same old dream, so sweet and sad...why so difficult ?

[wwjosh19]

It is 1143. I went to bed early after a long day, slept and just woke up. I am puzzled with this same recurring dreams in my life. I dreamed of the same girl I had such big crush on in the college ministry days, that it was 40 years ago ? It is reflective moment like this after such dream that is most depressing. With a failed marriage after 28 years and several bad relationships after that, I am cynical with each year went by, I wonder if I ever will find the love I so craved all my life. I really wonder loud why God make it so hard for singles to meet some one who they can support each other spiritually. May be just me, as a man, I have to admit my short coming, I need spiritual as well as physical fulfilment. Put it very crudely, what a man needs is love, respect and intimacy. I would add good food to the formula.

I met many Christians who seems (or at least express their view) that Jesus is all they need, and they are so satisfied with Jesus's love they do not need anything else.

What is your experience in this ? is this true ? In as much as I think I want Jesus, I still have this deep longing for female relationship. A void and emptiness that can not be filled by Jesus alone. There is a lot of metaphor about "a marrying to Jesus", a bride etc., It just does not work for me.

The consequence of living as single, for me at least, is never ending struggle (and losing battles) of overcoming purity sins. May be I am overly naïve to think that if God miraculously give me a girlfriend, I would be able overcome my purity sins but I never get a chance to know. Why is God withholding such blessing for me (or some of us)?

The other evil twin of impurity is gluttony. For me it work hand in hand, when I am lonely, I eat compulsively. Food substitute intimacy.

Some advises I received in the past is the pray more, use God's word like Jesus did in the desert or claim his promises in overcoming temptation (and there are many very beautiful verses like 1 Corinthians 10:13), buddy system to hold each other responsible. I honestly tried, only work for a time. When the beast strike, it struck double down with vengeance and the fall is all the more painful. When I sin, I repent and try to do better. It is the same sick cycle repeating over again. The beast is always there waiting to pounce. How can you slay this lust/gluttony beast once and for all ? I do not fight anymore.

 

[mukk_in]

It is 1143. I went to bed early after a long day, slept and just woke up. I am puzzled with this same recurring dreams in my life. I dreamed of the same girl I had such big crush on in the college ministry days, that it was 40 years ago ? It is reflective moment like this after such dream that is most depressing. With a failed marriage after 28 years and several bad relationships after that, I am cynical with each year went by, I wonder if I ever will find the love I so craved all my life. I really wonder loud why God make it so hard for singles to meet some one who they can support each other spiritually. May be just me, as a man, I have to admit my short coming, I need spiritual as well as physical fulfilment. Put it very crudely, what a man needs is love, respect and intimacy. I would add good food to the formula.

I met many Christians who seems (or at least express their view) that Jesus is all they need, and they are so satisfied with Jesus's love they do not need anything else.

What is your experience in this ? is this true ? In as much as I think I want Jesus, I still have this deep longing for female relationship. A void and emptiness that can not be filled by Jesus alone. There is a lot of metaphor about "a marrying to Jesus", a bride etc., It just does not work for me.

The consequence of living as single, for me at least, is never ending struggle (and losing battles) of overcoming purity sins. May be I am overly naïve to think that if God miraculously give me a girlfriend, I would be able overcome my purity sins but I never get a chance to know. Why is God withholding such blessing for me (or some of us)?

The other evil twin of impurity is gluttony. For me it work hand in hand, when I am lonely, I eat compulsively. Food substitute intimacy.

Some advises I received in the past is the pray more, use God's word like Jesus did in the desert or claim his promises in overcoming temptation (and there are many very beautiful verses like 1 Corinthians 10:13), buddy system to hold each other responsible. I honestly tried, only work for a time. When the beast strike, it struck double down with vengeance and the fall is all the more painful. When I sin, I repent and try to do better. It is the same sick cycle repeating over again. The beast is always there waiting to pounce. How can you slay this lust/gluttony beast once and for all ? I do not fight anymore.

Your struggle is every man's struggle brother. Paul said, "I beat my body to make it my slave. So that after I have preached to others, I myself may not be disqualified for the prize." There's an element of discipline involved as well. There's nothing wrong with seeking a godly and lovely woman's love and intimacy with her ("He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord"). I plan on marrying myself, God willing, in time. Staying focused on Christ, His service and the needs of His saints keeps me resolute and works for me all the time. I'll be praying for you. Peace in Christ .

