The amount of time I think I spend with self on the throne of my life instead of Jesus makes me question my salvation. I try to have faith and submit, briefly, repeatedly, but then it seems I quickly revert to self being on the throne. I think I'm saved for periods of time, but then, like this morning, I step back, see that I'm always grabbing control, and wonder if I am not really saved.
Here is a prayer I just discovered online:
"God, my desire is to build your kingdom and not my own, but I confess most of the time I live like that is not true. I spend so much of my day trying to build my kingdom, making myself, instead of you, the center of this life. Lord, I need your spirit to remind me minute-by-minute that this life is not all about me. It is all about you. Your word says the time is coming when every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and your Kingdom will be made complete. In the end, that will be all that matters. Nothing I build for my own glory will be left so I ask you to help me stop spending this life focused on myself. Jesus, I want to see my daily life through the eyes of your kingdom. Help me to seek your kingdom in my heart, mind, and life."
That echoes my sentiment for brief periods of time. Then I just go back to living for self. Sometimes I look up at Jesus and say something like, "Lord, my faith might waver, but your hold on your people does not waver," or, "Lord, it can't be up to me to hold onto You; I am too fickle and feeble and waver too much; it has to be up to You to hold onto me, as you promised You would.'
It has recently developed that I might have a very worldly-desirable, Bill Gates/Steve Jobs type career in front of me. Officially, the projects to which I keep trying to stick to are for the glory of God. But, unofficially, i figure, who am I kidding? I live for my own glory.
Anything not done for Christ will be burned away at the judgment seat of Christ. And, if one consistently lives for self, one can question whether or not he will really face the white throne judgment of non-believers.
What if God were to offer me a lucrative career, or eternal life, but not both? Jesus said that it is foolhardy to gain the whole world but lose one's own soul.
Beloved one, you are right in when you said what you considered,”The amount of time I think I spend with self on the throne of my life instead of Jesus makes me question my salvation.”
For we heard:
Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they
may be saved. -Romans 10:1
For I bear them witness
that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. -Romans 10:2
For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God,
and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness
. -Romans 10:3
Beloved one, spending time with self —spending time with self righteousness and self love would not save you. So you are correct in how you judge yourself.
Beloved one, I heard you said,”I try to have faith and submit, briefly, repeatedly, but then it seems I quickly revert to self being on the throne.”
Beloved one, I perceived that you do not know how to obtain when you said to try to have faith. This is what we have heard:
“Simon Peter, a bondservant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those
who have obtained like precious faith with us by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ:”
II Peter 1:1 NKJV
So Beloved one, you can have faith or obtain faith by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ, that is in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
But I perceived that you submit briefly, repeatedly and then reverted to self again. So this is what you must consider :
So faith comes from
hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. -Romans 10:17
Take care then
how you hear, for to the one who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he thinks that he has will be taken away." -Luke 8:18
“Therefore
we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.”
Hebrews 2:1 NKJV
God may perhaps grant them
repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, -2 Timothy 2:25
Beloved one, you may hear the word of God but you have not taken care how you hear; that is why you drift away or revert to self.
So beloved one, you must understand the gospel of Jesus, that is, the righteousness of God and Savior Jesus Christ bring you to repentance that leads you to the knowledge of truth. So when you heard the word of Christ, you must give earnest heed so that you didn’t drift away. How ? You need to seek the strength of the Lord. If by your own strength, you are able to do it - then you have something to boast. So it is not so, for we live for the glory of God.
Also consider: why God the Father have to send Jesus to die on the cross if you can do on your own ; why Jesus have to send Holy Spirit to help you if you already can do on your own.
That is why we heard :
“
Acknowledge that strength belongs to God, with his majesty over Isra’el and his strength in the skies.
How awe-inspiring you are, God, from your holy places,
the God of Isra’el, who gives strength and power to the people. Blessed be God!”
