Really weird topic - Need help

[Filip M]

Hello everyone. I want to ask you all, what do you think about incest. First of all, I would like to say that I do not have a sister, nor do I have any female cousins that I am attracted to, so I am asking this just because I am not sure what is right and what is wrong. What if somebody falls in love with a blood relative. As far as I know you can't really choose who you fall for. Sure, there is Westermarck effect that somehow makes us not feel attracted to ones we grew up with, do it prevents us from comitting incest, but what if somehow you met your blood relative in your teens or maybe in anulthood and you fell for him/her.

I already did research on this topic, but with a little success since there is not much helpful information. So far, only things that I have found on internet about this topic are opinions of different people, and there are a lot of them. Most of people think that cousin's being in love is okay, but mother and son, father and daughter is disgusting, same goes for sister and brother. Some think that all of the above is okay. But I found only a couple of people that actually said that these stuff are wrong, and in fact, that's all they have said, no explanation, no nothing.

So I thought to myself "Well maybe these people aren't religious they have different moral standards, maybe they are not Christians and believe in some different religion. That's why?". Perhaps... not really. I went on this forum and found a thread about this same topic, except the OP of that thread actually fell in love with cousin. And guess what, literally, but literally everyone agreed on same thing, that it is not a sin, nor it is wrong. Some of them mentioned Bible and said as I can see they say that Bible is not against it.

What do I think about it? I am not sure, it seems disgusting to me. But at the same time I can imagine myself falling in love with relative I did not grow up with. Except for one thing, in no way possible would I be able to fall in love with mother, aunt or sister. But if you ask me about cousin... then I am not sure. I definetly feel guilty for feeling this way, and to be honest I really beat myself up, but I think I deserve it. I feel like a really bad person, bad Christian and somehow who obviously is not ment to be normal. And I prayed to God about this, I tried to talk to him, to get answers, but I got none and I feel really anxious. I would ask my parents about what they think, if only I didn't feel ashamed and scared of what they think. They might disown me for seeing what a deviant and perverted person I am. I talked to my friends, but they have same opinion as me, they are confused. At first they say "no way", but after I ask them to really think about it and put themselves in a situation where they met a relative that seems just like a perfect partner, they get confused.

The only reason why me and my friends would do anything to avoid anything intimate with our relatives is because of others, and by that I mean family. I would do anything not to destroy my family. But I think that is not enough of a reason.

I might consider talking to a priest, but I don't know how to get to one. Or maybe a therapist, but it is bot really possible now because of this corona situation, and I haven't got much time because this is starting to destroy me.

Please if you have an opinion about this topic please share it with me. If you think any type of incest is wrong, plese say you you think that.

P...S... I know about genetic mutation problem and everything regarding two blood relatives having children. But still, you don't have to have children. And please do not judge me, I don't want to feel this way, maybe I am crazy but I need help, I don't want to be this way.

 

[eleos1954]

Hello everyone. I want to ask you all, what do you think about incest. First of all, I would like to say that I do not have a sister, nor do I have any female cousins that I am attracted to, so I am asking this just because I am not sure what is right and what is wrong. What if somebody falls in love with a blood relative. As far as I know you can't really choose who you fall for. Sure, there is Westermarck effect that somehow makes us not feel attracted to ones we grew up with, do it prevents us from comitting incest, but what if somehow you met your blood relative in your teens or maybe in anulthood and you fell for him/her.

I already did research on this topic, but with a little success since there is not much helpful information. So far, only things that I have found on internet about this topic are opinions of different people, and there are a lot of them. Most of people think that cousin's being in love is okay, but mother and son, father and daughter is disgusting, same goes for sister and brother. Some think that all of the above is okay. But I found only a couple of people that actually said that these stuff are wrong, and in fact, that's all they have said, no explanation, no nothing.

So I thought to myself "Well maybe these people aren't religious they have different moral standards, maybe they are not Christians and believe in some different religion. That's why?". Perhaps... not really. I went on this forum and found a thread about this same topic, except the OP of that thread actually fell in love with cousin. And guess what, literally, but literally everyone agreed on same thing, that it is not a sin, nor it is wrong. Some of them mentioned Bible and said as I can see they say that Bible is not against it.