 

[wwjosh19]

Good morning Mukk_in, another day is here, another day of opportunity and a day to start new. Interesting to note there are multiple references in the Bible of God's understanding what men's need is such as Proverbs 5:19 or Solomon's song of songs that border line erotic. God made us, he know what we need. Men need female love like fish need water, haha.

I am thankful for this forum that allow us to share the ups and down and our struggle. We will pray for each other, all bro and sis in this long journey call life on earth.

For no reason St. Francis's prayer came to mind, so beautiful a passage of giving yourself to others:

Lord make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console
to be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life
Amen

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Josh
Thanks for that honest heart felt post. I can totally relate.
To me all that stuff about only needing Jesus is a bunch of spirituality that has no earthly good.
All that talk and fear created around all sexuality except within marriage is sinful isn't what the Bible is saying. Your pointing out SofS and what I would call erotic literature is a case in point. That would never be accepted into the Bible today by most "Bible Believe Christians" if it wasn't already in the Bible. So they try to make it sound like its love of a married couple. But its the love of a single man and woman as far as I can tell. After all the places they are meeting to make love are the places single people meet to make love. Plus the Solomon as 80 wives when its written so woman says yet if doesn't hinder her passion for him!
I'm glad I'm older and the purity culture wasn't around when I was young. My study of the Bible has purity as not worshiping idols not rather you kissed a date good night or danced a slow dance real close to the music playing.
I had to send 3 years of my life studying the Bible and church history to understand why I could live the way the church kept putting out there that we should life. I basically found out the message that we aren't sexual being till are married isn't of God. God created us sexual beings telling us to go forth an multiply. Which is the only command of God we have really obeyed yet many would say its man's big sin!
So I know thank god that He created me a sexual being and thank him often for for the pleasure my sexuality brings me.

 

[wwjosh19]

Hi Dayhiker,

I recall specific NT reference about " not to defile your marriage bed" or the 10 commandment in reference to adultery. So for me I think anything outside marriage is offensive to God. Even up to this very day, 28 years of failed marriage, and 6 years after my divorce, I am still haunted by the guilt of committing sexual sins before the wedding night. We did not go all the way but enough to shame me for life. I felt like God has cursed my marriage and living under the cloud since. I ruined one of my post divorce relationship in the same fashion. Almost any good relationship I ever have, I managed to destroy it. Way I see it, only way the beast can be slain is by the power of nature, as I got older, with biological change in man, the desire will goes down till a man has no such desire (or capable of )anymore. Pitiful way to show obedience to God.

I can see what you shared is a liberal way of looking at sexuality. If opportunity present itself and I find another relationship with someone special, I will not marry, but stay as friends, as a couple. I guess that will be considered a sin. As I shared in the introd, I do not know if I can call myself a Christian as I do not walk by what is commanded. What I will do is find ways to be kind to others. Simple thing I learned recently is to bake corn bread ( Trader Joe package + 1 egg + 3/4 cup milk + 1/2 cup oil + 30 min@350) and you have a fresh, delicious corn bread for my neighbors. I wrapped my faith around an axle so tight for so long it squeezed the joy out of my life. I try not to think too much anymore but live life as is. May be it is self deceiving, so be it.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Josh,
Yes, I would have said exactly what you said just a few years ago.
The verse you are referencing is Heb.13:4 KJV Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled:
Many modern translations want to make this some kind of command married people are to live by. Since these two phrases don't have a verb in them the KJV a;so didn't put a verb in their translation. So the literal Greek is: honourable [is] the marriage in all, and the bed undefiled, and whoremongers and adulterers God shall judge. Young's Literal Translation. So Young implies the is. Today most translation go the other way and follow the way the phrases before and after are written i Greek.YLT of Heb.13:1 Let brotherly love remain. So as your translation does most translations today insert the Do not or something similar. But of course they don't tell us that they are doing that.
If we go with the translation that makes an undefiled marriage a command, we have to ask what that is? Where does the Bible tell us what it is? We know this isn't a reference to adultery as that is listed in the 2nd part of the verse. What did that early church say was defiling ones marriage. Why they said if you had sexual desire for your wife you were committing adultery with her. The only time one could have undefiled sex with ones wife was when you were going to have a baby because that produced a virgin. But 300AD church leaders were starting to say it was a sin to have sex 24 hours before taking communion. A few hundred years later there were so many holy days that it was calculated that a couple could only have sex 4 to 7 days during a hear without sinning. But this things are not taught to us by the church so we spent years living in guilt not realizing that these things have hundreds of years of trying to make us very guilty over sex. It wasn't till Martin Luther said priests should marry nuns and did so himself that his attitude started to change.
Consider what Paul says in 1 Tim.
4 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2 Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3 They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4 For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5 because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

