Rapist Wants me to Call Him

teresa

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A newly released convict wants me to call him to talk, bc he said I'm the kindest person he has ever met in the history of his life. He said he has never known anyone who has been so kind to him.

We struck up conversation in the cab ride he was giving, as he was the driver and it was a long ride.

He gave me his number and first and last name.

He said he hates his living situation as hes surrounded by room mates who drink heavily and fight with each other.

He had self harm injuries all over his arm, well healed and old.

He said he used to be a drug fiend, but was over that.

He said he was celebite for 10 years and his wife died.

Well, I'm celebit and my spouse also died and I used to self harm.

I went home and looked him up in the national data base and found out that he had just been released from another state for "forced rape."

It didn't mention child so I took it as meaning an adult woman.

I never called, but its tugging at my heart.

How long do we hold someone accountable for past sins?

Is he now labed for life, with no friends, and treated like a leper?

I've helped many homeless men who did hard time or lighter felonies, and its hard to find a job and to get housing I hear.

Well, hes working, and sounds like hes living in a half way house with guys who are making his transition difficult.

I suggested he get into AA meeting asap for support and to find a bible believing church (hes said hes born again bible believing type).

He said he cant stand organized religion and just does his daily prayers and devotions to himself.

I wonder if you are on the national registry, if you cannot even go to church bc kids might be there?

IDK

I've read too many stories of ppl trying to make a come back and they are so hated, rejected and ostracized, they take a fall back into drugs, and gradually make the intentional decision to OD on purpose.

This is killing me.

I am interested in prison ministry, and this would be women only if I ever do it.

But these men who get tagged, I feel so badly and I'm so torn apart.

I haven't called out of fear.

How can I pray for him or get him some help?
 

Unofficial Reverand Alex

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Definitely take some quiet time with God for this one, in a chapel if possible. It sounds great, but relapse is always a threat. Compulsive behaviors are hard to break; think of someone who does great at a diet, then one day, eats a handful of cookies. This is tough stuff to figure out, as I'm learning more and more as a Psychology major.

I can't offer good advice hear; try to listen to God, and go from there.
 
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Oct 21, 2003
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Personally, I would keep my distance, but that's just me. Whatever you do, distance is advised. Smooth talkers abound, ever speaking whatever the person wants to hear, only for them to learn something different later, after the fact. Big ocean sister, continue fishing.
 
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Chris V++

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My gut says don't call him. It doesn't seem appropriate for a cab driver to give his phone # to a fare. He could still be a predator. He is probably getting help in the half way house anyway so its not your responsibility. If he is a sociopath he'll say whatever he thinks you will want to hear.
 
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mkgal1

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I've read too many stories of ppl trying to make a come back and they are so hated, rejected and ostracized, they take a fall back into drugs, and gradually make the intentional decision to OD on purpose.
This is true. I've recently learned more about the effects of our prison system.....and it does create more problems.

What heals people is community...and relationships (but, as you're being wise to use caution - it does create isolation for those that need community perhaps the most).

I don't know what state you're in....but there are a few wonderful communities that come along side those that have been imprisoned. Here is one that I'm aware of:

https://justicemercy.org/
 
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Oct 21, 2003
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Definitely take some quiet time with God for this one, in a chapel if possible. It sounds great, but relapse is always a threat. Compulsive behaviors are hard to break; think of someone who does great at a diet, then one day, eats a handful of cookies. This is tough stuff to figure out, as I'm learning more and more as a Psychology major.

I can't offer good advice hear; try to listen to God, and go from there.

I'm not a psychology major, but I suspect the psychological profile of many a rapist could be described as "manipulative". Not long ago I watched a number of episodes from John Walsh's "The Hunt" series and a several of them were devoted almost entirely to rapists, and went into the psychology involved. I have no doubt God can change a person, God can change the desires and affections, but in time the "old man" can resurface from time to time and different people have different "old men" so to speak. The born again believer, even backslidden walking in the flesh may not be quite the same even walking in the flesh, experiencing guilt and shame and conflicts of conscience which were not so present before. However, actually knowing beyond doubt another person is a born again Christian, can be a challenge all in itself.
 
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John Bowen

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' Be wise as a serpent harmless as a dove " To be wise as a serpent you have to know there are serpents and they are out to deceive you .This guy is telling you what you want to hear that's what psychopaths do . Look it up so you get better understanding of theIr mentality .My buddy was a prison guard he used tell me all the women that used to come to see these guys cause they have all day to write letters conning people.
 
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drjean

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STOP.
HAVE NO CONTACT WITH THIS PERSON. NONE.
IF you have a lawyer, have her/him send a legal notice to cease and desist contact. OR if there is an official in the church who knows of the situation, perhaps they will send that notification.

Notify your local police, file a report of contact. They cannot do anything at this point if he did not go to prison for raping YOU... but be sure to include that in your incident report. At least then there will be history of this.

BLOCK the phone number, name, email address, whatever. If it is by regular mail, notify the Postal Service, or your home carrier to return to sender from that name/address.

