Repetitive Thoughts/condemnation over hobby

[Ivan57]

I’ve been growing in my faith as of late, but I constantly am hit with this same battle everyday.

I have been delivered from the old major sins in my life, and while I struggle occasionally they are no where near as powerful. I have been given the ability to say no.

However, I’ve realized now that I am called to go deeper. My whole life I have been more of a reclusive person. Outside of hanging out with friends, I’m always at home. I game a lot, watch YouTube/shows, and listen to a lot of music.I upgraded laptops during the summer and it was something I had wanted to do for a while. However, I thought of “maybe I should get such a good gaming laptop because I’ll be gaming too much again.” I prayed, but felt uneasy if I should do it or not. Eventually the laptop I wanted went on a sale and it was going to end by the end of the day and my brother and dad said “you should just get it now.” So I went and got it. I felt uneasy like I was ejecting God. My thoughts were “what if God wants you to give this up.”

I ended up gaming a lot at this time, and a bit ago cut back a lot. I realize now that I have gleamed so much of my satisfaction from these things. I realized they were idols and repent of loving these things above God. I thought “Jesus is Lord and I want Him to be Lord over this area.” However, as soon as I did my heart went “but what if he calls to give this up completely.” And it’s like everything in me seizes up and when I pray it feels forced. I get physically tense because I strain so hard “I repent I don’t want this over you.” And then I feel relief, yet I get the thought “what if you are called to give it up completely.” And I find myself not wanting to.

I don’t put gaming over church, fellowship, work or if I am called to do something. I really enjoy it, and game with some friends once a week or so in the evenings. But I realize how hard it is for me to give it up fully if I were called to. My mind goes “oh you can’t easily surrender this. Wow”

It becomes an obsession where if I do something like surrender to God in the moment when I’m angry and instead of lashing out act in love, my mind instantly goes “but will you throw your laptop away.” If I think of the victories over sin God has given me in my life my mind goes “oh but you’re not throwing the laptop away.”

I’ll even think about gaming for a bit but end up not doing it and sitting in front of the desk for 1-2 hours going “It’s ok to enjoy this and not let it be over anything else. No but since I am so hesitant to give it up it’s wrong and has to go. It’s fine gaming a bit with friends. But I feel unwilling to give it up if I were called so I have to toss it.”

So I pray “If you want me to get rid of gaming/the laptop please help me.” But instantly my mind goes back to it and goes “nope I’m not giving this up.” And I get feelings/thoughts of attachment to it.

I keep trying to force myself to give it up but I get thoughts
“If I throw it out I won’t have a laptop and don’t have money for a new one”
“What would my parents think if I just threw it away? They’d think I’m crazy and it was a huge waste of money”
“I enjoy gaming and don’t want to give it up, but don’t want it to be above the Lord.”

I basically feel unless I throw it away I am damned and I have to do it for Jesus to forgive me because if I don’t that part of me that doesn’t want to let it go completely causes that hesitation in repentance. I confess I really don’t want to give it up completely, I do want to honor the Lord with it and play far less, but this desire/temptation to play when I have free time makes me think it’s a stumbling block, yet then I go back to not wanting to just throw it out of my life.

The games I play aren’t sins, playing with friends isn’t sinful (I guess the condemnation part here is the friend I play with isn’t Christian).

I confess my attachment to these things need to be less and I’m cutting out a lot of game time. The new game used to be all I really thought about outside of friends, and I have OCD so it’s so ingrained in my mind to get these thoughts. It’s like losing gaming entirely is losing part of me; I love RPGs and the stories, tactical combat. I love the challenge they bring. But then I think Luke 14:33 “anyone who doesn’t renounce all that He has cannot be my disciple.” I feel Jesus rejects me because I can’t being myself to joyfully throw it away for Him if He calls me to. It feels like if He called me t there would be a lot of hesitations but in the end throw it away out of fear of punishment.

I pray constantly for Him to take them out of my heart but then I get thoughts “but I don’t want to throw them away” and feel like I’m lying so I can keep them/justify playing and feel condemned. I regret buying a good gaming laptop and wish I had got something more humble. I don’t play nearly as much as I used to and I realize I am to find my full satisfaction in Jesus, but I’m struggling letting things go completely.

At the same time, I realize doing something for Jesus forgiveness’ is wrong and we can’t earn it, throwing the laptop away won’t change my heart/make my problems go away. Yet there’s this part of me that rejoices in not having to throw it away. But I want to love the Lord first, yet these thoughts and feelings I get tell me I don’t want to/it’s impossible.

My prayer ends in

“Lord I want you first, I don’t want to just say that. If you call me to entirely give up these things, please help me and lead me down that path as I don’t have the strength. I don’t want to justify behavior, and I trust in Your goodness and mercy to change me despite my struggle. Please teach me and help me to love you first. I thank you for these things and the relaxation/happiness they bring, but please don’t let them be my joy.”

Yet right after I pray my heart latches onto the computer and goes “nope you didn’t mean that” and I have to pray the same thing again and again and again because it’s like for a second I hesitated or I didn’t trust Jesus enough. As soon as I put my trust in Him it’s like my heart grabs it back so I have to re-put it in there or it means I don’t trust Him. “I want you Jesus (no I don’t want to give games up fully won’t trust) no I put my trust in you please change me (you don’t mean it give up).”

It’s really tiring. A believing mentor of mine told me idols are things that we put over important things in life (ex. Gaming over going to work) and/or above doing what God wants us to. Yet my heart constantly feels like it wants these things over God with these thoughts and I get this sickening feeling only when I’m thinking about it. If God calls me to do something else instead of a game night I want to do His will, yet the fact that I struggle and find it hard to never do it again causes my thoughts to rise up against, say I have no faith in Jesus and am not His disciple. Then I pray to surrender it fully but he thoughts and feelings come and it feels like all of me doesn’t want to and I have to force myself to be ready to throw it away at a moment’s notice and j feel physical strain cause it’s like I’m praying against my body.

When I put my trust in Him my body doesn’t want that because that’s means the possibility of letting things go completely/forever but I want to grow behind this. It’s like if you were going to go on a hike or something fun with a friend that isn’t sin and then your mind goes “BUT WAIT YOU HAVE TO RE-ACCEPT JESUS AND BE WILLING TO NOT DO THIS THING.” And you go “but I want to do this thing” and your mind goes “then accept Jesus with the possibility of it meaning you don’t do this” and I do but then I find myself not wanting to not do the thing and then my mind goes “oh wow you would do this even if it meant rejecting Jesus.” And so it feels like according to my thoughts and feelings of condemnation unless I cease all activity that isn’t deep meditation or bible reading that it’s sin. If I enjoy something a lot, rather than just going “I give it to God” and put a check on it to keep it in its place, my mind say “give it up or die. Wow you’re hesitating even if Jesus wanted you to give it up. Your damned.” It’s getting really exhausting to the point of losing sleep. I’m starting therapy to think differently/break the patterns and meeting with my mentor do discern the truth from the lies. I’m sorry for the long post, I just needed to write out and organize my thoughts. Just now starting to fight this.