False teachers are the ones who want to make us ashamed and feel guilt about our sexuality and marriage. At this time Gnosticism was a doctrine that was starting to grow. This was a Greek ideology that all of the physical world is evil, sex being one of those things and spirit was always good. Who preaches what Paul says? No one dares to! For everything God created is good, nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.

 

[wwjosh19]

If we go with the translation that makes an undefiled marriage a command, we have to ask what that is?

I would say undefiled marriage is one that husband and wife are faithful to each other. Have intimacy with no one but with each other, this include both physical and thought. I would think physical part is easier to do than thought. I bet most men have impure thought on daily basis, lusting after other women.

I would also incline to think, for husband and wife, as long as both parties are comfortable, there should not be any restraint how they do it.

Now this is a hypothetical situation now, as I do not find that someone yet. Will it be acceptable for 2 persons who care for each other, and commit totally to each other live like husband & wife in the absence of marriage. May be we should define marriage first. Will marriage meant a church wedding with a priest and binded legally ?

Will that be a sin if 2 persons simply live together without any formal ceremony/legal tie of any sort ?

Along the same line of discussion, I used to think same sex relationship is repulsive and a perversion in God's eye. Over the years I am amazed how much I changed. May be from what I learned from couples who are truly in love with each other. It is not like some disease or mental disorder. Am I wrong to accept such relationship ? Roman 1:26 seems very explicit what God's expectation is.

Another question I like to ask is about John 16:12-15, the Holy Spirit who is given to us as our teacher to teach, convict and enlighten. I would think if we are all believers with the same spirit, we should all be on the same page in our belief. As a former Seventh Day Adventist (from previous Sunday going), I recall when I first became one, lots of my friends tried to convince me it is a false religion. SDA is one of the denomination I have a respect for. They follow the entire Bible OT and NT. Why can't the Holy Spirit enlighten the non-SDA.

Any how, these are just one of many of my X-file questions that I compartmentized. I never got any satisfactory answers.

 

[blackribbon]

From a woman's point of view, you are expecting an awful lot from a wife & girlfriend...she needs to fulfill you and pull you out of your sin. Actually, only God can do that. Personally, I would avoid a man who put all his hope in needing me to "fix" him. I can't be responsible for whether or not he sins. Truth be told, is that you will likely go back to those things that comfort you now when your GF/wife turns out to not be perfect...and then the relationship will start to progress downhill because you have gone to your other "mistress" instead of focusing working on the problems which will likely be the fault of both parties not being perfect.

And you will find out that finding that "other person" isn't an easy proposition. A large portion of the singles here actually long for that special lifelong love partner. However, the older I get, the more I realize that people are more set in their ways and less likely to change their habits. I want to find someone who doesn't "need" me for their happiness because I wouldn't trust any changes that are made just to please me...those will go away after the honeymoon is over and we return to our real habits. I am looking for a man that is satisfied with his current life and I only add to it. I want to be wanted more than needed. Our current lives need to mesh together since we are already established adults. Growing together isn't as likely to happen as when we were young adults and were actually "growing up" together.

 

[dayhiker]

I like a lot of what your saying Josh ... love that your thinking on your own.

Defining marriage is an interesting thing. In Bible days it was the fathers of the groom and bride that were often the ones who setup the marriages. If they were well off there was an economic benefit for both families that was the reason for the marriage.
Once the church became dominate and with marriage being a sacrament priests had the responsibility to marry people. Martin Luther wanted to change that so he pushed for states to have control of marriage. Which is what we have now.
Yet the Bible doesn't say what vows we are to make when we wed etc.

