responding to foul talk around you

[ryewolf]

Hi brothers and sisters, I could use some advice in an area that I really struggle in.

When I am surrounded by others who are talking in foul or crude language, I really don't know how to respond. This mostly happens at work as almost all of my close friends are Christian. If the foul language is from a group of people, I tend to ignore the conversation. But the other day I got stuck in a conversation with one other woman and no one else was in the room. I don't know her very well but she does talk a lot and it's hard to get a word in with her. She began talking about how her boyfriend is not her type physically and she never thought she would be with him. But then she said how they had intercourse and how that changed things (don't want to go too much into detail of what she told me but it was definitely TMI) and now they've been together for 2 years. Then she said "I don't understand anyone who wants to wait until marriage. No way am I going to do that". In my heart I knew that she was talking about people like me who WILL be waiting until marriage. But in that moment where I was all alone, I just couldn't say "oh well I'm definitely planning to wait" and talk about my faith. The reason is that I am very avoidant of any conflict, arguments, testing of or questioning of my faith by others, and of awkward moments. So I tend to remain quiet. But I don't feel right about this. I know I need to be bold in my faith.

But how do I do this? I will certainly be praying for boldness and and courage in this area, but what would you have done? How would you have responded to this?

 

[IceJad]

Dear Ryewolf,

Remember that our Lord Jesus said that we are in this world but not of it John 17:14-19. And He asked the Father that we are not to be taken out of the world for we are chosen to spread His Words and Salvation.

We can't remove ourselves from the unpleasantness of the people around us. Neither should we try to remove ourselves. If you don't experience the world you will never be able to be a testimony to the world. It will make you awkward in your social skills.

Jesus didn't removed Himself from the poor and lowly people. He equally seek company with the rich, tax collectors, fishermen, priests and all sort of individuals. But Lord Jesus is clear about Him being not of this world.

Here's a little tip on dealing with conversations that seems to take aim at your faith and principles:

1) Be neutral and reply more objectively by removing yourself as the subject. In your example sex before marriage: you can enter the conversation with "Well, everyone is his/her own creature. Free to choose their own actions."

2) Participate in the talk but not engage in the foulness. Your replies need not be full of the same foul words. You can voice your opinions without them.

3) Don't judge them by the words they use but by the content of the conversation. I find this the most challenging but also most rewarding. Some of my best friends use foul language constantly but they mean well. I need not engage in the same but we can still talk heart to heart. But I do indulge them from time to time by throwing out a curse or two which surprise them. Because they got so use to me not using them. In time they will get use to you being not the cursing type. You don't have to be like me who uses some foulness now and then.

 

[Tolworth John]

Hi brothers and sisters, I could use some advice in an area that I really struggle in.

When I am surrounded by others who are talking in foul or crude language, I really don't know how to respond. This mostly happens at work as almost all of my close friends are Christian. If the foul language is from a group of people, I tend to ignore the conversation. But the other day I got stuck in a conversation with one other woman and no one else was in the room. I don't know her very well but she does talk a lot and it's hard to get a word in with her. She began talking about how her boyfriend is not her type physically and she never thought she would be with him. But then she said how they had intercourse and how that changed things (don't want to go too much into detail of what she told me but it was definitely TMI) and now they've been together for 2 years. Then she said "I don't understand anyone who wants to wait until marriage. No way am I going to do that". In my heart I knew that she was talking about people like me who WILL be waiting until marriage. But in that moment where I was all alone, I just couldn't say "oh well I'm definitely planning to wait" and talk about my faith. The reason is that I am very avoidant of any conflict, arguments, testing of or questioning of my faith by others, and of awkward moments. So I tend to remain quiet. But I don't feel right about this. I know I need to be bold in my faith.

But how do I do this? I will certainly be praying for boldness and and courage in this area, but what would you have done? How would you have responded to this?

It is all very well praying to be bold, praying for opertunities etc etc
But do you know how to explain what and why you believe?

How to deal with foul language is to ask them not to use it.
A " Please don't use that offensive language."
It will generate conversation, name calling and more language.
One has to be consistent and ask them again and also to ask them why do they use those words?

You can remind these girls that historically it has been women who sort to raise standards of behaviour in society, they wouldn't live in a place that was a pigsty, so why are they prepared to live in a society with morals that are far lower than they could be?

Do your homework so you can explain the what and why of your faith and be prepared to ask what do you believe, why do you and what evidence do you have for that belief.

Your own explanation will not say ' I just believe!'