As soon as you realize something wrong or that needs improvement in your walk it’s like every single force imaginable opposes you and makes the most simple task a massive, life-altering decision. I’ll fight to trust in Jesus even though my entire body condemns me.

 

[Tolworth John]

I keep trying to force myself to give it up

I pray constantly for Him to take them out of my heart

It doesn't work that way. You have to make the effort and then God will support you.

May I suggest going in to your antivirus settings and putting a time limit on how long you can go on line or play games.
Be practical set a reasonable limit say one hour less than you currently spend playing games.
Give it a month and reduce the time some more.

But you also need to find something else to do. join a gym and attend that weekly, join some other club that meets regularly and attend it, or start reading books.

 

[Samaritan Woman]

Ivan57 -
Develop a new hobby to learn about and try to get outside more. Take 30 minute (minimum) walks without your cell phone so you can reconnect with the outside and really allow your mind to unwind. Given all your screen time, your attention span is most probably very short so I recommend taking up reading - go to your local library and find a topic that captures your attention; commit yourself to finishing your book even if you struggle with focusing and can only read 2-4 pages in the beginning.

 

[Mari17]

I’ve been growing in my faith as of late, but I constantly am hit with this same battle everyday.

I have been delivered from the old major sins in my life, and while I struggle occasionally they are no where near as powerful. I have been given the ability to say no.

However, I’ve realized now that I am called to go deeper. My whole life I have been more of a reclusive person. Outside of hanging out with friends, I’m always at home. I game a lot, watch YouTube/shows, and listen to a lot of music.I upgraded laptops during the summer and it was something I had wanted to do for a while. However, I thought of “maybe I should get such a good gaming laptop because I’ll be gaming too much again.” I prayed, but felt uneasy if I should do it or not. Eventually the laptop I wanted went on a sale and it was going to end by the end of the day and my brother and dad said “you should just get it now.” So I went and got it. I felt uneasy like I was ejecting God. My thoughts were “what if God wants you to give this up.”

I ended up gaming a lot at this time, and a bit ago cut back a lot. I realize now that I have gleamed so much of my satisfaction from these things. I realized they were idols and repent of loving these things above God. I thought “Jesus is Lord and I want Him to be Lord over this area.” However, as soon as I did my heart went “but what if he calls to give this up completely.” And it’s like everything in me seizes up and when I pray it feels forced. I get physically tense because I strain so hard “I repent I don’t want this over you.” And then I feel relief, yet I get the thought “what if you are called to give it up completely.” And I find myself not wanting to.

I don’t put gaming over church, fellowship, work or if I am called to do something. I really enjoy it, and game with some friends once a week or so in the evenings. But I realize how hard it is for me to give it up fully if I were called to. My mind goes “oh you can’t easily surrender this. Wow”

It becomes an obsession where if I do something like surrender to God in the moment when I’m angry and instead of lashing out act in love, my mind instantly goes “but will you throw your laptop away.” If I think of the victories over sin God has given me in my life my mind goes “oh but you’re not throwing the laptop away.”

I’ll even think about gaming for a bit but end up not doing it and sitting in front of the desk for 1-2 hours going “It’s ok to enjoy this and not let it be over anything else. No but since I am so hesitant to give it up it’s wrong and has to go. It’s fine gaming a bit with friends. But I feel unwilling to give it up if I were called so I have to toss it.”

So I pray “If you want me to get rid of gaming/the laptop please help me.” But instantly my mind goes back to it and goes “nope I’m not giving this up.” And I get feelings/thoughts of attachment to it.

I keep trying to force myself to give it up but I get thoughts
“If I throw it out I won’t have a laptop and don’t have money for a new one”
“What would my parents think if I just threw it away? They’d think I’m crazy and it was a huge waste of money”
“I enjoy gaming and don’t want to give it up, but don’t want it to be above the Lord.”

I basically feel unless I throw it away I am damned and I have to do it for Jesus to forgive me because if I don’t that part of me that doesn’t want to let it go completely causes that hesitation in repentance. I confess I really don’t want to give it up completely, I do want to honor the Lord with it and play far less, but this desire/temptation to play when I have free time makes me think it’s a stumbling block, yet then I go back to not wanting to just throw it out of my life.

The games I play aren’t sins, playing with friends isn’t sinful (I guess the condemnation part here is the friend I play with isn’t Christian).

I confess my attachment to these things need to be less and I’m cutting out a lot of game time. The new game used to be all I really thought about outside of friends, and I have OCD so it’s so ingrained in my mind to get these thoughts. It’s like losing gaming entirely is losing part of me; I love RPGs and the stories, tactical combat. I love the challenge they bring. But then I think Luke 14:33 “anyone who doesn’t renounce all that He has cannot be my disciple.” I feel Jesus rejects me because I can’t being myself to joyfully throw it away for Him if He calls me to. It feels like if He called me t there would be a lot of hesitations but in the end throw it away out of fear of punishment.

I pray constantly for Him to take them out of my heart but then I get thoughts “but I don’t want to throw them away” and feel like I’m lying so I can keep them/justify playing and feel condemned. I regret buying a good gaming laptop and wish I had got something more humble. I don’t play nearly as much as I used to and I realize I am to find my full satisfaction in Jesus, but I’m struggling letting things go completely.

At the same time, I realize doing something for Jesus forgiveness’ is wrong and we can’t earn it, throwing the laptop away won’t change my heart/make my problems go away. Yet there’s this part of me that rejoices in not having to throw it away. But I want to love the Lord first, yet these thoughts and feelings I get tell me I don’t want to/it’s impossible.

My prayer ends in

“Lord I want you first, I don’t want to just say that. If you call me to entirely give up these things, please help me and lead me down that path as I don’t have the strength. I don’t want to justify behavior, and I trust in Your goodness and mercy to change me despite my struggle. Please teach me and help me to love you first. I thank you for these things and the relaxation/happiness they bring, but please don’t let them be my joy.”

Yet right after I pray my heart latches onto the computer and goes “nope you didn’t mean that” and I have to pray the same thing again and again and again because it’s like for a second I hesitated or I didn’t trust Jesus enough. As soon as I put my trust in Him it’s like my heart grabs it back so I have to re-put it in there or it means I don’t trust Him. “I want you Jesus (no I don’t want to give games up fully won’t trust) no I put my trust in you please change me (you don’t mean it give up).”