As for Rom.1 here is another case where people are taking these verse to speak against same sex marriage but the whole context is idol worship.

As for unity in the church, there wasn't even unity in NT times. Corinthians has the 4 groups that follow different people. Paul just tells them not to separate themselves from each other but to consider that God works thru each person to build a specific part of the body of Christ. He doesn't say X is wrong, should be doing y type of things. But its to think broader and consider that not one person has the full answer. We each provide something for all to learn and help us draw closer to Christ.

 

[wwjosh19]

From a woman's point of view, you are expecting an awful lot from a wife & girlfriend...she needs to fulfill you and pull you out of your sin. Actually, only God can do that. Personally, I would avoid a man who put all his hope in needing me to "fix" him. I can't be responsible for whether or not he sins. Truth be told, is that you will likely go back to those things that comfort you now when your GF/wife turns out to not be perfect...and then the relationship will start to progress downhill because you have gone to your other "mistress" instead of focusing working on the problems which will likely be the fault of both parties not being perfect.

Hi Blackribbon, thank you for sharing and there is a lot to digest from what you said. From a man's perspective, or speaking personally and very candidly of my own experience (and I hope I do not offend anyone by being so open), I found it impossible to live as a single man without sex. God can change me but how ? I honestly tried since I was a teenager, from the time I was a non-believer to being a Christian (and now may be not one anymore). I prayed, I meditated, exercises, focus in the ministries, being honest to seek help, form multiple buddy systems with brothers who have the same struggle, to call each other when the urge come to pray and stop it cold. As I shared my story in the introd thread, when I was young as a new believer, I even track in my calendar all my impure thoughts and "bad" activities (limited to what young men do without a GF) to better monitor my thought pattern and find way to do better. The outcome is all the same. It is not if but when all measures fail. It is like a dam with the lake filled with downpour, it burst as the pressure build. It is a awful feeling when one fail. I think I know how King David felt when he failed. It is combination of deep shame & guilt of disappointing God, disappointment in yourself feeling totally worthless. Within the circle of brothers, we share our failures and pray for each other. That help to ease the guilt but not the problem. It is very devastating to the spiritual growth, feel like a hypocrite all the time. Leading the church services in the morning when just the night before you sinned.

Men needs women. May be women does not need men as much as I often heard women are a lot more resilient, less dependent on physical and more on sentiment, more logical and more etc., I think it is not too much a request to God, if he want men to live a purer life, to provide each men a mate. I recall Bible verses said that each man should have a partner so men will not burn in lust. In respond to your sharing, I can say yes, men needs women to fulfill an important role. In the same way women expect men to fulfill his role as a caring and loving protector, provider (in the old days of course). Both side compliment each other as a couple. A good metaphor I heard is that marriage (or any relationship) is like a garden, both side needs to put in hard work to cultivate the land, nourish it, take out the weed or else the relationship will go south like a waste land.

I memorized Jeremiah 29:11-12 because it is such a beautiful verse of hope that keeps the weary going. In my cabinet of X files (meaning questions I have for God that I find no good answers). One question is the way God deal with people. It is as if he set people up to fail. If he has not allowed Satan to enter the garden of Eden, I would think Adam & Eve would still be happily doing their job. It is akin to a father who let a drug peddler to enter his home to seduce his children. The children will likely fail and one strike and you are out. Is this reasonable ? In the same way, for some single men, who have this desire for sex and want to do it properly but do not know how and where to find this partner. What do you expect him to do ?

Some one compare our spiritual journey is like a beautiful rug in the making. When we look at the rug's underside, it is all insane, mindless stitches. But when you turn it over, it is master piece of beautiful design. God's work in mankind will never end till we died. With 40 years of walking with Christ, I sure hope so. Most of my experience so far, I admit it must be caused by self inflicted sins, is the underside of the rug.

On another subject, please pray for me on this email I sent to this local farm to inquire if they have opportunity for me to work and learn. I want to channel my energy into positive things. Crazy as it seems, may be from the teaching of my years of Seventh Day Adventist, the prophecy and the book of revelation have big influence in my outlook. I think learning basic skills like farming is a good skill to have for dark days ahead. BTW: I choose 144:1 as the verse for the avatar images. Whatever strange experience we may have maybe God's way to train us for the special assignments ahead.

