Rapist Wants me to Call Him

[dqhall]

@LoricaLady thank you, you ask a good question. I did get triggered by him.

He was a bad boy like my former husband who died.

I was trying to save him, like he was my hubby-like I projected my husband onto him, and was trying to save his life.

I didn't want him to die.

I sensed his extreme neediness and shakiness, scars, lack of support...and it got to me big time.

Yup, it was apparently all about subconsciously trying to save my former.

A few weeks prior to this ride, I have been unusually crying over my former husband who died from drugs and alcohol.

Its so painful.

I do not think he would have given his phone number to a man riding in his cab. He probably had lust on his mind. People are not supposed to marry someone who has been unfaithful. Based on his criminal record he was unfaithful. He is the wrong type of person to get into a dating relationship with. There are singles clubs, online dating, church singles groups and other ways to meet someone. Giving homeless people food or advice about where to find help is a good thing. Dating a convicted rapist on probation with a history of self inflicted wounds would not be wise. If that is how he treated himself, you should not expect he would treat you any better.

Living in a house full of people who drink and drug is about where a rapist might end up. No need to feel sorry for him. If he is truly repentant, he may find a better place in the community.

Calling the police on someone for giving you his phone number is not likely to bring a police response. I do not think it is a crime. If you do not call him, he may forget about you.

 

[danaomic]

A newly released convict wants me to call him to talk, bc he said I'm the kindest person he has ever met in the history of his life. He said he has never known anyone who has been so kind to him.

We struck up conversation in the cab ride he was giving, as he was the driver and it was a long ride.

He gave me his number and first and last name.

He said he hates his living situation as hes surrounded by room mates who drink heavily and fight with each other.

He had self harm injuries all over his arm, well healed and old.

He said he used to be a drug fiend, but was over that.

He said he was celebite for 10 years and his wife died.

Well, I'm celebit and my spouse also died and I used to self harm.

I went home and looked him up in the national data base and found out that he had just been released from another state for "forced rape."

It didn't mention child so I took it as meaning an adult woman.

I never called, but its tugging at my heart.

How long do we hold someone accountable for past sins?

Is he now labed for life, with no friends, and treated like a leper?

I've helped many homeless men who did hard time or lighter felonies, and its hard to find a job and to get housing I hear.

Well, hes working, and sounds like hes living in a half way house with guys who are making his transition difficult.

I suggested he get into AA meeting asap for support and to find a bible believing church (hes said hes born again bible believing type).

He said he cant stand organized religion and just does his daily prayers and devotions to himself.

I wonder if you are on the national registry, if you cannot even go to church bc kids might be there?

IDK

I've read too many stories of ppl trying to make a come back and they are so hated, rejected and ostracized, they take a fall back into drugs, and gradually make the intentional decision to OD on purpose.

This is killing me.

I am interested in prison ministry, and this would be women only if I ever do it.

But these men who get tagged, I feel so badly and I'm so torn apart.

I haven't called out of fear.

How can I pray for him or get him some help?

A newly released convict wants me to call him to talk, bc he said I'm the kindest person he has ever met in the history of his life. He said he has never known anyone who has been so kind to him.

We struck up conversation in the cab ride he was giving, as he was the driver and it was a long ride.

He gave me his number and first and last name.

He said he hates his living situation as hes surrounded by room mates who drink heavily and fight with each other.

He had self harm injuries all over his arm, well healed and old.

He said he used to be a drug fiend, but was over that.

He said he was celebite for 10 years and his wife died.

Well, I'm celebit and my spouse also died and I used to self harm.

I went home and looked him up in the national data base and found out that he had just been released from another state for "forced rape."

It didn't mention child so I took it as meaning an adult woman.

I never called, but its tugging at my heart.

How long do we hold someone accountable for past sins?

Is he now labed for life, with no friends, and treated like a leper?

I've helped many homeless men who did hard time or lighter felonies, and its hard to find a job and to get housing I hear.

Well, hes working, and sounds like hes living in a half way house with guys who are making his transition difficult.

I suggested he get into AA meeting asap for support and to find a bible believing church (hes said hes born again bible believing type).

He said he cant stand organized religion and just does his daily prayers and devotions to himself.

I wonder if you are on the national registry, if you cannot even go to church bc kids might be there?

IDK

I've read too many stories of ppl trying to make a come back and they are so hated, rejected and ostracized, they take a fall back into drugs, and gradually make the intentional decision to OD on purpose.

This is killing me.

I am interested in prison ministry, and this would be women only if I ever do it.

But these men who get tagged, I feel so badly and I'm so torn apart.

I haven't called out of fear.

How can I pray for him or get him some help?

BEWARE!! If he is a recently released rapist, how is he able to have a job where he is transporting people who could well be his next victim? I agree he needs a chance, respect, and love, but at this point he needs help from men, not a woman!!! He doesn't deserve trust, he must prove himself and rebuild it. I do agree with you that without a chance, he can't rebuild trust, but with someone with his history, it takes a lot of wisdom and caution. Your kindness and care is commendable and good, but you could be his next victim if you call him!!

