Really Worried, Now.

[Brandon Cogle]

Well, now things are getting worse. My wife is now pregnant with my own child, and I am very worried. I have tried harder and harder to be nice to Jennifer, but she clearly has no dew how to be respectful. My theory is that her previous marriage killed this capacity.
I know, I know, hormones and all that, but the scary thing is, the things she is saying, and the way she is acting and handling situations, is exactly the same as it was several months ago, long before she got pregnant.

She blames me for everything wrong in her life, and gets utterly irate if I try to take up for myself. Once again, it just makes sense that that comes from her previous hus, as I have never had friends or family members tell me that I defend myself too much, or that I never fess up to what I do wrong, but she thinks that I NEVER DO.

Once she gets mad at me, she will not let me try to be nice to her, or calm us both down, but instead grows bitter at me for being nice in that situation, or recent, previous ones. She says it is hypocritical of me. Plus, she will not let me get a whole sentence in when she is mad. She will not stop interrupting. Every single situation seems to be a competition in her mind. Again, I wonder if that was the case with a certain someone else, because it never had been with me and my relationships

Yesterday, we had, what I considered a “small” argument, especially for us, but afterwords, she left, turned off her phone, and didn’t return till it was time to brings her kids home from school.
Later that evening, she said she regretted marrying me. At one point, she called me on the phone, and asked me what I was doing. When I said nothing, she got furious, saying that I might not have a family there when I got back.

Clearly, she hates and resents me. Every time I express my feelings or hurts or concerns to her, she masks them with her own, instead of waiting for me to finish, acknowledging, and then explaining her own feelings. Or worse, she gets mad at me for even HAVING those feelings in the first place.

I have decided at this point, to completely ignore her in every possible way. If that makes her feel hurt, or angry, oh well. I am tired of all the arguing and fighting, which seems to be the only way she knows how to communicate with a husband.

I thought us having a baby would be a joyous thing, but she clearly isn’t emotionally or psychologically stable enough to have one.

 

[Tolworth John]

She blames me for everything wrong in her life, and gets utterly irate if I try to take up for myself.

May I suggest two things.
1. keep a diary of all incidents and a record of her outbursts.
2. get professional help.

Your wife sounds to me as if she is suffering from depression. If she is she needs help.

See if she will talk to your minister or to his wife.

 

[turkle]

I have decided at this point, to completely ignore her in every possible way. If that makes her feel hurt, or angry, oh well. I am tired of all the arguing and fighting, which seems to be the only way she knows how to communicate with a husband.

Completely ignoring your wife is a sure fire way to make things worse.

If your wife were to come here and talk about you, what do you think she would say? What is her perspective? Why do you think she is so irritated with you?

While it sounds like a difficult situation, I suspect that you are playing a very big part in it. It would be more productive to look at it carefully from both sides, because what you have presented here is that it is all her doing.

What do you love about her? Why did you marry her? You are about to be a father, and it is really important that you examine your role in this difficulty and take steps to improve it with love and kindness.

 

[Ana the Ist]

Well, now things are getting worse. My wife is now pregnant with my own child, and I am very worried. I have tried harder and harder to be nice to Jennifer, but she clearly has no dew how to be respectful. My theory is that her previous marriage killed this capacity.
I know, I know, hormones and all that, but the scary thing is, the things she is saying, and the way she is acting and handling situations, is exactly the same as it was several months ago, long before she got pregnant.

She blames me for everything wrong in her life, and gets utterly irate if I try to take up for myself. Once again, it just makes sense that that comes from her previous hus, as I have never had friends or family members tell me that I defend myself too much, or that I never fess up to what I do wrong, but she thinks that I NEVER DO.