I used to volunteer as a probation officer, and also worked with a Christian organization for Prison Ministry when they were first starting out. This is NOT acceptable behavior, it is psychopathic and abusive. This person is trying to regain control over you because that's what gets him excited. He is perverted in his thinking and knows you well enough to push your buttons.

STOP him right NOW. :prayer:
 
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AnnaDeborah

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I don't know what the regulations are in your country - here, he would be allowed to attend church, unless it was in an area he was banned from being in (e.g. not allowed within so many miles of his victim's place of residence)

I can understand you being concerned for this man, but it is not wise for you to get personally involved - just pray for him. You could also check out what Christian ministries to ex convicts are available in his area and putting them in touch with him - or looking to see if any particular churches in that area have a specific ministry to this group. He needs the fellowship and discipleship of meeting with other men and of being part of a church family - reluctance to meet with people in this way while being enthusiastic to be in contact with lone single women...this sounds HUGE warning bells to me.

Tbh, I'm also a little concerned that he has been able to obtain a job as a cab driver with his record - he may or may not have put his crime in the past, but it seems odd to me that he has been able to get a job that involves him potentially driving lone females in vulnerable situations...I'm wondering if he has actually disclosed his conviction to his employer, since I doubt he would be able to get a job of this kind if he had, certainly in this country.
 
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teresa

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I hurt so badly for him, bc Ive been really working for a couple of years with homeless people out on the street.

This is hours of real world experience, and seeing first hand the devastation of not having any community for which to belong.

I believe so far that mkgal has said the most promising advice, with trying to get him connected up with the right people-namely, other men.

My spiritual advisor told me that I'm so passionate to help the poor, that he really thinks I have a calling and vocation.

A few days ago, I helped someone for hours, getting them food, clothing, socks, information, phone numbers, and a place to stay.

They had aoda issues and multiple felonies and were on the run from the court ordered treatment program, and needed to turn themselves in for that.

Its not my place to judge, just to administer mercy.

Ive seen death, and yes, the isolation and rejection is a killer.
 
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teresa

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He needs the fellowship and discipleship of meeting with other men and of being part of a church family -

I just thought of a good group for this...he does need other men to support him
 
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teresa

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reluctance to meet with people in this way while being enthusiastic to be in contact with lone single women...this sounds HUGE warning bells to me.

I know, that is concerning, thank you.

It makes me cry to see pple literally living on the sidewalk :-(

Maybe he just met me, but I read like a book?

How can they read me like this, his eyes were on the road, so how can he look into my eyes, the window to my soul? How do they know what to say?
 
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AnnaDeborah

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@kat1 it is lovely to hear of your heart for the broken and vulnerable - we need more people like you! Don't forget that the most important and powerful work we can do for ANYONE is to pray for them, and there is nothing stopping you praying for this man. But you are right that he needs men to help him.

I am sure that with your burden for the outcasts, it won't be long before the Lord brings others across your path who he would have you care for and help in more practical ways. Remember that He cares for this man far more than you or anyone else can - so you can safely trust the Lord to provide the right men to help him, if that is what he truly wants to accept. I'm so glad that you've thought of a group that might be a good link for him.
 
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teresa

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Alex gave you the best advice. I facilitated Sex Offender Therapy Sessions for 24 years, and I can assure you that even he knows better that to approach you the way he did.

I think *drjean* is a bit overboard, (there is no point in trying to make his life even more difficult with that kind of excessive red flag waving) but she is right on the contact report idea. Keep yourself out of it at this point. You CAN see if he has any contact official by phoning the local PD, and they can work it from there.

Please help me understand....I should tell the local police?

He didnt do anything but I do now realize he knows my name and where I live....

but is this baseless fear?

wouldnt the police contact him about this----setting me up for revenge?

I dont want to be hurt.

if you tell the cops, they will notify him, and then I am a dead duck....?
 
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I know, that is concerning, thank you.

It makes me cry to see pple literally living on the sidewalk :-(

Maybe he just met me, but I read like a book?

How can they read me like this, his eyes were on the road, so how can he look into my eyes, the window to my soul? How do they know what to say?

I don't know if it's "street knowledge" or an ability to read body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. I do know my dad has always had an uncanny ability to "read" people. I have never really understood his gift, though with age, I am understanding it better.
 
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mina

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Nope! Call a church in his area and ask the pastor or another man (men's ministry)
to go visit and talk with him. You don't need to be meeting with him in any capacity or even really talking with him one on one about deep things that he's going through over the phone.
 
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paul1149

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I'm surprised he's driving a taxi, ferrying women. But in any case, I would give his contact info to a ministry or to a male believer from another church. Keep your distance. Forcible rape is a serious offense, and you would be doing him no favors by placing temptation before him. He needs help, you've got that right, but there is a reason the Body is made up of so many different parts.
 
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Willie T

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Make a good rule for yourself in any situation like this. That is: a year must pass before you meet a second time face-to-face with men you meet like this... and then it will be always in group settings with people you know well and trust.
If things aren't on the up-and-up, that kind of restriction will be too much of an aggravating nuisance to him.
 
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joshua 1 9

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