 

[eleos1954]

Hi brothers and sisters, I could use some advice in an area that I really struggle in.

When I am surrounded by others who are talking in foul or crude language, I really don't know how to respond. This mostly happens at work as almost all of my close friends are Christian. If the foul language is from a group of people, I tend to ignore the conversation. But the other day I got stuck in a conversation with one other woman and no one else was in the room. I don't know her very well but she does talk a lot and it's hard to get a word in with her. She began talking about how her boyfriend is not her type physically and she never thought she would be with him. But then she said how they had intercourse and how that changed things (don't want to go too much into detail of what she told me but it was definitely TMI) and now they've been together for 2 years. Then she said "I don't understand anyone who wants to wait until marriage. No way am I going to do that". In my heart I knew that she was talking about people like me who WILL be waiting until marriage. But in that moment where I was all alone, I just couldn't say "oh well I'm definitely planning to wait" and talk about my faith. The reason is that I am very avoidant of any conflict, arguments, testing of or questioning of my faith by others, and of awkward moments. So I tend to remain quiet. But I don't feel right about this. I know I need to be bold in my faith.

But how do I do this? I will certainly be praying for boldness and and courage in this area, but what would you have done? How would you have responded to this?

I don't "respond" ... I walk away .. or if not possible ... plug my ears.

 

[bèlla]

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. —James 1:19-20

I'm rarely in the situation you described. But when I encounter unpleasantness I use a combination of body language and modest communication to convey my point and silence them.

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. —Proverbs 10:19

I begin with a look that expresses bewilderment or confusion subtly. Best articulated as, am I really hearing this? The other party expects engagement or offense (if intentional). But I don't give them the satisfaction of getting under my skin.

Sometimes they fall silent or try to explain themselves or clean it up. My reply is simple. I see. If there's excessive profanity I'll say excuse me instead. Defiling my ears is not an option. I'm not required to entertain their baseness. In familiar settings, it's important to communicate boundaries or you'll encounter further infestations.

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. —Proverbs 17:27

My body language is closed. It impresses non reception on a mental level. Refusing to emote or play by their rules is disarming. If they want to address me they need to exercise decorum. Simply language will suffice. I don't accommodate expletives.

Many times they reign themselves in. They're testing the waters. They don't talk like that to everyone. But they'll pollute your ears if you allow it. I won't. That's my standard.

~Bella

 

[ryewolf]

I don't "respond" ... I walk away .. or if not possible ... plug my ears.

So if you were in a room with just one other person who was speaking to you, you would just get up and walk away without saying anything?

 

[eleos1954]

So if you were in a room with just one other person who was speaking to you, you would just get up and walk away without saying anything?

yep ... that's what I do ... have done so many times ... and if someone then asks me why I walked away or what I'm I doing or going ... I simply state being around foul language bothers me and I prefer to not be around it.

 

[Michie]

Hi brothers and sisters, I could use some advice in an area that I really struggle in.

When I am surrounded by others who are talking in foul or crude language, I really don't know how to respond. This mostly happens at work as almost all of my close friends are Christian. If the foul language is from a group of people, I tend to ignore the conversation. But the other day I got stuck in a conversation with one other woman and no one else was in the room. I don't know her very well but she does talk a lot and it's hard to get a word in with her. She began talking about how her boyfriend is not her type physically and she never thought she would be with him. But then she said how they had intercourse and how that changed things (don't want to go too much into detail of what she told me but it was definitely TMI) and now they've been together for 2 years. Then she said "I don't understand anyone who wants to wait until marriage. No way am I going to do that". In my heart I knew that she was talking about people like me who WILL be waiting until marriage. But in that moment where I was all alone, I just couldn't say "oh well I'm definitely planning to wait" and talk about my faith. The reason is that I am very avoidant of any conflict, arguments, testing of or questioning of my faith by others, and of awkward moments. So I tend to remain quiet. But I don't feel right about this. I know I need to be bold in my faith.

But how do I do this? I will certainly be praying for boldness and and courage in this area, but what would you have done? How would you have responded to this?

You do not need to be bold in your faith where everything turns into a debate. You can witness through your actions where people ask about you but that was not an opportunity to verbally witness imo. It would not have turned out well. You could of just said we are all different and simply walked away. I am completely turned off by those that just meet someone and proceeds to dump their sex life into other’s laps anyway. Not that we cannot discuss it with actual friends but someone we just met? Gross.

 

[blueberribear88]

Ignore it

 

[Michie]

Ignore it

We should not have to if certain people developed some scruples.