Rebellious child

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

My six year old is going around the house creating halloween decorations despite being told that i do not approve nor will we be celebrating it in our house.
Part of the issue is parenting in an unequally yoked relationship with a husband who thinks that halloween is just fine. This is really hard. Is there any suggestions for how I can simply teach a six year old why it is not a good thing to do. Its hard when they go to the shops and there is happy halloween signs everywhere and they think its something special... Its hard also parenting a child who is willfully rebellious a lot of the time.

 

[Liza B.]

Can you explain what you mean by "willfully rebellious"? Thanks.

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

At times my son is like a child who is oppositionally defiant. He just will not do what he is asked and thinks he is the boss and knows more than his parents. I have to repeat instructions over and over. He is an intelligent child but very stubborn. There is a long history of behavioural issues (starting from 2 and a half)... Which is a longer story..

 

[derpytia]

Perhaps you could start by talking to your husband and trying to create some harmony when it comes to parenting your child. You may be unequally yoked but that doesn't mean that you two can't sit down and discuss with each other how you want your child to be raised so that you two are on the same page and your child doesn't get mixed signals and confusion which might be part of why your child is acting out or being rebellious. A united front on the parents' end might make things easier for everyone.

I had issues at times with rebelling as a child because my mother and father were on different pages as to what was acceptable and what was not (along with a bunch of other big issues).

 

[Liza B.]

At times my son is like a child who is oppositionally defiant. He just will not do what he is asked and thinks he is the boss and knows more than his parents. I have to repeat instructions over and over. He is an intelligent child but very stubborn. There is a long history of behavioural issues (starting from 2 and a half)... Which is a longer story..

Oh okay, got it. Thanks. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what parents mean by rebellious. There's the normal just not listening the first time you ask, and then there's defiant. I have two of my own and have been teaching elem. school for more than two decades, so I guess I have some experience with kids!

It sounds like you do have a long story. If your son is bright, he probably has picked up on the tension about Halloween between you and your spouse. I would start there, and present a united front if you can work that out.

Best wishes. Behavior issues can be quite the challenge, but your son will be greatly helped by your efforts. What you do matters a great deal, even if it seems like what you're doing is of no consequence at all. Hang in there!

 

[Tolworth John]

First of all both you and your husband have to follow the same set of rules, behaviours and punishments.

Children are experts at playing one off against the other.

Second fight the battles that are important. So he is making Halloween decorations encouraged by your husband. What alternative parties are on offer at your church?
If there aren't any he can make them and display them but you have said you are not celebrating it, remind him of this and with his fathers enforcing it, don't celebrate it.

Lastly get help with any behaviour problems. Is it because he is brighter than his class and is bored. Is there any underlying conditions causing him to misbehave.
I've noticed with my wife and our children that there are differences in behaviour between boys and girls. Boys need physical activity as an outlet, get his dad to walk him to a near by park and to kick a football around or to go on an adventure walk, where trees are climbed, streams cross and fallen into.


Enjoy his childhood, no matter how difficult, it goes very very fast.

 

[JAM2b]

If you aren't getting professional help for your son, then you need to.

Other than that, this is probably created by the fact that you and your husband are not in agreement. The child can see this, and it can appear that no one is in charge because no one sticks to what each other says. There is harm being done by not being consistent or predictable in your household. You and your husband need to parent as one, not one against another.

There needs to be one clear set of rules that equally enforced by both of you. If you can't be consistent, then it doesn't need to be a rule (with the exception of health and safety issues).

You are unequally yoked, that means you are going to have to make compromises. If the halloween things are not dangerous then let it go. Many Christian enjoy halloween and aren't curse for life because of it.

Scripture is clear that the way to win over a non-believer is with respect, love, and quiet serving. I don't think this means you have to be silent and living in a self-sacrificial state of servitude, but I do think this means you need to let some things go and defer to your husband. You are not supposed to stand in opposition against him unless someone is being abused. Allow him to have more say in parenting your child, as he has a right as his father, and just trust the Lord to take care of the details, as long as he is physically safe.

If you want your children to respect you or your spouse, you have to show respect to each other. That means listening to each other, and working things out. Keeping your word. Supporting each other. Backing each other up. Your children will show the same level of respect that you show to each other, and to them. Respectful parents have respectful kids. They will live how they see you living.