Registered Sex Offender and Church Attendence

[KevinT]

Our church is facing a dilemma and I am curious how various other congregations would handle the situation.

There is a person who was convicted of a sexual offense at age 17 involving a 10 yr old. I don't know all the details, but it result in 13 yrs in prison, and was released in the past several months. This person has now requested permission to attend our church, which is fairly small (100-200 members).

Our church is part of a larger organization that provided a legal contract that can be used if we so choose. This contract is very explicit about this person not talking or associating with minors, that they have someone accompany them to the bathroom, etc etc. The person has agreed to sign and follow the contract. The person's parole officer has stated that if they follow the contract, that they would be OK with the person attending church. On the face of it, it seems that the contract would do a good job of heading off any future incident.

Everyone understands and agrees that experience in the general public has shown a high repeat-offense rate (i.e. people commit the offense again).

However, we have several family with young children who are understandably concerned. Below are some issues that have been raised:

• Can the church maintain vigilance over time. I.e. two years in, will everyone be just as careful as at the beginning?
• What about new persons coming into the church. Will they have to be pulled aside right away and appraised of the situation? What about visitors?
• Is it possible that children will become used to seeing this person around, and even if they are protected in the actual church building, will they be more likely to trust the person in another setting?

I have gone back and forth on this issue in my mind. Here are some issues that I wonder about:

• Is sexual sin an unpardonable sin? I don't think so. Perhaps we can forgive, but also not set the person up for repeat failure?
• Is is OK to exclude someone from a congregation? Would we exclude someone that released from prison after murder?
• Could we include such a person in the membership but ask them to just watch online or in a select ministry where children will never be present?
• If we forgive the person, let them into our fellowship, and then a child is sexually assaulted in the future, wouldn't we be morally (if not legally) responsible?

Hard questions. We have a followup meeting in a week or so to make a decision.

What would you all do?

KT

 

[com7fy8]

Our church is facing a dilemma and I am curious how various other congregations would handle the situation.

People who know God has changed them know how also that He is able to truly change any sinner. But there must be testing, to make sure with God. If a church does not have reliable people who can make sure with God about people . . . that is their real problem; because if they can be fooled by a predator, there is no telling how else they also can be fooled.

There is a person who was convicted of a sexual offense at age 17 involving a 10 yr old.

And now the person is 30 years old? And possibly he has not become an habitual offender, partly thanks to being in jail. I don't know, of course. But if he has even gotten saved and has repented, he could spiritually and emotionally have matured over 13 years. But, of course, we don't know from this information.

A matter of concern could be if it was a one-time offense and he never did anything like that at any other time. If it was a one-time offense, I suppose the could have intercepted him before he became habitual. I am not sure if a teenager predating on a ten-year-old is pedophile or something else. But if his attraction was pedophile, that could still be a major issue. But I believe God can change any evil person into how His love in us has us living. This love is almighty against any and all evil feelings and emotions and preferences and dominating drives.

I don't know all the details, but it result in 13 yrs in prison, and was released in the past several months. This person has now requested permission to attend our church, which is fairly small (100-200 members).

That is a big enough church so a predator could blend in, I would say; so, yes, make sure.

Our church is part of a larger organization that provided a legal contract that can be used if we so choose. This contract is very explicit about this person not talking or associating with minors, that they have someone accompany them to the bathroom, etc etc. The person has agreed to sign and follow the contract. The person's parole officer has stated that if they follow the contract, that they would be OK with the person attending church. On the face of it, it seems that the contract would do a good job of heading off any future incident.

And it can arrange for him to have a mature Christian brother to share with and so he can learn how to relate with Christian people. And you could make it the same companion for one month, then have him share with another role model person for a month, so he gains more and more good friends.

Everyone understands and agrees that experience in the general public has shown a high repeat-offense rate (i.e. people commit the offense again).

And, for all we know, he could be quite capable of repeating. But we can not evaluate him by somebody else's track record. But I think you can see if he matures more and more obviously in a well-rounded way and is ministering God's grace and good example. This is something a faker can not do. You can tell if he is ministering for you to grow in Jesus.

However, we have several family with young children who are understandably concerned. Below are some issues that have been raised:

• Can the church maintain vigilance over time. I.e. two years in, will everyone be just as careful as at the beginning?

Someone reliable can make sure about this. Even he himself might make sure, if he is really changing.

• What about new persons coming into the church. Will they have to be pulled aside right away and appraised of the situation? What about visitors?