It’s really tiring. A believing mentor of mine told me idols are things that we put over important things in life (ex. Gaming over going to work) and/or above doing what God wants us to. Yet my heart constantly feels like it wants these things over God with these thoughts and I get this sickening feeling only when I’m thinking about it. If God calls me to do something else instead of a game night I want to do His will, yet the fact that I struggle and find it hard to never do it again causes my thoughts to rise up against, say I have no faith in Jesus and am not His disciple. Then I pray to surrender it fully but he thoughts and feelings come and it feels like all of me doesn’t want to and I have to force myself to be ready to throw it away at a moment’s notice and j feel physical strain cause it’s like I’m praying against my body.

When I put my trust in Him my body doesn’t want that because that’s means the possibility of letting things go completely/forever but I want to grow behind this. It’s like if you were going to go on a hike or something fun with a friend that isn’t sin and then your mind goes “BUT WAIT YOU HAVE TO RE-ACCEPT JESUS AND BE WILLING TO NOT DO THIS THING.” And you go “but I want to do this thing” and your mind goes “then accept Jesus with the possibility of it meaning you don’t do this” and I do but then I find myself not wanting to not do the thing and then my mind goes “oh wow you would do this even if it meant rejecting Jesus.” And so it feels like according to my thoughts and feelings of condemnation unless I cease all activity that isn’t deep meditation or bible reading that it’s sin. If I enjoy something a lot, rather than just going “I give it to God” and put a check on it to keep it in its place, my mind say “give it up or die. Wow you’re hesitating even if Jesus wanted you to give it up. Your damned.” It’s getting really exhausting to the point of losing sleep. I’m starting therapy to think differently/break the patterns and meeting with my mentor do discern the truth from the lies. I’m sorry for the long post, I just needed to write out and organize my thoughts. Just now starting to fight this.

As soon as you realize something wrong or that needs improvement in your walk it’s like every single force imaginable opposes you and makes the most simple task a massive, life-altering decision. I’ll fight to trust in Jesus even though my entire body condemns me.

This sounds like classic OCD. Many Christians with OCD are obsessed about "giving up" something to God. All this worrying and over-thinking are strong indicators that this has become an OCD theme for you. Right now the important thing is to fight the OCD, which means doing the opposite of what it tells you (in your case, NOT giving up games). OCD wants us to be perfect, and to know everything perfectly, and that's just not possible. Until you KNOW in a calm, healthy way that you must give up gaming completely (which is not likely, since this is just OCD), give it a rest. It's important for you to stop trying to figure this out right now, even though that's what your brain really really wants you to do. Do the best you can to have a balanced approach toward gaming (which it sounds like you are doing), but as long as you feel anxious about giving up gaming, assume that it's OCD and refuse to give it up. If, after your OCD fades and you are able to think about this clearly again, you still feel like you should give up gaming, you can then, but it's not something you need to decide right now, regardless of how urgent OCD makes it feel. I'll post a link to an article I think you might find helpful; also, I'm part of another online group which has people with similar obsessions, so if you are interested in joining that, let me know and I'll give you the info. http://ocdandchristianity.com/?p=610

 

[Ivan57]

Thanks for the responses.

I’ve been praying, and come to realize the games I play latches aren’t wrong, but I was too focused on them. So I’ve cut back playing time a lot (went from 15-20 hours a week to now 6-8, sometimes 10 but only if I do a long session one day with friends, not solo). I’ve been looking for other things to replace it with hat are healthy and I can honor God with, and finding myself enjoying them in a healthier way and as a lower priority.

I realize my OCD took the problem “hey you’re way too focused on this” and blew it out of proportion. If God does call me to give gaming and other things up completely I want to obey Him. I realize too He will lead me in love, not go “give this up or be punished” but “there’s something better and of far more value I want you to do instead.”

I’m seeing a therapist (strategies to think in a new healthy way/break thought patterns) and discussing these things with my mentor (bring in Godly perspective) to re-train my mind.

Thanks guys!

 

[Mari17]

Thanks for the responses.

I’ve been praying, and come to realize the games I play latches aren’t wrong, but I was too focused on them. So I’ve cut back playing time a lot (went from 15-20 hours a week to now 6-8, sometimes 10 but only if I do a long session one day with friends, not solo). I’ve been looking for other things to replace it with hat are healthy and I can honor God with, and finding myself enjoying them in a healthier way and as a lower priority.

I realize my OCD took the problem “hey you’re way too focused on this” and blew it out of proportion. If God does call me to give gaming and other things up completely I want to obey Him. I realize too He will lead me in love, not go “give this up or be punished” but “there’s something better and of far more value I want you to do instead.”

I’m seeing a therapist (strategies to think in a new healthy way/break thought patterns) and discussing these things with my mentor (bring in Godly perspective) to re-train my mind.

Thanks guys!

Excellent insight! Spot on!!

 

[othersteeve]

Hi Ivan. I have read your post from February 3rd, 2018 and could relate to you 95% of the time if not more. My mind is all over the place trying to figure out if there is something that I am missing. I have been honest to Jesus about everything that is going on in my heart. And I am right there with you. I intellectually know and even believe that Jesus died for me, but where is the fire? Where are the feelings? Why cant I escape my worldliness? Am I just going to be chalked up with the rest of the folks who say they believe in Jesus but don't actually have a relationship with Him? I've been in this dark period for a little over a year and a half and I came to Christ in December 2016. These last few weeks have been grating on me and wearing me down. I am mentally and emotionally tired of it all. I have no clue. I am lost. I dont know what else it could be? I'm right there with you in reading the Word in a self-condemning way and yeah, Romans 9 is scary. Hebrews 6:4-8 is scary. 1 John is scary as a lot of my life doesn't look like that though I want to and try to...but then am I being authentic? It's a non-stop cycle. It's the big WHAT IF that stresses me out, trying to figure out if I really know Jesus or if I am self-deceived. I dont want to simply say I trust in You Jesus and live the rest of my days pursuing Him, croaking, and coming to realize I am one of those from Matthew 7. The heart thing you talked about...completely understandable. I want to but does my heart REALLY want to? I say I want with all the willpower and emotion I can muster behind my prayers...but does my heart REALLY mean it?? I am right there with you. It is hard and even debilitating at times. What can I do but continue to ask Jesus to help me and change me and seek possible answers and then pray for Jesus to fix them in me? I've literally just been reduced to repetitive prayers, groaning, and just stress overloads where I find my self screaming at/to Him in my car over and over that I CANT, I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. I dont know if it is me struggling to trust Him. Or what. Am I too far gone? As godless as Esau? Etc? Etc? ....Etc? I've stripped my life of things that got in the way between me and Him and I am still here. I do not know what else to do. I struggle with pride, people's self perception of me, arrogance, etc, yet I am honest to Jesus about it and want Him to just reset me. I try to wrap my heart around Him and the gospel but it seems that my heart bounces off Him. I can hear a worship song or read a few lines in an article that I look up in my distress and get momentary goosebumbs or feelings and comfort but no longer I am back in the mess. I dread it. I don't know what to do. Reading His word just seems like reading His word. Nothing seems to pop out. Words on paper.