Once she gets mad at me, she will not let me try to be nice to her, or calm us both down, but instead grows bitter at me for being nice in that situation, or recent, previous ones. She says it is hypocritical of me. Plus, she will not let me get a whole sentence in when she is mad. She will not stop interrupting. Every single situation seems to be a competition in her mind. Again, I wonder if that was the case with a certain someone else, because it never had been with me and my relationships

Yesterday, we had, what I considered a “small” argument, especially for us, but afterwords, she left, turned off her phone, and didn’t return till it was time to brings her kids home from school.
Later that evening, she said she regretted marrying me. At one point, she called me on the phone, and asked me what I was doing. When I said nothing, she got furious, saying that I might not have a family there when I got back.

Clearly, she hates and resents me. Every time I express my feelings or hurts or concerns to her, she masks them with her own, instead of waiting for me to finish, acknowledging, and then explaining her own feelings. Or worse, she gets mad at me for even HAVING those feelings in the first place.

I have decided at this point, to completely ignore her in every possible way. If that makes her feel hurt, or angry, oh well. I am tired of all the arguing and fighting, which seems to be the only way she knows how to communicate with a husband.

I thought us having a baby would be a joyous thing, but she clearly isn’t emotionally or psychologically stable enough to have one.

If she was like this before you got her pregnant...why in the world would you bring a child into the situation?

I never understood this line of thinking, it's like saying, "Hey, I know we've got a lot of problems, a lot of issues that need worked on, and I know our relationship is in trouble...but hey, let's bring a living breathing little person into the picture because heaping responsibility and stress on you will probably fix everything!"

I know that's not what you were thinking...but what were you thinking?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Reading your past post she has two kids from a previous marriage right? I'm not going to blame the kids for all of this but maybe they play a role to. Maybe they talk negative to her about you. Or maybe her ex does. And of course there is the obvious thing of she may have a ton of past baggage that has messed with her mind and anything from her ex she may see in you and assume the worst. She REALLY needs to see a counselor, especially because this is her second marriage.

And while itas nothing personal, ignoring her is like throwing her off a cliff at this point. Its the worst thing you could do. You may be tired of her and how she acts, but if you do the same then its a guaranteed split situation. Communication is needed no matter how hard it feels or how hurt either person feels.

Actually she sounds alot like my mom. Angry, bitter, resentful and is loud and never lets anyone talk really. And yet my parents are still married after 40+ years. A miracle for sure. I know you said she won't really open up about whats on her mind but maybe type out a letter or email her or something that doesn't involve trying to talk (since she doesn't let you finish" and see what she says about it. Ask her in it "Why do you hate me so much and treat me as if I am dirt? What is on your mind? Did I do something wrong? What do you want to change? The problems can't be fixed if we do not figure out where all this rage is from to begin with. I would never leave you despite your very painful threats to leave me essentially."

Or something along those lines. Though try to avoid being harsh. And maybe tell her what you love about her. Even if she doesn't care when she reads that part, at least she can see you still have nice things to say.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

May I suggest two things.
1. keep a diary of all incidents and a record of her outbursts.
2. get professional help.

Your wife sounds to me as if she is suffering from depression. If she is she needs help.

See if she will talk to your minister or to his wife.

Keeping a "record of wrongs" goes against scripture (the definition of love), and will only create bitterness, which will led to more sin. Now, if you are planning on going to court, and fighting for custody of your kids or something, by all means document away.

She very clearly could be suffering from disrespectful, flesh-led, self-centeredness-wife syndrome like my husband put up with from me for 15 yrs or so.

 

[Tolworth John]

Keeping a "record of wrongs" goes against scripture (the definition of love), and will only create bitterness, which will led to more sin. Now, if you are planning on going to court, and fighting for custody of your kids or something, by all means document away.

She very clearly could be suffering from disrespectful, flesh-led, self-centeredness-wife syndrome like my husband put up with from me for 15 yrs or so.

It is only wrong to keep a record of 'wrongs'if one is going to use it in arguments. The 'you always do .....'

There is something wrong in that marriage and evidence of events/incidents can help those seeking to resolve the issues understand what is going on and even show to the other party just how cruel they are being.