I would say go with whatever is in the contract. And make sure you have personnel keeping an eye on this.

• Is it possible that children will become used to seeing this person around, and even if they are protected in the actual church building, will they be more likely to trust the person in another setting?

Now this is something I did not think of. May be, this needs to be brought up with the parole *system*. And talk with other churches who have fielded this sort of thing, see what they have done and discovered.

I have gone back and forth on this issue in my mind. Here are some issues that I wonder about:

• Is sexual sin an unpardonable sin? I don't think so. Perhaps we can forgive, but also not set the person up for repeat failure?

Yes, forgive, but test to make sure, however you with God find out how to do this. God is able to guide you and make you creative.

• Is is OK to exclude someone from a congregation? Would we exclude someone that released from prison after murder?

Murder might tend not to be an habitual thing, like seeking sexual pleasure can be. So, you need to test prayerfully what is needed in this case.

• Could we include such a person in the membership but ask them to just watch online or in a select ministry where children will never be present?
• If we forgive the person, let them into our fellowship, and then a child is sexually assaulted in the future, wouldn't we be morally (if not legally) responsible?

Forgiving does not automatically mean a person must be trusted blindly. We should not trust any person blindly, in my opinion. If you are not sure, I would say go no further until you are satisfied with however God does guide you.

Hard questions. We have a followup meeting in a week or so to make a decision.

What would you all do?

KT

Make sure with God.

 

[ozso]

I think it might be better for him and everyone else if he attended a church with a small congregation that's mostly older folks. My church is like that.

 

[All Becomes New]

It's clear the man has repented. He wants to come to church and he is upfront about his past sins and is willing to follow all precautions.

My father knew a man who had been in prison for a similar thing with sexual abuse of a minor. My father still befriended him, and my father was convinced that he was a changed person because of the love of Jesus.

I think it is easy to go to generalities and talk about what usually happens, but that is why getting to know the individual is essential to finding out if this person should be at your church. There were people who were prostitutes who became some of Jesus's closest followers. There's also this phrase that always comes back to me when I think of these things... "Such were some of you." This guy is willing to have someone accompany him every time he goes to the bathroom. Think of the commitment that it would take to agree to something like that.

 

[RisenInJesus]

Our church is facing a dilemma and I am curious how various other congregations would handle the situation.

There is a person who was convicted of a sexual offense at age 17 involving a 10 yr old. I don't know all the details, but it result in 13 yrs in prison, and was released in the past several months. This person has now requested permission to attend our church, which is fairly small (100-200 members).

Our church is part of a larger organization that provided a legal contract that can be used if we so choose. This contract is very explicit about this person not talking or associating with minors, that they have someone accompany them to the bathroom, etc etc. The person has agreed to sign and follow the contract. The person's parole officer has stated that if they follow the contract, that they would be OK with the person attending church. On the face of it, it seems that the contract would do a good job of heading off any future incident.

Everyone understands and agrees that experience in the general public has shown a high repeat-offense rate (i.e. people commit the offense again).

However, we have several family with young children who are understandably concerned. Below are some issues that have been raised:

• Can the church maintain vigilance over time. I.e. two years in, will everyone be just as careful as at the beginning?
• What about new persons coming into the church. Will they have to be pulled aside right away and appraised of the situation? What about visitors?
• Is it possible that children will become used to seeing this person around, and even if they are protected in the actual church building, will they be more likely to trust the person in another setting?

I have gone back and forth on this issue in my mind. Here are some issues that I wonder about:

• Is sexual sin an unpardonable sin? I don't think so. Perhaps we can forgive, but also not set the person up for repeat failure?
• Is is OK to exclude someone from a congregation? Would we exclude someone that released from prison after murder?
• Could we include such a person in the membership but ask them to just watch online or in a select ministry where children will never be present?
• If we forgive the person, let them into our fellowship, and then a child is sexually assaulted in the future, wouldn't we be morally (if not legally) responsible?

Hard questions. We have a followup meeting in a week or so to make a decision.

What would you all do?

KT

Those are all important questions and concerns. I think the linked video may be helpful, from a Christian ministry which addresses this very issue. Jimmy Hinton has personal experience on the subject, having to turn in his own pastor father for child sexual abuse. Now he has a ministry to help churches understand, prevent, and deal with this problem.

 

[Paidiske]

Our church is facing a dilemma and I am curious how various other congregations would handle the situation.

I've dealt with a similar situation, my answers below are based on that experience. I haven't read earlier replies before answering.

