Recently widowed looking for a friend

[moevb]

I am recently widowed and looking for a conservative and modest lady who is a non-smoker/non-drinker to befriend and have long talks with. I would like to learn this person in hopes of becoming very good friends. This is all so new to me but seems like it would be a good way to help me cope. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this community. This is my first time doing anything of this nature.

 

[hopesprings]

Hi moevb. Welcome to the forum. Please allow me to extend my condolences on the death of your wife.

On this forum you'll find that we all have grief in common but that our individual experiences may be vastly different. Three years ago in August my husband of nearly twenty years and our 16 year old son were killed together in a car accident.

May you find comfort and encouragement here.

 

[moevb]

Hi moevb. Welcome to the forum. Please allow me to extend my condolences on the death of your wife.

On this forum you'll find that we all have grief in common but that our individual experiences may be vastly different. Three years ago in August my husband of nearly twenty years and our 16 year old son were killed together in a car accident.

May you find comfort and encouragement here.

Thank you for your condolences. Please let me extend mine for your loss. I was married for exactly 20 years and 2 months to the day. Like yours, mine was sudden and unexpected. In my limited time in dealing with this I have found that each person handles grief in their own way. I've also found that there isn't a right or wrong answer. Today has been another horrible day for me. I don't want to go on alone. I can't go on alone. I have a soon to be 15 year old son at home. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to deal with. I'm disappointed every morning when I wake up. It means that I have to face another long, lonely, miserable day. I'm not sure how and why to go on. I'm assured that it gets better. I can't see that being the case. We had it all planned out. We were going to grow old together and drink coffee together on the back porch every morning. Now in the blink of an eye it's all gone and I stand alone. I'm sorry to be so long winded. I type as I think. If I don't stop I will just keep going on. Thanks again for reaching out. It was very needed.

 

[blackribbon]

Hi. I was married for 16 years and have been without him for 7 years now. From where you are, that probably sounds like forever but from where I am, I have been alone for both a long time though it feels like yesterday. He died of a recurrence of melanoma and he died 11 weeks from when we found it had returned inspite of very aggressive treatment. I am now struggling with our 19 year old has gone from having a very successful freshman year of college to suddenly suffering from multiple seizure like episodes each day. I wasn't supposed to have to do this kind of thing alone and yet, like He has throughout the last seven years, I know that God is very present in even this impossibly hard situation.

 

[hopesprings]

Thank you for your condolences. Please let me extend mine for your loss. I was married for exactly 20 years and 2 months to the day. Like yours, mine was sudden and unexpected.

Thank you. It seems that sudden loss and loss due to illness, for example, have their own challenges but lead us all to the road of grief.

In my limited time in dealing with this I have found that each person handles grief in their own way. I've also found that there isn't a right or wrong answer.

Yes, I've found the same thing. We each have our own experiences, personalities, backgrounds, personal views and of course--relationship with our loved one(s)--that make grief a different journey for everyone.

Today has been another horrible day for me. I don't want to go on alone. I can't go on alone. I have a soon to be 15 year old son at home. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to deal with.

I'm sorry to hear that. Grief just sucks, frankly. I was left with my thirteen year old daughter to raise alone after the accident. I won't say that my daughter was the *only* reason that I had to live but she was a big part. I was her mom and she needed my help--she was grieving too. I can't imagine what I would have done if one of my parents had died at that age! I let her take as many things as she needed of her brother's and dad's to keep for as long as she needed (her lifetime, if she wanted ). I talked about our guys to her a bit (or as much as either of us could stand at the time). That's something that a parent can do for their child--we are a very needed and necessary part of our child's lives. You are the keeper of memories your son will need and appreciate later. Your presence is a comfort and reassurance to him even if he doesn't acknowledge it. Yes, this is one of life's most difficult challenges. I want to encourage you that three years in (almost! and at points along the journey when death was preferable) it can be done. When necessary, I took it second-by-second at a time or even what felt like micro-second by micro-second at a time. Sometimes I could do whole days, sometimes part days. I slept when I needed to give my mind a rest. I drank A LOT of coffee with friends! lol I talked with them about anything just so that I wouldn't lose my mind (I'm not kidding). The mundane helped keep me anchored to the real world. Sometimes during those times I could laugh, other times I'd sit with tears running down my face. There were times when I would be in a state of rage, frankly. Sometimes my friends would hug me or just hold my hand and sometimes they would cry with me. Grief can be a very frightening place.

