Really need support.

[hollypparker]

Okay. I am probably going to post on a number of the forums.

I used to be a member of here, under a different name. AmberZak incase anyone remembers.

I am trying to find out what is wrong with me. Most likely I am High Functioning Autistic.

At the moment everything seems to be falling apart. I am having problems at University, where I am considered a Time Consuming pupil but I still don't know what I did wrong (I was asked by the head of department to have a meeting with him where he then proceeded to say that I was not doing things the way they are done at University).

My brother passed away 6 months ago. I shut myself off from almost everyone. I stopped going to church and all sorts. At work, I decided to go on a social trip they are running to a theme park. It was open to all. But then I am told I can't go because the girl who is organising it, doesn't want me to. I have never even worked with her, so I don't know why she doesn't like me.

Also, I tried to get hold of my best friend, and he couldn't be bothered to help me because he said I am just feeling sorry for myself and he thinks I am suicidal, even though I have never said I was, nor implied I was. I am NOT Suicidal. Just running away. But anyway, he really hurt me - more than I can explain. And I am supposed to be going to lunch with him on Sunday afternoon, with a group of us as friends. I don't want to go, but I promised myself I would to try and get out of my depression.

I feel so lost. I have always felt I was a puzzle piece put into the wrong box, but right now I feel really lost. I always used to think that God made me different for a reason, now I think it was all just a mess up.

I am also lost, because, from the age of 7, I spent every week, with out fail, praying that little bro would be cured, but he died instead.

Please be sensitive with me. I am very fragile right now.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I strongly urge you to talk to someone about his passing. Perhaps a pastor at your church? I think he would be happy to talk to you, even if you have stopped going to church.

If you have the possibility, I'd also suggest going to a doctor and having your autism diagnosed. It's possible, though, that this is all caused by the sorrow you feel, but if you go see a doctor, you will know for sure. As far as I know, which isn't much , there is medication available that can help, even if it won't make the autism go away entirely.

You can keep running from the sorrow, but sooner or later it will catch up. I think talking to your pastor is the best way to start dealing with it. A part of you probably blames God, but remember this isn't the world God intended. All diseases and disasters, this is a fallen world. I don't know why your brother died, but I do know it wasn't because of a lack of compassion from God. He wouldn't send His only begotten son to die for us if He didn't care.

 

[hollypparker]

Hey. The church I had been going to wasn't very supportive to me. I am going to myold church tomorrow.

I am seeing a councillor.

I have had these feelings of being outcast for a long time, since before little brother died.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'm glad to hear you are going to church, even if they weren't that supportive before. It's possible they don't understand how much you are hurting and just think you prefer "to be alone." I'm also happy to hear that you are already seeing a counselor.

Feeling like an outcast doesn't necessarily mean you are autistic, but I still recommend seeing a doctor to find out for sure. It would probably bring you some peace of mind. What does your counselor think, was it he/her who brought up the possibility of autism?

 

[hollypparker]

The High Functioning Autism was brought up before by many additional support tutors. There are also many many reasons I think I have this.

 

[Criada]

I am praying for you, sweetie.
Whether you are autistic or not, God is the answer to your problems.
You are very much loved and very, very precious.
Try to spend some time with Him, just waiting and listening, not asking or telling Him anything... because he already knows...
Let Him wrap you in His love, sister, and comfort you.
Aside from any other issue, six months really isn't very long... you are still grieving , give yourself time.

God bless you very much.