Can the church maintain vigilance over time. I.e. two years in, will everyone be just as careful as at the beginning?

To be honest, in the situation I was in, they were never very good at it. His accountability group tended to be more relaxed than I was ever comfortable with. I think choosing an accountability group, and being very clear about their commitment to children's safety, would be key. The accountability group should be big enough that there can always be someone to supervise him, not just in the bathroom, but at all times while he is on church property.

What about new persons coming into the church. Will they have to be pulled aside right away and appraised of the situation? What about visitors?

Generally, you are not allowed to make such a situation public to everyone in attendance, for privacy reasons. Church leadership and his accountability group should know, but it should not be discussed more widely than that.

Is it possible that children will become used to seeing this person around, and even if they are protected in the actual church building, will they be more likely to trust the person in another setting?

This person should not be attending services where children are present.

In the case I had, we allowed him to attend a service on a weekday morning (when children in attendance were rare), and he was explicitly to leave if children arrived. He was not to interact with children in church, over refreshments, or at any church event.

This meant he tended not to be able to attend services over Christmas and Easter; that's just part of the consequences of his actions.

Is sexual sin an unpardonable sin? I don't think so. Perhaps we can forgive, but also not set the person up for repeat failure?

I would agree with this.

Is is OK to exclude someone from a congregation? Would we exclude someone that released from prison after murder?

If that person is a risk to the safety of others, not only is it okay, but you have a responsibility to do so.

Could we include such a person in the membership but ask them to just watch online or in a select ministry where children will never be present?

I think watching online is probably not enough, especially if they want to receive communion; but yes, absolutely, they should only be attending services without children.

If we forgive the person, let them into our fellowship, and then a child is sexually assaulted in the future, wouldn't we be morally (if not legally) responsible?

Depends entirely what protections you put in place.

 

[ozso]

I think this has to be viewed through the eyes of being a parent with young children attending. Really I think it should be left up to them.

 

[ozso]

If he attended the service I just did, it wouldn't be an issue. A small assembly of older adults. No kids. The closest we had to that was an elderly mother and her middle aged son in attendance.

 

[All Becomes New]

Those are all important questions and concerns. I think the linked video may be helpful, from a Christian ministry which addresses this very issue. Jimmy Hinton has personal experience on the subject, having to turn in his own pastor father for child sexual abuse. Now he has a ministry to help churches understand, prevent, and deal with this problem.

Wow. This pretty much makes my response invalid. I don't have kids, so it is hard for me to really get this. It's also shocking how manipulative some people can be.

 

[ozso]

Those are all important questions and concerns. I think the linked video may be helpful, from a Christian ministry which addresses this very issue. Jimmy Hinton has personal experience on the subject, having to turn in his own pastor father for child sexual abuse. Now he has a ministry to help churches understand, prevent, and deal with this problem.

@9:20-9:55 he says the same thing I've been saying.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Our church is facing a dilemma and I am curious how various other congregations would handle the situation.

There is a person who was convicted of a sexual offense at age 17 involving a 10 yr old. I don't know all the details, but it result in 13 yrs in prison, and was released in the past several months. This person has now requested permission to attend our church, which is fairly small (100-200 members).

Our church is part of a larger organization that provided a legal contract that can be used if we so choose. This contract is very explicit about this person not talking or associating with minors, that they have someone accompany them to the bathroom, etc etc. The person has agreed to sign and follow the contract. The person's parole officer has stated that if they follow the contract, that they would be OK with the person attending church. On the face of it, it seems that the contract would do a good job of heading off any future incident.

Everyone understands and agrees that experience in the general public has shown a high repeat-offense rate (i.e. people commit the offense again).

However, we have several family with young children who are understandably concerned. Below are some issues that have been raised:

• Can the church maintain vigilance over time. I.e. two years in, will everyone be just as careful as at the beginning?
• What about new persons coming into the church. Will they have to be pulled aside right away and appraised of the situation? What about visitors?
• Is it possible that children will become used to seeing this person around, and even if they are protected in the actual church building, will they be more likely to trust the person in another setting?

I have gone back and forth on this issue in my mind. Here are some issues that I wonder about:

• Is sexual sin an unpardonable sin? I don't think so. Perhaps we can forgive, but also not set the person up for repeat failure?
• Is is OK to exclude someone from a congregation? Would we exclude someone that released from prison after murder?
• Could we include such a person in the membership but ask them to just watch online or in a select ministry where children will never be present?
• If we forgive the person, let them into our fellowship, and then a child is sexually assaulted in the future, wouldn't we be morally (if not legally) responsible?