I'm disappointed every morning when I wake up. It means that I have to face another long, lonely, miserable day. I'm not sure how and why to go on. I'm assured that it gets better. I can't see that being the case. We had it all planned out. We were going to grow old together and drink coffee together on the back porch every morning. Now in the blink of an eye it's all gone and I stand alone.

I remember reading C.S. Lewis' book on grief where he says something to the effect that he is surprised by how much the feelings of grief resemble fear. I was floored! Perhaps he's right...we have our lives planned out...and when our loved one(s) die(s), that reality dies too. You know, I hate (hate, hate!!) the expression "the new normal"? This doesn't feel "normal". I prefer to accept that I'm living in an "alternate reality." I didn't choose this (the reality I'm living in); it is definitely an "alternate" to my plans!

I'm sorry to be so long winded. I type as I think. If I don't stop I will just keep going on. Thanks again for reaching out. It was very needed.

Well, I think I'm the long-winded one! Please accept my apologies if anything I've said strikes a nerve--I'm just passing on what I remember happening to me (or occurring to me) earlier in my own experience. We both know that everyone walks a different path. God has orchestrated friends in my life that have literally been life-savers...He is also enacting circumstances in our lives (my daughter and I) that gives me hope. Take care.

Oh, I'd like to leave you with Psalm 23:4--I love the KJV because it refers to "the valley of the shadow of death". I imagine that David was likely writing about his own death but I can't think of a better description of grief...now that has special significance to me!

 

[NOTWHATIWAS]

I am recently widowed and looking for a conservative and modest lady who is a non-smoker/non-drinker to befriend and have long talks with. I would like to learn this person in hopes of becoming very good friends. This is all so new to me but seems like it would be a good way to help me cope. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this community. This is my first time doing anything of this nature.

Widowed almost 10 years ago-would like to be friends.Do you have any prayer requests?

 

[Bill Hamilton]

To be honest I recently lost my wife to cancer and came on CF to meet widows and widowers because they (you) are dealing with the same reality I am. I don't think other people fully appreciate what we're going through. Yes, I can see myself remarrying some day in God's perfect timing and provision, but I so appreciate the perspectives that have been shared above! I look forward to some enriching "back-and-forths" here! God bless you all!

 

[bsstra7]

I am recently widowed and looking for a conservative and modest lady who is a non-smoker/non-drinker to befriend and have long talks with. I would like to learn this person in hopes of becoming very good friends. This is all so new to me but seems like it would be a good way to help me cope. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this community. This is my first time doing anything of this nature.

 

[bsstra7]

I know exactly how you are feeling and I'm sorry for your loss. I have no children (not by choice), and I took care of my mother who had Alzheimer's for ten years. Unfortunately she died this Jan., and then three months later my husband died unexpectedly and suddenly after only five days in Hospice. I took care of them until they passed and I know God will take care of me because he's never failed me yet. It is very lonely being an only child and losing the only loved ones I had left in this world. I was just feeling like I'd never survive this because I have to find employment and had to move across the country to live in my husband's brother's house rent free (a blessing). My husband thought he provided for me with insurance but he was mistaken. Anyway it's very lonely here because I don't know a soul, and I live in the country where wild coyotes wander around at night and devour small animals, and the sound is horrendous. I've been shaking and crying after hearing all those scary howls which wake me in the middle of the night. He says that's country living, but I can hardly stand it. Anyway I had just finished telling God out loud that I gave up and that I'd never get through this. I was flipping through channels and came upon a religious show where a lady was singing the EXACT words that I was telling God. She sang the same line over and over again. She sang that the devil said I'd never survive this and I might as well give up, but God was in charge. I really think God was trying to tell me something. I told him that I either needed a husband or a job like ASAP because I'm desperate for money to pay my bills. I was so excited to be able to meet some Christian people at a meetup group on July 4th, but when I got to the park this group was nowhere to be found. I came home deflated and lonely and then I just lost it. You're right that being alone is the pits. It will just take time to find a job but I don't have that luxury. Maybe if God could rush my request by air everything would be alright.

 

[JacquelineDeane55]

Hi, I would be that lady you are looking for. Conservative and modest, that is me right down to a T.

I am willing to hear anything you have to say.

I was recently interested in ministering to widowers such as yourself, if you need any help of any kind.

 

[blackribbon]

I am recently widowed and looking for a conservative and modest lady who is a non-smoker/non-drinker to befriend and have long talks with. I would like to learn this person in hopes of becoming very good friends. This is all so new to me but seems like it would be a good way to help me cope. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this community. This is my first time doing anything of this nature.

moevb wanted widow/er friends so much that he hasn't been on this site since 2 days after he first posted