Quiverfull not for everyone

[Fivesenses]

Can someone help me to understand why I get so annoyed and disturbed when people in the Christian community keep on telling other people to have as many kids as possible because 1) God tells us to multiply 2) the Muslims are overpopulating the West???

I've started to just ignore a lot of these comments because God has been showing me that big families work for certain people while others may have been assigned a different calling whether it be to remain single, small families or no children at all. Of course if God puts one thing on your heart you are more likely to see that others should follow your line of thinking too. I just get so frustrated when they try to make it a formula for everyone else.

The thing that bugs me is when friends, colleagues or leaders in my life (and some of them don't even have big families) tell me or my bf (we have marriage in mind) to have like 7-12 kids. I only want 2 kids ideally and I've made it clear to them (although most of them think I'm crazy) and it doesn't help that they keep on brainwashing my bf into thinking that their idea is awesome. I can't even be bothered justifying my side

A) I actually want to keep my career and don't like being stay home Mum personally or doing homeschooling
B) I get agitated around young kids and don't have much maternal instinct
C) I would rather give my kids more attention and resources than dividing it up amongst many siblings (due to problems in own upbringing). The cost of bringing up one child is a lot not to imagine 12
D) I don't like siblings raising siblings (again due to personal and experience)
E) I want to get involved in a lot of extra curricular and volunteering stuff outside of home + travelling

I just think it's such a personal decision and don't see why everyone should be called to be quiverfull - plus trying to fight against Muslims by breeding more is not the solution to making more Christians! Why not make a difference by being the light and draw people to you - get to know them, show true love not just based on how many people you can forcefully impose the gospel upon and wonder why people are put off by Christianity

 

[Paidiske]

Most of us get annoyed and disturbed when other people disrespect our boundaries. It's a good thing to be annoyed by that; it shows that you still have a healthy sense of where you end and they begin!

As far as your boyfriend goes, for now, just smile and nod. He'll get a heavy dose of reality if/when the first baby comes along.

 

[Fivesenses]

I think that's right - both he (youngest child) and my friend (only child) who is loving the idea have not seen the stress and work that goes into bringing up well behaved and good mannered children. I've seen what my mum went through with my younger siblings (I'm 10 - 14 years older) and I didn't like what I saw. My dad was a workaholic and had no clue how to help Mum out. Until this day I still become the mini Mum sometimes. My experience might change but I feel that 2 kids are right for me for now and I get upset when people make these comments as if it's easy to pop out and take care of so many kids (if you truly want to do well)

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Sounds like they're trying to sideline you...even so called believers
will do this to another believer because they have their own agendas.

I had this happen to me... some christian ladies tried their best to convince
me to leave my husband for this other man, who according to them was
"more suitable" for me.
Let me point out some things about this other man...he's handsome,
goes to church, lives with his mom and hasn't had a job in quite awhile.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I don't think this is anyone's business but your own and your future husband's. How many kids you have is a very personal decision that depends on a lot of factors. Health, finances, resources, patience, just to name a few.

Until someone has kids, it might sound like a nice idea in theory to have 10 kids, but when you have one, you get a hefty dose of reality. Children are a lot of work. My approach is to take it one kid at a time and then re-evaluate. My husband and I have one child at the moment and want one more. When I was younger I thought I wanted 4 kids. I have since changed my mind.

 

[GeorgeJ]

Awe, c'mon....everyone knows that having multitudes of children guarantees one big happy God-fearin', Christ-like family.....just look no further than the Duggars!

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Before we were married my wife was so dead set on not having children that she wanted me to have a vasectomy before the wedding. Fast forward 30 some years, we have 3 adult daughters, two sons-in-law, 1 new granddaughter, and my wife cannot imagine life without having had kids.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I ignore people who go on and on about quiverfull being "what God wants" when its never actually commanded in the bible. The only response they know is "In Genisis it says to go forth and multiply!", but that was for the people of that time on our planet that had barely anyone on it at all. So of course we were told to multiply. But its not a law that is meant for today.

 

[mina]

It's you and your husband's business; no one elses. When I was in college, the dean of women at my school was one of 19 kids! and people were all about the quiverfull movement. I decided it wasn't for me, even though I love kids and what a reasonable amount. The dean of women had several blown up family photos in and around her office and her mom looked about 105 when she was only in her 50's.

 

[FireDragon76]

I think it represents a tiny minority of Christians, honestly.

 

[Sketcher]

You can let them know it's not your thing and it doesn't have to be your thing. If God surprises you later on and you end up changing your mind, that's His business.

 

[squirrel123]

This one of the reasons why I refuse to discuss my family planning decisions with anyone outside my immediate family and the circle of my closest friends. Very few people can respect decisions re. family planning that differ from theirs.

It's not my job to convince anyone else that my decisions about my life and my body is right for me. And no one has the right to try and convince me that my decisions are wrong for me, just because a different decision was right for them. I've had too many of those arguments.

These days, I don't even state my reasons, because that seems to be an invitation to try to invalidate those reasons. I find that very disrespectful, so I simply refuse to have that conversation. I just smile and nod when they explain their point of view, and either change the subject or walk away.