

    I really hope that you don't strive after another source to try soothe away your pain but Christ.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2021
  7. Jh24

    Jh24 A brother in Christ

    112
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    Thanks everyone, all this advice has really helped
     
  8. Jh24

    Jh24 A brother in Christ

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    But my heart still hurts. I know she was toxic but she did say she loved me. I’m just so tired of people coming and going from my life. They hurt me and leave, then they find happiness and blessing in their lives, and I’m left all alone again. I’m so tired of this cycle, I’m tired of the pain. I wish I could be with Jesus I’m person, but I have to wait for Him too. Why do I go through this? Am I a terrible person? I’m so tired and sad
     
  9. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) <><

    +6,519
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    How do you know you are saved? In other words can you explain what it takes to have salvation?
     
  10. Jh24

    Jh24 A brother in Christ

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    Faith in what Jesus did on the cross is what it takes to be saved. When you believe in Jesus you become one of God’s children. I know there’s probably a better way to describe it but it’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ.
     
  11. bèlla

    bèlla ⭐️ Supporter

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    If you have a pattern of fractured connections or unreliable companions the problem lies with your picker. Either you’re selecting people unwilling to invest or driving them away.

    ~bella
     
  12. Jh24

    Jh24 A brother in Christ

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    You think so? Is it wrong that I ask them to commit? Is it possible to be too forward about it? It just seems like they come into my life depressed or alone, then they get more stable then leave or only stay because they wanted something. Then they go to to find happiness or get married. With my ex I left that relationship because she hurt me. I just feel at a loss, and I’m tired of this cycle. I wish I could meet people who I can get along with and would accept me for who I am, I try my best with every person I meet but it never lasts
     
  13. bèlla

    bèlla ⭐️ Supporter

    +12,677
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    I don’t think you can ask someone to invest in you. It must be of their own volition.

    Wounded birds usually fly the coop when they mend. Did you expect them to remain because you helped?

    Is it possible you’re drawing those in need because they’re more likely to accept you than others?
     
  14. Jh24

    Jh24 A brother in Christ

    112
    +87
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    So
    What should I do? Am I flawed? Should I fix something? Do I need to draw closer to
    God maybe?
     
  15. bèlla

    bèlla ⭐️ Supporter

    +12,677
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    You’re not attracting people who desire to be permanent fixtures in your life. When there’s a dearth of godly companionship it doesn’t put you in ideal circumstances to vet a suitor. You’re responding to emotion not wisdom.

    The first step is understanding God’s definition of quality friends and building connections. You work out relational growing pains in friendships and community. They provide a mirror as does the Holy Spirit. You can’t do it on your own.

    If you want to marry you must confront the elephant in the room. Some desires will go unmet or may take years to fill. You won’t have peace if you're unwilling to face that. Some will marry widows or those abandoned by their spouse. You want the person who’ll assist you in becoming God’s best and offer the same in return. Let Him order your steps. Don’t make it your reason for being.

    God didn’t promise anyone a spouse. Until you can say come what may you won’t have victory. It will be a source of weakness or a thorn. The desire for companionship shouldn’t keep you up at night or cripple you when you’re balanced (spiritually).

    It’s a holy institution. If you’re melting down and groaning that doesn’t point to God. It points to you. They don’t see Him glorified in your wait. They see your flesh.

    Sometimes you have to ask the question: Who’s benefiting? Me or God?

    ~bella
     
  16. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) <><

    +6,519
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    Sometimes when things are heavy or I'm feeling down I like to redirect my focus off myself and onto God. Meditating on the passion and what He went thru on the cross is one sure way to get unwanted thoughts off myself and where it should be.
     
  17. GospelS

    GospelS land ✞ flowing ✟ with ✝ good † news Supporter

    +1,779
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    That is a lie from the devil you believed. Where is your faith when things don't go your way? Faith without works is dead. Evaluate your faith and seek the Lord in truth. You must believe the Lord with every step of your journey.

    Many people here are longing to be married for years, some in their 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, and 70's. It's not any easier to be lonely for us but we yield to the discipline of the Lord because He is faithful and it not by our strength but the Holy Spirit.

    Believe that God is faithful to do what is good and right according to the season. Would Jesus find you trusting in Him when He comes? You see the times that we live in. There is a great famine of all sorts that is coming upon the whole earth and is already here. How are you prepared to provide for yourself, your wife, and your children? How are you armored to battle the increasing evil forces around you and everywhere? Married life isn't pain-free. How are you going to believe the Lord with that?

    Don't be discouraged though. You are not alone in this. Watch out and wait for the Lord. Draw closer through prayer and word. There are much bigger blessings being given out to those who seek the Lord to face all things. You need them more than a gf/wife. Be prepared in the Lord. He will give your needs and desires according to His wisdom.

    "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2021
  18. Jh24

    Jh24 A brother in Christ

    112
    +87
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    Christian
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    Thank you all, it isn't any easier but I think I have a way forward now thanks to all your advice. God Bless
     
  19. Revived

    Revived Fighting the good fight of faith.

    +1,939
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    For what it's worth, I don't believe it's biblical for us to say or ask if we need to draw closer to God. That's not grace. Grace says that He has already finished the WORK for us. By saying "drawing close", we make our relationship with him a job...a work...and perpetual emotional exercise...wondering if we've done enough and if we're close enough. Grace and salvation is about BELIEF and belief ONLY that Jesus died, was buried, and resurrected (1 Cor 15:1-4).

    Once we believe, we have the Holy Spirit within us and are sealed for eternity with His Spirit (Eph 1:13). How's that for close? And all you had to do is believe.

    As far as being flawed? Darn right...aren't we all? Whether or not all of us admit it, we ALL are flawed and fall short because of our inevitable sin nature this side of heaven. Never forget, brother, that one of the devil's most effective tools is to make us feel we're on an island and NO ONE ELSE can understand or empathize with our flaws and that no one else has experienced the same loss(es). Total lie.

    You'll get through this just fine and look back and wonder why you questioned your faith and God's love for us all.
     
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