 

[othersteeve]

A thing about me Ivan is before I came to Christ. I had a major problem with inappropriate contentography (though it wasnt a problem for me at the time because I didnt know Christ). But when I came to Him I was clean 8 months. I also gave up my gaming and my tv/movie stuff because I was on fire for Christ. But what do you know I went back to my idols. If you were to put me in a room with my gaming laptop. I would be on it 18 hours a day if possible. I started losing the fire and I found myself going back to these things. Social media was the 'gateway' to inappropriate contentography (you know social media nowadays). But I went back to it. I realized how much gaming on my laptop was wrecking me spiritually and with my attitude and deadness. So I stopped. Then I went back and played simple games that I could get up from whenever (like that tank game everyone is nuts about). Then I said okay I will only play it when I play with my brother, but even then I still played it, and my mind would think about it. Here was the problem for me with videogames. It took God's place in my heart, because I thought more about videogames, more like meditated more on videogames than I did God. I found that it made me go to other sins too like the inappropriate content and made me feel dead. Then I made the choice. I NEED to get rid of this gaming laptop. I didn't throw it away. Instead, I sold it on Ebay, while doing research for the suckiest laptop out there for gaming that was still fast for normal use. (Yes such lists exist). I ended up getting a lenovo yoga that runs great. I also realized I found myself thinking more about movies or tv than God. Fantasizing about being in a world that a movie or tv show portrays (you know). It deadens my desire for spiritual things and takes up the space in my heart. I absolutely love the theater dude. Especially the one I worked at, and it feels special everytime I go to watch movies there, but it needs to stop. I recently made that decision I dont know if that will be a 100% thing, but I know itll be a 99% thing. (Christian movies in theaters maybe). I desire fellowship with Christ and I want absolutely nothing getting in the way of that. I am determined to get a dumb phone if I watch inappropriate content again...I think the simple answer is if something is pulling you away from God. Or if something is just really competing with God's spot in your heart. The thing is, is you and I have really condemning hearts and 'what if' kinda thoughts. You could be convinced and even rightly convinced that God has priority over your mind and heart than videogames but still think all the condemning thoughts and what if thoughts. I dont know. I find myself thinking more about videogames than about God when I have them. I also desire to have that eternal perspective and I desire to not want to waste my life. (I can be very self-condeming in this too). I dont want to waste my life on pleasures. I dont want the thorns growing around my plant and choking it. Everybody is different. I can probably go fish and think about God, where as someone who is a competitive fisher (idk) may have a problem with keeping fishing over God in his heart.

The last thing I want to do dude is say you must not have any pleasure at all to have eternal life. I dont want any kind of heresy coming out of my mouth. But I do know that if something is threatening my walk with Christ or my spiritual growth. It will have to go, as those things, though nothing wrong with them in themselves, become thorns that begin to choke the plant and make me unfruitful, worldly, maybe even turning back to the world. If you were to type this to me I would read this and be condeming myself and deeply distressed, but dont dude. I know I went through denial about my laptop/gaming for a while, and then my movies/tv...though my closeness to Christ hasnt seemed to have changed, I could've probably escaped having my spiritual appetite dulled and maybe even worse. I dont know dude. I think God will really lay it on us more and more until we just know something has gotta go. I could be wrong. I'm a 2 year old Christian desperate to do whatever necessary to 'see' Jesus again and have that trust and fellowship with Him again.

 

[Mari17]

Hi Ivan. I have read your post from February 3rd, 2018 and could relate to you 95% of the time if not more. My mind is all over the place trying to figure out if there is something that I am missing. I have been honest to Jesus about everything that is going on in my heart. And I am right there with you. I intellectually know and even believe that Jesus died for me, but where is the fire? Where are the feelings? Why cant I escape my worldliness? Am I just going to be chalked up with the rest of the folks who say they believe in Jesus but don't actually have a relationship with Him? I've been in this dark period for a little over a year and a half and I came to Christ in December 2016. These last few weeks have been grating on me and wearing me down. I am mentally and emotionally tired of it all. I have no clue. I am lost. I dont know what else it could be? I'm right there with you in reading the Word in a self-condemning way and yeah, Romans 9 is scary. Hebrews 6:4-8 is scary. 1 John is scary as a lot of my life doesn't look like that though I want to and try to...but then am I being authentic? It's a non-stop cycle. It's the big WHAT IF that stresses me out, trying to figure out if I really know Jesus or if I am self-deceived. I dont want to simply say I trust in You Jesus and live the rest of my days pursuing Him, croaking, and coming to realize I am one of those from Matthew 7. The heart thing you talked about...completely understandable. I want to but does my heart REALLY want to? I say I want with all the willpower and emotion I can muster behind my prayers...but does my heart REALLY mean it?? I am right there with you. It is hard and even debilitating at times. What can I do but continue to ask Jesus to help me and change me and seek possible answers and then pray for Jesus to fix them in me? I've literally just been reduced to repetitive prayers, groaning, and just stress overloads where I find my self screaming at/to Him in my car over and over that I CANT, I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. I dont know if it is me struggling to trust Him. Or what. Am I too far gone? As godless as Esau? Etc? Etc? ....Etc? I've stripped my life of things that got in the way between me and Him and I am still here. I do not know what else to do. I struggle with pride, people's self perception of me, arrogance, etc, yet I am honest to Jesus about it and want Him to just reset me. I try to wrap my heart around Him and the gospel but it seems that my heart bounces off Him. I can hear a worship song or read a few lines in an article that I look up in my distress and get momentary goosebumbs or feelings and comfort but no longer I am back in the mess. I dread it. I don't know what to do. Reading His word just seems like reading His word. Nothing seems to pop out. Words on paper.

This sounds sort of like scrupulosity/OCD. Do you know if you have OCD?

