Questions For Wives

[Ttalkkugjil]

The thing about housework it that it’s unending it always needs to be done . And doing it is like having another job after you’ve come home from work. That’s actually a good idea to have a list tacked to the fridge of things you want to get done that week . It really only works for things that aren’t done daily like straightening out closets seasonally

Any job you like to do she should just let you do it! My brother in law loves to cook . My ex liked washing dishes

The thing about housework in my marriage is - why shouldn't I let her do it. She's both more skilled at it and better-trained in it.

 

[HatGuy]

The Bible says the husband is head of his wife. Ephesians 5:23.

This means you're the boss and supposed to lead your wife not have her give you instructions on what to do, regardless of what a councillor says.

The President does not ask the vice president for permission,he's the boss.

Terrible leadership.

The Son of Man came to serve and not be served. Matthew 20:28. Any man who loves his wife as Christ loves the Church then ought to remember how Christ loved and loves the Church. According to God's economy, to be 'head' means to serve.

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

Terrible leadership.

The Son of Man came to serve and not be served. Matthew 20:28. Anyone who loves His wife as Christ loves the Church then ought to remember how Christ loved and loves the Church. According to God's economy, to be 'head' means to serve.

And sacrificially serve at that.

 

[HatGuy]

And sacrificially serve at that.

Aye

 

[timewerx]

Pay attention to details, hygiene, order around the house.

Hygiene and cleanliness particularly, not just to yourself but also to the house and anything in it. Like you were working on the car or lawn, or sweaty due to physical activity. Make sure to clean up before handling things inside the house or sitting on the couch etc.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Hey ladies.

I'm trying to be a better husband by asking better questions.

What are the questions that you would love for your husband or significant other to ask you?

Thanks in advance.

You know, I get asked a thousand questions by a thousand people every single day. Where is this, where is that, what’s for dinner, do we have this, did I do whatever, what can somebody do, why something is like something, is there enough of a thing, do I know about whatever... And one of the things that makes my husband absolutely magical is that he just gets it’s not about asking the right question, it’s about not needing me to answer a question or for me to tell him to do anything.

Case in point, I was sick all week last week. He didn’t ask me “how can I help?” or “what do you need me to do?” even once. He looked at me, knew I was getting sick, and just supported me. He brought home a magazine he thought I’d like. He brought home my favorite snack. I went in to take a shower because I was in pain, I came out to find he had set up my massage mat to lay on. I make everything from scratch in our house but guessed I hadn’t made bread. He loaded the bread machine and ran it. I mentioned I was running low on a medication, he refilled and picked it up when he went to get the kids from school. I didn’t ask him, he just did it. He left a letter for me in the bathroom. When I fell asleep, he charged my tablet. He even knows I’m secretly obsessed with Meghan Markle, he came home with lotion and face wash some article said she used so I could “freshen up like a Duchess.”

No questions, just a thousand little things that showed he’s looking out for me. There was actually a point where I was feeling like absolute death on the couch, but there I was slathered in new lotion, eating candy under my favorite blanket, wearing my most comforting clothes, and I looked at him sitting on the other end of the couch and I just thought “that’s him, he’s my husband” and just felt so... Good. Safe. Happy. Understood. Loved.

I don’t know if you call it anticipating needs or being attentive or showing your union is a true united team, but whatever it is... Give me that over a question any day of the week.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Sounds like you're going to be divorced soon at this rate. Councillors, reaching out to anonymous people on a forum.......

The approach I offered was actually the Biblical approach so sneer at it all you like.

Is telling a fellow believer they’re going to be divorced because they sought fellowship with others about marriage a “Biblical approach” too?

 

[JacksBratt]

Sounds like you're going to be divorced soon at this rate. Councillors, reaching out to anonymous people on a forum.......

The approach I offered was actually the Biblical approach so sneer at it all you like.

Although it may be biblical... Not too many women are fans of the biblical marriage roles....

And...not many men are spiritually mature enough to understand that being the head.. means you are responsible, not a dictator. Not the master... but a servant.