It is Friday morning, I wish you all a happy day. Enjoy life ! More later

 

[blackribbon]

I will pray for you.

However, if you can't stay pure outside of a marriage, how will you stay pure inside a marriage when a physical relationship is not possible....for example, during business trips, during separations like when she has to go home and help with her family, when she is pregnant and you are told "no intimacy because it can cause a premature labor"....or the 6-8weeks after the baby is born and she is healing... Married life is full of times when a husband and a wife can not come together and sometimes these can be for a significant period of time. Trust, this kind of trust, that you know that your spouse loves you enough to holster his lust when you can't be together, is a huge part of a successful marriage. You are saying that you probably can't be trusted by your own admission. Sex is a benefit of marriage but not a reason to get married in God's plan.

I am among the widowed who was used to a regular satisfying sexual life that was ended during his radiation treatment and was completed with his death. I am not saying that it is easy but I think it is a cop-out to say that you can't live without sex. I also wouldn't want to be the woman you married because I'd have trust issues with you forever. You are not mature enough to be married until you truly know how to sacrifice your desires for someone else because that is a large part of what marriage can be at times. You don't wait to practice this until the ring and the ceremony but rather demonstrate this from before you meet your future wife and through the dating/engagement period.

And I would not assume that a drug dealer could entice everyone to try or continue to use drugs. The real question is who do you want to please most, yourself and your desires or your God. Your sins and the consequences fall on you, not on Adam or Eve. They made their own mistakes and had to live with their own consequences.

 

[blackribbon]

How do you deal with these feelings? Maybe try recognizing and actually imagine that every woman you start to lust after, regardless of her station in life, is an actual precious daughter of The King. He knows every desire and hurt that is in her heart. Treat her accordingly because one day you will have to stand before Jesus on the judgement day and account for your life. Are you ready to stand in front of Him and recite your conquests of the women (whom were made in His image and were precious to Him) that you laid with but didn't bother to marry? What if your treatment of a woman played a huge part in why she turned her back on Jesus at some point in her life? Are you ready to face your God and claim that stating only that "boys will be boys, Jesus" and "I had an itch that needed to be scratched"?

Making the right choices is easy if you really live your life with the motivation that each day should be lived to please God. If you live it any other way, then you are admitting that your own desires are really your god.

 

[wwjosh19]

Hi Blackribbon,

I think I will take a break to carry our thread sharing later on.

Just heard from the local farm I inquired of their work and spent the last few minutes responded. I know nothing about farming other then being a weekend gardener. It is a 100% CSA, first time I heard about this term that means a community Supported Agriculture (WHAT IS CSA? | Just Food). I answered the manager's questions with candor. They are looking for someone who will be manning the barn where all kinds of veggie will be shown in bulk. One question they asked is if one can lift 40lb weigh. I said, I can but not all day long. Biggest issue may be the hours as I can only do it in weekends. Interesting what this will lead me.

 

[wwjosh19]

BTW: my younger girl will be home for her spring break. Well, short stay anyway just a couple days then she will head to Miami. I really look forward to seeing her. I have a bulging folder saving all the keepsakes all through the 2 girls' school years. So sweet to read them from time to time. They are so delighted I text them what I have too. Children are such blessings. Please add to your prayer list to pray for my 2 girls, both non-believers. Thanks.

 

[blackribbon]

I will be praying for your family

 

[wwjosh19]

Thanks, taking my younger girl to the airport for her Miami trip this morning. My stomach is in knots thinking about 2 girls (her school mate) in a party city. Need to stop worry an trust them to God. I will bake them a corn bread as sendoff.

I am thankful for the forum and all the sharing. Like a mirror when we talk to see who we really are. It will continue to be a struggle to overcome all the personal shortcomings. Focusing in doing good and channel energy in physical activities are good. I am exploring archery (researching what kind of bow to buy now, then find a local club to join). Because of my fishman neighbor, I started fishing again. A trip is planned for Hyannis/Cape Cod in June. Really look forward to it. In the nature is so therapeutic. My 2 girls were talking about a trip to the west coast, rent a car in LA and drive north along the pacific coast line. Will be such great daddy-and-girls time, only if they have time for the old man. Kids are just so busy nowadays.

 

[wwjosh19]

However, if you can't stay pure outside of a marriage, how will you stay pure inside a marriage when a physical relationship is not possible..