 

[JesusisKing77]

Hi Ivan. I have read your post from February 3rd, 2018 and could relate to you 95% of the time if not more. My mind is all over the place trying to figure out if there is something that I am missing. I have been honest to Jesus about everything that is going on in my heart. And I am right there with you. I intellectually know and even believe that Jesus died for me, but where is the fire? Where are the feelings? Why cant I escape my worldliness? Am I just going to be chalked up with the rest of the folks who say they believe in Jesus but don't actually have a relationship with Him? I've been in this dark period for a little over a year and a half and I came to Christ in December 2016. These last few weeks have been grating on me and wearing me down. I am mentally and emotionally tired of it all. I have no clue. I am lost. I dont know what else it could be? I'm right there with you in reading the Word in a self-condemning way and yeah, Romans 9 is scary. Hebrews 6:4-8 is scary. 1 John is scary as a lot of my life doesn't look like that though I want to and try to...but then am I being authentic? It's a non-stop cycle. It's the big WHAT IF that stresses me out, trying to figure out if I really know Jesus or if I am self-deceived. I dont want to simply say I trust in You Jesus and live the rest of my days pursuing Him, croaking, and coming to realize I am one of those from Matthew 7. The heart thing you talked about...completely understandable. I want to but does my heart REALLY want to? I say I want with all the willpower and emotion I can muster behind my prayers...but does my heart REALLY mean it?? I am right there with you. It is hard and even debilitating at times. What can I do but continue to ask Jesus to help me and change me and seek possible answers and then pray for Jesus to fix them in me? I've literally just been reduced to repetitive prayers, groaning, and just stress overloads where I find my self screaming at/to Him in my car over and over that I CANT, I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. I dont know if it is me struggling to trust Him. Or what. Am I too far gone? As godless as Esau? Etc? Etc? ....Etc? I've stripped my life of things that got in the way between me and Him and I am still here. I do not know what else to do. I struggle with pride, people's self perception of me, arrogance, etc, yet I am honest to Jesus about it and want Him to just reset me. I try to wrap my heart around Him and the gospel but it seems that my heart bounces off Him. I can hear a worship song or read a few lines in an article that I look up in my distress and get momentary goosebumbs or feelings and comfort but no longer I am back in the mess. I dread it. I don't know what to do. Reading His word just seems like reading His word. Nothing seems to pop out. Words on paper.

I’ve felt the same way,this is called Spiritual dryness,where you don’t really feel God as much.I also feel like a hypocrite,I struggle with jealousy and envy and I’m trying to stop this so that will finally be free and just live the life God gave me.However it feels like I’m going in circles asking God to forgive m,yet i fall Into sin again.I don’t know,maybe I’m a hypocrite or just weak.I do know I need God,but am I just saying that I’m scared of Him too anyways thank you for ready,but I related to how sometimes I don’t feel on fire for Jesus and like a hypocrite,and my attempts seem worthless unless I truly truly mean it

 

[othersteeve]

I’ve felt the same way,this is called Spiritual dryness,where you don’t really feel God as much.I also feel like a hypocrite,I struggle with jealousy and envy and I’m trying to stop this so that will finally be free and just live the life God gave me.However it feels like I’m going in circles asking God to forgive m,yet i fall Into sin again.I don’t know,maybe I’m a hypocrite or just weak.I do know I need God,but am I just saying that I’m scared of Him too anyways thank you for ready,but I related to how sometimes I don’t feel on fire for Jesus and like a hypocrite,and my attempts seem worthless unless I truly truly mean it

Hey JesusKing77. I don't know if you are familiar with C.H. Spurgeon but he has gone through all this. He's been sure of the meanest Christian's salvation but not His own. He's gone through night's of the soul. This is a good read. And I'm not just trying to cram a bunch of junk down your mind. Spurgeon's sermons have helped me tremendously. Here's the link.

The Desire of the Soul in Spiritual Darkness

"But there is one witness that very seldom is gagged, and one that I trust the people of God can always apply, even in the night; and that is, "I have desired thee I have desired thee in the night." "Yes, Lord, if I have not believed in thee, I have desired thee; and if I have not spent and been spent in thy service, yet one thing I know, and the devil cannot beat me out of it, I have desired thee—that I do know—and I have desired thee in the night, too, when no one saw me, when troubles were round about me." -Spurgeon

 

[JesusisKing77]

Hey JesusKing77. I don't know if you are familiar with C.H. but he has gone through all this. He's been sure of the meanest Christian's salvation but not His own. He's gone through night's of the soul. This is a good read. And I'm not just trying to cram a bunch of junk down your mind. Spurgeon's sermons have helped me tremendously. Here's the link.

The Desire of the Soul in Spiritual Darkness

"But there is one witness that very seldom is gagged, and one that I trust the people of God can always apply, even in the night; and that is, "I have desired thee I have desired thee in the night." "Yes, Lord, if I have not believed in thee, I have desired thee; and if I have not spent and been spent in thy service, yet one thing I know, and the devil cannot beat me out of it, I have desired thee—that I do know—and I have desired thee in the night, too, when no one saw me, when troubles were round about me." -Spurgeon

Thank you so much I read it and it was full of helpful texts,I enjoyed it.Thank you for showing me,and he described exactly what I was feeling.May God bless you

 

[steelcityd]

This sounds like classic OCD. Many Christians with OCD are obsessed about "giving up" something to God. All this worrying and over-thinking are strong indicators that this has become an OCD theme for you. Right now the important thing is to fight the OCD, which means doing the opposite of what it tells you (in your case, NOT giving up games). OCD wants us to be perfect, and to know everything perfectly, and that's just not possible. Until you KNOW in a calm, healthy way that you must give up gaming completely (which is not likely, since this is just OCD), give it a rest. It's important for you to stop trying to figure this out right now, even though that's what your brain really really wants you to do. Do the best you can to have a balanced approach toward gaming (which it sounds like you are doing), but as long as you feel anxious about giving up gaming, assume that it's OCD and refuse to give it up. If, after your OCD fades and you are able to think about this clearly again, you still feel like you should give up gaming, you can then, but it's not something you need to decide right now, regardless of how urgent OCD makes it feel. I'll post a link to an article I think you might find helpful; also, I'm part of another online group which has people with similar obsessions, so if you are interested in joining that, let me know and I'll give you the info. http://ocdandchristianity.com/?p=610

Mari,

Thank you so much for your insightful posts! They've been such a blessing to me as I'm learning to navigate my own obsessive themes. God bless!

 

[madisonshpprd]

I’ve struggled with repetitive thoughts for 8 MONTHS!! It’s really starting to take a toll on me. Sometimes I have to pause between my conversations just so I can complete my repetitive thought without messing up. Sometimes I get so good at it that I can talk to someone, have background music on, and think my repetitive thoughts at the same time!! The crazy thing is I’ve basically had the same exact group of words as my repetitive thoughts for these whole 8 months. It basically goes “I love Jesus I love Jesus I love Jesus I love Jesus” over and over and over and over. And although I do absolutely love Jesus with all my heart soul mind and strength, I don’t think Jesus would want time to let Him know that by me repeating it in my head like I’m on autopilot. I think Jesus and I would agree that if I really really love Him, it should be genuine by me following His commandments and praising Him; and not showing it in the form of the beginning of a mental disorder of sorts.

