SAHM's

[Grand_Duchess-Elizaveta]

SAHM = Stay At Home Moms [FYI].

This poll is not just for women who are already a SAHM, but for anyone who has an opinion on it (men included).

I think I have always wanted to be a SAHM, even before becoming a Christian, so I have always been somewhat mystified by women who have no desire to do it. PLEASE....this is not meant to be judgmental, but I am curious as to how important Orthodox folks think it is that a child have a mother (or father, I guess) providing care for him/her at home, instead of daycare or babysitters. I have been somewhat surprised at the low number of Orthodox moms I know who choose to stay at home, and I know the decision is not always about finances (actually, I think it's rarely about that).

So, here's the poll:

 

[Shubunkin]

I was a SAHM.

 

[kamikat]

I have been a SAHM since before my first was born (bedrest). When I think about it realistically, I understand why moms want to go back to work. Typically, most working moms go back to work when their children are infants, which is the most stressful time of parenting. They never know SAH parenting of a toddler or preschooler. Infancy is VERY difficult, boring and isolating. If you aren't comitted to being a SAHM, going back to work is the easy way out. Once the baby is old enough to be able to enjoy things like playgroups and playgrounds, mommy and me classes, it becomes much enjoyable to be home with your children. I also know many moms who have gone back to work once their kids go to school. I don't get that either. Sure, there's a chunk of time when they're in school, but you spend more time in the car, volunteering in the classroom, helping homework, ect. Then, there's a whole new childcare situation of finding care before and after school, holidays, sick days, ect. To me, it looks even harder to managing working and kids when they're in school, at least until they're old enough to stay home by themselves, but then you've got the worry about drugs and alcohol if they're teens with no supervision. Sure, being home means we can't afford vacations or the local community pool, but we get by.

 

[Khaleas]

I'm a stay at home dog mom even now.
I will stay at home as long as we can financially afford it but definitely when we get kids. I can support my husband's work a lot better this way because it's not your normal 9-5 and this way I can take a lot of stress off his shoulders. I do do a lot more of the housework but since I don't work it's only fair. He helps out a fair share but there are many areas where I have the sole burden and I don't complain. We get a lot more time together this way and that's what is meaningful in the end.

 

[rusmeister]

Chesterton wrote some wonderful stuff in defense of SAHMs (100 years ago!)

I would give woman, not more
rights, but more privileges. Instead of sending her to seek
such freedom as notoriously prevails in banks and factories, I
would design specially a house in which she can be free.

"What's Wrong With the World"
​

 

[cobweb]

I was a SAHM for a little over 5 years. It had its good points and its bad. Right now I am working nights and weekends (part time). Part of me likes working and part of me wishes that I could be a SAHM again.

I say, whatever floats your boat.

 

[rainbowbright]

I'm a SAHM and have been since my first was born. Even though we can't afford for me to stay home and we just filed for bankruptcy, we figure it's in the children's best interest for a parent to be home and since my husband has the degree, he gets to do all the work paycheck-wise. Yes, we live in a two-bedroom 4plex for the time being and have to buy generic brands, but at least I can take all the credit for raising my kids. I think when they are all in school and we don't have anymore in diapers after that, I will probably go back to school myself because once the nest is empty, I will probably go stircrazy and will want a career at that point.

 

[ufonium2]

I think you can't really judge it until you've done it. I stay at home, although I have some other obligations, and for me it's pretty crazy-making. Some people really take to it, though, so your mileage may vary.

 

[DavidBryan]

My wife was a SAHM the first year of our daughter's life (summer of 05-Summer of 06), then had to work in order to finish up her master's degree this past school year...now that she's done with that, she'll be back at home with daughter #1 and our (Lord willing) new arrival, due this July.

I am so proud of her for seeing what's important...she actually brought me around!

 

[ufonium2]

I also have to say that I resent the idea that if a woman wants a career, it is for selfish reasons. If a man works like a dog and makes good money, nobody asks who is keeping the kids. Heck, if a woman works at McDonald's, people treat her like a martyr for working to support her family. But if a woman has a good job, especially if she enjoys that job, she's being selfish.

 

[Xpycoctomos]

I voted fro the first one although i certainly wouldn't judge moms who don't become SAHMs even if their finances are in order. My wife ideally wants to be a SAHM and financially we would be able to stretch it, but she said she would have to have some kind of part time job just to get out of the house and have time away. I can't blame her adn i certainly won't ever expect her to be a SAHM. I just think it's ideal.

 

[Xpycoctomos]

I also have to say that I resent the idea that if a woman wants a career, it is for selfish reasons. If a man works like a dog and makes good money, nobody asks who is keeping the kids. Heck, if a woman works at McDonald's, people treat her like a martyr for working to support her family. But if a woman has a good job, especially if she enjoys that job, she's being selfish.

I agree, however, i do believe that IN GENERAL there is a special bond between the mother and child that cannot be fully replaced by the father. Not only have I heard many experienced people say this is true, and not only have I observed this, but it makes sense from a purely anthropological POV.