What do I think about it? I am not sure, it seems disgusting to me. But at the same time I can imagine myself falling in love with relative I did not grow up with. Except for one thing, in no way possible would I be able to fall in love with mother, aunt or sister. But if you ask me about cousin... then I am not sure. I definetly feel guilty for feeling this way, and to be honest I really beat myself up, but I think I deserve it. I feel like a really bad person, bad Christian and somehow who obviously is not ment to be normal. And I prayed to God about this, I tried to talk to him, to get answers, but I got none and I feel really anxious. I would ask my parents about what they think, if only I didn't feel ashamed and scared of what they think. They might disown me for seeing what a deviant and perverted person I am. I talked to my friends, but they have same opinion as me, they are confused. At first they say "no way", but after I ask them to really think about it and put themselves in a situation where they met a relative that seems just like a perfect partner, they get confused.

The only reason why me and my friends would do anything to avoid anything intimate with our relatives is because of others, and by that I mean family. I would do anything not to destroy my family. But I think that is not enough of a reason.

I might consider talking to a priest, but I don't know how to get to one. Or maybe a therapist, but it is bot really possible now because of this corona situation, and I haven't got much time because this is starting to destroy me.

Please if you have an opinion about this topic please share it with me. If you think any type of incest is wrong, plese say you you think that.

P...S... I know about genetic mutation problem and everything regarding two blood relatives having children. But still, you don't have to have children. And please do not judge me, I don't want to feel this way, maybe I am crazy but I need help, I don't want to be this way.

Incest Laws By State 2020

As far as the “relationship” being legal if you decide to take things to the next level (e.g. marriage): It's illegal in most states to marry your first cousin and even second cousin marriages are not sanctioned. Beyond that point, the law doesn't seem to clear.

We are to abide by mans laws if they do not conflict with Gods laws.

From a christian moral standpoint ...

There is this:
Leviticus 18:6-18

My personal feeling about the matter (opinion) the further away from any blood relative in this regard .... the better.

Praying the Lord will lead you to settle this in your mind. Amen.

 

[Halbhh]

Already in Old Testament scripture, many things that were harmful, some in multiple ways, would be prohibited by Law from God.

Let's take a neutral but useful example: theft.

What would happen if many people did thievery for a living?

One thing that would happen is that many poor families would lose their basic necessities of life to thefts, including food stocks they needed to rely on during winter, for example, and then starve. It would result in suffering and death.

So, the reason the Law was against something, generally, isn't for an arbitrary reason, but because that thing is actually harmful to good life here on Earth.

So, also with incest, which prevents you from getting the more growth inducing and wonderful love experience you could get with someone outside your nuclear family (in addition to the physical harm of inbreeding).

 

[Broken Fence]

Leviticus clearly says is an abomination in God's eyes.

 

[Tolworth John]

far as I know you can't really choose who you fall for.

Not true, it is being in close proximity with someone and talking with them that causes someone to fall in love.
Where someone see a person and thinks they are in love are mistaking lust for love.

already did research on this topic, but with a little success since there is not much helpful information

Check out genetics, having children ith close relatives causes genetic deformities. Look up the Hasbergeg jaw, they were Spanish kings who always married cousins resulting in a jaw that made it almost impossible to eat.

 

[Broken Fence]

Not true, it is being in close proximity with someone and talking with them that causes someone to fall in love.
Where someone see a person and thinks they are in love are mistaking lust for love.



Check out genetics, having children ith close relatives causes genetic deformities. Look up the Hasbergeg jaw, they were Spanish kings who always married cousins resulting in a jaw that made it almost impossible to eat.

Not to mention European royals. Hemophilia.

 

[Of the Kingdom]

Filip, it seems like you're more concerned than necessary about this, especially if it doesn't affect you personally. I hope you can understand better what Jesus did for you, and focus on trusting Him in the future.

To comment on the issue of marrying near relatives. First we do have God's statement that certain very close relationships are unacceptable. These do not include cousins as far as I know. Second it makes sense to understand physical reasons for God's statements when we can, and may consider those reasons in deciding if it is wisdom to extend the restriction to cousins.

There are two physical reasons I know of to avoid consanguinity (close genetic relationship) in marriage. The first is being raised or in the same family, and that mostly takes care of itself because we instinctively avoid it.

Genetic abnormalities are more likely the closer the relationship. First cousins are close enough there is some risk, but I think it's low enough that it might be acceptable in some cases. On the other hand, the risk does not suddenly disappear even with second and third cousins, so I think it is wise to plan on avoiding such a marriage, but not worry much about it if one happens.

