Rage In My Heart, Stuck In A Cycle

[Sammy707]

Hello all,

New to this forum although I have been a ‘serious’ Christian for the past 7 years. I need advice; moderators feel free to move this to a more fitting category if needed.

Feeling an immense amount of rage and anger in my heart towards God. Seems I’m stuck in a cycle always:

-A tradgedy or a devastating blow occurs in my life
-I retreat in anger and pain, often at the expense of financial obligations due to not working for this time period
-I drown out my pain and frustration with some kind of substance or distraction... food, inappropriate contentography, alcohol, marijuana etc (normally all)
-I pick myself up because I have no choice due to financial obligations
-I make a plan to get myself back to step 1 instead of -10
-I repent, apologise for my anger and tell God I will trust Him from now on
-Just as I am about to ‘step out’ into life again, something else happens that takes me all the way to step -20
-The cycle repeats...

So I am currently at step -100 in my life. Everything my life should be ‘on paper’ is opposite to everything my life really is due to these devastating blows that happen over and over again.

I’m really downplaying the amount of anger and rage I feel in my heart. It is ridiculous, I cannot even put it into words.

How am I meant to reconcile God’s love with the rage and anger I feel based on all the curveballs He throws at me without EVER giving His child a break?

I have cursed at God today, and the anger is so much, that as I am writing this I feel no inclination to make things right. I would have NEVER thought I was capable of doing such.

Meanwhile I am watching people all around me live full and prosperous lives without Him at the forefront of anything.

Please, any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated. Love & Shalom to all.

 

[mukk_in]

Hello all,

New to this forum although I have been a ‘serious’ Christian for the past 7 years. I need advice; moderators feel free to move this to a more fitting category if needed.

Feeling an immense amount of rage and anger in my heart towards God. Seems I’m stuck in a cycle always:

-A tradgedy or a devastating blow occurs in my life
-I retreat in anger and pain, often at the expense of financial obligations due to not working for this time period
-I drown out my pain and frustration with some kind of substance or distraction... food, inappropriate contentography, alcohol, marijuana etc (normally all)
-I pick myself up because I have no choice due to financial obligations
-I make a plan to get myself back to step 1 instead of -10
-I repent, apologise for my anger and tell God I will trust Him from now on
-Just as I am about to ‘step out’ into life again, something else happens that takes me all the way to step -20
-The cycle repeats...

So I am currently at step -100 in my life. Everything my life should be ‘on paper’ is opposite to everything my life really is due to these devastating blows that happen over and over again.

I’m really downplaying the amount of anger and rage I feel in my heart. It is ridiculous, I cannot even put it into words.

How am I meant to reconcile God’s love with the rage and anger I feel based on all the curveballs He throws at me without EVER giving His child a break?

I have cursed at God today, and the anger is so much, that as I am writing this I feel no inclination to make things right. I would have NEVER thought I was capable of doing such.

Meanwhile I am watching people all around me live full and prosperous lives without Him at the forefront of anything.

Please, any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated. Love & Shalom to all.

Been there son. Just remember that Jesus went through all you've been through and more. If anyone had a right to be mad at God He had, but didn't. If He didn't have an easy life, neither can we. Let His Holy Spirit quench your rage at the injustice in this world and fill you with hope for the future and then eternity. God Almighty allowed what He has, but there's justice with the Lord because He died for us. Let that thought console you. Hope that helps. God bless .

PS: Breaking furniture doesn't help.. LOL. God bless .

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

Hello Sammy, it's fine as an introduction to give insight and get short responses. But for detailed advice it's better to post at Christian Advice forum.

As @mukk_in said, we've all been and are there as we are human. Everyday life is a roller-coaster of ups and downs, it's never perfect as we aren't and can't be if we wanted. Inherently flawed from nature to nurture, lacking the ideal environment inside and outside. Best we can do is give our effort being mindful to change and make a difference; no matter how small or temporary, just learn from it and keep trying. Don't quit!

 

[Sammy707]

Been there son. Just remember just Jesus went through all you've been through and more. If anyone had a right to be mad at God He had, but didn't. If He didn't have an easy life. neither can we. Let His Holy Spirit quench your rage at the injustice in this world and fill you with hope for the future and then eternity. God Almighty allowed what He has, but there's justice with the Lord because He died for us. Let that thought console you. Hope that helps. God bless .

PS: Breaking furniture doesn't help.. LOL. God bless .

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. It always just takes one of God’s children to remind me of what Christ went through & how he conducted himself, for me to put my circumstance back into a Godly perspective. I appreciate you for your encouragement and love. I am currently listening to ‘I Need Thee Every Hour’ on repeat... only through Him and with Him as the priority/standard can I reconcile this life that He blessed me with to live.

You made me laugh out loud with the p.s. lololol, I am still smiling . Thank you Sir, I truly appreciate it. God bless you and Shalom

 

[gym_class_hero]

Sammy I would never minimize someones elses struggles or pain. That being said, I pray next time you face a setback you lean on God and not your own understanding(which is hard to do) and when you come out on the other side, compare how you feel, what your situation is like, to how you feel after compounding a bad experience by poor choices. God bless you.

 

[Sammy707]

Hello Sammy, it's fine as an introduction to give insight and get short responses. But for detailed advice it's better to post at Christian Advice forum.

As @mukk_in said, we've all been and are there as we are human. Everyday life is a roller-coaster of ups and downs, it's never perfect as we aren't and can't be if we wanted. Inherently flawed from nature to nurture, lacking the ideal environment inside and outside. Best we can do is give our effort being mindful to change and make a difference; no matter how small or temporary, just learn from it and keep trying. Don't quit!