These thoughts are beginning to become a combination of basically affirming what I believe which is “I hate the enemy, I love God, and I love Jesus”. I repeat these things over and over and over. (And when I say “I hate the enemy” I mean I hate our adversary the devil, not my actual enemies of this world, because I love them.) ((sorry I really wanted to make that clear)) I don’t know. I just really want to live a godly life, and I want to love Jesus, but minus the repetitive thoughts that go on throughout my every day life. And the sad thing is, I really haven’t found any relief from this. I’m repeating these thoughts in my head as I write this!! I’ve prayed day and night that God would just banish the repetitiveness from my mind, but I get no reply. Maybe God wants me to go through this for a greater reason, or maybe there’s a certain way He wants me to get help? Sigh, I’m just glad I’m not entirely alone on this. I guess I have a form of OCD? I’ve never been diagnosed and I don’t want to go around claiming I have OCD if I don’t. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, maybe the repetitiveness comes from that?? But I’ve also been pretty much anxiety free for the past few months now because I’m almost positive God cured my excessive anxiety. Even though I’m relatively stress free I still have these thoughts though! It’s funny, I sometimes even intertwine my thoughts with music and replace the lyrics with my repetitive thoughts to match the beat. It’s silly, but it’s almost like if I don’t think these thoughts then that means I believe the exact opposite of the words “I hate the enemy, I love God, and I love Jesus”.. At the very least, a prayer for a cure to this is much needed and much appreciated. Again, glad to see I’m not alone with these pesky repetitive thoughts!

I’ve been growing in my faith as of late, but I constantly am hit with this same battle everyday.

I have been delivered from the old major sins in my life, and while I struggle occasionally they are no where near as powerful. I have been given the ability to say no.

However, I’ve realized now that I am called to go deeper. My whole life I have been more of a reclusive person. Outside of hanging out with friends, I’m always at home. I game a lot, watch YouTube/shows, and listen to a lot of music.I upgraded laptops during the summer and it was something I had wanted to do for a while. However, I thought of “maybe I should get such a good gaming laptop because I’ll be gaming too much again.” I prayed, but felt uneasy if I should do it or not. Eventually the laptop I wanted went on a sale and it was going to end by the end of the day and my brother and dad said “you should just get it now.” So I went and got it. I felt uneasy like I was ejecting God. My thoughts were “what if God wants you to give this up.”

I ended up gaming a lot at this time, and a bit ago cut back a lot. I realize now that I have gleamed so much of my satisfaction from these things. I realized they were idols and repent of loving these things above God. I thought “Jesus is Lord and I want Him to be Lord over this area.” However, as soon as I did my heart went “but what if he calls to give this up completely.” And it’s like everything in me seizes up and when I pray it feels forced. I get physically tense because I strain so hard “I repent I don’t want this over you.” And then I feel relief, yet I get the thought “what if you are called to give it up completely.” And I find myself not wanting to.

I don’t put gaming over church, fellowship, work or if I am called to do something. I really enjoy it, and game with some friends once a week or so in the evenings. But I realize how hard it is for me to give it up fully if I were called to. My mind goes “oh you can’t easily surrender this. Wow”

It becomes an obsession where if I do something like surrender to God in the moment when I’m angry and instead of lashing out act in love, my mind instantly goes “but will you throw your laptop away.” If I think of the victories over sin God has given me in my life my mind goes “oh but you’re not throwing the laptop away.”

I’ll even think about gaming for a bit but end up not doing it and sitting in front of the desk for 1-2 hours going “It’s ok to enjoy this and not let it be over anything else. No but since I am so hesitant to give it up it’s wrong and has to go. It’s fine gaming a bit with friends. But I feel unwilling to give it up if I were called so I have to toss it.”

So I pray “If you want me to get rid of gaming/the laptop please help me.” But instantly my mind goes back to it and goes “nope I’m not giving this up.” And I get feelings/thoughts of attachment to it.

I keep trying to force myself to give it up but I get thoughts
“If I throw it out I won’t have a laptop and don’t have money for a new one”
“What would my parents think if I just threw it away? They’d think I’m crazy and it was a huge waste of money”
“I enjoy gaming and don’t want to give it up, but don’t want it to be above the Lord.”

I basically feel unless I throw it away I am damned and I have to do it for Jesus to forgive me because if I don’t that part of me that doesn’t want to let it go completely causes that hesitation in repentance. I confess I really don’t want to give it up completely, I do want to honor the Lord with it and play far less, but this desire/temptation to play when I have free time makes me think it’s a stumbling block, yet then I go back to not wanting to just throw it out of my life.

The games I play aren’t sins, playing with friends isn’t sinful (I guess the condemnation part here is the friend I play with isn’t Christian).

I confess my attachment to these things need to be less and I’m cutting out a lot of game time. The new game used to be all I really thought about outside of friends, and I have OCD so it’s so ingrained in my mind to get these thoughts. It’s like losing gaming entirely is losing part of me; I love RPGs and the stories, tactical combat. I love the challenge they bring. But then I think Luke 14:33 “anyone who doesn’t renounce all that He has cannot be my disciple.” I feel Jesus rejects me because I can’t being myself to joyfully throw it away for Him if He calls me to. It feels like if He called me t there would be a lot of hesitations but in the end throw it away out of fear of punishment.

I pray constantly for Him to take them out of my heart but then I get thoughts “but I don’t want to throw them away” and feel like I’m lying so I can keep them/justify playing and feel condemned. I regret buying a good gaming laptop and wish I had got something more humble. I don’t play nearly as much as I used to and I realize I am to find my full satisfaction in Jesus, but I’m struggling letting things go completely.

At the same time, I realize doing something for Jesus forgiveness’ is wrong and we can’t earn it, throwing the laptop away won’t change my heart/make my problems go away. Yet there’s this part of me that rejoices in not having to throw it away. But I want to love the Lord first, yet these thoughts and feelings I get tell me I don’t want to/it’s impossible.

My prayer ends in

“Lord I want you first, I don’t want to just say that. If you call me to entirely give up these things, please help me and lead me down that path as I don’t have the strength. I don’t want to justify behavior, and I trust in Your goodness and mercy to change me despite my struggle. Please teach me and help me to love you first. I thank you for these things and the relaxation/happiness they bring, but please don’t let them be my joy.”

Yet right after I pray my heart latches onto the computer and goes “nope you didn’t mean that” and I have to pray the same thing again and again and again because it’s like for a second I hesitated or I didn’t trust Jesus enough. As soon as I put my trust in Him it’s like my heart grabs it back so I have to re-put it in there or it means I don’t trust Him. “I want you Jesus (no I don’t want to give games up fully won’t trust) no I put my trust in you please change me (you don’t mean it give up).”

It’s really tiring. A believing mentor of mine told me idols are things that we put over important things in life (ex. Gaming over going to work) and/or above doing what God wants us to. Yet my heart constantly feels like it wants these things over God with these thoughts and I get this sickening feeling only when I’m thinking about it. If God calls me to do something else instead of a game night I want to do His will, yet the fact that I struggle and find it hard to never do it again causes my thoughts to rise up against, say I have no faith in Jesus and am not His disciple. Then I pray to surrender it fully but he thoughts and feelings come and it feels like all of me doesn’t want to and I have to force myself to be ready to throw it away at a moment’s notice and j feel physical strain cause it’s like I’m praying against my body.

