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Relapse to inappropriate content and more

mm17162646

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I feel no change from being saved I feel no change from baptism. All I feel is, God doesn't give a cr*p.

He's doomed me with my habits, he's doomed me with my career field, he's doomed me financially.

And now I go to inappropriate content and ruin further my relationship with my gf. Because I don't care, for some reason I don't care before using.

I feel like my life has gotten worse the closer I try to get with God, I've had a dream/hallucination while in my sleep that a demon pierced his hand in my heart. Waking up I felt pain in the exact area.

I feel more lost and feel more anger toward God.

I pray he helps me, but I remain wicked.

Nothing helps this feeling of hopelessness, no prayer no scripture no book no counseling.
 

Lost4words

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Jesus said that if we follow Him, we have to pick up our own cross and follow. Some crosses are heavy for some while lighter for others.

Jesus is indeed carrying you while you carry your cross.

Every time you fall, get right back up and run to Jesus. Remember, He came to save us sinners my friend.

Dont be discouraged. The devil may win many battles over you and me but, he aint EVER going to win the war! No!

Turn away from this sin and turn towards Jesus.

Think of Jesus crucified everytime you want to turn to this sin etc. Place a crucifix next to your monitor or tv etc. Look at Jesus on the cross. Let Jesus help you. Offer up your sufferings to Jesus.

God bless you and protect you
 
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Messerve

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I feel no change from being saved I feel no change from baptism. All I feel is, God doesn't give a cr*p.

He's doomed me with my habits, he's doomed me with my career field, he's doomed me financially.

And now I go to inappropriate content and ruin further my relationship with my gf. Because I don't care, for some reason I don't care before using.

I feel like my life has gotten worse the closer I try to get with God, I've had a dream/hallucination while in my sleep that a demon pierced his hand in my heart. Waking up I felt pain in the exact area.

I feel more lost and feel more anger toward God.

I pray he helps me, but I remain wicked.

Nothing helps this feeling of hopelessness, no prayer no scripture no book no counseling.
Are you recently saved? Then you need to give yourself some time to grow. Bad habits/addictions don't always die overnight even with salvation. For some people that happens, but for others it takes time.

I think the more concerning thing is that you state you don't care. If you want to be closer to God, you have to more fully understand Jesus and what He did for you. Doesn't it bother you that the Creator of the universe made Himself a man just so he could die? It would have been FAAAAR more logical to just zap the world and start over. But he didn't because He loved us, in spite of our messed up lives. So it should bother you that the sin you commit today is part of the reason Jesus' death was needed. And if your sin was the only sin in history, it still would have left Jesus nailed and bleeding on a cross. It's that bad.

I say all this knowing I am chronically forgetting this very thing and also falling way too often into sin. It's a lifelong struggle. I would say your dream/hallucination would be more indicative of the fact that satan wants your heart - not that he has it. If satan has your heart he'll do everything he can to keep you from realizing it.

So don't give up. Read the Word regularly, get help from other Christians, and find a solid Christian community to keep you accountable.
 
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Jeshu

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I feel no change from being saved I feel no change from baptism. All I feel is, God doesn't give a cr*p.

He's doomed me with my habits, he's doomed me with my career field, he's doomed me financially.

And now I go to inappropriate content and ruin further my relationship with my gf. Because I don't care, for some reason I don't care before using.

I feel like my life has gotten worse the closer I try to get with God, I've had a dream/hallucination while in my sleep that a demon pierced his hand in my heart. Waking up I felt pain in the exact area.

I feel more lost and feel more anger toward God.

I pray he helps me, but I remain wicked.

Nothing helps this feeling of hopelessness, no prayer no scripture no book no counseling.

Sad to hear you didn't meet the Lord and that your life is still lost without Him. Silence from heaven usually means we pray to the wrong god. The god of our expectations rather than The God of our salvation.

i found in my battle with sin that not until the flame of love was kindled in my heart thinking how Jesus died to rescue me from such sin, that my sinful behaviour began to change. It is love for God that changes our hearts in the end. The more we learn to love God for His grace the more we move away from sin.

Honestly true! Try it for yourself. Ponder on Jesus sacrifice paying for your sin and see if this kindles love and admiration in your heart for your Saviour. If it does then you know you have been touched by His Holy Spirit and you can build your new life with Him and in Him.

Grow in love for God and neighbour brother and you will be able to leave inappropriate content behind sooner rather than later. Love for God is very powerful and can subdue even very stubborn sin.

Be of good courage.

Peace

To Be Redeemed.

Sin is choosing bad life over good life
To let bad rule your destiny in misery
bad life bringing death into your heart
bad ending for which has life in wrong!

At first the earth reaches out her hands
fallen hearts can eat from her dust
but not from eternal life any longer
Truly dead struck hearts are to be pitied!

God sent His Son down to call to Life
In The Truth He came down to save you
The call of life rings out over the graves
Multitudes arise some to good some to bad!

