I dont know much about True Love Waits, but I definitly decided a long time ago that I was waiting until married.
My beliefs were strengthened and become more evolved and steadfast after reading Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West. He has some amazing insights into it.
Another thing- Celibacy and Chastity arent about not having sex until your married. Here is a little something I wrote a couple months back on the subject. I still need to do a final revision, but its still pretty good:
What is chastity? This is a question many teenagers find themselves asking themselves as a result of thinking about or being involved in the dating arena. Others ask themselves this as well.
Most people think of chastity as a list of dos and donts. Yet is this the right perspective?
To understand chastity, we must understand marriage. To understand marriage, we must examine the relationship between Christ, the bridegroom, and the Church, His bride, our example. Christ laid down His life for His Church. Why? So that His outpouring of grace might save those in her. So what does this tell us about marriage? Christ gave up His life for His bride that her members might enter Heaven. This is the purpose of marriage- to die to self, and become one, helping lead the other closer to heaven. Ephesians 5:23 talks about this: For the husband is the head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. He led His bride to heaven. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands that they are to love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Husbands are supposed to prepare their wives for presentation before God, and to help them to become pure in His sight, without stain or blemish.
So now that we explored marriage some, what does this tell us about chastity? Chastity is supposed to be applied to the pre-marriage relationship. Now, looking at this correctly, the sole purpose of dating should be to begin to enter into a deeper relationship with someone we could foresee as our spouse. This is because dating for short-term purposes only is really equivalent to using somebody. Also, recreational dating to see who you might want to marry is ridiculous, because you are debasing that person to a piece of meat, to see which parts you like, which parts you dont, and then you are going to throw them away. Dating should be for the sole purpose of pursuing a deeper relationship with marriage being in the picture. You dont have to be completely focused and set on marrying this person, but it should be a likely possibility.
In the Song of Songs, the lover says in chapter five, verse one I have come to my garden, my sister, my bride. So what does this mean? First of all, some background. The Song of Songs is a book of love poetry about a lover and his beloved. The lover is God, the beloved is His people. He uses the traditional marriage setting which is used to characterize the relationship between God and Israel. This same characterization is used by Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel too. This is why the lover uses the term bride. This is also a foreshadowing of Christ as the bridegroom, and the people with whom He has a covenant with, His bride. Now, as to the sister aspect, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. The lover treats His bride as His sister as well. So think now to the typical older brother, younger sister scenario when it comes to dating. The brother is usually overprotective of the sister. This is exactly what should happen in dating. That boyfriend/girlfriend, or even just your friends, is your brother/sister in Christ and should be treated as such. This means that lust should not be in the picture, and neither should sex or petting. Brothers usually want to protect the sexual purity of their sisters. Using this model, and that from the Song of Songs, we are called to protect the purity of those we love.
Sex should not be in the picture for several reasons. First of all, the term sex is better defined as the marital embrace. This right away eliminates any use of it outside of marriage. Secondly, marriage is a sacrament. A sacrament is a physical sign of a heavenly grace. With baptism, we are immersed in water. With marriage, the physical sign is when the vows become flesh, which is in the marital embrace. The marriage vows include giving yourself totally, freely, fruitfully, and faithfully. These are reflective of Christs love. Breaking any one of these during the marital embrace, when the vows become flesh, is the same as breaking your wedding vows. If you havent professed any vows, you shouldnt be having sex.
So if you are dating someone, you should want the best for him or her. Brad Henning defines love as choosing the highest good for the other person. Dating should be a precept to marriage in that dating should consist of the continued and deepening purification of both people involved in preparation for marriage. If you are dating someone, you should be looking to prepare him or her for marriage, whether it be to you or someone else. You should want to protect them, their hearts, and their purity, so that they can truly make a gift of themselves to their spouse.
And this is the meaning of chastity. It shouldnt be viewed as a list of dos and donts, but rather you should ask yourself What can I do to protect his or her purity? This should be the focus, because with dos and donts, it is more focused on the self, where as with this new radical view that is foreign to so many, it is other-oriented, which is what dating and marriage are all about. Focusing on a list of dos and donts is more like a list created by others. When you have this view of purity, it is more focused on a love for the other person (as a brother or sister in Christ), which is what it should be about. So, when looking at chastity and questions regarding chastity, ask yourself, Will this lead him or her closer to Christ? Will it sanctify him or her? Will it leave him or her with a spot or blemish? Will it make him or her unholy? Will it lead him or her to sin? Even kissing can lead someone to lust, which is why kissing is something that should be approached very carefully, and a reason many wait until much much later in the relationship to kiss. And when taken to the extent of making out, then the likelihood of lust emerging is much more likely. Also, what is kissing really? Does making out really express love? Also, when introducing a level of physicality such as kissing into a relationship, steps should be taken to ensure that physicality doesnt become a main focus in the relationship. When the physical aspect of a relationship rises, the focus changes to that of a more physical relationship, especially in dating.
Purity of heart is the key to a relationship, and chastity should be a tool that is used to help keep the other person pure of heart. In marriage, you give yourself to your spouse as a gift. In a dating relationship, you shouldnt do this, but should take steps to keep your boyfriend or girlfriend pure by making the commitment to his or her purity of heart. Guard their heart for them, in case they are unwilling to do so themselves, so that when they are at the altar, they can truly give themselves to their spouse, wholy. This is love, choosing the highest good for the other person.