I think nearly all the men I know, I included, are mostly faithful in their marriage to their mate. They will not wantonly go around looking for relationship outside their marriage. There maybe isolated incidents when they went astray (like in a business trip) or commit adultery (in Jesus's standard) by having impure thought with a women (like glaring at an attractive lady in the metro and let the thought drifts). I do not know of any statistics of married men. I think most if not all have committed some form of the aforementioned infraction. The point I am trying to share is that if you are single, without that special someone to share your life, it will be a struggle to stay pure. My question is how to deal with it. Not too many people has the gift of being single.

Thanks for the prayer. My younger girl had a safe trip in Miami and back to college safely. I think I watch too many crime TV and became paranoid. I also heard from the farm that I want to work and they said I will be a good fit for their customer services . Unfortunately, they do not have position right now for me (being full time with current work). I told them I am off Friday and like to volunteer to do mundane work. Waiting to hear from them.

 

[rubyinprogress]

It is 1143. I went to bed early after a long day, slept and just woke up. I am puzzled with this same recurring dreams in my life. I dreamed of the same girl I had such big crush on in the college ministry days, that it was 40 years ago ? It is reflective moment like this after such dream that is most depressing. With a failed marriage after 28 years and several bad relationships after that, I am cynical with each year went by, I wonder if I ever will find the love I so craved all my life. I really wonder loud why God make it so hard for singles to meet some one who they can support each other spiritually. May be just me, as a man, I have to admit my short coming, I need spiritual as well as physical fulfilment. Put it very crudely, what a man needs is love, respect and intimacy. I would add good food to the formula.

I met many Christians who seems (or at least express their view) that Jesus is all they need, and they are so satisfied with Jesus's love they do not need anything else.

What is your experience in this ? is this true ? In as much as I think I want Jesus, I still have this deep longing for female relationship. A void and emptiness that can not be filled by Jesus alone. There is a lot of metaphor about "a marrying to Jesus", a bride etc., It just does not work for me.

The consequence of living as single, for me at least, is never ending struggle (and losing battles) of overcoming purity sins. May be I am overly naïve to think that if God miraculously give me a girlfriend, I would be able overcome my purity sins but I never get a chance to know. Why is God withholding such blessing for me (or some of us)?

The other evil twin of impurity is gluttony. For me it work hand in hand, when I am lonely, I eat compulsively. Food substitute intimacy.

Some advises I received in the past is the pray more, use God's word like Jesus did in the desert or claim his promises in overcoming temptation (and there are many very beautiful verses like 1 Corinthians 10:13), buddy system to hold each other responsible. I honestly tried, only work for a time. When the beast strike, it struck double down with vengeance and the fall is all the more painful. When I sin, I repent and try to do better. It is the same sick cycle repeating over again. The beast is always there waiting to pounce. How can you slay this lust/gluttony beast once and for all ? I do not fight anymore.

If Jesus is all we need why did God say 'it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable'. Think about the context of that...before the fall...God walked with Adam, no sin, no hardships, unhindered fellowship with God. Where does Scripture say Jesus is all we need and why is it only married people who are so sure of this. It is true...marriage won't fill the aching loneliness that only He can fill, but God also isn't going to fill the smaller void that He designed to draw us to each other. Not because He couldn't but because in His wisdom He says it is not good for us to be alone.

 

[wwjosh19]

Not because He couldn't but because in His wisdom He says it is not good for us to be alone.

Apostle Paul was a good example why being single work was God's divine plan. I could easily imagine if Paul was married, he will be so tangled with married life that we would not have the books in NT. For ordinary people, marriage is a mixed bag. Single and married both have its good and not so good. If I have to choose, I would stay single and fulfill my life with meaningful work.

 

[dayhiker]

Having been single and then married and now single with GFs ... I find it much better to figure out what works for me and ask if what I want fits in with what the other person wants. If they would like some variation of what I want, then lets talk about it.
It really helped me when I found out that marriage was a covenant. In Bible days the fathers planned the marriages for their kids because kids were considered property of the father. Depending on what the fathers were looking for the covenant could be different. For example many of Solomon's wives came to him as a clause in a covenants with other city states. While for fathers of farmers and herders the marriage covenant would have been different for their kids.