Hard questions. We have a followup meeting in a week or so to make a decision.

What would you all do?

KT

Sounds like your church will never accept this person. It takes great love, forgiveness and acceptance to overcome such an obstacle and apparently this is lacking in your congregation.
On the other hand, if your congregation were to treat a convicted child molester as part of the church family with love , the will of our Father will be done.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

Be blessed.

 

[Laodicean60]

I don't understand your fears as long as parents do their jobs. If he were placed in a classroom, my children would be there (I would question leadership), and we wonder why church attendance is down, we have chased the "bad people" away. The ones you should worry about are the ones who haven't gotten caught.

Till I was thirty I wasn't a Christian and in my teens the forefront of my mind was sex and drugs. At 17 I was in a situation with a 13 year old and I warred against my carnal nature, ultimately it was the fear of the laws of the land that restrained me and I also worried about what my parents would think.
Come on guys you know what I'm talking about unless you were a freak of nature. After the first time, all bets were off.

Now change the name of that video to: Can a "Sinner" be Restored to Church Fellowship?"

 

[Strong in Him]

Our church is facing a dilemma and I am curious how various other congregations would handle the situation.

There is a person who was convicted of a sexual offense at age 17 involving a 10 yr old. I don't know all the details, but it result in 13 yrs in prison, and was released in the past several months. This person has now requested permission to attend our church, which is fairly small (100-200 members).

Our church is part of a larger organization that provided a legal contract that can be used if we so choose. This contract is very explicit about this person not talking or associating with minors, that they have someone accompany them to the bathroom, etc etc. The person has agreed to sign and follow the contract. The person's parole officer has stated that if they follow the contract, that they would be OK with the person attending church. On the face of it, it seems that the contract would do a good job of heading off any future incident.

Everyone understands and agrees that experience in the general public has shown a high repeat-offense rate (i.e. people commit the offense again).

However, we have several family with young children who are understandably concerned. Below are some issues that have been raised:

• Can the church maintain vigilance over time. I.e. two years in, will everyone be just as careful as at the beginning?
• What about new persons coming into the church. Will they have to be pulled aside right away and appraised of the situation? What about visitors?
• Is it possible that children will become used to seeing this person around, and even if they are protected in the actual church building, will they be more likely to trust the person in another setting?

I have gone back and forth on this issue in my mind. Here are some issues that I wonder about:

• Is sexual sin an unpardonable sin? I don't think so. Perhaps we can forgive, but also not set the person up for repeat failure?
• Is is OK to exclude someone from a congregation? Would we exclude someone that released from prison after murder?
• Could we include such a person in the membership but ask them to just watch online or in a select ministry where children will never be present?
• If we forgive the person, let them into our fellowship, and then a child is sexually assaulted in the future, wouldn't we be morally (if not legally) responsible?

Hard questions. We have a followup meeting in a week or so to make a decision.

We had a very similar situation in my former church.
A repeat sex offender moved into our area and wanted to attend our church. He was allowed as ours was the only one in the area without children. He had a contract with the police which had been signed, and witnessed, by himself and the church leaders. He was forbidden from even approaching children.

Most of the time I think it was ok; though it was almost impossible to prevent him from talking to children on the buses or in the supermarket.
But one Sunday, a visitor to the area came into the church with his young son. It was a communion service and the sex offender shared the peace with the young boy.
Because of the man's contract and our safeguarding training, I felt I had no choice but to report this to the Minister, (though it was hard to do so; this had been an act of worship.) The Minister hadn't seen what had happened but someone else in the congregation had. The police were informed - as, no doubt, was the district safeguarding officer.
Perhaps the one difference was that this man freely owned up to it. (We had a theory that because he was in prison so often, he felt safe there and deliberately broke his contracts.)
Even though I felt I had done the right thing, the man saw me talking to the Minister and he freely admitted it; I felt guilty afterwards.
But the Minister told me that his children (10 and 8) felt safer and able to go to that church again.

I can't answer your questions, I'm afraid - but I don't believe that forgiveness means condoning the sin. Forgiveness means that you won't hold something against someone and let it prejudice you and that you don't seek revenge or to take the law into your own hands.
It is possible to forgive but still to seek justice.