When I put my trust in Him my body doesn’t want that because that’s means the possibility of letting things go completely/forever but I want to grow behind this. It’s like if you were going to go on a hike or something fun with a friend that isn’t sin and then your mind goes “BUT WAIT YOU HAVE TO RE-ACCEPT JESUS AND BE WILLING TO NOT DO THIS THING.” And you go “but I want to do this thing” and your mind goes “then accept Jesus with the possibility of it meaning you don’t do this” and I do but then I find myself not wanting to not do the thing and then my mind goes “oh wow you would do this even if it meant rejecting Jesus.” And so it feels like according to my thoughts and feelings of condemnation unless I cease all activity that isn’t deep meditation or bible reading that it’s sin. If I enjoy something a lot, rather than just going “I give it to God” and put a check on it to keep it in its place, my mind say “give it up or die. Wow you’re hesitating even if Jesus wanted you to give it up. Your damned.” It’s getting really exhausting to the point of losing sleep. I’m starting therapy to think differently/break the patterns and meeting with my mentor do discern the truth from the lies. I’m sorry for the long post, I just needed to write out and organize my thoughts. Just now starting to fight this.

As soon as you realize something wrong or that needs improvement in your walk it’s like every single force imaginable opposes you and makes the most simple task a massive, life-altering decision. I’ll fight to trust in Jesus even though my entire body condemns me.

 

[Mari17]

I’ve struggled with repetitive thoughts for 8 MONTHS!! It’s really starting to take a toll on me. Sometimes I have to pause between my conversations just so I can complete my repetitive thought without messing up. Sometimes I get so good at it that I can talk to someone, have background music on, and think my repetitive thoughts at the same time!! The crazy thing is I’ve basically had the same exact group of words as my repetitive thoughts for these whole 8 months. It basically goes “I love Jesus I love Jesus I love Jesus I love Jesus” over and over and over and over. And although I do absolutely love Jesus with all my heart soul mind and strength, I don’t think Jesus would want time to let Him know that by me repeating it in my head like I’m on autopilot. I think Jesus and I would agree that if I really really love Him, it should be genuine by me following His commandments and praising Him; and not showing it in the form of the beginning of a mental disorder of sorts.

These thoughts are beginning to become a combination of basically affirming what I believe which is “I hate the enemy, I love God, and I love Jesus”. I repeat these things over and over and over. (And when I say “I hate the enemy” I mean I hate our adversary the devil, not my actual enemies of this world, because I love them.) ((sorry I really wanted to make that clear)) I don’t know. I just really want to live a godly life, and I want to love Jesus, but minus the repetitive thoughts that go on throughout my every day life. And the sad thing is, I really haven’t found any relief from this. I’m repeating these thoughts in my head as I write this!! I’ve prayed day and night that God would just banish the repetitiveness from my mind, but I get no reply. Maybe God wants me to go through this for a greater reason, or maybe there’s a certain way He wants me to get help? Sigh, I’m just glad I’m not entirely alone on this. I guess I have a form of OCD? I’ve never been diagnosed and I don’t want to go around claiming I have OCD if I don’t. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, maybe the repetitiveness comes from that?? But I’ve also been pretty much anxiety free for the past few months now because I’m almost positive God cured my excessive anxiety. Even though I’m relatively stress free I still have these thoughts though! It’s funny, I sometimes even intertwine my thoughts with music and replace the lyrics with my repetitive thoughts to match the beat. It’s silly, but it’s almost like if I don’t think these thoughts then that means I believe the exact opposite of the words “I hate the enemy, I love God, and I love Jesus”.. At the very least, a prayer for a cure to this is much needed and much appreciated. Again, glad to see I’m not alone with these pesky repetitive thoughts!

This sounds precisely like OCD. OCD stems from an obsession (fear) that "forces" us to do a compulsion (thing to prevent the fear). OCD is similar to an anxiety disorder; it's like we have too much anxiety rolling around in our brains, so when we get a weird or off-hand thought that other people would process normally and instantly reject, we think, "Wait, what if that is true?" And then we start becoming afraid that it is true, and start hyper-analyzing it and doing compulsions to prevent it. You've done an excellent job of pinning down your obsessions and compulsions; in your case, it sounds like the obsession is that if you DON'T repeat these thoughts, you will mean the opposite of them, so you compulsively repeat the thoughts. But you are absolutely right - truly loving Jesus is not a matter of compulsively repeating thoughts, but of living for Him and enjoying Him.

So, how does one get out of the cycle of an obsession? That's the hard part, because it's the opposite of what you'd expect. Basically, every time you repeat a compulsion, you are making the OCD stronger, because you are saying "yes" to its demands. So the obsession just continues, or even gets worse. The way to escape the trap of OCD is to say NO to it - which means refusing to do your compulsions. In your case, that would mean refusing to repeat those thoughts. That's an incredibly hard thing for someone with OCD to do, because it basically feels like you're going against your conscience. You're not, but it sure feels like it. But as you say no to the OCD, over and over and over, you begin to see that OCD is not your "real" conscience; you gain the ability to be able to reason and process more like someone without OCD. Because really, we OCDers do think and process normally for everything except our current obsession; but with our obsession, we are so afraid of the "risk" our minds are presenting, that we allow ourselves to get wrapped up in a confusing ball of fear and hyper-analyzing. But we can definitely train our brains to think normally in that area again.

I've had OCD since I was a child, so I have SO much more I could say about it, but I'll stop for now. If you have any questions, or would like links to helpful websites about OCD, just let me know!

 

[madisonshpprd]

This sounds precisely like OCD. OCD stems from an obsession (fear) that "forces" us to do a compulsion (thing to prevent the fear). OCD is similar to an anxiety disorder; it's like we have too much anxiety rolling around in our brains, so when we get a weird or off-hand thought that other people would process normally and instantly reject, we think, "Wait, what if that is true?" And then we start becoming afraid that it is true, and start hyper-analyzing it and doing compulsions to prevent it. You've done an excellent job of pinning down your obsessions and compulsions; in your case, it sounds like the obsession is that if you DON'T repeat these thoughts, you will mean the opposite of them, so you compulsively repeat the thoughts. But you are absolutely right - truly loving Jesus is not a matter of compulsively repeating thoughts, but of living for Him and enjoying Him.

