Remembering my brother

[HappyHope]

My dad had 7 kids, but I kind of grew up in the same house with only one little brother. He loved reptiles. When my cousin and I played house, he wanted to join as long as he could be the family turtle. He wanted to visit Galapagos Island. He always wanted me to watch him play Zelda. Later, he told me he wanted to see the very desert in the state I happen to live in now. Go figure. When he bought his first truck, he wanted me to be impressed. The first time I visited home after I joined the military I bought him the latest game system and a new Zelda. He was so impressed.

As I was serving in military and then married into the military, I heard about his drinking habits. He stopped going to school. He got into drugs. He was accused of many things. He became a chronic liar and alcoholic. My mom and oldest brother began to fear his behavior. I delayed visiting home so he would not be around my kids. Ten years after I left home, he committed suicide in an angry drunken rage in front of our mom.

It is hard to grieve his life because of the path he took. I always try to remember him as he was when we were kiddos.

 

[bèlla]

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's horrible. May the Lord comfort you and your loved ones.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I lost my brother to suicide as well a few yeas ago. It would be his birthday in just over a week. In a similar sort of thing, he did it for his girlfriend to find him. In his case though it was down to our horrible childhood at the hands of our violent dad. I was able to reach a point where I chose to forgive our dad and move on after I became a Christian, he was never able to find forgiveness.

 

[splish- splash]

Oh that is terrible news. I pray that you will find peace in the Lord concerning this. Im ever so sorry to hear this.

Nahum 1:7
New International Version
The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him.

 

[mmksparbud]

My dad had 7 kids, but I kind of grew up in the same house with only one little brother. He loved reptiles. When my cousin and I played house, he wanted to join as long as he could be the family turtle. He wanted to visit Galapagos Island. He always wanted me to watch him play Zelda. Later, he told me he wanted to see the very desert in the state I happen to live in now. Go figure. When he bought his first truck, he wanted me to be impressed. The first time I visited home after I joined the military I bought him the latest game system and a new Zelda. He was so impressed.

As I was serving in military and then married into the military, I heard about his drinking habits. He stopped going to school. He got into drugs. He was accused of many things. He became a chronic liar and alcoholic. My mom and oldest brother began to fear his behavior. I delayed visiting home so he would not be around my kids. Ten years after I left home, he committed suicide in an angry drunken rage in front of our mom.

It is hard to grieve his life because of the path he took. I always try to remember him as he was when we were kiddos.

I fully understand the heart ache! The youngest of my 3 older brothers was only 2 years older and we were the closest. He helped teach me to read and I always did as he said---which was not always the best thing to do!! He got into drugs at 16, the change in him was sudden and very obvious. Broke all our hearts for the older ones loved him too. But we determined not to give him money or aide him but it was to no avail---our folks kept paying his rent, buying him cars, buying him clothes and bailing him out of jail. He died at the age of 50, heroin overdose---the autopsy stated his liver was twice the size of normal, tan (not even dark brown!) and it was nodular instead of smooth. What they described was fried liver. It was not even a lethal dose of heroin, but he didn't have enough liver function to process a healthy dose of ibuprofen. Had he not taken one tiny drop of alcohol or one tiny dose of any drug---he would have died anyway within 2 weeks at most. It broke our hearts again. None of us have ever fully gotten over it, never will, we leave it in God's hands. I, too, try to just remember him as when we were kids.

 

[HappyHope]

I lost my brother to suicide as well a few yeas ago. It would be his birthday in just over a week. In a similar sort of thing, he did it for his girlfriend to find him. In his case though it was down to our horrible childhood at the hands of our violent dad. I was able to reach a point where I chose to forgive our dad and move on after I became a Christian, he was never able to find forgiveness.

Thanks for sharing. I hate to hear that about your brother. I don't know who to blame. My grandma had some demons--I dont know how else to say it-- too much to explain. She ruined my dad and my little brother. She convinced them they could never do wrong. They spoiled rotten. She had loving moments too but there was an an icky presence about her at times. Her 1st hubby, my grandfather, killed himself too. Plus, my parents were both 16 when they were married and given to youthful weaknesses. I'm just glad I escaped that mess. I tried to help him, but the one time he visited my family, my hubby had to bail him out of jail for drinking and driving. Oh well, his favorite hymn growing up was " I Fly Away" I'll just have to hold on to things like this.

I'm grateful he was a Christian. He even felt convicted to stop drinking before his warrants caught up with him and he lost his most steady job and lost his drive.

 

[HappyHope]

Oh that is terrible news. I pray that you will find peace in the Lord concerning this. Im ever so sorry to hear this.

Nahum 1:7
New International Version
The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him.

It has been years honestly, but sometimes I just have to stop, reflect, and mourn.

 

[HappyHope]

I fully understand the heart ache! The youngest of my 3 older brothers was only 2 years older and we were the closest. He helped teach me to read and I always did as he said---which was not always the best thing to do!! He got into drugs at 16, the change in him was sudden and very obvious. Broke all our hearts for the older ones loved him too. But we determined not to give him money or aide him but it was to no avail---our folks kept paying his rent, buying him cars, buying him clothes and bailing him out of jail. He died at the age of 50, heroin overdose---the autopsy stated his liver was twice the size of normal, tan (not even dark brown!) and it was nodular instead of smooth. What they described was fried liver. It was not even a lethal dose of heroin, but he didn't have enough liver function to process a healthy dose of ibuprofen. Had he not taken one tiny drop of alcohol or one tiny dose of any drug---he would have died anyway within 2 weeks at most. It broke our hearts again. None of us have ever fully gotten over it, never will, we leave it in God's hands. I, too, try to just remember him as when we were kids.

Thank you so much for sharing. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy alright.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I don't know who to blame.

For me finding blame is easy. My brother was seriously damaged by his/our childhood. He ran away by moving to Asia and met a girl he moved inn with who then bullied him to do what she wanted. I spent the last 6 months of his life regularly on the phone to him; him telling me he was going to do it because of her and me trying to persuade him not to. He kept saying he would make her find him and thats exactly what he did. Our dad set him up for it and she gave the final push. No doubts about blame.

We as Christians though are called to not judge others and to forgive them. This is the hard part but what we have to do. I find forgiveness starts with a choice to forgive. I have made that choice and reached a point of forgiving my dad years ago. I have forgiven his girlfriend as well but typing this think I may have picked up some unforgiveness I will have to work through.

 

[HappyHope]

For me finding blame is easy. My brother was seriously damaged by his/our childhood. He ran away by moving to Asia and met a girl he moved inn with who then bullied him to do what she wanted. I spent the last 6 months of his life regularly on the phone to him; him telling me he was going to do it because of her and me trying to persuade him not to. He kept saying he would make her find him and thats exactly what he did. Our dad set him up for it and she gave the final push. No doubts about blame.

We as Christians though are called to not judge others and to forgive them. This is the hard part but what we have to do. I find forgiveness starts with a choice to forgive. I have made that choice and reached a point of forgiving my dad years ago. I have forgiven his girlfriend as well but typing this think I may have picked up some unforgiveness I will have to work through.

Sometimes it is easy to see the watershed moments leading to tragedy. They weigh on you if you let them. Someone once said we sometimes have to forgive over and over depending on the circumstance. I wonder if repeated forgiveness isn't the problem in the aftermath; perhaps it is the new world perspective and weariness that accompanies the awareness of the offense. It is painful to work through when reminded of pain, but work through we must. Prayers for your situation.