The Battle is on in earnest with bad life
To be entangled no longer by her grip
Oh what a glorious Gospel always true
The Battle has been won in Jesus!

The Word sowing good Seed in your heart
The darkest dust producing abundant goodness
Awaiting The glorious Lord and Redeemer
One Day He will Come to pick you Up!
 
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Kaon

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I feel no change from being saved I feel no change from baptism. All I feel is, God doesn't give a cr*p.

He's doomed me with my habits, he's doomed me with my career field, he's doomed me financially.

Perhaps He hasn't done this to you, but rather for you. Night comes before day, so your spiritual and carnal enemies will come at you first - especially since you have the audacity to go against your "nature" and seek out the Most High. Just as sin is offensive to the Most High, so is righteousness to our enemies - of which many rule this cosmos/world/reality.

He hasn't abandoned you, but you are a spirit enveloped in matter; you will need to be patient with you body even though your spirit is ready to be righteous (spirit: willing, flesh: weak). This means that you need to forgive yourself 7 x 70 times for each unique sin at least: it was a basic suggestion by the Word of the Most High, but we can always do more.

And now I go to inappropriate content and ruin further my relationship with my gf. Because I don't care, for some reason I don't care before using.

This is exactly how the oppressive assault goes:

1. Think about the sin
2. Despite resistance, find a way to sin
3. After sinning, you develop exploitable guilt
4. Your guilt makes you REPEAT STEP #1

So, you see that you must "calibrate" your guilt: it is useful, because it convicts you of your wrong doing; however, it is also used to exploit you so that you keep repeating the same sin. It is crucial you think about this, because this is the mechanism (in my opinion) that keeps decent (e.g. seekers of the Most High) people in a perpetuity of the same sin.

The Most High is incredibly aware of the fake gods and powers/principalities/entities that oppress this "universe," and His people. He is immensely patient, and compassionate; He understands what you are dealing with, and how insidious your enemies are (as well as their disproportionate power over us as carnal beings). What you have to do is focus on the decision you made to obey the Most High, and if you slip, you take the conviction/consequences of your actions, and move on with righteousness knowing you don't have to feel guilty if you are truly repentant.

I will not comment on the relationship with your girlfriend except that you should be convicted of the effect it has on your relationship, but you also realize that it has a (negative) effect on your partner - which is an accomplishment.

The truth is bitter-sweet.

I feel like my life has gotten worse the closer I try to get with God, I've had a dream/hallucination while in my sleep that a demon pierced his hand in my heart. Waking up I felt pain in the exact area.

That is the assault of your spiritual enemies making you feel like your life has gotten worse the closer you try to get to the Most High.

By definition, if you get closer to the Most High, your like has no option but to get better. Our battle is with spirit, not flesh (which rots to decomposition, and is subject to rudimentary physical/"natural" law).

I feel more lost and feel more anger toward God.

I pray he helps me, but I remain wicked.

That is the assault of your spiritual enemies making you feel more lost and angry toward the Most High. In fact, you anger is misplaced; you are angry at the spirits that keep oppressing you and making your carnal body do things your spirit does not want to do.

By definition, the closer you get to the Most High, the more found you are.

Nothing helps this feeling of hopelessness, no prayer no scripture no book no counseling.

Trust in the Most High, and the Holy Spirit. These real entities are your way - with the Living Entity known as the Christ/Son of Man. Feelings lie; they are exploited by your spiritual enemies. Trust the truth/definitions you know about the Most High.
 
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Sal Robinson

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Sounds like a tough place you are in

the closer God moves in our lives, the more the devil attacks us...tempts us, draws us in our old ways

God saved your spirit, your flesh was not saved

your flesh has to conform to the ways of God

the christian life is swimming against the flow of the river

changing old habits is hard, close to impossible

but whats impossible for man is possible for God, Luke 18:27​
 
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LiquidCat

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I feel no change from being saved I feel no change from baptism. All I feel is, God doesn't give a cr*p.

He's doomed me with my habits, he's doomed me with my career field, he's doomed me financially.

And now I go to inappropriate content and ruin further my relationship with my gf. Because I don't care, for some reason I don't care before using.

I feel like my life has gotten worse the closer I try to get with God, I've had a dream/hallucination while in my sleep that a demon pierced his hand in my heart. Waking up I felt pain in the exact area.

I feel more lost and feel more anger toward God.

I pray he helps me, but I remain wicked.

Nothing helps this feeling of hopelessness, no prayer no scripture no book no counseling.

You will never overcome this addiction untill you find wife that's how this flesh works God did not give you new flesh yet you are still locked in this rotten body and its desires daily.

Girlfirend is not wife btw you need wife.

Maybe you are using inappropriate content as relief from stress like work so change it and instead change to less stressfull job or don't use inappropriate content as an excuse because you have issues in your relationship.