So, how does one get out of the cycle of an obsession? That's the hard part, because it's the opposite of what you'd expect. Basically, every time you repeat a compulsion, you are making the OCD stronger, because you are saying "yes" to its demands. So the obsession just continues, or even gets worse. The way to escape the trap of OCD is to say NO to it - which means refusing to do your compulsions. In your case, that would mean refusing to repeat those thoughts. That's an incredibly hard thing for someone with OCD to do, because it basically feels like you're going against your conscience. You're not, but it sure feels like it. But as you say no to the OCD, over and over and over, you begin to see that OCD is not your "real" conscience; you gain the ability to be able to reason and process more like someone without OCD. Because really, we OCDers do think and process normally for everything except our current obsession; but with our obsession, we are so afraid of the "risk" our minds are presenting, that we allow ourselves to get wrapped up in a confusing ball of fear and hyper-analyzing. But we can definitely train our brains to think normally in that area again.

I've had OCD since I was a child, so I have SO much more I could say about it, but I'll stop for now. If you have any questions, or would like links to helpful websites about OCD, just let me know!

Wow! Thank you so so much! Should I start seeing a therapist about this? Or is this something I can purely stop just by doing what you said? My dad is out of a job right now so we don’t really have much money, so if I need to go to a therapist, that might have to wait for months until my dad can find a stable job. (I’m only 16 and I’m waiting to get my drivers license, so finding a job for myself would be very difficult)

Since this is OCD, I don’t have any other “symptoms”. I don’t physically repeat my actions like some do. It’s all mental. I really didn’t know OCD existed in the form of repetitive thoughts. Like I said I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety (and I used to have depression as a child but it’s gone now) could that have possibly caused my OCD? Can OCD just show up out of nowhere or is it something caused by something else. For example: about half a year after my mom passed away, I developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder. So, I became a Christian about 9 months ago.. could my fear of sinning be a possible reason why OCD began to become a thing??

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

It doesn't work that way. You have to make the effort and then God will support you.

Where does it say that in The Bible? Shouldn't we just pray and expect the results, as James says in his epistle?

 

[Mari17]

Wow! Thank you so so much! Should I start seeing a therapist about this? Or is this something I can purely stop just by doing what you said? My dad is out of a job right now so we don’t really have much money, so if I need to go to a therapist, that might have to wait for months until my dad can find a stable job. (I’m only 16 and I’m waiting to get my drivers license, so finding a job for myself would be very difficult)

Since this is OCD, I don’t have any other “symptoms”. I don’t physically repeat my actions like some do. It’s all mental. I really didn’t know OCD existed in the form of repetitive thoughts. Like I said I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety (and I used to have depression as a child but it’s gone now) could that have possibly caused my OCD? Can OCD just show up out of nowhere or is it something caused by something else. For example: about half a year after my mom passed away, I developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder. So, I became a Christian about 9 months ago.. could my fear of sinning be a possible reason why OCD began to become a thing??

Great questions! A lot of people choose to get therapy and/or medication, but it can be possible to work on your OCD on your own. Honestly, I've always chosen to work on it myself. Medication/therapy can just provide more support to get you started on the process, if you need that. But in the end, managing OCD is learning the tricks and techniques for managing your mind - like some of the strategies I mentioned above. There is SO much information on the Internet that can help, and you can definitely come up with a game plan and work to implement it on your own. The real key to success (besides the help of God, of course!) is motivation, a willingness to do the hard work of saying no to your OCD instead of giving into it. It's like a full-time job in itself!

It's hard to say where OCD comes from. Some people get it as a child; some get it much older. I think it can often be triggered by an external event. So, knowing that you are already prone to anxiety, it makes a lot of sense that your fear of sinning could lead to OCD about these things.

OCD is so tricky to deal with, BUT if you are consistent about working on it, there is a high success rate for living victoriously over it. Please feel free to pm me anytime if you want to talk more. I'll also post links to a few of my favorite resources about OCD below!
http://ocdandchristianity.com/ (The monthly blog posts are great!)
Welcome
https://noiseinyourhead.com/free-video-series/ (A great little video series on how to deal with obsessive thoughts!)
The OCD Stories | Real Stories That Educate & Inspire Those With OCD (There are a lot of viewpoints on this site, so you don't have to accept everything, but there's a lot of helpful stuff too.)
Managing the Haunting Thoughts of Pure O – OCD
The person who wrote the article in the last link also has a Facebook support group, of which I am one of the moderators. It's called "Christianity and Anxiety Disorders." If you're interested in joining that, I can give you more information. She also has a great book about OCD from a Christian's perspective, which I believe is an ebook on Amazon. It's called "Strivings Within: The OCD Christian."

 

[madisonshpprd]

Great questions! A lot of people choose to get therapy and/or medication, but it can be possible to work on your OCD on your own. Honestly, I've always chosen to work on it myself. Medication/therapy can just provide more support to get you started on the process, if you need that. But in the end, managing OCD is learning the tricks and techniques for managing your mind - like some of the strategies I mentioned above. There is SO much information on the Internet that can help, and you can definitely come up with a game plan and work to implement it on your own. The real key to success (besides the help of God, of course!) is motivation, a willingness to do the hard work of saying no to your OCD instead of giving into it. It's like a full-time job in itself!

It's hard to say where OCD comes from. Some people get it as a child; some get it much older. I think it can often be triggered by an external event. So, knowing that you are already prone to anxiety, it makes a lot of sense that your fear of sinning could lead to OCD about these things.

OCD is so tricky to deal with, BUT if you are consistent about working on it, there is a high success rate for living victoriously over it. Please feel free to pm me anytime if you want to talk more. I'll also post links to a few of my favorite resources about OCD below!
http://ocdandchristianity.com/ (The monthly blog posts are great!)
Welcome
https://noiseinyourhead.com/free-video-series/ (A great little video series on how to deal with obsessive thoughts!)
The OCD Stories | Real Stories That Educate & Inspire Those With OCD (There are a lot of viewpoints on this site, so you don't have to accept everything, but there's a lot of helpful stuff too.)
Managing the Haunting Thoughts of Pure O – OCD
The person who wrote the article in the last link also has a Facebook support group, of which I am one of the moderators. It's called "Christianity and Anxiety Disorders." If you're interested in joining that, I can give you more information. She also has a great book about OCD from a Christian's perspective, which I believe is an ebook on Amazon. It's called "Strivings Within: The OCD Christian."

Wow! Thank you so much! I will definitely look into those links you sent me. Thank you again for answering my questions! God bless you <3

 

[Tolworth John]

Where does it say that in The Bible? Shouldn't we just pray and expect the results, as James says in his epistle?

1Cor 10: 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Note 'not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear' There is no magic wisking of problems away, but a gritting of the teeth and working ones way through it.

God is not a 'sugar daddy' showing us with gifts because we ask.
He is a coach training olympic athletes, a drill sargent breaking in raw recruits.

Where do you fit in?
Are you a discpline solder or what?