But I agree with your premise. I don't think it is necessarily selfish of the mom to feel she needs a career. It is important as a parent to look after your personal mental welfare. if you work at home all day and get depressed and begin to lose ambitions and drive, this can turn into something very serious. The idea is not always attainable nor is it always responsible.

John

 

[Orthosdoxa]

I'm with Dr. Laura all the way on this one.

And Kami was right, that with babies it can be very isolating - with two it's even harder - just getting out of the house is an ordeal. But small babies just need their mommies, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

BTW, a study just recently came out showing that the more hours a kid spent in daycare, the more likely he was to have behavioral problems. I think "institutionalized" daycare is a crock. If mom can't be there, hopefully it's dad or grandma or something. But when they're small, Mom is best.

 

[Grand_Duchess-Elizaveta]

I agree, however, i do believe that IN GENERAL there is a special bond between the mother and child that cannot be fully replaced by the father. Not only have I heard many experienced people say this is true, and not only have I observed this, but it makes sense from a purely anthropological POV.
John

I think it's not only anthropological, but also biblical. From a scriptural standpoint, I think men and women are suppose to have different roles in the family. I think the Church Fathers would also support this, but I obviously haven't read every single Father (nor has every father written about it).

 

[Grand_Duchess-Elizaveta]

I'm with Dr. Laura all the way on this one.

And Kami was right, that with babies it can be very isolating - with two it's even harder - just getting out of the house is an ordeal. But small babies just need their mommies, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

BTW, a study just recently came out showing that the more hours a kid spent in daycare, the more likely he was to have behavioral problems. I think "institutionalized" daycare is a crock. If mom can't be there, hopefully it's dad or grandma or something. But when they're small, Mom is best.

I couldn't agree more. I've worked in 2 different daycare centers before and have seen how inadequate the care is, even in the best of centers.

 

[NyssaTheHobbit]

It would probably be a lot easier to be either--a SAHM or a mother with an outside job--if we still lived in close-knit communities. These days, new mothers often have nobody around to help them with childcare. I've read that in the olden days, grandparents often cared for the kids if both parents had to work. I see staying at home to be the ideal, but not always possible.

 

[Philothei]

I was at home mom for the first 5 years. We hardly made it but it was worth it. In all honesty I did not want to work right away until she went to kindergarten. Then we switched for a while and my husband stayed at home as he had a full time job but less time consuming ... (small parish) while working on his master's. It was fun to start working. I have to admitt I would rather clean the house and stuff than deal with a demanding boss!

I voted "yes, I would be a SAHM if the couple could afford it" .

I look at it this way it is not worth it sometimes to work since all your pay will go right back to the daycare...It is better to find a job later when they go to school... that is my opinion and 2 cents...
By the way my daughter went to pre-school when she was 2 and a half and she loved it. She had pre-school all the way until kindergarten I would have gone bunkers if she did not....I had about four hours to myself everyday and that was just great

God bless,
Philothei

 

[Xpycoctomos]

I'm with Dr. Laura all the way on this one.

And Kami was right, that with babies it can be very isolating - with two it's even harder - just getting out of the house is an ordeal. But small babies just need their mommies, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

BTW, a study just recently came out showing that the more hours a kid spent in daycare, the more likely he was to have behavioral problems. I think "institutionalized" daycare is a crock. If mom can't be there, hopefully it's dad or grandma or something. But when they're small, Mom is best.

i have no doubt that this correlation says something about daycare... but I think we have to keep in mind all the same that it is only a correlation. It could be very well be not so much the day care itself (although i wouldn't doubt it in many cases) but the demographic that day care appeals to. Meaning, perhaps most of the parents that send their kids to day care ALSO have poor parenting skills. (Please understand, I do not mean that if you send you're kid to day care you have poor parenting skills, I am only saying that for many of these parents the poor parenting may have preceeded the day care).

Does that make sense?

 

[Xpycoctomos]

I was at home mom for the first 5 years. We hardly made it but it was worth it. In all honesty I did not want to work right away until she went to kindergarten. Then we switched for a while and my husband stayed at home as he had a full time job but less time consuming ... (small parish) while working on his master's. It was fun to start working. I have to admitt I would rather clean the house and stuff than deal with a demanding boss!

I voted "yes, I would be a SAHM if the couple could afford it" .

I look at it this way it is not worth it sometimes to work since all your pay will go right back to the daycare...It is better to find a job later when they go to school... that is my opinion and 2 cents...
By the way my daughter went to pre-school when she was 2 and a half and she loved it. She had pre-school all the way until kindergarten I would have gone bunkers if she did not....I had about four hours to myself everyday and that was just great

God bless,
Philothei

Sounds very sensible.

 

[Philothei]

No ... but we forgive you lol... Do you mean that mothers who send their kids to daycare "forget" after a while how to parent?
Just paraphrasing here....

I never looked at it that way... maybe you got a point.

hmmm

Philothei