Tehillim (Psa) 68:35-36 CJB
So beloved one, acknowledge that only by God’s strength, you can do what He commanded you and that He gives you His strength and power because you are His people.
Consider apostle Paul who considered himself once chief sinner, and what he said:
I thank him
who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, -1 Timothy 1:12
though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, -1 Timothy 1:13
and
the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. -1 Timothy 1:14
So what gave apostle Paul strength? This is what we have heard apostle Paul said to Timothy:
You then, my child,
be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, -2 Timothy 2:1
So the grace or the steadfast love of Christ that strengthen apostle Paul to be faithful.
So how you may
the grace of our Lord overflowed for you with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus, that apostle
said in 1 Timothy 1:14?
This is what we have heard :
“
Hold fast the pattern of sound words which you have heard from me, in faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.
That good thing which was committed to you,
keep by the Holy Spirit who dwells in us.”
II Timothy 1:13-14 NKJV
Beloved one, to hold fast the pattern of sound words which you have heard from apostle Paul — you must perceive this that apostle
Paul have said:
And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but
taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. -1 Corinthians 2:13
Why we must be taught by the Spirit? Because God is Spirit. For we heard Jesus said:
God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." -John 4:24
So to hold fast the pattern of sound words which we heard from apostle Paul, we must perceive ourselves taught by the Spirit of God, whom Christ sent to us — the pattern of sound words that we heard Christ spoke through apostle Paul are Spirit and life.
For we heard:
It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all.
The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. -John 6:63
because
our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and
in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake. -1 Thessalonians 1:5
And we also thank God constantly for this,
that when you received the word of God,
which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men
but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers. -1 Thessalonians 2:13
So beloved one, when you hold fast to the pattern of sounds from apostle Paul, other holy apostles, holy prophets and Christ in the Holy Scriptures — you must consider that you hold fast to the Spirit of the Word, that Christ have spoken Himself, and through His holy apostles and prophets.
How you might hold fast to the Spirit of the Word or the pattern of sound words? This is what we have heard:
“Therefore
we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.”
Hebrews 2:1 NKJV
My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. -Proverbs 4:20
Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. -Proverbs 4:21
For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh. -Proverbs 4:22
So beloved one, to hold fast the pattern of sound words, you need to hear and hear the word of God and store the word of God in your heart. Yes, you need to hold fast the word of God by meditating the truth of His love, and there in His words you find life and healing.
As also we heard our Heavenly Father said:
My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, -Proverbs 2:1
making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; -Proverbs 2:2
yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, -Proverbs 2:3
if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, -Proverbs 2:4
then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. -Proverbs 2:5
So beloved one, the fear of God leads you to repentance to seek His tender mercies. When you realize you are given unmerited favor, you should humble yourself so that He may give grace. And His grace will strengthen you to store His words in your heart, that you may find the knowledge of God.
Beloved one,
You are not going to find the knowledge of God unless you act according to what God said in His holy scriptures because the knowledge of God is knowledge of the Spirit of God. The knowledge of the Spirit are spiritually discerned.
So God equips with spiritual truths to those who acts on His word.
For this is the manner we heard our Lord spoke :
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. -John 14:27
In like Männer, knowledge of God, Christ leave with us; Christ’s knowledge He give to us. Not as the world gives do Christ give to us.
So beloved one, the way not to revert to self is to submit to God’s righteousness that is in the gospel of Jesus Christ, that we heard apostles ministered to us in the Holy Spirit so we should hear and hear and store in our hearts and acts on the word of God.
This is how Heavenly Father taught us:
Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. -Proverbs 6:21
When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. -Proverbs 6:22
For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life, -Proverbs 6:23
So beloved one, keep binding your heart with the words that Christ have spoken through His holy apostles in the Spirit so
when you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.
In this Männer, you walk according to the Spirit, you will not gratify the lust of flesh,
and have submitted yourself to God’s righteousness.
To God be all glory and praise for His strength. Amen
