For people who agree to obey Jesus, my opinion is we all are accountable to one another. But we do this how this honors Jesus > as unto the Lord Jesus.
So, no we do not nose around and impose ourselves, but >
"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)
"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
So, if she is not interested in being communicative and submissive and accountable with you . . . well, we don't know why, I would say. How does she feel about God and the Bible? How does she feel specifically about the church where you are? How does she feel about you and your husband?
I have been through suffering in doubt about myself and God and where I would spend eternity. And I could be ashamed, even afraid and too hurt to talk with people I felt were kind and trustworthy people. I think I remember times when I would meet people I thought could be genuinely Christian people, and I could see I had not been treating people like they treated me with compassion. I could even tell they knew I was in trouble, and they simply were kind with me and I am sure prayed for me.
So, she could be troubled, and that could be very scary, not helping her to know what to do, to say the least. If she would, she needs to speak for herself about what's really going on with her, except she might not understand.
So, you have done what you could, while bringing her up. Now you have the adventure of going on and discovering how you develop. If you trust Jesus and get more and more correction and maturing with God, then you could look back and consider how you did things with her to be out-of-date
Because with God, we always keep growing and maturing to more and better . . . no matter what is going on around us, and no matter how we get older.
So, you are concerned about how you are relating with her. But how have you and your husband seen Christian relating? I mean how have you been feeding on what God's word says for you two to relate with one another and anyone else?
I mean things like Ephesians 5:21 which I personally understand to mean God wants mutual submission . . . of ones capable of this. And I think Jesus means for us to be accountable to one another . . . making sure this is mutual and prayerful. Do you agree with this, and have you shown this to your daughter? What example have you developed with your husband and shown your daughter, to help her prepare for Christian marriage?
And there is,
"Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14)
I see this now to mean that arguing and complaining can be forbidden . . . the same as adultery and stealing. I mean, there is arguing and complaining which God considers to be anti-love . . . not faithful to Jesus. And as we get sensitive and strong and prayerful enough to not give in to the wrong ways of arguing and complaining, we become strong in God's way of loving as His family > including >
"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)
Note, though, that
"longsuffering" is needed . . . indeed
I see how our Father knows that as we relate closely as His family, we will discover things about each other, even about our mentors and honored and admired role models and most special friends; and then is when we will need that
"longsuffering" ready so we do not just trash good friends and give up on Jesus Christ's people whom we are really getting to know.
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Has her church schooling taught her about scriptures like this?
Before, perhaps, you parents get into attending on Sunday, may be you need to talk about and pray about how to be in church attendance during the week, by being God's church at home. So, therefore, I ask how have you two been relating and feeding this to her?
God bless us together to share honestly and honorably here.
And, like I offer, while you were bringing her up, you were not likely super-mature Christians, then. And now, then, some amount of how you used to train her could/should be seen as out-of-date.
And this is why we need our senior mature Christian couples to feed us their example and wisdom . . . to us and our children and other younger ones in Jesus. Even a young seminary prepared pastor is no substitute for a mature senior couple or senior mature single person in the Lord.
And I do not mean grandmas and grandaddies who are so smily-faced and can talk smart. I mean ones who have proven themselves in how they help younger couples to learn how to do in their marriages and bringing up their children, and they also help youths to get real correction and maturity and strength in Jesus. People feed off of their example >
"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
Younger ministers might be good speakers and can make things happen, in church administration and even in interventions, but mature seniors can minister example of how to be and love like Jesus, and how to relate in marriage and other intimate sharing. But God does use His younger people, but ones need to not neglect how God does keep using His mature seniors.
And your husband, during all this . . . has been saying . . . what? I offer that God gave you your husband; so pray attentively about whatsoever he says. B-u-u-u-t >
"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
So, yes, then, also > do test and evaluate about yourself. But please be encouraged that whatever God has for you, He will encourage you - - even when He says what means need for major correction. One thing is that whatsoever He has you see you need . . . He is the One to do this with you . . . guaranteed to succeed, then, since it will be about all He is able to do. Trust Him, then, to make you honest and obedient so you can so benefit.
Any scripture can be used by God to help you with this. I have offered only a few
maybe ones more direct.
Have you read and fed through what happened to Joseph? Genesis 37-50
And how about 1 Samuel 30? how David handled a horrible situation, even bringing things to where people with him would relate as family while taking care of things.
And we see how Abigail stood up to David when he was so wrong, and he so benefited from her > 1 Samuel 25.
As much as God blesses, I would say share with your husband in various scriptures, and apply them to you two being perfected in Jesus plus applying God's word to how you can be ready to help your daughter. Be encouraged that God is able to make you two more mature, so you are more ready to be good for her. And as you grow in Jesus together, God will have you helping various people. It may be your daughter will discover others who help her; but you can adopt whomever comes your way
Well-l-l-l-l . . . we all are growing in more than just knowing, right? And things can get out-of-date as being what was not so objective, after all.
"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (in Matthew 11:28-30)
