Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[Larry Mondello]

I appreciate you getting it back on topic, thanks

And no, I felt no guilt the first time thankfully.

What were the circumstances, if can ask?
Engagement, after marriage?

No one should feel any guilt if inside marriage.

 

[Larry Mondello]

Originally Posted by Larry Mondello

Sure.
It did get off-track here, esp. those grilling the believers and DEMANDING explanations.
​

Yeah, on a tangent started by a Christian blaming secular/atheist culture in its entirety for its woes (you know, the first post after you last told people to get back on topic.....it was a Christian posting....and it was off-topic).

We get it Larry, you're biased. Christians always good, those meanie atheists are always bad.

Who said that, Gad?
I don't recall someone claiming that.

You appear to have a chip on your shoulder.
As an ex-Christian, you demand things here that really aren't on-topic. Please chill.

 

[Gadarene]

Who said that, Gad?
I don't recall someone claiming that.

Shane Roach. Immediately after your last call to get on topic.

But, hey, a Christian did it, so you won't say anything.

You appear to have a chip on your shoulder.
As an ex-Christian, you demand things here that really aren't on-topic. Please chill.

Nope. You want to be biased, you're getting called on it.

A Christian says something that many of the atheists take offence to - nothing said to the Christian, and you blast the atheists for being off topic.

An atheist makes a post using the exact same logic, and you jumped on it, and keep accusing them of being off-topic.

That's bias.

And until you get a red M next to your name, I'm posting what I darn well please.

 

[JCFantasy23]

lol. How can one be a reborn virgin? Once you give it away, you can never have it back, ya see.



Yes it does. That is exactly the implication of the previous two sentences.



You need to get past this man, you're making too big a deal of it.

I didn't say those things so either the quoted was a bug with the site or the tags weren't changed. Just want to clear that up in case

 

[selfinflikted]

I didn't say those things so either the quoted was a bug with the site or the tags weren't changed. Just want to clear that up in case

Oh crud! My apologies. I will attempt to fix it.

ETA: Fixed. Again, sorry about that!

 

[JCFantasy23]

What were the circumstances, if can ask?
Engagement, after marriage?

No one should feel any guilt if inside marriage.

Well the circumstances weren't really as noble as marriage or engagement. I was just a teenager who felt it was time with my boyfriend. There's a lot of things that go into me not feeling guilty.

One, my parents are Christian and I was as well, but my mother isn't the type to preach waiting until marriage. If anything, she always encouraged me not to get married or to wait as long as possible to do so. I'm 32 and she's still down sometimes on me getting married!

Second, I don't think I even realized it was a sin at the time. I was doing bible study on my own but had no idea what fornication even meant as a word and remember having to ask about that later lol. I didn't attend church or wasn't around other Christians and I don't think it had really sunk in about the big deal it was.

Third, the guy is a sweetheart and was very respectful to me. We were together a few years and still to this day have kept in touch.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Oh crud! My apologies. I will attempt to fix it.

ETA: Fixed. Again, sorry about that!

No worries

 

[jminnesota]

i feel you can be a born again virgin. lets say you sleep with someone as a teen yes you had sex but it might of not of been the best. and down the line you find the one you want to marry even though you had sex before having sex with that person could be like your a virgin as its the best feeling you ever felt with someone.

 

[selfinflikted]

i feel you can be a born again virgin. lets say you sleep with someone as a teen yes you had sex but it might of not of been the best. and down the line you find the one you want to marry even though you had sex before having sex with that person could be like your a virgin as its the best feeling you ever felt with someone.

"Born again virgin" are just words. They don't mean anything practically. I just don't get it. Seems infinitely silly to me to claim to be a born again virgin.

 

[Larry Mondello]

"Born again virgin" are just words. They don't mean anything practically. I just don't get it. Seems infinitely silly to me to claim to be a born again virgin.

It's a very common term, Self.

Of course, physically, one isn't a virgin anymore. That's done with.

It's more a matter of the heart.

Take a once-promiscuous woman.
She's changed, found God and doesn't want to have sex with every guy she dates anymore.
She legitimately calls herself a reborn virgin.
I have no problem with that and respect that attitude.

