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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
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- Thread starter NothingIsImpossible
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I disliked my in-laws so had as little to do with them as possible, which was easy as we lived a good long way from them. As my husband didn't get on with them either this didn't cause our relationship a problem.
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Avniel
Doing my part each day by being the best me
- Jun 11, 2010
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Leave it alone. She's probably not angry but does want to keep a distance. If you intervene and she does it again it will be on you. More than likely it will happen again just live and let live. If your wife is comfortable behaving the way she is let her.
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mina
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- Sep 26, 2003
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Listen to how your wife feels and don't force or guilt her to act how you think she should act. After reading your other post, I really don't blame her. As long as she is not being openly ugly then I would stay out of it or at least stand up for your wife when your mother acts like she does. Your thread title should be, "what to do with a mother that distespects my wife?"
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Call me old fashioned, but I would suck it up and be polite to in-laws regardless. They're not my family. I would never be disrespectful to my elder...(I mean I am to my own parents...but that's to be expected...I'm not proud of it...but I have...I don't brag about it.) I think everything would be smooth if she was respectful. That's how u get respect. In most cases. 
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I agree.
Remember you are more used to the behavior that she is. She is basically detaching from her, and that is the best thing to do for her emotionally. It's also called a boundary.
I remember working with someone that raged(screamed, kicked file cabinets, slammed doors, belittled and called names, etc), and I learned to just walk away after I said a short piece. Of course she continued anyway, and I never responded or engaged at that point. She could talk to the wall as far as I'm concerned. I refused to stay and listen to her. It reminded me of the energizer bunny. They just keep going, and going and going...its exhausting! The employer knew she was like that, and EVERY department had an issue with her. I felt sorry for her husband, and the department she ran. She was like Jerkyl and Hyde. She would be fine one minute, and nuts the next. It's hard to trust a person - emotionally or otherwise - when they act like that. She knew my boss wouldn't put up with her, and if she needed me for anything? She would send someone down instead. Fine with me!
I remember my exit interview at the company. They asked me about bottlenecks within the company, and she was the first thing that came to mind. We were on speakerphone, and I heard slamming the background...lol so no doubt she was there! Sadly, there were times in which her attitude was shared by her department. Most of us didn't blame them, because we knew she had been raging...which created the mood there for the day. She was very good at what she did, but to me it just wasn't worth it. I can't tell you how many times I told her to LEAVE my office, and then my boss coming in to escort her OUT! She had NO self control, and its worthless to continue anything when they are on that roll.
Yes, they can be normal for short periods of time. It's almost like a pressure cooker - its building up inside - and then something stupid happens and they just explode.
Your wife is dealing with this the best she can. It will be better when there is distance between them. Both of you only have to deal with that for short periods of time, and then you will have peace. Don't be surprised if she doesn't try to suffocate you guys right after you leave, and haul out the guilt trips. The best thing you could do for yourself FIRST and FOREMOST, and then you wife? Learn how to NOT let her draw you in when she starts manipulating you - and she will. Learn how to say NO, and stick to it no matter how badly she responds. You wife has the idea! Lean on her, and read up on that type of behavior. It can put a strain on your relationship OUTSIDE the home if you let it, and it will be hard for you at first. It's been normalized for you, and its hard to 'unlearn' that type of thing. Yet, you will feel so much stronger when you do! Please don't take that as a cutdown, because it isn't. It's a warning only.
Personally? I'm excited for you! A new life! You are going to love it! Freedom will taste so sweet!
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