 

[Filip M]

The first is being raised or in the same family, and that mostly takes care of itself because we instinctively avoid it.

I am going to agree on this one. It is what I said above. It's called Westermarck effect. But still, what if somehow we didn't get raised together.

 

[Of the Kingdom]

But still, what if somehow we didn't get raised together.

Let's take an extreme case: suppose you married, and later found out she was your sister or half-sister. At that point, you might want to stay married but not have children. Damage has already been done. Now suppose you knew the other to be a close relative -- shame on you if it's closer than first cousin and you marry anyway.

This is opinionated. It is not always clear what old testament law Christians should follow, so there is no "bright line" test.

 

[Jermayn]

I am going to agree on this one. It is what I said above. It's called Westermarck effect. But still, what if somehow we didn't get raised together.

To the best of my knowledge, marrying a cousin is not a sin. It may be taboo in many cultures, but it's completely normal and natural to develop feelings of affection toward a cousin, especially if you are raised apart. Most people just pretend they are completely disgusted by the thought of it because that's the reaction they've been taught to have by society. I wouldn't let it get you down because as I said, completely normal. However, I would highly advise against acting upon on those affections with a close cousin due to issues it may cause in your family, as well as potential genetic issues in offspring. If you're having those feelings and want to get rid of them, just go talk to other women (or men if your a woman) and give yourself multiple options and they'll be gone before you know it.

 

[com7fy8]

Most of people think that cousin's being in love is okay, but mother and son, father and daughter is disgusting, same goes for sister and brother. Some think that all of the above is okay. But I found only a couple of people that actually said that these stuff are wrong, and in fact, that's all they have said, no explanation, no nothing.

If they deeply feel something is wrong, they might feel shame about it so they do not want to get into talking about it. And our Apostle Paul does say >

"For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret." (Ephesians 5:12)

So, there can be a natural tendency of someone who understands a thing is wrong, to feel shame about the subject, I can see.

And so, then . . . by the way . . . we need to be prayerful and honest about where we take people's attention.

what if somehow you met your blood relative in your teens or maybe in anulthood and you fell for him/her.

Well, in case you never met your cousin except as a stranger out in public so you did not know the person is your cousin, it certainly could happen that you could fall for each other. But I understand we are expected by God to have control so we do not go the wrong way with someone. And yes there is the matter of genetics.

So, I would say yes love every person. Jesus does want us to love everyone, including your cousin. But in His love we have His control and guiding. So, trust Jesus to take care of this. And in case there is anything in you that takes you the wrong way, this is not God's love; so you can do well to smell out the difference so you know what is and what is not love, in you. Lust is not love, though very convincing with very deceiving thinking. But God is gentle and humble and makes us quiet in His love and loving any and all people. So, in case some sort of love is isolating you only with any one person, this needs to be evaluated >

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

Jesus has us loving everyone; so His love attracts and connects us together so we help one another to love any and all people.

 

[Archivist]

In the US, 19 states permit marriage between first cousins. Another 7 allow it in limited circumstances. Move to one of those states and you shouldn’t have a problem. However, some states do not recognize such marriages if they are performed in another state, but that might violate the full faith and credit clause of the Constitution.

 

[Alexsalimander]

Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. In the Leviticus 18 it lays out the rules of incest. You can read it for yourself, but it boils down to this: don't be with anyone 3 steps from you or closer. I.e. your mom is 1 step, stay away. Your sister and grandma are 2 steps, stay away. Your aunt is three steps, stay away.
Cousins are 4 steps. Not only are cousin marriages permitted by scripture; in places they are encouraged. (Think Isaac and Rebekah. God appointed their marriage, and they were 1st cousins)

Anyhow, don't feel bad for thinking about it. You mentioned that you had delved into the research on genetics, so I won't get into the small chance increase of inherited diseases, but I think you should know, although we have built into us a revulsion to the thought of being with people we grew up with, we also have a built in attraction to people who look like us. So it's perfectly natural to be attracted to a cousin you didn't grow up with.

Also, take into consideration the laws: the Bible tells us to submit to the ordinances of our authority, so if it's illegal, again, stay away. Here in Canada you are allowed to marry your first cousin, and for a long time I was very much in love with my favourite cousin. She didn't see things the same way, and since has found a gem of a man, but we still maintain a very close friendship.

Sorry for the rambly epistle!

Hope it helps, though, cheers!