Could you ask the police for advice? I.E if we let this man be around children in church where he can be watched, how do we keep these children safe when not on church property

 

[Simonides]

My own history tells me that he himself was probably an abused child. Myself and my two best childhood friends (brothers) were molested by the same guy. One of them is s registered sex offender, the other is highly suspect. I took a different, though no less sinful path, Yah be praised.

He is probably sincere, he may even be a born again spirit led brother who will become a great blessing to your assembly. But here's the thing. If he relapses, or falls into sin, its gonna be a sin against your children, and YOU will give an account to God for letting this happen.

He's been to prison, he's no stranger to being under a microscope. He has apparently also been to Calvary. So by all means welcome him. But by no means allow him to participate in any kind of children's ministry, and I mean ever. I would also strongly suggest that one or more of you sincerely embrace this brother and keep him close. And be honest with him about your reservations and intentions. If he is truly a changed man, none of this will be a problem for him. This isn't a sin like drunkenness or greed or whatever. If this man falls... well, I'm sure you can imagine the potential consequences.

 

[High Fidelity]

The reality is that thanks to prolific Pastoral abuse over the years, safeguarding is a subject taken very seriously now, and clearly for good reason.

I think it’s good you’re being prudent, but at the same time this is a person now walking into a church where everyone is going to know his sin, he’s likely not going to be welcomed, and people will be judging him.

The fact he’s prepared to do that says a lot about his heart, which seems to be repentant.

 

[Simonides]

The reality is that thanks to prolific Pastoral abuse over the years, safeguarding is a subject taken very seriously now, and clearly for good reason.

I think it’s good you’re being prudent, but at the same time this is a person now walking into a church where everyone is going to know his sin, he’s likely not going to be welcomed, and people will be judging him.

The fact he’s prepared to do that says a lot about his heart, which seems to be repentant.

If you are correct, it certainly does say a great deal about his heart. I hope this situation works out well for everyone. And I'm a bit grateful that its not my situation.

Having said that. I invited a brother into my home many many years ago. He was a close friend, him and his wife. I later learned that he went to prison for molesting his son. You just never know. I'll be so glad to leave this wicked world.

 

[High Fidelity]

If you are correct, it certainly does say a great deal about his heart. I hope this situation works out well for everyone. And I'm a bit grateful that its not my situation.

Having said that. I invited a brother into my home many many years ago. He was a close friend, him and his wife. I later learned that he went to prison for molesting his son. You just never know. I'll be so glad to leave this wicked world.

Yes absolutely, it’s an extremely difficult situation and I think a good example of reminding ourselves what Christ would expect of us.

 

[KevinT]

My own history tells me that he himself was probably an abused child. Myself and my two best childhood friends (brothers) were molested by the same guy. One of them is s registered sex offender, the other is highly suspect. I took a different, though no less sinful path, Yah be praised.

He is probably sincere, he may even be a born again spirit led brother who will become a great blessing to your assembly. But here's the thing. If he relapses, or falls into sin, its gonna be a sin against your children, and YOU will give an account to God for letting this happen.

He's been to prison, he's no stranger to being under a microscope. He has apparently also been to Calvary. So by all means welcome him. But by no means allow him to participate in any kind of children's ministry, and I mean ever. I would also strongly suggest that one or more of you sincerely embrace this brother and keep him close. And be honest with him about your reservations and intentions. If he is truly a changed man, none of this will be a problem for him. This isn't a sin like drunkenness or greed or whatever. If this man falls... well, I'm sure you can imagine the potential consequences.

Thank you for this feedback. I hate to hear what you and your friends went through as children. That was horrible, and I am so sad to hear of it.

As the OP, I'll give an update. The first meeting of the church ended in a decision to get more information and to meet again for a final decision. Strangely, the follow up meeting has not yet occurred. I'm wondering if some behind-the-scenes decisions have been already been made.

Best wises,
KT

 

[Simonides]

Thank you for this feedback. I hate to hear what you and your friends went through as children. That was horrible, and I am so sad to hear of it.

As the OP, I'll give an update. The first meeting of the church ended in a decision to get more information and to meet again for a final decision. Strangely, the follow up meeting has not yet occurred. I'm wondering if some behind-the-scenes decisions have been already been made.

Best wises,
KT

I do not envy your circumstances. Whatever the leadership decides, I do hope that this brother is not abandoned. He should be given every opportunity to demonstrate his faith in Christ, and accepted as a brother in the Lord until proven to be otherwise.
I think this is one of those situations Christ had in mind when He told His disciples, "When you fast..."