As with all things biblical... it has been twisted for self gain.. men became domineering and bullies...
Women rebelled. Satan smiles

 

[Tree of Life]

You know, I get asked a thousand questions by a thousand people every single day. Where is this, where is that, what’s for dinner, do we have this, did I do whatever, what can somebody do, why something is like something, is there enough of a thing, do I know about whatever... And one of the things that makes my husband absolutely magical is that he just gets it’s not about asking the right question, it’s about not needing me to answer a question or for me to tell him to do anything.

Case in point, I was sick all week last week. He didn’t ask me “how can I help?” or “what do you need me to do?” even once. He looked at me, knew I was getting sick, and just supported me. He brought home a magazine he thought I’d like. He brought home my favorite snack. I went in to take a shower because I was in pain, I came out to find he had set up my massage mat to lay on. I make everything from scratch in our house but guessed I hadn’t made bread. He loaded the bread machine and ran it. I mentioned I was running low on a medication, he refilled and picked it up when he went to get the kids from school. I didn’t ask him, he just did it. He left a letter for me in the bathroom. When I fell asleep, he charged my tablet. He even knows I’m secretly obsessed with Meghan Markle, he came home with lotion and face wash some article said she used so I could “freshen up like a Duchess.”

No questions, just a thousand little things that showed he’s looking out for me. There was actually a point where I was feeling like absolute death on the couch, but there I was slathered in new lotion, eating candy under my favorite blanket, wearing my most comforting clothes, and I looked at him sitting on the other end of the couch and I just thought “that’s him, he’s my husband” and just felt so... Good. Safe. Happy. Understood. Loved.

I don’t know if you call it anticipating needs or being attentive or showing your union is a true united team, but whatever it is... Give me that over a question any day of the week.

I appreciate anticipating needs. "What do you need?" can be a bad question because it reveals that the husband isn't very observant. But then again, husbands aren't mind readers and some wives expect them to be!

The questions you've mentioned above strike me more as demands and requests. I can see how "What's for dinner?" is not a question that would make for emotional intimacy.

So suppose I'm anticipating needs, serving around the house, helping with the kids, etc. I actually believe I do a pretty good job of those things. But I still want to get at what my wife is thinking and feeling. I think questions can be a good place to start with that.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I appreciate anticipating needs. "What do you need?" can be a bad question because it reveals that the husband isn't very observant. But then again, husbands aren't mind readers and some wives expect them to be!

The questions you've mentioned above strike me more as demands and requests. I can see how "What's for dinner?" is not a question that would make for emotional intimacy.

So suppose I'm anticipating needs, serving around the house, helping with the kids, etc. I actually believe I do a pretty good job of those things. But I still want to get at what my wife is thinking and feeling. I think questions can be a good place to start with that.

When I say questions like “what’s for dinner?,” I mean it to just illustrate the type of questions one fields constantly and contributes to question fatigue. I know with me there is absolutely a point where I hit my limit and I don’t want to answer any more questions about anything at all. Not “what’s for dinner?,” not “what’s your favorite color?,” not “can I get you anything?” I just want to know I’m seen, heard, and valued without having to get or give prompts.

It’s more than things like housework and chores and helping with the kids and involves no mind reading, just observation. It’s a deeper thing, just for your partner. Something you observe thanks to your privileged space as a person who sees and is with that person every day. Something the world doesn’t see that you do that you acknowledge through a gesture or behavior. Everybody wants help around the house, this is something that clicks for her specifically beyond the generic.

Like the hand lotion and soap thing above. I didn’t know he knew I really like Meghan Markle. I may have mentioned things I liked about her once or twice, but never said I am borderline obsessed with her and what she stands for. But he noticed, came across an article about her and instead of scrolling by it, he thought to himself “Oh, my wife likes her. I’m going to see what’s up.” Maybe it was to have something to talk about, maybe it was to just read up on somebody who interests me, but he read it. It happened to be about products she likes and he could easily find, so he brought them home. Through that little action, he showed he thinks about me when I’m not around, read about somebody he wouldn’t normally read about because of me, and drew a line that connected interests for my benefit. The whole progression took maybe 5-10 minutes out of his day, cost less than $7, but meant a ton to me because of all it stood for about how he knows me.

Everybody has little things you can dive in to that shows you really see them or hear them. Digging in to that without prompting is deeply emotionally bonding.