Thank you for taking the time out to respond... I am very grateful. I think based on this response and the response of @mukk_in I am going to take a different approach as I am at the lowest of the low and have nothing to lose. I am going to try to truly bear my cross THROUGH every bad spell as opposed to retreating when it gets worse than it seems I can deal with. I will start a blog this week and track my journey, blessing God and thanking Him every step of the way regardless of the curveballs that come my way.

Thank you for helping me take a step outside of myself and realise that it is meant to be difficult, not easy. I will keep my eyes on the Lord from now on... God bless you and Shalom.

 

[sdowney717]

The devil is the adversary, not God.

1 Peter 5:7-9 New King James Version (NKJV)
7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.

 

[R. Hartono]

Sammy, the world is a bad place, our brothers and sisters are struggling just to survive, we must not live in ignorance and blaming God instead, we must keep the fight for the goodness of all mankind! Jesus bless you and strengthen you , Amen.

 

[Uber Genius]

Hello all,

New to this forum although I have been a ‘serious’ Christian for the past 7 years. I need advice; moderators feel free to move this to a more fitting category if needed.

Feeling an immense amount of rage and anger in my heart towards God. Seems I’m stuck in a cycle always:

-A tradgedy or a devastating blow occurs in my life
-I retreat in anger and pain, often at the expense of financial obligations due to not working for this time period
-I drown out my pain and frustration with some kind of substance or distraction... food, inappropriate contentography, alcohol, marijuana etc (normally all)
-I pick myself up because I have no choice due to financial obligations
-I make a plan to get myself back to step 1 instead of -10
-I repent, apologise for my anger and tell God I will trust Him from now on
-Just as I am about to ‘step out’ into life again, something else happens that takes me all the way to step -20
-The cycle repeats...

So I am currently at step -100 in my life. Everything my life should be ‘on paper’ is opposite to everything my life really is due to these devastating blows that happen over and over again.

I’m really downplaying the amount of anger and rage I feel in my heart. It is ridiculous, I cannot even put it into words.

How am I meant to reconcile God’s love with the rage and anger I feel based on all the curveballs He throws at me without EVER giving His child a break?

I have cursed at God today, and the anger is so much, that as I am writing this I feel no inclination to make things right. I would have NEVER thought I was capable of doing such.

Meanwhile I am watching people all around me live full and prosperous lives without Him at the forefront of anything.

Please, any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated. Love & Shalom to all.

I'm sorry for your pain and suffering.

I was in a similar state from 2008 - 2013. I had almost $500,000 stolen from me. Had a wife with mental illness falsely accuse me of abuse dozens of time (ironically she was abusing me). I was fired twice when I was number 1 in the region in my sales job. I had the assistant pastor at a church lie about me so that he could take over an apologetic ministry I had been leading. Even when the pastor was exposed he was not corrected and I left the church.

I was angry that God abandoned me. I refused to participate in church for 5 1/2 years. But God is good. He drew me to study his goodness and on a journey of trust. He has transformed me into a servant who expects to bring God's goodness into those around me, without thought of my own needs. I am free of the envy I had of my friends who had been blessed career-wise, or Mairraige-wise, or ministry-wise. What helped was looking at the life and sacrifice of Jesus. And him telling his disciples they would drink of the cup (suffering) Jesus experienced.

I used to say, "God, you are good," over and over until I started to beleive it.

My life has turned around. GOd has humbled me and brought so much goodness into my life. May God bless you on your journey.

 

[Domenka]

Hello all,

New to this forum although I have been a ‘serious’ Christian for the past 7 years. I need advice; moderators feel free to move this to a more fitting category if needed.

Feeling an immense amount of rage and anger in my heart towards God. Seems I’m stuck in a cycle always:

-A tradgedy or a devastating blow occurs in my life
-I retreat in anger and pain, often at the expense of financial obligations due to not working for this time period
-I drown out my pain and frustration with some kind of substance or distraction... food, inappropriate contentography, alcohol, marijuana etc (normally all)
-I pick myself up because I have no choice due to financial obligations
-I make a plan to get myself back to step 1 instead of -10
-I repent, apologise for my anger and tell God I will trust Him from now on
-Just as I am about to ‘step out’ into life again, something else happens that takes me all the way to step -20
-The cycle repeats...

So I am currently at step -100 in my life. Everything my life should be ‘on paper’ is opposite to everything my life really is due to these devastating blows that happen over and over again.

I’m really downplaying the amount of anger and rage I feel in my heart. It is ridiculous, I cannot even put it into words.

How am I meant to reconcile God’s love with the rage and anger I feel based on all the curveballs He throws at me without EVER giving His child a break?

I have cursed at God today, and the anger is so much, that as I am writing this I feel no inclination to make things right. I would have NEVER thought I was capable of doing such.

Meanwhile I am watching people all around me live full and prosperous lives without Him at the forefront of anything.

Please, any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated. Love & Shalom to all.

Trust me, you' not the only one, even though it may seem like it, we all have our own demons to deal with. Sometimes it's money problems, sometimes it's health. But you have to trust that God knows what he is doing, He has reasons. I have been told before that God gives out hard trials to make us stronger for when we need to be.
(Quote : God's Not Dead)
The devil gives what you want most in life using the temptations to entice you into a nice comfortable cage then before you know it the cage slams shut trapping you (not exact words but that was the idea of it)
Please just keep praying and believe He knows what is best for you and He has His reasons for your trials. God Bless You!