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Saying No To Another Birthday Outing

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by LadyKay, Dec 4, 2017.

  1. LadyKay

    LadyKay New Member

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    Social gatherings are kind of awkward for me. I don't really have any "friends" that I hang out with. I would like to have some and even though people are nice and friendly towards me at church, no real friendship comes from it. Last year for my birthday, some of the ladies from the church invited me out for a birthday dinner at a restaurant that they chose. They showed up with cards, cupcakes, and paid for my dinner. We talked, laughed all the things you do at a birthday dinner. I felt as though I had finely made some friends. It felt nice. But I guess that birthday dinner was as far as it went. At church I get no more then a nice "hello or a hi" from them as they walk by to met with someone else. None of them have invited me over for a visit or have stop by to visit me. It kind of bothers me because when I got asked out for the birthday dinner I though I had finely found some friends. But it seem it was just a one time thing and nothing more. I kind of feel like the grandmother who's kids only remember her on her birthday, but then ignore her the rest of the year. Anyway, I am think that this year if they ask me again, I am thinking about just saying "no". I don't feel like it is a "friendship" It feels more like it is a "project" they feel inclined to do for some reason. I don't know? Maybe it's me? (sigh)
     
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  2. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    Start being "friendly" and be genuinely "interested" in others? And all through the year. Being in church is a wealth of opportunities. There must be some single moms, others maybe struggling with all kinds of issues? There's your answer, right there. Find others, maybe starting in church, who need a friendly ear or practical help.

    And these birthday outings? Use them as an opportunity to be genuinely friendly to others and be focused on them, and not yourself.

    "A man (or woman) that hath friends must shew himself (herself) friendly:" ~Proverbs 18:24
     
  3. Sarah G

    Sarah G Human bean. Supporter

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    That is an awkward situation. I can understand how you feel. I guess they mean well but it is a little transparent that they are doing it out of Christian duty. Still, their hearts are in the right place and it may lead to friendships if you go again this year. Are they in a little clique of their own?
     
  4. turkle

    turkle Blessed

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    To have friends, one must be a friend. Have you reached out to any of them? Have you invited someone to coffee? Have you celebrated their birthdays as they celebrated yours? These ladies made an effort...have you?

    Whether they did it out of "duty" or the kindness of their hearts, they did something really nice for you. I think that deserves appreciation and gratitude. If you have not reciprocated (and I'm assuming you didn't because you didn't say you did), they might think you are not interested in them and might pass this year. Or, they might try again, simply because they are nice people.

    We are responsible for our own friendships. A person who waits around for others to make the first move will end up with no friends. It's a reciprocal relationship, and in order to participate, it's important that you do your part.
     
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  5. Kit Sigmon

    Kit Sigmon Well-Known Member

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    Did you do any type of follow up with them?
    You know like, invite them over for coffee or perhaps do lunch?
     
  6. LadyKay

    LadyKay New Member

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    It always seems like they are busy talking to other people. And I end up standing there looking foolish while I wait my turn to talk with them. But I will work on being more sociable.
     
  7. Yoona86

    Yoona86 Newbie

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    are you married?

    does your husband also struggling with the same thing?
     
  8. ToBeLoved

    ToBeLoved Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I've found sometimes cards with a message in it are easier than trying to force yourself into talking at church if they are busy. You could then put your phone # in the card.

    Might help if you get anxious in social situations.
     
  9. Sarah G

    Sarah G Human bean. Supporter

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    That's a good idea!
     
  10. LadyKay

    LadyKay New Member

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    Thank you all for your honest answers. You have given me much to think about. I am slowly working on this part of myself. :)
     
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