Now, one shouldn't act so superior about it and think they're "better" than others, as we all fall short in things.

Have seen threads started by such women.
A woman has a change of heart, gets to feeling guilty and wants to stop the sex in the relationship, yet the guy gets mad.
If I was the guy in that relationship, I'd understand and likely would feel a little guilt myself.
That actually happened to me during engagement, so honored my future wife's wishes and we married.

A mid-30s, never-married, non-virgin (but limited experience) Christian woman I dated in my late 20s, she wasn't so keen on going all the way.
I didn't say something to her like, "...well, you're not a virgin, so what's the big deal?"
She did, however, try to please me in other ways.
I think she was conflicted about going all the way, and I understood. So I respected her.

Looking back, I considered myself a reborn virgin in my 20s.
If women can call themselves "reborn virgins," men can too.

 

[Larry Mondello]

Well the circumstances weren't really as noble as marriage or engagement. I was just a teenager who felt it was time with my boyfriend. There's a lot of things that go into me not feeling guilty.

One, my parents are Christian and I was as well, but my mother isn't the type to preach waiting until marriage. If anything, she always encouraged me not to get married or to wait as long as possible to do so. I'm 32 and she's still down sometimes on me getting married!

Second, I don't think I even realized it was a sin at the time. I was doing bible study on my own but had no idea what fornication even meant as a word and remember having to ask about that later lol. I didn't attend church or wasn't around other Christians and I don't think it had really sunk in about the big deal it was.

Third, the guy is a sweetheart and was very respectful to me. We were together a few years and still to this day have kept in touch.

Thanks for your thoughtful response, JC Fantasy.
Wouldn't have expected such an answer.

I know sex is common among unmarried Christians and have changed my views a lot of the topic.
I know churches often teach that (unmarried) sex is like the most awful thing, but it's really a part of life but shouldn't be abused.
Let's just say I'm not as judgmental as I once was as a new Christian in college.

And for others, no, this isn't a "let's peek into others' private lives" thread.
Your answer is good and the kind of thing I was looking for here.

 

[Desk trauma]

A woman has a change of heart, gets to feeling guilty and wants to stop the sex in the relationship, yet the guy gets mad.

When someone is in a relationship that involves sex and the other partner unilaterally decides that there will be no more sex why would the other person be out of line to not be happy with that choice?

 

[selfinflikted]

It's a very common term, Self.

Of course, physically, one isn't a virgin anymore. That's done with.

It's more a matter of the heart.

I understand it's a common term. But it's still a ridiculous notion to me, nonetheless.

 

[Larry Mondello]

Originally Posted by Larry Mondello
A woman has a change of heart, gets to feeling guilty and wants to stop the sex in the relationship, yet the guy gets mad.

When someone is in a relationship that involves sex and the other partner unilaterally decides that there will be no more sex why would the other person be out of line to not be happy with that choice?

Of course the other might not be so happy about it.
But if he's a "Christian" man like I was, he'll understand.
There are more important things than satisfying his desire.
Relationships are more than just sex. Sex is only one part of a relationship.

Note, I'm talking about unmarried relationships, not marriages.

Now, if he raises a fit and won't stand for it, that shows the other the kind of guy he is and should prompt the other to rethink the relationship.

This happened to me when I dated my future wife.
She didn't unilaterally call an end to our lovemaking. Our lay premarital counselors at her Catholic church recommended we stop. They asked and all the couples in the group were having sex prior to marriage.

My future wife didn't have to ask me to stop. I showed her the kind of man I was by honoring her and getting to know her better as a woman, my friend and life companion, as per the counselors' recommendation.

Yes, we still slept in the same bed on weekends (we lived in separate towns), but was always with clothes on and I didn't try to pressure her. Amazing we didn't "slip."

When she looks back and tells me she doesn't think she was "such a Good Christian Girl" because of our premarital sex, I point to that break during the engagement.
Also tell her premarital sex is normal, particularly for never-married older couples like we were, in our 30s.

