Relationship Anxiety, I don't believe in taking breaks

[Heartofsilver]

Hello everyone,

I am courting a guy who our Lord has sent me through suddenly transpiring events that He told me about before hand in us meeting and for a specific purpose of marriage. A and I both experience anxiety, so we have an understanding when it comes to that. I have OCD and an anxiety disorder where there is no cure.

I have relationship anxiety by traumatic dating experiences and so does he. This is the first time I have had relationship anxiety to this degree after God called me out of my last relationship. I am trying to trust in God with what/who He has blessed me with. I'm also trying to trust ,believe, recieve, and be thankful in Him. I started doing better as time was going on until A started sharing about what happened in his past relationships which were kind of recent. He told me that he took breaks during them and I was thinking to myself that after past experiences with taking breaks and seeing how they were severely mishandled. I don't take breaks, every time I have or the guy did it would always damage the relationship and we would eventually break up shortly after.

Awhile ago, I told my aunt that I was anxious about this scenario potentially happening. That if the guy would want to take a break that I would let him know, that I don't take breaks and just break up with him, since that is always where it leads anyway. After I break up with someone, I do not take them back, since when we break up I believe that it was for a reason and there is no point in going back ,because when I would we would just keep breaking up again, so obviously after the first time I just see that it is over. To me there is no maybe. It's a yes or a no, I'm very black and white about this. My aunt asked why I think this and honestly it's because I'm not a toy and I don't play games. I'm not going to continue to allow men to treat me like a piece of trash where they can just come and go as they please or me treating a guy that way either. We are adults, not children.

I also told me aunt that I told my former boyfriend this and she told me that I should have never told him that. I should have just left him if he ever asked for a break and my therapist may have agreed. What she didn't know was I had told him this back when him and I were friends, not dating.

The issue now is since, my new boyfriend has said that in his recent relationships that he did both taking breaks and break ups where it kept happening repeatedly, I'm very anxious. With my OCD and anxiety disorder, I just keep thinking about what he said with my thoughts and anxiety spiraling and hindering me even within our relationship at times. He has noticed that I have gotten anxious again and I admitted that my relationship anxiety is coming back, since we are pretty open with each other about anxiety, but I didn't give him the details as to why. I have just been hiding it, since he mentioned, and my mind will not let it go. The longer this anxiety and these thoughts stay the more I just want to be open and honest with him about it. I keep trying to release ,but with my rumination OCD it just keeps coming right back along with my anxiety. I'm going to be talking to my therapist soon about this and other anxieties as well

 

[Soul-searching]

Hello everyone,

I am courting a guy who our Lord has sent me through suddenly transpiring events that He told me about before hand in us meeting and for a specific purpose of marriage. A and I both experience anxiety, so we have an understanding when it comes to that. I have OCD and an anxiety disorder where there is no cure.

I have relationship anxiety by traumatic dating experiences and so does he. This is the first time I have had relationship anxiety to this degree after God called me out of my last relationship. I am trying to trust in God with what/who He has blessed me with. I'm also trying to trust ,believe, recieve, and be thankful in Him. I started doing better as time was going on until A started sharing about what happened in his past relationships which were kind of recent. He told me that he took breaks during them and I was thinking to myself that after past experiences with taking breaks and seeing how they were severely mishandled. I don't take breaks, every time I have or the guy did it would always damage the relationship and we would eventually break up shortly after.

Awhile ago, I told my aunt that I was anxious about this scenario potentially happening. That if the guy would want to take a break that I would let him know, that I don't take breaks and just break up with him, since that is always where it leads anyway. After I break up with someone, I do not take them back, since when we break up I believe that it was for a reason and there is no point in going back ,because when I would we would just keep breaking up again, so obviously after the first time I just see that it is over. To me there is no maybe. It's a yes or a no, I'm very black and white about this. My aunt asked why I think this and honestly it's because I'm not a toy and I don't play games. I'm not going to continue to allow men to treat me like a piece of trash where they can just come and go as they please or me treating a guy that way either. We are adults, not children.

I also told me aunt that I told my former boyfriend this and she told me that I should have never told him that. I should have just left him if he ever asked for a break and my therapist may have agreed. What she didn't know was I had told him this back when him and I were friends, not dating.

The issue now is since, my new boyfriend has said that in his recent relationships that he did both taking breaks and break ups where it kept happening repeatedly, I'm very anxious. With my OCD and anxiety disorder, I just keep thinking about what he said with my thoughts and anxiety spiraling and hindering me even within our relationship at times. He has noticed that I have gotten anxious again and I admitted that my relationship anxiety is coming back, since we are pretty open with each other about anxiety, but I didn't give him the details as to why. I have just been hiding it, since he mentioned, and my mind will not let it go. The longer this anxiety and these thoughts stay the more I just want to be open and honest with him about it. I keep trying to release ,but with my rumination OCD it just keeps coming right back along with my anxiety. I'm going to be talking to my therapist soon about this and other anxieties as well

I think you must talk to your boyfriend about your fears. if you don´t, you don´t gain anything, you will only loose him. Two people with anxiety can support each other, and understand each others behaviour, but they can also push each other further apart because of lack of communication. That´s why communication is so important. If there is no communication, there can´t be understanding. Tell, him how you feel, what happened in the past, how you see things. Confusion is the worst, and many people make decissions based on confussion, because they can´t read other peoples minds, that is why it´s important to be open and to communicate.

 

[Heartofsilver]

Thank you all for your encouragement and advice. Our talk with each other on this subject went very well. We are both growing and very excited in see what our God is doing. Thank You Jesus for Your coaching and teachings!