 

[Hammster]

ADMIN HAT ON


This thread has undergone a clean up. Please remember to not debate and to only address the OP.


ADMIN HAT OFF

 

[Toro]

I cant really add anything new other than to say that it is part of what you must do in reaching out to those that are lost, have made mistakes... etc.

My fleshly response is also in agreement with those saying him giving his number to you is suspect.

Hiwever as a Christ follower we have to reach out to those that have made horrible mistakes in the past, otherwise they may get tired of fighting the fight to be different and return to the ways of their flesh if they do not find support/encouragement.

My advice in such a case is to give his number to a Male member of your church and have THEM deal directly with this man. IF he has no interest while approached by a Male offering the same kindness then his story us likely nothing more than a way to "get at you" by gaining your trust and thus an opportunity.

We DO have to forgive ALL mistakes a person has made in the past, present and future... but that doesnt mean we have to interact or be around them.

Bad example, but.... I have burned my hand on the stove before. Im not mad or hate stove tops, but I dont place my hands on them either if I dont have to... regardless of if they are turned off or not.

I certainly wouldnt advise dealing with him one on one. God can, does and will protect His children.... but He is not to be put to the test.

 

[akaDaScribe]

A newly released convict wants me to call him to talk, bc he said I'm the kindest person he has ever met in the history of his life. He said he has never known anyone who has been so kind to him.

We struck up conversation in the cab ride he was giving, as he was the driver and it was a long ride.

He gave me his number and first and last name.

He said he hates his living situation as hes surrounded by room mates who drink heavily and fight with each other.

He had self harm injuries all over his arm, well healed and old.

He said he used to be a drug fiend, but was over that.

He said he was celebite for 10 years and his wife died.

Well, I'm celebit and my spouse also died and I used to self harm.

I went home and looked him up in the national data base and found out that he had just been released from another state for "forced rape."

It didn't mention child so I took it as meaning an adult woman.

I never called, but its tugging at my heart.

How long do we hold someone accountable for past sins?

Is he now labed for life, with no friends, and treated like a leper?

I've helped many homeless men who did hard time or lighter felonies, and its hard to find a job and to get housing I hear.

Well, hes working, and sounds like hes living in a half way house with guys who are making his transition difficult.

I suggested he get into AA meeting asap for support and to find a bible believing church (hes said hes born again bible believing type).

He said he cant stand organized religion and just does his daily prayers and devotions to himself.

I wonder if you are on the national registry, if you cannot even go to church bc kids might be there?

IDK

I've read too many stories of ppl trying to make a come back and they are so hated, rejected and ostracized, they take a fall back into drugs, and gradually make the intentional decision to OD on purpose.

This is killing me.

I am interested in prison ministry, and this would be women only if I ever do it.

But these men who get tagged, I feel so badly and I'm so torn apart.

I haven't called out of fear.

How can I pray for him or get him some help?

Direct him to a male who can help him.

By this I mean give his number to a male Christian who does mentoring.
That man could just call, say you referred him, and help him out from there.
I would not continue contacting him as a female.

 

[XRho]

I say proceed with prayer. IF and only IF you hear the Lord telling you to proceed then do so. We must be merciful. At the same time take the proper precautions. If you talk to him on the phone that is probably fine. Bur if you ever were to meet him most defiantly don’t do it by yourself and also take a male friend along. I know from personal experience people can and do change. And they need the support of others who love Christ. At the Same time you MUST tread very carefully

 

[harko]

A newly released convict wants me to call him to talk, bc he said I'm the kindest person he has ever met in the history of his life. He said he has never known anyone who has been so kind to him.

We struck up conversation in the cab ride he was giving, as he was the driver and it was a long ride.

He gave me his number and first and last name.

He said he hates his living situation as hes surrounded by room mates who drink heavily and fight with each other.

He had self harm injuries all over his arm, well healed and old.

He said he used to be a drug fiend, but was over that.

He said he was celebite for 10 years and his wife died.

Well, I'm celebit and my spouse also died and I used to self harm.

I went home and looked him up in the national data base and found out that he had just been released from another state for "forced rape."

It didn't mention child so I took it as meaning an adult woman.

I never called, but its tugging at my heart.

How long do we hold someone accountable for past sins?

Is he now labed for life, with no friends, and treated like a leper?

I've helped many homeless men who did hard time or lighter felonies, and its hard to find a job and to get housing I hear.

Well, hes working, and sounds like hes living in a half way house with guys who are making his transition difficult.

I suggested he get into AA meeting asap for support and to find a bible believing church (hes said hes born again bible believing type).

He said he cant stand organized religion and just does his daily prayers and devotions to himself.

I wonder if you are on the national registry, if you cannot even go to church bc kids might be there?

IDK

I've read too many stories of ppl trying to make a come back and they are so hated, rejected and ostracized, they take a fall back into drugs, and gradually make the intentional decision to OD on purpose.