Really, it didn't "bug me" when we stopped having sex.
Valued her and her Christian morality more than my satisfaction.

Like with that other Christian woman I dated in my late 20s, I felt some guilt and as a Christian, knew some things were right and some things were wrong.
Knew I wasn't bigger than God and even though I was a nominal Christian at the time, I understood how a woman might feel. Making love is quite a step and changes the relationship forever.
Didn't want to do anything to harm my sister in Christ nor the gift God had given me...

"Loving" someone is putting the other's needs above your own, even if that means you're not going to be in her life anymore...:o.

 

[Desk trauma]

Of course the other might not be so happy about it.
But if he's a "Christian" man like I was, he'll understand.
There are more important things than satisfying his desire.
Relationships are more than just sex. Sex is only one part of a relationship.

Why the assumption that only a man would take issue with sex being called off?

Now, if he raises a fit and won't stand for it, that shows the other the kind of guy he is and should prompt the other to rethink the relationship.

A calling off of all sex would be a good reason to consider leaving a relationship. Entering into a relationship on one set of terms and then leaving when they change is hardly irrational.

 

[Shane Roach]

The post I was responding to asked to very specific questions. Should someone feel guilty, and if so, why? Obviously, if you have no respect for God or Christianity, you will not tend to feel guilty for breaking Christian concepts.

Not so much "no consequences" for violating supposed moral values by people I do not respect, as no guilt.

Thus what I see is societies forming with mutually exclusive values - atheist/neo pagan/new age/humanist on one side, and people who draw on previously existing value systems on the other.

I can't even begin to comprehend the rest of your post since you follow the tangent you decided to take off somewhere near Pluto, but suffice it to say I have had productive conversations about this topic before, and it is not THAT difficult to comprehend. You have simply chosen to make nonsense out of it by hacking it into individual sentences without following the underlying theme.

You would fail any test on reading comprehension doing this. Why do you interact with people then knowing this is now how words are meant to be read and comprehended? I can see by your writing you know HOW to read, so go ahead and read what is actually written as a whole.

I have never understood why people do this. It is on the verge of being illegible. Just write paragraphs that express what you think. It might force you to read things as a whole rather than in little, unrelated, chopped up bits, which would lead you to understand them as they were intended.

Ah. and when the people you don't respect expect it from you, you can violate it with no consequence?



Whoa there, friend -- you just took a bit of a leap there.

Having one's own values doesn't necessarily mean that one should arbitrarily follow someone else's instead -- quite the opposite, in fact.



What God and what values? Once more, please, with coherence.



And since I don't follow the Bible and choose not to believe in the god represented therein, so what?



Right -- because people don't automatically and arbitrarily follow others' values... I know there are things some people consider to be wrong that I don't give a rodent's posterior over.

Any reason I should?

People sometimes cling to poor values en masse. The individual in question could be clinging to a real and truthful value when society has given itself in general over to poor values.

And vice versa, of course. What's your point?



Assuming, of course, that those other people are deserving of any kind of consideration.



But I didn't do anything wrong when I lost my virginity...

(Well, ok, truth be told, I did several things "wrong," but that was more due to inexperience than any kind of moral qualms.)

So, no wrongness, no guilt.



And those who don't hold the rules to be applicable need not worry about the exceptions.



No one is suggesting such a thing. The issue is guilt, not punishment.



Which has what to do with my question?



Seems like none of the systems work well. People are individuals, not parts of any "system."



Ah, so all that is my fault, is it? That's why I should feel guilt?



well, like nearly any action, the good or evil lies in the intent, not in the act itself.

What you choose to resent is up to you.



There is something to that.



In here, too, from what I see.



So... where exactly did the resentment come in?



And I care about Oprah because...?

 

[Shane Roach]

Yes you have, Mr Roach has said as much. Well, if you've read the thread, that is.

I was responding to your post responding to I believe Jminnesota. I said God, looking forward to the consequences of the action, might send people to hell for pre or extra marital sex. He might. Certainly there is something about sin that right angers the Almighty as portrayed in the Bible.