Thats what inappropriate content does you get few minutes of free mind after you are don't thats what actually you want you areally don't want to have sex with that woman from inappropriate content you just want to have relief from daily problems you have , fix these problems , marry you girlfriend if you love her and it will be fine.

Also saving cash each month helps to solve most problems in this fallen world cuz you can buy or bribe anybody nowdays it gives peace of mind try doing that too untill u have some money you are comfortable with. When your girlfriend gets sick for example then you don't have to worry about money and can just focus on her instead.
 
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markbrewer

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I feel no change from being saved I feel no change from baptism. All I feel is, God doesn't give a cr*p.

He's doomed me with my habits, he's doomed me with my career field, he's doomed me financially.

And now I go to inappropriate content and ruin further my relationship with my gf. Because I don't care, for some reason I don't care before using.

I feel like my life has gotten worse the closer I try to get with God, I've had a dream/hallucination while in my sleep that a demon pierced his hand in my heart. Waking up I felt pain in the exact area.

I feel more lost and feel more anger toward God.

I pray he helps me, but I remain wicked.

Nothing helps this feeling of hopelessness, no prayer no scripture no book no counseling.


Mdog: in various times of my life, i have felt EXACTLY as what you are describing here. i can tell you that it can get better.

if you want to get over this and come up to a higher and better place, i recommend you read the book "at the altar of sexual idolatry" by Steve Gallagher. this book helped me very much, it changed my life for the better. it is not an easy book to read, your mind will want to argue with it.
but if you will swallow this bitter medicine, you will begin to heal.

i have been exactly where you are, this helped me to get better.
 
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M2020

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It’s hard to deal with life at times and that is the honest truth. I am a believer and I still struggle and have for many years. Since I was a young teen I struggled with a inappropriate content addiction. It has definitely changed my brain to some extent over the years and has impacted my relationship with my wife, who thankfully has not left me yet. I have learned many things and tried to get my addiction to just go away but the sad truth is that my mind has to be healed overtime not overnight. I realize now that it takes daily work, and a drive to work at this everyday knowing that one day is all I can focus on. I have always thought that if I can get to 1 year sober from inappropriate content that maybe my life would be better, but I got there and I messed up again and watched inappropriate content and the cycle started again, almost even worse than it was before. So I have learned that it is going to take me one day at a time for maybe the rest of my life for me to look myself in the mirror and realize that my decisions are my decisions, nobody makes me looks at inappropriate content, nobody makes me lie or sin in general, I do that all on my own. I want to be free just like you and I wanted it now just like you. I’m sorry that it hasn’t happened and when you got saved things didn’t change. But just know that God is there for sure no doubt, we just have to make the Conscience decisions to turn from the habits that have held onto our minds for too long. It may sound weird but I believe that in just writing this I gained a little confidence on myself, I never thought that would happen. But the truth is that we can get through this sin, it is obtainable, we have to put on the work to get there but we are not alone either, God can and will help. The me day at a time, it may even have to start with one hour at a time. Begin to control your thoughts and start with that, then move to days, and I hope that things begin to look up for you. I will continue my fight as well, I want today to be the last day that I feel the way that I have about myself. And I hope the same for you. One day at a time.
 
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Matthew C.

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I feel no change from being saved I feel no change from baptism. All I feel is, God doesn't give a cr*p.

He's doomed me with my habits, he's doomed me with my career field, he's doomed me financially.

And now I go to inappropriate content and ruin further my relationship with my gf. Because I don't care, for some reason I don't care before using.

I feel like my life has gotten worse the closer I try to get with God, I've had a dream/hallucination while in my sleep that a demon pierced his hand in my heart. Waking up I felt pain in the exact area.

I feel more lost and feel more anger toward God.

I pray he helps me, but I remain wicked.

Nothing helps this feeling of hopelessness, no prayer no scripture no book no counseling.
Let me tell you it will get better. I have been in the inappropriate content addiction myself. Substance abuse and drug addiction. You’re not gonna feel anything. Sometimes you will. I became a Christian to 14 I didn’t start feeling until I was about 28 or 30. But you are saved. Just because you don’t feel saved does not mean that God is not there. God is not responsible for your habits or addictions. The devil wants you to pin that on God that’s not biblical. I cannot blame God for my vices or troubles. He is the one who can free you from those things.We make our own choices. God gave us our free will. You have to understand that we are responsible for the choices we make. That’s the first step to repentance is to understand I am the one at fault. If something comes across to you in the scripture, and you don’t like it you have to understand God is not changing. He’s in the right we are in the wrong it’s our job for us to change to meet him. But you have to let Jesus do that. You just have to accept Jesus into your heart to be your Lord and Savior. And he will do the work just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening behind the pictures. The devil wants you seeing with your eyes. Because he knows that if he can keep you seeing he’ll keep you blind because God is invisible. We are called to live by faith not by sight because the things that are seen are temporary but the things that are unseen are eternal. That’s a Bible verse.
 
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