This is killing me.

I am interested in prison ministry, and this would be women only if I ever do it.

But these men who get tagged, I feel so badly and I'm so torn apart.

I haven't called out of fear.

How can I pray for him or get him some help?[/QUOT

Be careful your not his next victim! I don't like the sound of this one!

 

[harko]

How did he manage to get a job as a cab driver with that conviction?

 

[Monk Brendan]

A newly released convict wants me to call him to talk, bc he said I'm the kindest person he has ever met in the history of his life. He said he has never known anyone who has been so kind to him.

Do not--repeat--do not contact him by any means whatsoever.

 

[well hey]

Stay away. sorry hun...rape is a grave sin|transgression, do you know that in the bible rape is kin to murdering someone in Gods eyes? It is confusing with forgiveness and all, but this man is basically a murderer. Stay away.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

A newly released convict wants me to call him to talk, bc he said I'm the kindest person he has ever met in the history of his life. He said he has never known anyone who has been so kind to him.

We struck up conversation in the cab ride he was giving, as he was the driver and it was a long ride.

He gave me his number and first and last name.

He said he hates his living situation as hes surrounded by room mates who drink heavily and fight with each other.

He had self harm injuries all over his arm, well healed and old.

He said he used to be a drug fiend, but was over that.

He said he was celebite for 10 years and his wife died.

Well, I'm celebit and my spouse also died and I used to self harm.

I went home and looked him up in the national data base and found out that he had just been released from another state for "forced rape."

It didn't mention child so I took it as meaning an adult woman.

I never called, but its tugging at my heart.

How long do we hold someone accountable for past sins?

Is he now labed for life, with no friends, and treated like a leper?

I've helped many homeless men who did hard time or lighter felonies, and its hard to find a job and to get housing I hear.

Well, hes working, and sounds like hes living in a half way house with guys who are making his transition difficult.

I suggested he get into AA meeting asap for support and to find a bible believing church (hes said hes born again bible believing type).

He said he cant stand organized religion and just does his daily prayers and devotions to himself.

I wonder if you are on the national registry, if you cannot even go to church bc kids might be there?

IDK

I've read too many stories of ppl trying to make a come back and they are so hated, rejected and ostracized, they take a fall back into drugs, and gradually make the intentional decision to OD on purpose.

This is killing me.

I am interested in prison ministry, and this would be women only if I ever do it.

But these men who get tagged, I feel so badly and I'm so torn apart.

I haven't called out of fear.

How can I pray for him or get him some help?

You have such a soft heart. It's lovely. I've been coming to this forum since I was fourteen years old, and you've been one of the most consistently kind and thoughtful members I've encountered, making the effort to share sparks of joy and hope with me and others. I think your heart can be a pillow for so many to rest upon. A candle to light others. I fear it could be exploited and soiled, burned out, by those who are manipulative and unscrupulous. I'm now a trained volunteer with an office on my college campus for sexual assault and relationship abuse education. My instinct is to plea with you to not have any contact with this man. To not let him invade your thoughts and time any further. If you want to help him beyond prayer from a distance, I recommend giving his details to a male deacon or another man at your church, preferably someone who is middle-aged - far outside of youth and far from being elderly - and spiritually strong, and asking if he'd like to make contact to offer prayer. Ask that no personal information about you be transmitted.

Rape is often a crime where the lust is for control as much if not more than for sexual pleasure, to be able to dominate and take power over the victim. It's not uncommon for rapists to try dominate and take power over minds, controlling the narrative, gaslighting, when they cannot make such an attack on the body. They're often very skilled at manipulation and wolfish in sniffing out those who are vulnerable. Sensitivity and compassion can be viewed by predators as weakness to try to ply into.

This man has been shown mercy from God, since he has been released from prison and is employed. He's not like a leper afflicted with a misery he had no choice over; it is his choices that caused his miseries. He has chosen to cast himself out of religious communities rather than being the outcast of them, since he expressed his hatred of organized religion. Yes, many churches would not want him to be a member due to the risk it entails to their community, but would be willing to extend some form of compromise, such as allowing him to attend a Bible study exclusively for men. He could reach out for spiritual help just like he reached out to you while you were riding in his cab.

 

[Go Braves]

I agree with the rest of the folks who've said to not contact him.

 

[harko]

Don't make any wrong decisions just cos some dubious stranger has sweet talked you!!

 

[Poppyseed78]

You are afraid. Listen to your intuition, it's telling you something very valuable. This man does not need YOUR help specifically. He can find a church on his own. He clearly already got a job. He has resources and people who can help him. The only reason he was trying to get you to help is that it's clear you are very empathetic and caring, and he wants to exploit that. It's great that you like to help people in need, but I think you should be very cautious about the kind of people you open your heart to.

I highly recommend reading the book The Gift of Fear, about relying on your intuition in situations like this. You are feeling fear, doubt, and hesitation for a reason, and I think it would be foolish to ignore that.