 

[DamianWarS]

Hey ladies.

I'm trying to be a better husband by asking better questions.

What are the questions that you would love for your husband or significant other to ask you?

Thanks in advance.

my wife seems to like it when I don't need to ask the questions because I already know the answers... sigh... and therein lies the problem, I hardly know the right questions to ask let alone their answers. Men typically like to be direct and want a direct answer. "Do you want to go out on our anniversary?" Men want an answer that is clear and straight forward like "yes" or "no" without any extra meanings. Women want men to already know the answer and might feel alienated by the question so the answer might be a little cryptic. In my experience, if you get an apathetic answer it means you probably have missed the mark somewhere.... but hey, I'm a man so you're probably better off listening to a woman, what did Jesus say "If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit" Perhaps the best question to ask your wife is the question you asked in the OP, she probably knows what she wants best.

 

[~Zao~]

When I was a stayathomemom (which meant everything including being a go-for in building a house) it wasn’t so much help needed (very guy knows that the woman can take care of the farm while he’s away) but it is nice to step down from the position when he returns so he can pick up the slack. (nothing worse than taking a day off and having 2 days work to go back to: instant exhaustion, so much for the rest) What was frustrating tho was having to have nothing but a child’s mentality all day long then getting no adult conversation either when the other adult showed up. I opted for raising the children strictly on my own since that’s what I was doing anyway. But abuse was an issue that was directed at kids to so I believed that to be the better choice.

 

[Endeavourer]

The thing about housework in my marriage is - why shouldn't I let her do it. She's both more skilled at it and better-trained in it.

Your answer struck me as funny. At least I thought (hope?) it was sarcasm. It made me think of this response:

And the thing about watching TV in your marriage, is why shouldn't you do it? You're more skilled at the remote and have trained yourself to watch it better than she has [while she does all the housework].

[edited to delete an inadvertent extra word that changed the meaning]

 

[ProGoddess]

If husband and wife would do things, (any kind, even housework) together, it will bring the relationship closer. When we do it unto God, He will always bless the things that we do.

 

[PoppyB]

Thanks. Is there a particular question that might uncover the kind of help needed? Like: "Hey how can I help around the house this week?"

Yep, that's a good question a man could ask. Another would be what would you like for dinner/tea? And would you like a cuppa?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

You know what’s cracking me up? The posts from guys talking about how women don’t know what they want, they aren’t clear on what they want, they want men to be mind readers, even guys chiming in saying the women here can’t possibly know what insights will help the OP...

But three pages in, so far every woman who’s responded has been fairly clear, direct, and level on what they want, lol.

 

[ProGoddess]

You know what’s cracking me up? The posts from guys talking about how women don’t know what they want, they aren’t clear on what they want, they want men to be mind readers, even guys chiming in saying the women here can’t possibly know what insights will help the OP...

But three pages in, so far every woman who’s responded has been fairly clear, direct, and level on what they want, lol.

Isn't God wonderful?

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

Your answer struck me as funny. At least I thought (hope?) it was sarcasm. It made me think of this response:

And the thing about watching TV in your marriage, is why shouldn't you do it? You're both more skilled at the remote and have trained yourself to watch it better than she has [while she does all the housework].

It depends on the TV show. I can't really watch most of the programs here due to that they're in Korean.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

What was frustrating tho was having to have nothing but a child’s mentality all day long then getting no adult conversation either when the other adult showed up.

This is obviously or apparently a fairly common situation, since the assembly of Ekklesia haven't learned as written in the instruction book 'look out for one another', 'help one another', 'lay down your lives for one another' (willingly and joyously with abandon/ freedom in Christ Jesus), and 'older women train the younger ones' ,
as well
as all the other describing meeting day to day in each other's homes, (so women may never be required to be alone with no other older and/or younger sisters present often or at least readily available to help.)

 

[Endeavourer]

The thing about housework in my marriage is - why shouldn't I let her do it. She's both more skilled at it and better-trained in it.

@Ttalkkugjil my initial reply to you had an inadvertent error; I meant to say this:

And the thing about watching TV in your marriage, is why shouldn't you do it? You're more skilled at the remote and have trained yourself to watch it better than she has [while she does all the housework].