rules for older young adults

[steve221]

I would be interested to hear what kind of house rules anyone here uses for young adults living at home. Especially in the area of dating.

 

[JeanR]

I may be unusual because my younger daughter's husband lived with us while they were single and my son's girlfriend lived with us for 9 months. She recently moved out.

The kids knew how my husband and I would feel about living together before marriage and they all had their own bedrooms. I'm not stupid, I know how things are, but they were very respectful of our feelings.

As far as their coming and going, I take the stand that they are adults and I try not to interfere. At the same time, they know I would not put up with people sleeping over or any partying. I do ask if they are going away over night to let me know, more out of courtesy than anything else. We really haven't had any problems with three of our kids. They are all pretty quiet and not wild.

I do have one daughter who does not live with us. She is bi-polar and was not respectful of my husband and I or the other kids. We did have to tell her if she could not be respectful of us she would have to move out. That was hard to do, but her behavior was intolerable. She is 28 and in her final year of college. I do pay her rent and cell phone bill to help her out until she graduates. However, we very rarely hear from her.

 

[gengwall]

Very much the same. Our 21 yo lives with us right now. We do not control her comings and goings except if there are extenuating transportation circumstances. We also would not control her dating activity outside of our house. We trust we have raised her to be responsible and follow God's will, and to date she has not given us any cause to doubt her. If she were to bring someone to our house, house rules would certainly apply.

 

[TexasSky]

The best system I have seen is to treat your adult child like a renter.

Try to give them a "private" entrance to the room they sleep in. If you cannot do that, at least try to give them as much privacy as you can without sacrificing your home to them totally.

Ask them to contribute financially. It doesn't have to be a lot. Even $25 a week helps.

Tell them, flat out, what does bother you, and tell them that if they are going to do those things, you do not want it flaunted in front of you or in front of siblings.

 

[b.a.t]

Yes I agree. You must lay down the ground rules.
In our house my 19 yr old knows she is not allowed to have a male stay over she understands that and appreciates that.

 

[RedTulipMom]

I have a 19 yr old son and for the most part he comes and goes as he pleases and does what he wants. Certain things arent acceptable in my home and he knows it like inappropriate contentography, drinking underage, drugs, swearing, etc. I don't say anything about who he dates or hangs around with since he is and adult. I do ask him to be quiet in the kitchen in the middle of the night as i have small children sleeping. I charge him $50 per month for his rent and make him pay his own cell phone, car insurance and gas for his car. Thats about all i can think of.

 

[Cascade]

No smoking -drinking-parties. No one in my home overnight that I don't know. And NO CUSSING

 

[Wanda Lee]

If kids lived at home after 18 they had to follow our rules. In all areas - they had to let us know where they were going and when they would be home.

 

[lawtonfogle]

I would be interested to hear what kind of house rules anyone here uses for young adults living at home. Especially in the area of dating.

Well I can tell you the rules my parents give me. Granted, I spend most my time at college, but live enough at home. They told me I had to cut back on my language (no, I wasn't cursing, but they don't won't me saying things like shut up and stupid). As to dating, I actually think my father might be happier if I brought a girlfriend home, as I have limited enough experience dating it worries my father.

In general though, there hasn't been much need to set ground rules. My father is aging so I am starting to pick up more of the physical work down around the house, and I tend to do a lot of cooking when I'm home. This summer when I graduate is going to be interesting. I should be able to get a well paying job, but it will still save money for me to live at home, not to mention all my siblings really enjoy the time I spend with them. In general though, as long as I get a job I think everyone is going to be happy.

 

[JaneFW]

I would be interested to hear what kind of house rules anyone here uses for young adults living at home. Especially in the area of dating.

Our eldest son who is 18, almost 19, has been dating a girl for two years. She is only just 16, so we have always been very concerned about the age gap! They spend some evenings at her family's home, and they spend some evenings here. They don't go out an awful lot, because my son is in college, and he is trying to save money.

When they are at our house, they can watch movies in his room, but his door is always kept open. He has two younger brothers who are in and out of the bedrooms, and so are we, so they know that. We do not ever leave them alone in our home, although this has been a source of contention with our son. But oh well .. we are taking care of him, and of her, and making sure they don't rush into anything! That said, I know that her mom has allowed them to be alone in her friend's home, babysitting a child until 3am. *sigh* This is so far out of what I consider to be smart, but y'know, she's not my daughter, and I can't control what the mom allows her to do.

We have talked to our son a lot about the choices that he should make, and what is smart for him, and healthy, and what is God's will. He's questioning his faith a lot, and arguing about why he should obey God's will, but all we can do is keep up our part of vigiliance, and keep on praying!

There is no drinking alcohol, he is underage anyway. We ask him to guard his behavior, bad words, grown-up 'themes' etc. He's a good guy. I don't really have any complaints.

 

[homeofmew]

Im 25 and I'm allowed to do whatever I want when it comes to dating :/.
As long as a girl and a guy are alone with a guy in a room overnight I guess anything else other than that is ok :/.

 

[Cascade]

Every young adult we have in our home knows we are the boss. I have had no problems.