Hello everybody!
So I am protestant but leaning in some ways towards Catholicism. I believe that Jesus meant it literally when he said "this is my body, this is my blood". However, that raises the question if the bread and wine are transformed into the Body and Blood of Christ in every Christian church or just in the ones that (claim to) have the apostolic succession, which enables Jesus to truly be present in the Eucharist. That being said, I haven't accepted many Catholic doctrines and would have to do extensive research (on the Church Fathers and Church history, as well as the claim that the Catholic Church hasn't changed it's doctrine and it has merely developed without contradictions) in order to be fully convinced that it really is the One True Church of Jesus Christ. Having said that, do you think I should continue receiving Communion at my present church, whilst partly not believing it's the way Christ intended it to be? We almost always have members of the congregation help serve Communion together with the pastor. At the same time, not receiving it (which I have been doing on and off for a while now) feels like I am disobeying Jesus, who told us to do it.
One more thing: all those doctrines I currently have a problem with (about Mary, praying to saints, papal infallibility - all the typical ones) I feel I could submit to, should God convince me through my research that the Catholic Church is indeed THE Church of Christ...except the doctrine of an eternal hell. I have spent months crying and feeling miserable thinking I have to believe the most horrendous possibility there is - conscious eternal suffering of human beings - is reality. I also have religious OCD which obviously loves to make me fixated on hell. After listening to Edward Fudge's lecture (
) where he makes his case for annihilationism (I realize controversial topics such as this should be discussed in the controversial topics forum and I'm not wanting to start an argument on why it is or isn't true) I decided the only way to stay sane is to accept his explanation and put the whole thing to rest. Don't get me wrong, his argumentation was convincing to me as well. If I were to become Catholic I would have to start believing ECT again.
I feel torn between wanting to receive the Christ in the Eucharist (if I were to convert) and wanting to go on believing in annihilationism (I do realize my belief in it doesn't make it true or false), since if the Catholic Church is wrong on such a weighty doctrine, it loses all credibility and claim on infallibility. Would appreciate any advice!