I did not say that having premarital sex automatically sends you straight to hell without a doubt and without exception. Indeed, 'if you read the thread,' you would know I have pointed out that there is no penalty for premarital sex in the Old Testament unless there was a betrothal already. Nor, for that matter, will you find any penalty in the entire Old Testament for prostitution, even though the Bible has precious little positive to say about the world's oldest profession either.

Most of your posts are one off, one or two sentence insults towards people trying to express their thoughts on complex issues, which is how we end up here with you accusing me of something that, while I said it, I did not mean anything within a hundred miles of what you are portraying.

You strip everything of all context, all the time, almost every time you post.

 

[Shane Roach]

Yeah, on a tangent started by a Christian blaming secular/atheist culture in its entirety for its woes (you know, the first post after you last told people to get back on topic.....it was a Christian posting....and it was off-topic).

We get it Larry, you're biased. Christians always good, those meanie atheists are always bad.

Not so much guilt as a sense of betrayal that it had been built up by so many people, specifically our neo-pagan/atheist society, as being such a wonderful thing to have sex, that once I lost my only chance to share that first time with the one person I would commit my life to, I realized what a crock all the pro-sexual-revolution claptrap really is.

Interestingly, a lot of my angst regarding sex ties directly into the greed of this present age, as I waited soooooo long to even consider getting married because it is so ridiculously expensive to even cover basic food, clothing and shelter expenses, much less try to pay for a baby. It all boils down to greed, self serving violence against fair economic systems, and the willingness of most people to just sell out for a short term thrill of illicit sex rather than commit to the infinitely more gratifying picture of sex shared in love with a person you've committed to building your life and legacy with.

There's my original post in full. If it is not the atheistic and neo-pagan views of the so called "left", then who is it that is promoting pre-marital sex? It certainly is not coming from the Bible.

I did not blame every one of my woes on this. I simply resented, and still resent, the sort of blind, full charge ahead blitzkrieg of certain elements in society that support loose sexual expectations.

Far from being off topic, it is a direct response to the OP. To paraphrase, "No I did not feel guilt. I felt betrayed by people who told me it was something I really ought to go ahead and do." I then defined which people.

 

[jminnesota]

when the day comes that you die and your at the heavens doors god looks at your life and he will decide if your good enough to join him in heaven or go to hell and live with the devil. as long as you know jesus is only way to heven i feel he will look and if your sins are small and no big deal he will let ya pass. like if you kill someone for the fun of it i feel would be worse then if you had sex with a woman before you married.

 

[selfinflikted]

I was responding to your post responding to I believe Jminnesota. I said God, looking forward to the consequences of the action, might send people to hell for pre or extra marital sex. He might. Certainly there is something about sin that right angers the Almighty as portrayed in the Bible.

I did not say that having premarital sex automatically sends you straight to hell without a doubt and without exception. Indeed, 'if you read the thread,' you would know I have pointed out that there is no penalty for premarital sex in the Old Testament unless there was a betrothal already. Nor, for that matter, will you find any penalty in the entire Old Testament for prostitution, even though the Bible has precious little positive to say about the world's oldest profession either.

Most of your posts are one off, one or two sentence insults towards people trying to express their thoughts on complex issues, which is how we end up here with you accusing me of something that, while I said it, I did not mean anything within a hundred miles of what you are portraying.

You strip everything of all context, all the time, almost every time you post.

No, I don't. But all these threads are repeats. Nothing new under the sun. Most of my posts are short, because I have already discussed most of these talking points ad nauseum. I don't have to have an entire entrée's worth of word salad to make a point. Besides, I normally post here out of sheer boredom when things are excrutiatingly slow at work.

In your own defense, you did not say that pre-marital sex automatically, unequivocally buys one a one-way ticket to hell. BUT, you did say that a forward thinking god might, and that it would be justified. There's little difference, in my own mind, between the justifications of sending someone to hell for pre-marital sex without exception and maybe sending someone to hell for pre-marital sex. Either way, the possibility is on the table, and either way it's justifiable (according to you), and either way it's despicable if you ask me.